one cannot give 0 stars, so I'll call em 0-4 instead of 1-5
only reviewing chapter 1-6 since I dropped this, but do not regret reading it
Writing Quality 3/4
one is given for being readable, good spelling and no major grammar issues (none in this book - check)
two for having a flow and no major plotholes (this reads like a coherent story - check)
three for being a story that catches my interest, for example unique elements/plot hooks, great humor... (author claimed to be 10-ish during the time he wrote this, this star is given as recognition and encouragement, this is beyond the level of a 10 years old child)
four is given for the wow-effect, overall outstanding works or works with something very unique (not given)
I currently do not have such a precise system for the other aspects, so take this as an overall first impression. now to the other points
Story Development 1/4
feeling a bit rushed, but do be progressing nicely. no plot twists so far. remember, this is a chapter 1-6 review so maybe the story took some twists and turns later, I wouldn't know, but so far it has been moving in one line, fast. this isn't good, but it's not a big deal either since, as I said, beginning so still one star for having a proper story go on, just no more. don't feel discouraged.
Character Design 2/4
characters seem to not lack depth, but you did not show it properly. this is more of an overall writing quality issue I will adress later (as I said, 3/4 writing as recognition and encouragement) but for now, remember that while your characters have emotions and are related to each other to the point where they don't feel like paper, only a quick glance was thrown at said emotions to push the story further. people are largely made up of small things and interactions, not just their major plot points. show more little and insignificant things that make us human!
Update Stability 4/4
am late to the party but looked good by the chapter data. book finished, no complaints
World Background 0/4
severely lacks depth. again, this is a chapter 1-6 review, but I basically learned nothing about the world. there are some nations, a social problem to introduce the bad guys and some talk and events, but everything is just to introduce the cast. it does not feel life like. you told a story, and the world is a quick sketch, a few lines drawn to keep it together. not a real world.
SUMMARY/NOTE
you got talent, and lack experience (which I can't blame you for). to write a good story, put more effort into the setting. treat your characters as real people and your world as a real world. spend a long time expanding it. come up with your world map, history, legends and common traits of people in different regions, based on the environment. create multiple groups of interests, both for the main plot and side stories, some more and some less influential and some seemingly irrelevant. you may never need them but they are part of the backgrount. dive into politics, economics, disasters, ideologies, agriculture and anything else that shapes places. put together a puzzle. historic events lead to each other, people are changed by history and create new history on top of it. make a world come to life. create complicated traits for even the most insignificant of side characters so you know how they would act in a situation, as a real person. try roleplaying as your characters in front of a mirrow. personality isn't static, let people grow with their experience and sometimes fail or break down. if you like all your characters, if you put enough effort in, not even you may know how an encounter ends before you get to it. chain reaction are great, make use of them. if you want to get somewhere, change the setting until it fits your goal in a way that makes sense. the list goes on.
in short, create a world to tell a story in instead of creating a world around a set story. at some point, most details come naturally. it's a lot of work, but very rewarding, and worlds can be used for many stories if you keep expanding them and progressing their timeline.
as for writing the plot. slow down, take in the surroundings. no need to jump from one event to the next. people travel (tho not to long, or you end up like lord of the rings - but some scenes here and there can contain travel). they hold complex discussions and thoughts. don't just show what you need to dump information relevant to the plot. let them live their life as living beings. let them observe their surroundings. describe the scenery, the wind, temperature, smell, taste, flight of birds, swaying of trees... the beautiful reflection in a lake, the clouds and stars... write different kinds of scenes, and come up with ways to dumo information on the reader without destroying the immersion. it is ok to sometimes tell the reader more or less directly, but keep it a minor part of what you do. let your characters inform each other, argue and bicker with emotions getting in the way and slowing things down. let your protagonist read things. make a tv announcement they watch, let them miss what comes in the radio to foreshadown for the readers while the character is clueless. you can also include some media, such as a segment of a book or article from your world, instead of a chapter to give your readers some background information while keeping the imersion stable. find your path, find your rhythm, but slow the heck down. make it a world where things happen, not just events in some empty, colourless space.
ok, I am getting tired (it's late at my place) so I'll just stop here. if I screwed up let me know, if you have questions I'll answer them, sorry for any typos and any other mess I may have caused.
this is not the holy grail, take this mess as some inspiration to find your own way. do things your way, all I'm saying is this needs more background and detail on many levels but given you're a kid or yound teenager that much is already beyond impressive. take your time, to grow and to write and in general.
peace
