It 19 July 2021

even after 4 years of my breakup here I am, remembering him day and night. this is something I had no control over it. I have always wonder what it feels like to feel loved by someone irrespective of the fact that you had hurt someone so deeply, filled them with so many insecurities and thoughts, why all this is so complex, it is supposed to be like this isn't it the Bollywood movies have made us believe in unattainable standards of love which are so untrue for us commoners, it made us question our existence most of the time.

in the morning, I was just scrolling my insta and checked some stories of my schoolmates, there he was, standing beside my friend, who I no longer know anything about

him, it felt like everything else doesn't matter,

I saw his smile and once again it shattered everything inside me ONCE AGAIN. I tried to hold myself, with each passing second that was getting tough, I tried though.

but all those questions which I always wanted to ask him that all getting assembles in my head. all that chaos was all me, nothing else was there, he seems happy but how ?????? is all I kept asking myself

I knew all the answers but all I ever wanted is to hear them from his mouth but it didn't happen.

I guess this is the life

you don't get what you wanted, but it always felt like I belong to him

. I kept seeing his photo repeatedly like I was talking to his photo.

a sec later my friend posted another story ...

I wanted to watch instantly but awaited a few seconds, that's all I can do at that time

I guess they both had gone for a vacation in Shimla, and all I wonder is why it all happen in the first place again

whereas on the other hand, he had moved on like the day before he broke up with me or I guess the very day he broke up with me and left me crying in the middle of the night

all I wanted was for someone to love me like if I ever deserve to be loved by someone

I called him but he didn't pick up

I wanted to say sorry for no reason but he didn't give me that chance

the day it all started

my journey of unloving someone ...