Reincarnated as a System for Reincarnated Souls.

The day started as any other Monday. Wake up at 6 a.m. dreading the commute to work. Take care of morning ablutions. Coffee and breakfast. And out the door by 7 a.m.

I worked at an accounting firm. Well more like slept at an accounting firm. I am a fresh university graduate completing my requirements for my certification as a CA (Certified Accountant). The process is pretty straightforward in Canada. As a first generation immigrant from India, I hear stories from my family and how they are doing. And holy smokes, the requirements and cutoffs in Asia are insane. To get into a top University in India from what I hear form my cousins the cutoff in 100%. They consider everything, marks extracurricular activities, interviews. Well it's easy for them when they come to Canada or the States. They only have to deal with bureaucratic crap. The studying and coursework is a walk in the park. Which being Indian is basically like breathing for them. I have a few cousins that are studying or working internationally. It's always nice to catch up with them at a family gathering or wedding.

At one of my cousin's wedding a few years ago, the shenanigans we got up to would make a Vegas evening look like a quiet night in. Crashing the grooms Bachelor party was the best. Ahh…Nina, if that was her real name.

Wait why am I reminiscing about a bachelor party. I need to get my ass to work. Maybe I can get out early and get to the gym before the rest of the after-work crowd. Honestly, working out after work is annoying. Maybe some people like it, but personally I feel lethargic and mentally exhausted after work.

A friend of mine recommended taking a nap. Like 15-30 minutes. Just put the car seat back and relax. It helps a lot. But then I want tea after waking up. So I've been cutting my workdays short and getting everything done as quickly as possible during the day.

It is the month of December. And in Canada that means you freeze your balls every time the wind picks up. On my way to the SkyTrain to downtown Surrey, I see that a new Tim Horton's has opened up along the way. I can take an Uber or my own car. But there are ways to write off expenses and tax incentives from the government. As long as you are aware of them you can make use of them. But it means sacrificing comfort and time. But I don't really care. I've seen how hard my parents worked to get established in this country and I'll be damned if I let their hard work go to waste.

My older siblings are the same as me. My oldest brother is managing the real estate business dad setup.

My older sister is a corporate lawyer, she moved to the States recently for work with a merger or something. She's smart and knows it. And never misses an opportunity to get back at the "annoying fuck-wits" who tormented her during her high school and university years. Some silly things like mixing soy sauce with sparkling water and saying it's cola. Winning our entire paycheque in the poker games she holds. Now that I think about it, THAT BITCH! She's also our parents second favourite.

The family favourite is my little sister. She's the youngest of us five. My younger brother is the black-sheep of the family. Nothing illegal or anything like that. He's just not a Doctor, Lawyer, or Engineer. Not even a business man! Dad was encouraging him to try new things but the amount of money and opportunities he's wasted is mind boggling. Hopefully he gets his shit together. Anyway, my little sister. She's the family favourite, and the youngest. Therefore she's spoiled by our parents and to an extent us as well. We get her whatever she wants, because we know how she is. She's a bright light of joy in the gloom of life. She works hard and smart for what she wants. She mowed lawns and shoveled snow for 2 years to get an anniversary present for mom and dad. Whereas the rest of us fuckwits just pitched in and took them out to dinner. She also gets us presents for our birthdays by using her own money, that she worked minimum wage for. Like seriously child, go party and be a teenager. But we know how she is so we spoil her every chance we get. Which reminds me her 17th birthday is in a few weeks. She's almost finished high school. What to get her? I'll have a word with the others.

As I continue walking to the subway station, a pickup truck turning left overcooks it a bit in the winter conditions, and clips the inside curb. Unbeknownst to me, the pickup truck keeps skidding sideways and onto the sidewalk where I am walking.

It all happened so fast that the sequence of events didn't even register. The last thing I saw as I shook of this mortal coil was the grey sky and the underside of an idiot's pickup truck.

(A/N: is pickup truck still truck-kun?)

It is stated that brain activity continues for a few minutes after death. How do I know? Well I experienced it. My life replayed in my mind trying to find a solution to the situation I was in. Because I had never been run over by a pickup truck before, the closest I got was when I fell of my bike and my brother crashed into me. Cuts, bruises and fractures was the extent of our injuries. So not really an ideal experience to relive.

As blood flow to the brain stopped. I felt increasingly uncomfortable. My thoughts were muddled and slow. I had trouble remembering things I'd known my entire life. The last thought I had was how my family would take the news.

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'The fuck?! Why can I see? Where the fuck am I? What day is it? Was that just a vivid nightmare? Did I get fucked up last night? Wait why am I in a psychiatrist's office? More importantly why am I on the couch?'

As these thoughts raced through my head, the door to the room opened. In walked in a middle aged man. From the looks of it pretty well off. Close to retirement, and counting the days of his expression was anything to go by.

He was drying his hands with a hand towel. 'Motherfucker has an attached bathroom to his office!' Why that was my first reaction to seeing the man is pretty simple. At work I had to leave my cubicle, walk past the bosses office and go to the public restroom. And being the little shit that he is, my boss would keep an eye out for someone taking longer than usual. He wouldn't say anything just give you a shit ton more work to do. Passive aggressive cunt.

Anyhow, the man looked at me and stated "So you appear to be awake Mr. Singh. We can begin the recruitment process for a System manager. Your background checks have been completed and turned up just North of neutral, but we can work with that. Now we need to confirm your psychological and mental health before we can get you settled in to your new position. I know you have questions. Here is the indoctrination paperwork. Read this while I get everything setup." The man informed me handing me a few hundred pages to go through.

Upon receiving the stack of documents, I sighed out loud. Thank goodness they were large print and easy to read and comprehend.

What was not easy to comprehend was the title on the first document.

The Afterlife and You: a complete career guide for the neutrally aligned.

Going through the literature and what it said was a very interesting and disturbing process. Like seriously regardless of what you believe in if a certain being needs you or wants you for whatever reason, you go there. For example, and this is from the book the man gave me, a Christian person dies. They have decent karma, but not great. So the regular operating process would be to wipe the soul and send it back into the world. Or if an angel happens by they can take it to heaven. Or if someone else had called dibs on that particular soul then it would enter their jurisdiction. Like an tele-evangelist going to a Hindu version of Hell, just to fuck with the guy. As stated in the report he still has yet to learn Sanskrit even after 20 odd years.

Based on this information, I was earmarked by a being of great power and I'll be damned if I know why. What I do know however is I've been given an opportunity to make my afterlife bearable. Hopefully I can get reincarnated like those fanfics and anime.

A few pages in and my hopes were dashed. Only people with positive karma or those chosen by someone to be entertainment were reincarnated.

Due to me being karmicly neutral I can take up an admin position in the afterlife management department and work my way up. Or I can have an executive position in Hell. Simply put anyone willing to do the devils paperwork will be immensely rewarded. But the downside is, you must maintain your karmic neutrality. And the saying about power and corruption rings true. Some strong souls have managed to get important positions in the divine office, and have become ROBs. Others, well they remain in Hell, as the fallen and damned. And obviously they have pictures of demonesses and succubi to seduce the male souls or souls who lean that way. And demons and incubi for the females or souls of that persuasion.

Funny thing the afterlife, they don't care who you fuck. As long as it's consensual.

Then there is the Reincarnation Management Department. It manages the vast quantities of souls in the universe to that come in. It is the largest department, and the slowest department to advance in. A lot of people are needed to keep it running smoothly. And based on my personal experience, the harder it is to move up the food chain the shittier the work environment and more vicious the office politics. It isn't stated in the brochure thingy that I have in my hands but I suspect that there is a high washout rate.

Moving on is the Department of Post Reincarnation. This place manages all the souls that have been reincarnated due to good karma. It monitors their activity and upon death decides wether to send them off on another adventure, to heaven-not likely, to work-maybe, or Hell-90% of the souls.

And lastly is the Entertainment District. It runs the casinos, bars and clubs. Manages and liaises between different afterlives. For example, a worker from Hell needs a break. Although the raves, drugs and hookers are great, sometimes you just need to do nothing. So this department takes in a request and arranges a holiday in Heaven. Cozy coffee shops, 9 layered lasagna, the perfect cup of tea as per your subconscious request. It's all there. And vice versa a person from Heaven wants to have a bit of fun. Liaise with Hell, and off they go. Pub crawls, parties, more cocaine than the Medellin cartel would know what to do with. And the succubi. Ah the succubi. Lethal to the mortals. The ones marked in the afterlife are immune as long as they get the required immunization.

And the most important part that I came across. The Entertainment District is responsible for the reincarnated people who are meant to be entertainment! It means this department although neutral can influence the life of a reincarnated soul.

Let's say the soul in question is simply a man-whore collecting women like Pokémon. This department, based on public opinion and market share can either nerf him something fierce or promote him if his exploits are entertaining.

There is also a sub-department that manages the systems for these souls. It's the most problematic and has the highest compensation. Problematic because if your setup and rewards for the reincarnated souls are too easy your ass is going to Hell as a damned soul. If they are too difficult, you are going to Hell as an intern. You can work your way up but it's going to take at least a century.

Another thing I noticed while reading the brochures and documents was the smallest time unit for anything official was a decade. Like you wanted a transfer to another department, 5 decades for your file to be reviewed and have a decision made. You have a mistake on your paycheque, it's at least a decade but you accrue interest at the rate of 2.65% compounded annually. I have a feeling that I won't be seeing any of the interest if something like this ever happens to me.

And another 30 minutes of reading confirmed my suspicions. The lawyers in Hell have officially screwed the afterlife for everyone. Any change to a file of a soul, you need a lawyer. You didn't get paid, lawyer. You want a transfer, lawyer. You want a better place to live, lawyer. Go on vacation to Heaven or Hell, lawyer. Different fancy words for each scenario but essentially you so much a s want to wipe your ass, lawyer.

Anyway, after a few hours of reading and rereading everything provided. I came to the conclusion that working in the entertainment department as a System Entity Manager is the best choice. I get reincarnated without the bullshit of going through day to day life. Also I decide at what age my host gets to activate the system. So if I want to go on vacation with the cute girl from the 8th floor, I can.

'Bit of a Freudian slip but whatever.'