Chapter 21: The realization

The night after he confessed I was up all night thinking about what just happened. I don't really know how to react by his confession because it was still early and we have just met. How can he even be sure that he really likes me. But I applaud his bravery to confess even if we just met this two weeks and get to know one another. I know in myself I'm attracted to him but that was because he is really attractive and I know in myself that I am still affected by Treize. I just hope that I will be able to reciprocate his feelings and forget about Treize completely. I don't want Raz to end up being just a rebound and to make the possibility of us being together higher, I would entertain him as much as possible in the hope that I would soon catch feelings for him.

In the situations wherein there are groupings, there are those activities wherein we share anything we would like to share, any issues involving our lives be it friendship, love or family. And in those times, when you share things, the people you are grouped with would give advise.

In one of those reflection activity, It was by chance that I was grouped with Raziel and the topic our leader chose was about love. She said that the topic we share must be about romantic love and that is the reason why I was able to share what happened with Treize.

And then the subject I asked for advise are:

*Would you be with a suitor you like if he confesses that he likes you too eventhough it is prohibited by your family and school and it was only after graduation that you can have the freedom to do what you like?"

Their answers really made a mark on me was "It's up to the person because she will decide what matters to her more. Would you follow your parents or follow your heart? But for me, as a student myself, I have to follow the rules set by my parents as I'm living under them. Their house, their rules and I believe that they would want the best for me."

"Parents have experienced many things in life and they would only want to make things easier for you and not be distracted by other things."

"Yes, you are still young and you have to enjoy the time you have to experience high school since once it passes, you can never return even if you want to."

The next thing I asked is

"Is it okay to make a suitor wait for years before officially becoming together even if you have feelings for him too".

On this question, Raziel answered which surprised me and it also helped me get an idea on his perspective. He answered,"For me, it is definitely okay because as a suitor I aim to please the girl I like and make her happy. I should not make it hard for her and try to be understanding as much as possible and makes her happy. Even if it takes a long time of wait, there is a saying that "There is a time for everything" and maybe the right time just haven't come yet so it's better to wait and let time take it's course."

After he said that, it was like my world was blaring and I can't hear any words after eventhough some other sare also telling something related on what I asked. But fir the love of me, I was in my own world with Raziel's words replaying on my mind continuously.

The way he said it with such certainty and had a serious air on him just made me decide at that point that I will give him a chance to prove himself. Afterall if it's meant for me, it's meant for me. No matter what it ends up after, I will leave with up to fate.

Soon after that we are already preparing for our luggages so that we can go home. We were packing while talking between each other

Trisha said "Remember to pack everything and not forget anything."

Claude: "Yes, make sure everything that yours is packed or it would be hard to get back your lost things.

Markus: "You most of all, Claude should be careful not to misplace anything since you are so forgetful sometimes." Markus said as he reminded Claude.

Claude: "I am not forgetful okay, I just tend to lose some of my memories hahaha" Claude said lightly.

Markus: "You are, stop denying it. Remember when you---" He was a out to reveal something when Claude stopped him midway.

Claude: "Don't you dare speak another word!" Claude said in a warning voice.

Markus: "Forgot your----" but the words he was about to speak was not uttered because Claude covered Markus' mouth "Hmmp"

Trisha: "Stop your flirting you two. You should focus on the task at hand or you would be sad if you lose something and it ain't my problem anymore, that would be your fault especially you two. How about you, Carmela? Is everything manageable?" Trisha asked in worriedly.

Carmela: "Everything's okay sister. I packed everything I need to pack." I answered to let them think that everything was okay.

Trisha: "That's good then. I only need to worry about these two. But why do you look like that Carmela?" Trisha said in an inquisitive manner.

Carmela: "It's nothing sister." I said dismissively.

Markus: "She's sad because she's not going to see his boyfriend anymore." Markus said in a teasing voice.

Carmela: "What boyfriend are you talking about? I don't have one, okay." I answered back quickly.

Claude: "Oh really?! I think Raziel would be sad if he hears you say that." Claude said as he joins in the teasing.

Carmela: "Don't be silly seniors. Raziel and I have nothing going on." I said to them seriously.

Markus: "But why do I smell something fishy between you two. " Markus asked while raising his brows and in gossip fishing face.

Claude: "It's not something fishy, Markus, don't you see the tension when they are together."

Markus replied agreeably, "When I think about it, Claude. You are right. I can even smell the sweetness in the air and the hearts floating when they are talking."

Trisha: "Stop bothering Carmela. If she wants to tell something, she would tell us right, Carmela?" Trisha said in a teasingly.

Carmela: "You too, sister? Why are you teasing me?" I asked in an exasperated voice.

Trisha answered in a serious tone, "Even if you don't want to tell us about it, we are not blind Carmela. We could feel that there is something going on between you."

But I answered with honesty this time, "We are not together, sister. There is nothing going on between us. I'm being honest."

Trisha: "Yet. Maybe not yet, Carmela but you are definitely going there."

"I don't know sister. It's just that I can't be in a relationship while in high school. My parents would be disappointed if ever." I said in a low tone. At this time, sister Trisha took my hands and went somewhere more private and without the presence of our two gossip monger companions. She talked some sense into me.

Trisha: "In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with being in a relationship while you are young as long as you know your limitations. And I think your parents brought you up well so I'm sure you won't disappoint your parents."

Carmela: "I don't know sister. It's just that I'm afraid."

Trisha: "What are you afraid of."

Carmela: "I'm afraid that if I ever be in a relationship, I won't be able to control myself. I can already see myself being so into someone. I know that if I love someone, I love hard and I don't know if it's going to be a good thing."

Trisha: "There is nothing wrong of giving your all in love Carmela. Because love is not measured and it cannot be quantified. It's intangible and if love is reciprocated, it's the most wonderful feeling. Don't put yourself in a box and isolate yourself to the possible happiness you would feel just because of fear. Love is worth it, Carmela."

Carmela: " Thank you sister. It means a lot to me to hear this from you."

Trisha: "No worries, Carmela. It's what I should do as a senior, to guide you."

After that talk with the sister Trisha. Sheade way for us to have the chance to talk, me and Raziel, before we both parted. She took us to a private room and left us as she said.

Trisha: "You both need to talk and this time, you must be clear especially you, Carmela."

We both answered "yes", having no choice but to answer yes.