Phantasm Journey

Lanert wished to grow wings and flee, far away from boring life.

For two hours, he sat in a lifeless study room that smelled of books, paper, ink, gold, and many pricey treasures.

Let Lanert make it clear. 

It was the most lifeless room he ever visited. He loved books, but he had already read everything. Could you not ask him re-read any book? No, no, he shall not read anything that he has already memorised.

The gold and pricelly decoration? No, Lanert never loves gold or those useless materials. Except one. The naked statue on the table. Golden statue covered half in white silk, showing one of her tits.

"Statue of Miwuk." Lanert's voice shattered the silence. He almost touched the golden tits, almost, until Father gazed at it, and Lanert pulled himself. "One of seven gods. God of fertility."

Still no response from his beloved father. 

A scratching noise quill echoed in space. A long white shirt and a black vest covered the body of a warrior. Father had a face of sagaciousness while concentrating on paperwork.

Damn, waiting was never his forte. Lanert's little buttock needed stretching. Perhaps an hour of horse riding would compensate for it. "If you busy, I could do some—"

"Sit."

"Ok." He lost courage. Father was not an ordinary man Lanert could disobey or make fun with. Even the King feared him. 

His father led a royalist against the rebels' troops thirty years ago. He rode with the King, back then still a prince. He burnt the entire city, spiked the entire rebel lord's family, catapulted their dead body onto Citadel, and forced the rebel to chain his lord into submission.

What was most remarkable about him was he allowed every woman to live. He only killed those who raised weapons against him and his King.

"What are you writing?" Lanert asked. "I put my report book there. Perhaps you love seeing your beloved son doing great at school." Still, no answer from Father. Better talk with the wall.

Lanert had worked hard for three years for that meaningless book. Father did not even congratulate him for graduating from high school.

"Your brother mastered Pyro at five," Father said. 

At last! "Yeah, I remember that. He burned a stable back then." Lanert laughed alone. His voice was dismissed eventually. 

"Your sister learned Hydro at seven. You're fifteen, not mastered any element. Why?"

Lanert had many reasons. Which one should he use? Whatever he said would worsen everything. Silent would be a wise move. 

Father sealed a rolled paper with red wax and put a wolf sigil on it. It must be something important. "You want to become an adventurer?"

"What?" how does he know?

"Some little birds told me. Is that true?"

"Yes." Lanert dreamed of visiting a new palace, throttling adrenaline, clashing swords, meeting a new face, finding new things, and exploring. If only he could say that loudly. But he knew Father would mortally wound him if he dared to speak like that. He was not a golden boy like Alrich, his old brother, or a golden flower like Catherin, his spiteful little sister.

Father said, "Prince Zalazar the Bastard is a great adventurer who discovers Homunculus' weakness. Victor the Bastard is a great explorer that found a contingent six years ago. Do you know what they have in common?"

"They famous?"

"They're Highborn Bastards." 

"Only highborn bastards who are going on an adventure." Father continued. "What happens if you become an adventurer? Everyone would think you are a bastard. The bastard didn't inherit anything. Other lords would think twice before marrying their daughter with you."

"I am not a bastard."

"But others would think you are a bastard."

"Who cares what others think?"

"I care." Father gazed at him, freezing his boiled blood. "And you will do as I command. You will go to Mahesh Crown University."

"I will go to Mahesh Crown University?"

"Learn Magic, find elements, become great Magi."

"I'll, and then I'll adventuring—"

"Never." Father kept cool while answering. "Learn politics, economics, and martial arts. Hopefully, if you never had your Element, you will excel in other fields and marry some good highborn lady. Do you understand?"

"Why? Alrich could do anything as he pleased. Why couldn't I?"

"You've not mastered the element." Father passed the rolled paper to Lanert. "Take this to Mahesh Crown. Study hard and—"

"So what's the problem?" Lanert raised from his chair. "I am not interested in becoming an aristocrat like you. Let Alrich do that. I am not an object you can push around!"

"You are my son!" Father raised from the chair. His voice boomed. "And you will do what I command!"

Lanert fainted. Father rarely shouted except on the battlefield. Now he knew what his foe felt. He froze. 

"Stop!" Mom stormed in, thank goodness. Her elegant white and blue gown almost touched the wooden floor. Her face reddened like boiling meat, facing his husband. "He's just fifteen!"

Father answered, "At fifteen, I mastered Anemo Element." 

"He's not you!" She turned Lanert to face her, hugging him tight. "It's okay, Sweetie. Do and be whatever you want."

As a stepmother, she would be perfect to be called a sister. Just hit twenty-five, five years older than Lanert's big brother. She married her father one year after Mom was gone. He married not with love but politics, but her love for her sister's child was strong. 

"Let him go," Father ordered. 

"He is our child!" Mom held Lanert thick while making him face Father. "He trembled! Why can't you love him? My sister would be sad if she knew this. You have no right to force my son—"

"He is mine, not yours!" Father's voice boomed. "I decide what he will do!" 

No, no, no. Lanert didn't want Mom and Father to fight. "Alright, I know. Please calm down." Lanert put himself between them. "I promised I would learn Magi and master Element. I will make you proud, just like brother and sister."

"Look!" Mom worsened it by putting Lanert in his Father's gaze. "He fears you, not loves you!"

"Woman, let him go and get out!"

"Or what? Hit me? You're no man!"

"Mom, enough."

Father cast a gust that pulled and then pushed Lanert out to the hallway. The door shut tight. 

Hot arguing swirling inside. Father hit with words of a sadistic whip while Mom's voice erupted. 

"Ah, god." Lanert knocked on the door. "Father, Mom. Enough. I promise I will study hard at Mahesh Crown!"

It all happened because Lanert disappointed them again. He blamed himself and started wep. Why can't he find an element like his sibling? Why can't he make his father proud like his sibling? What should he do?

"Bastard." Sister's sick gaze struck Lanert. A sight of the enemy. "Happy now?"

"Shut your pie. I have no time for you." Lanert continued knocking on the door.

Two years older than Lanert, sister known as a golden flower of Von Gosh. Blonde, black eyes, snow white pure skin, she groomed herself perfectly, yet her heart was like a pup. 

The silence didn't make her gone. It made her spit more facts. "You took Mom. You killed her. Why were you born? Look at your stupid black hair and blue eyes. You're not a Gosh. You're not blonde. Where are your black eyes?"

"What do you mean?" Lanert heartbeat rises, facing her sister. "I'm Gosh."

"No, you're not! Why are you still here? Enjoyed our suffering, didn't you?"

"Stop it. Or I will hurt you." Lanert struggled. He tried not to harm his stupid sister, but she pushed him against the wall repeatedly. His back was hurt. "Please, stop it."

Every maid, every buttler, dare not interrupt them. They acted like manikins. They didn't want to mingle with their lord family business. 

"You're cursed!" Sister yelled. "You're a curse that Gosh must endure! You should be the one who died, not Mom! No one wants you here!"

"Stop it!" Lanert never felt Mother warm, never heard her soothing voice. Why does he get blamed for everything? "It's not my fault. Im did not kill her!"

"Then who is at fault? I Hate you! I hope you die! I hope you disappear! Why are you still here!"

His back was like being trampled by a pony. Enough! Lanert snapped. He pushed her back. His sister lay on the floor, crying.

"Sorry." Lanert tried helping her up, but she hushed him. "I didn't mean to—"

"Father! Lanert hurt me!" Cry baby lied, pointing to Lanert. 

"What? You lied!"

The door opened. Father saw his daughter on the floor crying, blaming Lanert. His face reddened as he slapped his third son. "How dare you push your sister like that! Von Gosh never hits women!"

"Why." Lanert exhaled. "Why do you hate me?"

"You dare yell at me?!"

"Enough!" Mother halted Father's arm before landing another slap on Lanert. "Stop it!"

Lanert turned and ran away. He didn't know anything about himself. Why was he born? Why did he become Gosh? Did he choose to become one of them? He tried to answer but couldn't find the right one. 

He hated his father but… at the same time, loved him. He idolised him.

As a son, he wanted his father to be happy. He wanted to make his family proud of him. But everything he did somehow worsened it.