Heyoo! Nice to see a fellow Pakistani Webnovel Enthusiast! Although I see you're new to this side of literature, new authors who wanna try out web novels are always welcome in the community as they can bring in something new and unique to the table, rather than rehashing the same old tropes in a new context. I've gone through the Novel (currently 9 chapters as of writing this) and will be giving you some feedbacks and criticisms from the point of view of someone who's been in the web novel sphere for a quite a while now and is well versed in English as a first language as well as classic literature, if that's alright with you. If that isn't and if any of my feedback feels insulting to you, you can tell me quietly and I'll remove it. I'm not here to offend you or make you feel bad for trying something new and quit.OK, now that we've got that out of the way. I'll tell you what you're doing right. like I mentioned before, since you're new. you're also bringing something new to the table. At least from what I can tell, you're not outright copying a story you read just with a self insert character this time. which is something that alot of beginners end up doing subconsciously. So your plot being unique is your first plus.Secondly, the way you brought in the classic Muqalma/dialogue format that pak schools love to teach, and implemented it into your story ch 2 onwards is something I've yet to see in Webnovel formats tbh. Ofcourse, novelty doesn't automatically make something better, that's something that depends on how the author takes advantage of the new gates this novel method opens for them, and how good the execution of the method itself is. simply being out of the box isn't enough, you need to justify it with competence.In your case, the play dialogue format has some advantages and disadvantages.The advantage is that the conversation is uninterrupted, snappy and quick. Less fluff for the reader to go through.Disadvantages are that it's a little bit less readable without extra formatting. you'll have to BOLD or CAPITALISE your names so that they stand out. Also you can't show emotions in which the dialogue is said, without fully committing to the Scriptwriter/Play Dialogue formatting. for example:Usually what you'll see is:Max replied shakily, "Yeah.. sure". "Nice!" exclaimed Sarah. Happy that she got what she wanted.If you want to convey the same message in your style. you'd probably have to do something like this everytime.MAX: (Voice Shaking) "Yeah.. sure."SARAH: (Excited) "Nice!"Sarah was happy she got what she wanted.-------------Both are abit different and achieve slightly different results in how the emotion is delivered to the reader.On a slightly different but related note, as I've pointed out in one of the paragraphs, your Current usage of brackets seems abit scattered. There are many a times where you'd be better off just replacing those with a comma as it would seem more natural. Especially in the paragraph format parts that occur outside the Dialogue. Going with regular conventions might be key.Other than that you're killing it, I'd recommend getting someone you know who's more experienced in English Literature, to be your proofreader or editor. Simply having another pair of eyes go through it can help you avoid do many silly typos or grammatical errors. Alternatively, if you can't find someone, you could always come back to old chapters preferably once you've written at least 20 chapters and rework them with the new and improved sense you have after writing so many chapters.That's another thing you'll grow to love about writing web novels. You'll feel yourself improve overtime. Especially when you come back to one you wrote a couple years ago.So Keep Going on this journey. I wish you the best of luck! Happy Writing!
