07

After talking with Iñigo I figured I wanted to have a vacation. Away from the city, away from stress. Sobra sobrang sakit at pagod ang nararamdaman ko.

So I went to bataan and stayed there for a week. Wala akong pinagsabihan kaya naman panay ang tawag nila mommy sa akin. But before boarding, I texted them that I'll be having a vacation. And that I'll be back before Christmas.

Bataan is a nice place. Less pollution and people are very accommodating. If only things were different then I would have appreciated Bataan more.

At around 8 pm, I decided to walk by the shore. Wala na masyadong tao dito kaya naman napaka tahimik. Wala ka ring maririnig na ingay bukod na lamang sa ingay ng paghampas ng alon sa dalampasigan.

There are chairs made of wood located at the sea shore just meters away from the actual sea. I decided to seat there kasi sumasakit na rin ang paa ko kakalakad.

I was about to seat down when a lady approached me.

"Hi. Uhm uupo ka?" She asked.

I nodded.

"Pwede maki upo na rin?"

"Sure. Apat naman yung silya eh kaya okay lang"

She just smiled at me and then minded her own business.

Siguro katulad ko mag-isa lang din siya. If I could remember it clearly, siya yung naka sabay ko sa service papunta dito sa resort. Wala naman siyang ibang kasama kaya I assumed she also came here for self-reflection. This place is known for its peacefulness. Kung gusto mong makapag-isip ng mabuti at walang sagabal, then Bataan is the best place to go.

I stared at the waves. It wasn't that calm. Sobrang lakas ng paghampas ng mga alon. December na din kasi at high tide pa. But that gives peace to me na kahit sobrang ingay ng alon panatag ako kasi kahit sino dito hindi maririnig ang sigaw ng utak ko.

I sighed deeply and closed my eyes remembering what happened before I came here. Iñigo. Iñigo and I ended our relationship for real. Wala na akong narinig mula sa kanya. But days after we talked tita Ara called me to confirm if I really broke up with Iñigo. Even if I didn't want to talk about it over the phone, I said yes. She was so sad and sorry for what happened. She also asked if we could meet but I declined. Seeing tita Ara would only make me remember the things Iñigo promised me. At hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayang harapin lahat ng taong mayroong koneksyon kay Iñigo.

I quickly opened my eyes when I heard a sob. I then turned to me left side and saw that the girl I am with is crying silently.

I offered my scarf to her kasi wala akong tissue. But she shook his head and said

"No, it's okay."

I just nodded. As much as I want to ask her what's her problem, I stopped myself. I wasn't in the right position to meddle with whatever is troubling her.

"Uhm do you want me to leave you alone here? Maybe you want to be alone?" I asked her. Baka kasi she's uncomfortable na nandito ako habang umiiyak siya.

She only stared at me, I took that as a yes. Kaya naman tumayo na ako. I was about to walk away when he held my hand. Napatingin ako sa kamay ko na hinawakan niya. She felt ashamed of what she did so she let go of my hand.

"I'm sorry. Can you not leave me? Pagod na akong maiwan eh" she said chuckling lightly.

I was shocked at her remark. So I nodded and went back to my seat. Though I stayed silent. She said she doesn't want to be left alone but she didn't said she wanted someone to talk to.

After a couple of minutes medyo kumalma na siya. She stopped crying and breathed heavily. Then she looked at me and started sharing her story.

"Thank you." She said.

I smiled and replied. "Wala yun. Una na ako ha maaga pa kasi ang flight ko bukas."

"Okay. Ay nakalimutan ko, ano nga pala ang pangalan mo? Bella nga pala" she said and offered me a handshake.

I accepted it. "Isla"

She nodded and waved her hand. That lady went through a lot. I hope she'll find happiness again.

___

"Merry Christmas everyone"

I'm here at the house of my grandmother. Celebrating Christmas with my family. It's funny how minimal this celebration is. Paano ba naman kasi it was only my lola, mama, papa, me, my sister and her husband as well as my niece ang nandito ngayon. Sobrang liit din naman kasi ng pamilya namin.

Sa side ni papa isa lang ang pinsan ko. Nasa ibang bansa pa. Sa side naman ni mama wala akong pinsan. Mama is an only child while si papa naman may kapatid na babae pero kasama nito ang anak sa America.

"Merry Christmas Isla" my lola greeted me.

"Merry Christmas too lola" I replied and then give her a hug.

"Where is Iñigo? I clearly remember him promising me that he would come here to celebrate Christmas with us. He also said he'll bring his mom? Asan na sila?"

I didn't know what to say. Paano ko sasabihin sa kanya na hindi na matutupad ang pangakong 'yon kasi hiwalay na kami ni Iñigo? That's right. Hindi pa pala nila alam ang mga nangyari. Wala kasi akong pinagsabihan.

"Uhm lola kasi–"

I wasn't able to finish my sentence when I heard my mom greeting Iñigo. Tumingin agad ako sa kanila and there I saw him smiling at my mom and dad. Greeting each other a Merry Christmas.

"Oh nandito na pala" my lola said.

Iñigo on the other hand glanced at me first before giving my lola a hug.

"Merry Christmas lola. Here's my gift for you. As promised, I'll celebrate Christmas with you. Mommy can't come kasi...may mga kaibigan siya sa bahay so she decided to stay at home nalang"

My lola smiled and said, "I was actually asking Isla about you. Thank you for your gift Iñigo. I also have my gift for you pero mamaya ko na ibibigay."

"Shall we eat?" My dad asked.

I nodded. Na una na akong pumunta da dinning table.

The dinner was, I don't know okay? It was so awkward for me. Panay lang ang usap nila tungkol sa mga pasyente nila. Both my mom and dad are doctors. Dad is a pediatric surgeon while my mom is an ob-gyne. My lola is also a doctor pero she retired a long time ago. And my sister still taking her residency.

I was just quiet the whole time, nagsasalita lang ako kapag tinatanong nila ako. They thought I was just tired because of school. They even asked Iñigo to take me somewhere refreshing pero I declined saying na nakapag bakasyon na ako sa Bataan.

My sister is eyeing me intently. I know she has a lot of questions pero she's forbidding herself to ask me infront of our family cause she knows it's inappropriate to talk about problems in front of foods.

After dinner Lola excused herself together with Iñigo. Ibibigay na daw niya yung regalo niya. Sumama naman si Mommy sa kanila kaya I was left with ate and dad sa living area. Then dad excused himself kasi may tawag galing sa hospital. Ate's husband excused himself din kasi papatulugin na niya si Kylie; my niece.

"What was that?" My sister asked.

"What?"

"Don't what me Isla. I know something is off. Simula pa noong pumunta ka sa Bataan. I thought you just need time to breathe because you might be fed up with school works pero hanggang sa naka balik ka ganyan ka pa rin."

"What's your point?"

"My point is you're not the same Isla anymore. Nasaan na yung kapatid kong masayahin? Yung kapatid kong palaging naka ngiti? What's happening Isla?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Nothing. You're just over reacting ate"

"I know you better than you thought Isla. Something is wrong. What is it? Tell ate please. I'm worried."

I breathed in and out calmly. I looked at her in the eyes and confess everything. I told her about Iñigo's mess. About him getting his friend pregnant. About us breaking up. About me can't seem to move on. I told her that I am inches close to beg Iñigo to come back to me.

"Ate please, talk some sense out of me. Hindi ko pwedeng balikan si Iñigo. Hindi pwede kasi may bata na. Pero gusto ko. Gustong gusto kong maging selfish. Kahit ngayon lang gusto kong mag paka-selfish" I said with tears dropping from my eyes.

She hugged me. "Shh everything is going to be okay. Ate is here"

I cried on my sisters shoulder. Letting out my frustrations, my worries, and my pain. She didn't talk, she just stayed there. Caressing my back and hugged me tightly.

After a couple of minutes, I forced myself to calm the fck down. It's Christmas for goodness sake tapos eto ako umiiyak nanaman. I wiped my tears away and composed myself. Ate gave me a glass of water.

After I finished it lumabas si daddy and mommy sa opisina ni lola dito sa bahay niya. Sumunod naman si Iñigo na hindi mapakali. Mommy went towards me and hugged me tightly. I was so confused so I asked her what's wrong. Umiling lang siya at sinabing pupunta muna siya sa kusina. Sinundan ko ng tingin si mommy, okay that's weird.

When I look back at Iñigo he was just staring at me like he wanted to say something. I was about to ask him what it is pero naunahan niya ako. Nagpa-alam na siya kay daddy dahil hinihintay na daw siya ni tita sa kanila. Dad only nodded and followed mommy at the kitchen without saying anything.

Normally, kapag nagpapa-alam na si Iñigo sinasamahan pa siya ni daddy sa labas ng bahay. This is actually the first time that dad didn't accompany Iñigo.

Ate excused herself. Titignan lang daw niya si lola. I nodded at her.

"Isla, can you walk me outside?" Iñigo asked.

"Okay"

Nauna nang naglakad si Iñigo. When we arrived in front of his car he faced me and stared at me again. I looked away because I can't bear looking at him straight in his eyes.

"Isla I'm really really sorry for everything. I'm sorry for causing you pain. I'm sorry for cheating on you. I'm sorry for hurting you" unti unti nang tumulo ang mga luha ni Iñigo. "Kung pwede lang sana saluhin ko lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman mo ay ginawa ko na. Kaso hindi eh."

"I messed up so badly. I messed everything up. I made a mistake and that mistake took you away from me. And I don't know how to get you back without hurting you again.

If only I could turn back the time. I should just have stayed with you that night. I should just–"

He wasn't able to finish his sentence kasi iyak na lang siya ng iyak. He broke down in front of me again. I'm hurting. He's hurting. But I'm hurting more seeing him this miserable. This is too much for a Christmas day.

"Tama na Iñigo. Wag na nating ulit ulitin kasi mas lalo lang sumasakit eh. Wala na tayong magagawa kundi tanggapin nalang ang lahat.

Despite everything that happened, I still wish you the best."

"Can you forgive me?" He asked.

"Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko alam kung kailan at hindi ko alam kung kaya ko ba. Hindi ko alam kung paano." I answered him honestly.

He nodded. "Can I ask one last favor? Can I hug you for the last time?"

I nodded and hugged him. Ang sakit. Sobrang sakit. Bakit ba kasi nangyari lahat ng ito?

"Pwede rin ba akong humingi ng favor sa'yo?" I asked.

"Sure hon" he replied impulsively. "I'm sorry. But yes, what favor?"

"Can we not see each other anymore? If nakita man nating ang isa't isa accidentally, pwede bang umiwas nalang muna tayo?"

I can see disagreement in his eyes. Alam kong ayaw niya pero alam ko ring papayag siya. Mas lalong tumulo ang mga luha niya. He breathed heavily, then wipe his tears away.

He slowly nodded.

"Good night Iñigo. Drive safely."

After saying that I turned my back on him and started to walk away from him. It won't be easy. Four years of my life siya ang kasama ko. Andaming pangarap ko na nabuo nang kasama siya. Kaya napaka-sakit tanggapin na tutuparin ko nalang ng mag-isa ang mga pangarap na yun.

I stopped walking. I wanted to look back at him. I wanted to ask him to come back to me. I wanted to fix everything so badly. Kahit masakit okay lang, kahit masakit basta wag niya akong iwan.

But before I could do that I saw ate in front of our gate. She waked towards me. Hugged me and whispered.

"Tama na Isla. You don't deserve this. Bumitaw ka na."

***

:)