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My Cat Is My Dungeon Maid!?

Ren... That is the protagonists name. No last name as thats not important, well to him atleast. A deadbeat father and alcoholic mother dont bode well for a developing child. But one day, as a mercy his aunt bought a cat for Ren... Ren enjoys the cats presence, the cat was awfully clingy as well.. Even having a cute little tabby cat wouldnt save his emotional fortitude, being bullied at High School, being a gloomy, sulking, emotionless bastard? --- "I dont give a shit about dungeons or quests." Ren slips his head down on his desk, nearly falling asleep. "What if it made you some cash?" Just like that his head shoots up, eyes wide. "MONEY?!?!" ... "Eh your kinda like the keeper from dankest souls?" "What the hell does that mean Ren." [Cover art is not mine] [I am uploading this for a friend so if there are no updates dont blame me!)

SoupHarbinger · สมัยใหม่
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5 Chs

Da Dungeon?!?!

For Ren school went as usual, his free time was pretty amazing. He finished a fantasy series he has been reading for a long time so all in all the day was fruitful besides being beaten up by piggy and such.

He did get a kick in on skinny Pete's head, nearly killing him. Fatass sure gave him hell after that tussle though, yet skinny Pete only sneered from a distance after taking a side kick to the skull, which rattled his near nonexistent chromosomes.

The fuck should have just died from that blow and got out of Rens life.

Ren gets onto the bus, staring at the disgruntled face of the nice bus driver as he grimaces at the blood pouring from Rens face.

"Dont worry Mr.Nishki, I will get an ice pack when I get home."

Ren hands the wooden token over, and so his bus drive goes on.

Chisaki looks over her seat at him, as he reads a book.

'A sculpted face like that doesn't deserve to be beaten to a bloody pulp, I feel so sorry for him.'

Chisakis face looks sad as she observes him.

"Ren-san , do you need bandaids?"

"Ah Chisaki, no I have some frozen meat I can use to ease the pain at home."

"Ren, I'm being serious, with how much blood is on you, you could pass out!"

Ren bedgrudginly scoots over and let's the girl do her magic, patching up his face and wiping the blood off the cuts on his face with a sterile cloth, a girl who aspires to be a nurse will surely take any chance to practice, which is what Ren thought was going on.

But the blushing Chisakis thoughts say otherwise.

'OH MY GOD OH MY GOD, REN IS LETTING ME TOUCH HIM *heavy breath* DONT SQUEAL DONT SCREAM DONT SAY ANYTHING ACT NATURAL!'

Ren looks over and Pat's the girls head, even as his natural neutral expression remains.

"Thanks, I think that word works in this scenario."

'HES PATTING MY HEAD, OMG OMG DONT KISS HIM DONT JUMP ON HIM!!!!'

Chisaki brings her hand back, shaking like a Vietnam veteran.

One of her friends, Lisa, calls to her.

"Done groping your man friend Chisaki-san?"

Chisaki turns and gives a death stare at Lisa, her piercing cold gaze threatening to end her life with no second thought.

"I don't like Ren, he is despicable and a bastard."

'OMG REN DONT LISTEN TO ME PLEASE DONT HATE ME.'

Ren has already begun ignoring everything again....

Chisaki scoots back to her seat diagonally across the aisle.

After the awkward moment was over the rest of the ride went as usual.

30 minutes later the bus arrives in a grimier area of town, Ren is the only person to remain on the bus.

With a creak and a loud swoosh the bus driver stops and pulls the latch to open the door.

"Have a good day Mr.Nishki!"

Ren waves the nice old man goodbye and enters his dilapidated home.

His mother is passed out as usual. He looks up the stairs to see a sus little tabby cat waving him up with its paw.

Ren wipes his eyes and goes upstairs to his room where the cat jumps onto his bed and lays down.

*poof*

A young woman in a blue tuxedo and dress pants stands with her arms to her hips.

"Are you prepared?"

Touka asks, with a finger to her lips.

"Eh. Oh that... Sure."

Touka approaches Ren and brings her finger to his forehead.

"Status!"

Name: Ren

Race: Human

Level: 1

Class: Nature Sage

Subclass: ø

Stats:

Str: 2

Int: 6

Agi: 2

Wis: 4

Con: 1

[Spells]

[Items]

[Skills]

[Spells:

 Entangle CD: 30 seconds

 Lash CD: 3 seconds.       ]

A blue screen suddenly pops up in front of Ren.

'Nature sage?'

Ren looks over his stats wich are pretty self explanatory.

Touka stands and looks at it aswell.

"You started with a rare class but it is support so finding friends soon will be to your benefit."

Ren grimaces.

"Your telling me to instantly go tell some fuck off goons about my power?"

Touka looks taken aback.

"Ah wah that's not what I meant you neanderthal, eventually you will need help but right now it should be very easy."

Touka appears to have a lightbulb appear over her head.

"Ah!.Go to your inventory you should have some starting gear!"

Ren clicks the inventory button, a small panel with black squares appears, a few of the boxes are full.

Ren clicks on the first box.

A generic white cloak falls out onto his bed.

[White cloak: +.5 armor]

".5 armor?"

Ren questions.

"Its basically an additive to your constitution, which is a pitiful 1."

Touka explains, after Ren equips the cloak which instantly appears on him

He clicks the second box and a gnarled staff that looks like a cheaply carved tree branch appears in his right hand.

[Novice nature staff: +1 catalyst to nature spells]

'I think the catalyst is pretty self explanatory'

Ren claims his last item, a small curved shortsword that has hints of rust and the handle is very worn.

[Rusty Scimitar: +.5 Strength]

'Ah a shitty sword'

Touka claps.

"Are you ready?"

Ren stands confusedly.

"Wheres your weapons?"

Touka stands agape at his question as if he is supposed to know everything

"As your dungeon maid all I can do is observe you and provide healing, if a monster beats you to death then my fate is the same."

Ren clicks his tongue.

"What a retarded rule."

Touka closes her eyes and takes Rens hand, she mutters some unintelligible words and a blue portal appears.

[Entering floor one of the great Asia dungeon]

A long set of stairs appears in front of the 2, dim torches light the path.

Ren walks forward unexcited, and unamused.

He takes his steps swiftly to Toukas dismay.

Soon Ren meets a heavy wooden door which he promptly begins to open.

Light creeps into the hallway as the door is opened.

"WAIT UP ARE YOU TRYING TO DIE!?!?!"

Touka sprints and slips down the stairs trying to catch up.

'I have a feeling she is going to be a bit of a hindrance'

Ren fully opens the door and in front of him lies a beautiful evergreen forest, trace amounts of snow cover the ground.

'Did we get sent to Ohio?'

Fresh air enters the pairs lungs.

Ren walks forward, making sure his robes dont get stained by the slushy ground.

*glip*

*glop*

A little blue slime bounces around.

"Ren! A monster."

Ren looks at the little blue orb.

"That's a monster? It's like a little gumball thing."

The blue slime flops around in a circle, seemingly enjoying its life.

Ren points his staff out, a green aura wraps around the branch.

"Entangle!"

Thorn branches erupt out of the ground and strangle the slime wich starts freaking out instinctively.

"Lash!"

A branch shoots out of the ground near the slime, this branch looking especially ferocious with serrated thorns.

The branch smashes against the slime and makes it jiggle rapidly.

*glip*

*glop!!!!*

After a few seconds the entangle wears off and the slime begins bouncing furiously, Ren casts lash again and this time when the branch strikes the slime explodes into dust.

"Ah. I killed it."

Touka grins.

"Great job on killing that defenseless slime!"

Ren approaches where the slime died and he finds a little silver coin.

"What dis?"

Touka inspects the coin.

"A dungeon medallion, it can be traded for cool stuff at merchants in later floors, no need to worry about it right now."

Ren puts the coin in his inventory, but instead of taking up a box a new display counter pops up in the corner like a video game.

After closing his inventory Ren walks deeper into the forest.

[Quest: Slime heretic

Kill 10 slimes!

Reward: 2 stat points]

A new quest appears! Ren smirks.

'more slimes? Seems easy enough.'

---

*glip?*

*glop*

*GLOPP!*

Ren entangles yet another slime and stabs it with the shitty sword wich looks on the verge of breaking.

3 more slimes flop out of the woods after hearing the glipping of their brethren.

A tree branch slashes out of the ground and whips 2 wich send them rolling backward, the 3rd slime is fast approaching, Ren holds the sword up and thrusts it forward stabbing the slime like a meat skewer.

The slime hangs on the sword for a few seconds before poofing into dust.

The other 2 slimes are now back for revenge, but another tree branch smashes them and they also die.

[Quest complete!]

"Ren, where are you gonna put those stats?"

"Ah. I'm going to save them."

Touka grits her teeth.

'Damn I just spammed them into agility without thinking, how is this teenager smarting then me.'

"With that quest done we should head back."

Ren nods and Touka grabs his hand.

A blue portals appears and they appear back home.