Married Off To A Cold Eyed Knight

Rosemary PoV

The giggled as I spun around in circles in front of the mirror. The rosy dress hugged my frame, its lace sleeves delicate as spiderwebs. Artemia had insisted it was perfect when we chose it last week, her eyes bright with excitement.

I wanted to skip the ball—too many faces, too many whispers—but she and Orlin begged for company, someone to laugh with amid the sea of stiff nobles. Said nobles were why I preferred to avoid these events. But, maybe it was time to change things up. I couldn't always be a wallflower, could I?

I shook my head and slapped myself lightly. No, now wasn't the time for doubts.

Without further hesitation, I left my bright room, entering the dimly lit hallway. Gulping, I glanced back at the bunny plushie sitting on the bed. I wanted to take her with me, she always made me feel braver, but I knew I would be laughed at if I did.

"Bye, Bunbun. I'm gonna go to the ball," I said, waving at her. I imagined Bunbun telling me to do my best, giving me some extra courage.

I walked as fast as I could, not wanting to be in the gloomy dark for long. Before long, I spotted the ballroom doors, their gilded frames glinting under the dim light.

My steps slowed and my smile faded the closer I got, boots scuffing the marble floor. The air grew thick, heavy with perfume and the murmur of voices. My fingers twisted the lace at my wrist, the fabric suddenly too tight. What if people stared or began talking?

I swallowed, forcing a breath, and pushed the doors open. A cacophony hit me—clinking glasses, laughter, the trill of a violin.

Taking another breath, I darted behind a pillar. The ballroom sparkled, all crystal and gold, but it felt like a cage, every guest a predator in silk. More people than I'd expected swirled across the floor, their dresses and suits a blur of color.

A sharp laugh sliced through the din. "Look at that. The cat dragged in a stray." Eileen's voice, low but deliberate, carried from a nearby cluster of nobles. Her blond curls bounced as she tilted her head, red gown shimmering like blood. "That pink rag with her orange hair? Hideous. No wonder she's skulking behind a pillar."

My hands tightened on the pillar's edge, nails scraping stone. The dress, so lovely in the shop, felt garish now, its color screaming for attention I didn't want. I glanced at Eileen's friend, Matsuko, whose white gown puffed like a cloud. A yellow clip gleamed in her ocean-blue hair, catching the light. She was a princess too, but she actually looked the part.

"Eileen, hush," Matsuko said, arms folding. "She's still a princess. You want trouble?" Her tone was firm, but her eyes flicked toward me, softening for a moment.

I smiled slightly. While I wasn't too fond of Eileen, at least Matsuko had some tact. And she was technically family. After becoming the wife of my maternal cousin, the Grand Duke of Kuroyuki no San, Matsuko moved to Kuroriku to live with her husband in the northernmost Grand Duchy.

Given the snowy weather there, it probably felt similar to home for her. Well, assuming she grew up in one of the northern provinces. Not all of Mizu no Kin was snowy. Regardless, she quickly filled her role without much fanfare or hassle. I wished I could've been that resourceful. 

Eileen pushed her bunched up golden locks back and scoffed. "Like His Majesty would throw me into the dungeon because of that girl. He is not even the slightest bit fond her. Some even say he hates her."

I lowered my head and turned around. Why had I even decided to come again? Not like father asked me to. He probably wouldn't like to see me here anyway.

"Aren't you going to let them have it?" a cold voice called out.

My eyes darted upward. A tall, handsome man with a large mane of purplish-black hair glared at me.

"F-Father," I said, lowering my head again.

Father sighed. "You really are a sad excuse for a Kuroriku." He turned away. "If only you had perished in that accident instead of your mother."

My whole body started shaking upon hearing those words. I raised my hands toward my eyes and ran off. Tears welled up. Father was right. Everyone would've been much happier if Mom were still around. At least she contributed something to this family. 

Rapidly, I descended the stairs of the dimly lit castle lobby. Father wasn't fond of light. Much less after Mother's passing.

My eyes descended on the center of the lobby which was encrusted with gold, amethyst, and citrine. According to Orlin, there were two graves underneath all the lavish splendor. They belonged to our ancestors, the Archangel of Earth and the Archangel of Darkness. The bodies of other past royals were also buried in the dark catacombs further underground.

If I were to die, would I be buried next to Mom and my grandparents? Or would Father cast my remains to the dogs, deeming me unworthy of our lineage?

My boots echoed in the silence, each step heavier than the last. The air was stale, tinged with dust and memory. Father's voice still rang in my ears: "A sad excuse for a Kuroriku." His words had been ice, his violet eyes cutting through me before he turned away. "If only you had perished instead of your mother."

My hands shook, fingers brushing the tears I hadn't felt fall. The lobby's gloom seemed to thicken, its shadows curling like fingers around my heart. Mother had died to save me, her mana shielding me when mine failed. A sunny day, Orlin said, but all I remembered was her warmth fading. If I'd been stronger, she'd be here. If I'd been better, Father wouldn't wish me gone.

I opened one of the twin doors leading outside the palace. Instantly, the rain drenched my pink dress, but I didn't care. The pain from the harsh rain and hail was nothing compared to the pain in my heart. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to stop feeling. But there was no medicine for emotions, only stuff that could mask the sadness with momentary joy. What I sought wasn't ethereal joy, though.

I shook my head. Perhaps somebody as pathetic as me wasn't deserving of happiness. Not like anybody else thought otherwise. As far as I could remember, people had looked at me with contempt. The few who treated me nicely would one day leave me. Even Orlin and Artemia would one day grow tired of caring for me.

As I walked through the garden, several white roses caught my eye. They were so beautiful, but even they would eventually wilt and die. Was that why my father kept a garden? So that he could watch the beauty fade?

Squatting beside the rose bush, I reached out and touched the petals of a rose, causing one of the petals to land at my feet. They were as fragile as me.

I frowned as I realized the rose was sick. Had the gardener not been caring for it? Poor thing. It was just like me, destined to dry up and disappear one day. No matter how much we tried, we would never be as radiant as those born with beauty, talent, and power. And that was just the way things were.

I looked up at the heavens. Why had the Sky Father allowed me to keep on living? Why hadn't he taken me away along with Mom? Maybe it was because I wasn't good enough. Or maybe it was his plan to use me as a pawn. Whatever the reason, it wasn't fair.

My hands curled into fists. I didn't want to keep on suffering like this. Nor did I wish to continue living in fear of the specter of death. My life was destined to be short from the beginning. So why continue to live through this agony? It was best to end my life on my own terms.

Walking ahead, I left the castle grounds behind. As I made my way to the edge of the cliff, I thought of all the things I had done in the past. My memories were like a river flowing into the ocean. No matter how far they went, they would always return to the place where they started.

I mindlessly walked through the wet streets, almost getting run over by cars, but they would always stop before hitting me. Why wouldn't they just end my life? No, that would be bad for the people inside. My goal was to stop being a bother to others. Especially to Father. If I got hit, my death would become somebody else's problem.

Before long, I reached a stone bridge overlooking Kaguya river. Luckily for me, the place was empty at the moment. Although, would anyone have even bothered saving a wretch like me? At most, they probably would have just watched as I met my end in a display of morbid curiosity.

And as I stood at the edge, I remembered all the times I had cried. All the times I had hurt. But now, I was ready.

I smiled as the wind whipped around me. It was time to end it.

Turning around, I let my body fall backwards into the river. The sky was a sea of stars. The city lights around me sparkled like gems. It was so beautiful, and for the first time, I felt a sense of calm wash over me.

I didn't regret it. No, I had finally found the courage to stand up for myself in my very own way.

The water was high, so the fall itself didn't kill me instantly as I had hoped. As the river enveloped me, I closed my eyes. This was the end of my journey. It was full of misery and tragedy. 

"Sis!" I heard a voice scream.

Orlin! Brother, he came for me. What was he doing here? Had he followed me? But why? Did he care about me? Or was it just pity? No, right? Surely at least one person in this world loved me. Why had I given up on myself so soon? I knew he loved me. Yet, I still went through with this stupid decision. I allowed the words of those girls and Father get to me.

"Sis, where are you? Rose! Please show yourself! I want to talk!"

Right, my life was not all misery and tragedy. There were faint glimmers of joy and hope left. Ore was a big part of that.

How selfish of me... I was actually about to let abandon my brother. I tried to resurface, but my swimming skills weren't the best. To make matters worse, the current was far too strong. If not for the current, I would have at least been able to paddle over to the edge with some effort.

My right hand broke through the fierce waters and was yanked by another hand. I was pulled out of the murky depths and saw a pair of cold violet eyes staring back at me. Father? No, it wasn't him. Although, those eyes felt familiar.

Before I could make out the face of my rescuer clearly, darkness swept over me. But I didn't want to die... Not anymore! But, how would I get out of this mess I threw myself into?