Ch 6 restarting anew

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As was usual ever since the first year of Hogwarts, Lily was welcomed home by her thrilled mother, her quietly-proud father and her disgusted sister. Her mother had greeted her with a huge hug and a heaping platter of Yorkshire Pudding, while her father had taken her into the sitting room and asked her all about how the school year had gone so far, tactfully not mentioning any Slytherin friends. For this, Lily was grateful, as she didn't want to talk to anyone until she had made up her mind as to what to do.

Of course, Petunia spent the whole time sulking, barely speaking to her at all. Lily wondered if things would ever change back to the way they were, when her sister had been her beloved 'Tuney'...but it seemed that her sister would never stop hating her. Other than Severus, her strained relationship with her sister was what she regretted most. However, it seemed that Petunia had no intention of changing...and as such, there was nothing she could do.

No, that was one difference between this year and previous years' Holiday Breaks: Severus wasn't there...

Lily shook her head, smiling at her father as he asked her how she was doing in Potions this term so far (Very well, but the class isn't half as enjoyable as it was when...nevermind) and if she had been holding up alright without them (I miss you guys, but I'm alright). Both knew that she was hurting, as even if Severus had hurt her horribly, he had been one of her very best friends for half her life, and she couldn't forget that so easily.

Sure, she could make new friends, and her sense of right and wrong just wouldn't stomach the idea of him being a supporter of Voldemort's ideals-Pureblood-supremacy and the oppression of all magic-users who happened to be Muggleborn-but that didn't mean that the loss of her friend wouldn't hur-

"Lily dear," her mother, Marigold Evans, suddenly said with a frown, pointing at the sitting room window. "Look out the window a moment, at the bushes. Do you see anything odd, or are my eyes playing tricks on me?"

Lily frowned too, then crept over to the window before peeking through the shades and looking out, trying to ignore the glare caused by the lamp-lights. "Hey, you're right! There's someone over there, crouched and stuff. I can't get a good look with the lights on though, mind turning them off?" As Lily's father, Richard Evans, turned off the lamp, Lily's eyes widened. "I-it's Severus!"

"Oh great," Petunia sulked, pursing her lips in annoyance. "What is the freak doing here?"

"He's not a freak!" Lily snapped automatically, watching Severus sitting there with a sense of fascination. It didn't make sense; Severus had ignored her for months, rejected her offer (admittedly a rather unfair one) and had shown no signs of changing his insane path whatsoever, so why the hell was he crouched outside her sitting room window!

"Should we call the police, Richard?" said Marigold worriedly, backing away from the window as if it were a bomb.

Richard Evans, a rather portly man, frowned as he glanced at Lily before turning his attention in direction of the window. "Hmm, I don't think so. Still, if he doesn't leave by tomorrow, then we'll reconsider. In the meantime, let's pretend he's not there."

Marigold's frown deepened as she stared questioningly at her husband, her lips pursed, but in the end she nodded. "Very well, Richard, but he'd better be gone by tomorrow. Or I'll see just what the police can do with underaged wizards."

Petunia protested, but the family returned to their meal, and enjoyed the evening as planned...although Lily was sure the presence of her former friend weighed on everybody's mind.

Finally, in spite of the fact that Severus still hadn't left his spot outside the window, the Evans family got ready for bed-after making sure to lock all the doors, just in case. Even though Severus had once been Lily's best friend, that didn't mean they were stupid. Soon, the sounds of her parents sleeping-her father's horrid snoring especially-echoed through the house, and Petunia's light had gone out ages ago.

Still, Lily couldn't sleep; she wasn't even sure she wanted to. Severus was out there...but what should she do about him? She had told Perseus that she wanted to compromise with him...but how far was she willing to go? How far would she go for her best friend?

Lily didn't know...but she knew that she couldn't stand there and do nothing. Getting out of bed, she quickly threw on a robe and slipped out of her room. Making her way to the back door, she sneaked outside.

The night was very cold, and every chill breeze seemed to slip through the holes of her bathrobe. Shivering, Lily crept around the side of the house, not wanting Severus to see her, not just yet. Even though she was being particularly quiet, it seemed as if every noise were magnified to the point that it seemed impossible that Severus couldn't hear her, and yet she managed to make her way over to the solitary oak tree beside the bushes without him showing any signs of noticing her. There, she crouched low and watched her former friend.

Severus was heavily bundled up, far more so than Lily herself, but she was sure that she could see frostbite on his fingers as he clenched what appeared to be a single, solitary pebble. He didn't say a word, only staring up at Lily's bedroom window with wide, fearful eyes. He had a single spot of blood coming from his lips, running down the corner of his mouth, which Lily realized was because he had bitten his lips so hard they bled.

Looking down at the pebble, Severus stared at the small grey piece of stone as he rolled it onto his palm. He seemed to consider something, something important, while Lily waited with bated breath, the freezing night air chilling her veins.

Suddenly, he spun around and made to throw the pebble...but it never left his hand, even as his arm swished through the cold night air. He tried again, but once more he still failed to let go of the small stone. A single tear started to trail out from his left eye, when finally he attempted to throw the pebble once with an anguished cry. This time, though, he let go of the rock, which hit her bedroom window with a low tapping noise that Lily was sure would have been quite a bit louder had she been in the silence of her room.

For a moment, there was quiet as Severus stared up at the window with a desperate terror, and Lily caught herself wondering if the girl in the window would open it, peeking out at the boy below. However, as she was down there with him, there was no opening of the window to reply like there had been in all the time they had been friends.

Severus' face seemed to shatter before her eyes, changing from terror-filled desperation to utter hopelessness as Lily watched him. Feeling something inside her breaking, Lily finally spoke up, tapping her friend on the shoulder as she quietly said his name.

As anyone, anyone who knew Severus could have told Lily, surprising the boy was an idea of such rank stupidity that it was only surpassed by going into the Forbidden Forest blindfolded and wandless, or pulling Mrs. Norris' tail in Filch's presence. In an instant, Severus had whirled around, throwing her off of him as he trained his wand upon the redhead. Seeing who it was though, he blinked in surprise. "Lily? What are you doing...here?"

Lily took a deep breath, then swallowed once, before finally saying quietly, "I...I saw you earlier, and came down to see...what you wanted." She didn't know what else to say; she had planned on seeing if they could work out a compromise somehow when she saw him next...but she hadn't expected him to come here. Severus had never, at any point in their friendship, come home for the holidays; why should he have started now? "Uh, why are you here?"

At this, Severus' face seemed to deaden and all emotion rapidly fled from it, as if it had been sucked into some sort of black hole, leaving nothing behind but a much-loathed blandness. "I was just passing through the area. It was nothing. I'll be going now..." However, Severus did not move, instead staring at some point on the ground in front of his toes.

Silence stretched for several moments, Severus closing himself off again while Lily fought with herself, debating what to tell Severus. Did she want to become friends again? Definitely. But how much could she compromise? She could deal with the Dark Arts, maybe even his friends, but the Death Eate-

"-I wanted to say..." Severus spoke, interrupting Lily's thoughts as he gritted his teeth and said in a voice that seemed so haunted, so torn that Lily could easily see that it was probably the hardest thing the boy had ever done. "...I wanted to say that..." At this, his voice failed him, but he continued forcing out the words, "...that I accept your deal. I'll give up the Death Eaters...my friends...even Dark Magic..." His words then fell to a whisper. "Just promise me that you'll stay my friend...please?"

At this, Lily's eyes went wide; Severus had just agreed, agreed to everything she had asked for. Every last condition had been agreed to; there was nothing stopping them from being friends again, nothing! Even her friends in Gryffindor would be supportive of her now that Severus had just agreed to her terms; it was perfect! There hadn't even been the slightest need to compromise!

A smile on her face, Lily opened her mouth, about to tell Severus that it was a deal...when she saw the look on his face and stopped. His teeth were still gritted and his eyes screwed shut. His expression reminded her of someone who had been told that it was necessary to choose between the lives of their only child and their beloved pet dog. Sure, the person would always choose their child...but that haunted look... Lily couldn't say 'yes', not with him looking at her like that...

So instead, she looked away and quietly said, "Severus, I...you don't need to give up on your friends...or the Dark Arts." At this, Severus' eyes opened wide and he looked at her with something akin to worship, giving her the strength to continue. "Just promise me you won't act like those friends of yours, not in the slightest...and I guess I can look the other way with your adoration of Dark Magic. But most of all, swear to me that you will never, never become a Death Eater, alright?"

Severus, his eyes still wide as she watched him that cold winter's nice, nodded slowly. "I...I swear, I promise...just please promise you won't leave me... Promise me you won't forget me."

"Never, Severus...Never..."