IS IT MY FAULT?

Henry's POV

Life is not easy as how every one thinks.That is why every one has their own story of survival for their future and success.when I was young i thought that love was every thing so as to complete a family but I didn't know that I had a very young mindset .

I thought everything occurs as per people's wishes like being happy or sad but I didn't know that some how Fate is also involved in it too .I was born in one of the poor families in the late 90's and I used to be so silent and more observant .I used to watch what my family used to work or do to survive and due to that I learnt lot of things.

In a young age I knew that my parents weren't in good terms to each other but I used to ignore that although it hurt and was so disturbing. My mother barely got any food or service from his partner who was my father so it made her work day and night on farms to get money for surviving .

She used to take me on the places where she used to work and that made her to wake up in early hours of the morning and regardless anything she had to prepare breakfast,clean and tidy up the small hut which we used to live .Her husband did not care where she got the money from ,he only wanted his wife to make sure that she performs his duties as a wife in any circumstances .

In life where polygamy was acceptable and people practice it , it was rare to get a family which is happy and do not encounter problems in everyday's life .Many families used to suffer from poverty,non parental care,basic needs and mostly paternity care .Most of the children were being brought up by the help of their mothers.

So most of the children regard their mothers as their saviour's although they faced a hard life the children were never abandoned by their mothers . I believed that My mother was one of the women who did not talk alot she used to be so silent because of the mistreatment she got from his husband .I used to hear her cry at most nights because of her husband , bit what could I do? " nothing" to ease her pain .

Although she was a second wife and had no means , because she was forced to get married to him just because she was divorced by her first husband because she had a miscarriage .It was so heartbreaking but no one considered her feelings and was married as a second wife without her concern and it pained me when I sed her talking by herself as a mad crazy woman who has lost her sanity .

Walking everyday in the streets with rags on our bodies which we considered as clothes wasn't the happiest thing which I came to find out in my existence, I used to cry myself to sleep seeing other children having nice , clean and fresh clothes but what about me and my brother?, we looked like streets kids and more , I couldnt blame it to my mother because she was in a bad s state as we were in and I used to do only one thing when we were together with her " giving her a big reassuring smile " which she had never returned it from me , all I see is a gloomy pained face that doesn't want to change into a smily face anytime soon .

People thought because of being married to a second husband her life would improve and she would have a peaceful life , What people didn't know was that it was the start of her nightmare. She was beaten up endlessly when was pregnant with my other brother.She endured all pain and continued working for the family she had , During her pregnancy season, she didnt talk much but she used to take the anger off from her chest by " punishing and beat me up to the verge of not even breathing properly " but what could I tell to a pregnant pained woman who has nothing supporting her than the grief she is carrying and a hard work on her shoulders?

Is it her fault that she was poor ?

Is it her fault thatt she became a toy more than a woman to my father ?

Is it her fault that she miscarried ?

Is it her fault that she was even divorced at the first place?

I ask the same questions as of now too , because I find no answeer about them .

A lot of questions have been lingering on my mind , but with no answers , she is my mother but she doesn't look like one when it comes into me , although she does'nt talk much but she expresses her pain to me than to anyone else, because I felt how it was when she punished me hard because for all the petty small mistakes I made , it was all painted on my body with the scars and fresh wounds,

I was so young to even ask about anything , to even ask about what I should do so that I could win her heart so that she could love me but ..

"I wasn't sure if this will be over anytime soon " because she even told me herself once when she decided to raise her mouth to talk to me she said"

" henry I would never take you as my child because you are one of the disgusting people I have gave birth to and I hate seeing your filthy face , and the hatred I am feeling for you is more worse than your father's because that face of yours is the replica of him and I will hate it forever " she told me bitterly.

But what could a young child understand from their mom who had never talked since ages but uttered all those awful words as her first words to the child?

" Nothing " but her non existence love .

I can't even say that she disgusts me , because I don't even know how disgusts work in my veins .

Who has even tried being there for you at the first place " no one cares for your even if you will decide to bring a fortune in this house , they will always look down on you" my subconscious keeps telling me that each and everytime when I think of my family.

..

But could that be true?

Could I even make them hate me more even if I brought a fortune at home ?