CHAPTER 4: LOVE LASTS 3, 4, 5…10 YEARS???

- « Mailys, I'm not in love with you. You know, right? »

Nate announced while they were heading to the sports court. He had the brilliant smile Mailys loved so much, but there was no sign of gentleness in it. He said it abruptly without caring of the time, the moment or what was surrounding them. When she woke up this morning, Mailys couldn't have imagined what was going to happen. They never talked about it, and she felt like she was low-key with her feelings. Were her feelings that obvious to him? But whatever how he did find out. What she was wondering was, why did he say it smiling like he doesn't care about her? Why did he seem so cold and mean suddenly? Why did he seem so proud of rejecting her? Was he just playing with her? The question kept swirling in her head. It was hot and sunny outside, but she felt so cold she had to grit her teeth for her whole body not to shake.

Her soul may have quit her body. She remembered the scene from the outside. Mailys didn't have control of her own mouth nor her body anymore. She had a grim face and rolled her eyes before saying, "Me neither! Who do you think you are?" She had never talked this coldly. But she felt like her heart was plunged in a bucket full of ice. It had frozen in an instant, and maybe it will be this way until she dies.

Nate's smile vanished as fast as Mailys responded. He made a strange face and told her a sentence she would never be able to remember. She already was lost in her thought and barely eared him.

Nate fastened his pace and went to Ayden and other boys in the class. As for Mailys, she slowed until she was behind all the students. She was struggling to repress the surge of emotions that threatened to burst. That day was the first Mailys knew the benefits of sport. She gave it her all and ran like her life was depending on it, to wash her emotions out.

That day, she told Lily she was moving on. Except from that, she never talked about it. She never talked about her being rejected.

Weirdly enough, no one was gossiping about it the next morning. She was thinking Nate would have told his friends about the way he rejected Mailys and how she pathetically denied like a coward. Her classmates loved to gossip, and the other party being Nate, it was sure to be a hot topic if words have come out. In fact, everyone loved to gossip, and there were people out there who was always searching for a way to pick a fight with Mailys. They wanted to bully her, but even if she was hurt, she always was pretending to be strong. That was angering them even more. So, if Nate had talked about it, they would have been the first to come at her. But nothing happened, so he hadn't said anything. She was surprised.

When she came back home the day she was rejected, she shut herself in her room, not allowing her sister to come in. She laid on her bed and thought about what happened in the afternoon. She was sad, like she never had been. She was heartbroken but she didn't shed a tear. Was it over? Had she had lost him forever? Or did he believe her lie? She couldn't think about anything else before she fell from exhaustion.

The next morning, she was surprised again. She came early for the French class and as she was taking her books out of her bag, Nate came to sit next to her. He was like he always had been with her. Not a single change of attitude. He was talking and laughing with her like nothing happened. Mailys was wondering if he believed what she had said, or if it was just that he really didn't care about her feelings. Whatever, she would go one with her lie and act like nothing happened too. The only difference would be that from now on, she would convince herself she's not in love with him. They were friends, nothing less, nothing more. After few weeks, she was believing it. She stopped talking about him to Lily and she finally could breathe around him.

In 9th grade, Mailys and Nate were in the same class again, but they weren't as close as they used to be. They were still talking to each other and texting from time to time, but they stopped seeing each other outside school as they had to focus on high school entrance exams. Plus, girls were often hanging around him and Mailys felt a bit of jealousy. She was certain it wasn't that big of a deal. It was just remnant feelings of before, nothing more. She would distance herself from him, and it would be OK.

She indeed was OK for months. But, one day, she saw that Nate wasn't feeling well. It looked like he had just cried a lot. It was self-study time, and when given the chance, Nate went out for fresh air. As the class wasn't caring and continued in talking and laughing, Mailys reprimanded them saying they should show more solidarity toward their classmate. She talked in a low voice, but as Nate hadn't gone far, he eared of what she said and was moved. The following days, he was the kindest to her, bringing her candies and juice daily. She was feeling her determination weaken and didn't like it. Few days later, he ran to her in PE.

- "Mai-Mai!" Nate shouted smiling.

- "What is it?" Mailys asked

- "You know, few days ago, I was feeling really down. I had lost my grandmother's wedding ring. She gave it to me right before she passed away two years ago. I felt like I had given up on her." He showed her a gold ring, with an encrusted emerald, hanging on a gold chain. And continued, "I just found it in the locker room."

This time again, he seemed grateful to her and sincerely smiled at her before taking her in his arm. It was so random; she didn't know what to say. All she knew was that she was breathless, her heart was beating like crazy inside her breast. She couldn't deny she still was in love. Today PE class was dancing, boys and girls were together as they had to have a partner from the other sex. Nate didn't think twice before choosing her.

On the way home, Mailys's feet weren't touching the ground. She told Lily about what happened, and that she felt like confessing this time. Lily brought her back to reality. She wasn't smiling and doesn't seem happy for Mailys she just rolled her eyes and said, "He doesn't love you. Get over it. You should stop your stupid illusion. The day I told him about your feeling, nothing happened between you two. So, nothing will ever happen!" It was like she couldn't care less.

The memories of the day she was rejected came back like a storm. All the confidence she had built up since then disappeared like it had never existed. So, he really knew and still chose to reject her with a smile plastered on his face. "He wasn't smiling he was laughing; he was mocking my pathetic and coward self," she thought. She was so busy denigrating herself, she didn't think of asking what exactly Lily said to him. She didn't think of how Lily had betrayed her promise.

Mailys stopped being herself from that moment on. She was emotionally unstable for a couple of weeks. She often seemed happy, playing and laughing with her friends like she used to, but from time to time, she would randomly lose it. She would show anger and jealousy like she didn't care about what people would think. As for Nate, he didn't understand this behavior at all, as they had never talked for real about their feelings. Mailys and Nate grew apart, and Nate found himself a girlfriend. They stopped talking to each other, except for the last day of middle school. Exams and class were over, but the school committee members had organized one last gathering. They planned for a dancing and a singing contest. As he eared Ayden ask if Mailys was entering the singing contest, he asked her what she was going to sing. Mailys was looking at her girlfriend beside him and said coldly, "You won't know even if I tell you, the meaning of the song is too deep. Not as superficial as what you like." After that, they completely were like strangers.

She sang to the last note of a sad love song and put an end to her middle school life.

In high school, she met with new classmates to hang out with, but she couldn't think of them as friends. It seemed like she couldn't invest herself in a relation. Soon, Nate's circle of friends diversified and grew bigger. They didn't have many friends in common anymore. Worst, his new friends were the bullying type. Mailys was one of the bullied, and while Nate wasn't bullying anyone, he never once defended her. She was still in love with him and couldn't deny her feelings, even when they made her suffer so bad. Mailys grew to be gloomy and didn't care about school or people anymore. Her only friend was Lily.

In 11th grade, she found out that Nate was about to move out of town with his family. The cafeteria was crowded, and many people were surrounding him, asking questions about the house moving. She hesitated to join them, but she couldn't. She was standing nearby for a moment before a crowd movement brought her right behind Nate. They were back-to-back and their hands were one millimeter away. She gathered up all her courage and whispered, "When…?". To her surprise, he whispered back, "In a week."

Without looking at him one last time and suppressing her tears, she went back home. All she was thinking this week was how she regretted this sentence "Me neither! Who do you think you are?" maybe, things could have been different. She never saw him again after that and she never loved anyone like she loved him neither. She didn't even try to be with someone, until she met Soan again many years later.

From her 12 to her 22 years old, while she should have built herself emotionally and psychologically, she only kept telling herself it was her fault, and the problem was her. She wasn't worthy of being loved. It took time for her to accept the way she was and to start to like herself. In this life, she would take the time to build a career and a love life she would be satisfied with. She won't let an unwanted love spoil her chance to be happy.

She won't be meeting him today. She would give herself time to prepare herself and choose the place and the moment of their meeting.

She rusheed to the teacher and told him she was having cramps, and that as girls wouldn't take part in the games, she would go to the nurse office to take a rest. He agreed so, she didn't go to the stadium. That was great, she wouldn't have to meet him as she would stay there until the end of PE class. After that she will just have to avoid him and hide herself in her hooded clothes.

She really slept for an hour; then only she did go to the next class. She was about to open the door when someone opened it from the outside. She wasn't ready! She jumped in fear and shouted.