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Heart of Darkness

Author: JasmineJosef
แฟนตาซี
Ongoing · 5.1M Views
  • 277 Chs
    Content
  • 4.9
    330 ratings
  • NO.200+
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Bronze Prize for WSA 2021 ContestBronze Prize for WSA 2021 Contest
Synopsis

He put one hand on the door beside her head before leaning forward. What was he doing? Trying to intimidate her again? “Truth is…” He began to speak in a low voice and she strained her ears but all she could hear was her heartbeat. “I hate when you touch me because I like it so much.” Her eyes widened in surprise and he leaned even closer before continuing to speak. “I also hate the way you smell…” she could hear him inhale her scent “You smell delicious. And I hate your hair because it’s tempting. I want to run my fingers through it, pull it gently while I taste your lips and bite your neck.” Angelica suddenly felt like there was no air left in the room. “Your touch makes me unable to resist doing those things and all the other things I want to do to you.” “Oth...other things.” She breathed not realizing she was thinking loudly. One side of his lips curved into a smile. “Imagine all the things a man would want to do to you. I want to do those things and much more.” He leaned closer bringing his lips next to her ear. “Because I am no man. I am a beast. A hungry one. So unless you want me to bite you, refrain from touching me.” **************** A woman alone in a man’s world. In a time and place where it’s difficult for a woman to live alone, protect and provide for herself, Angelica must find a provider and a protector after her father is accused of being a traitor and executed by the king. Now known as a traitor's daughter, she must survive in a cruel world ruled by men, and in order to do so she ends up seeking protection in a man feared by everyone. A man with many scars. Both physically and mentally. A man punished for his pride. Rayven is a man with many scars. They cover his face and punish his soul. He can never show himself without people recoiling at the sight of him. Except for one woman who willingly comes knocking on his door. Is she an additional punishment sent to him, or will she be his salvation?

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Table of Contents
Volume 1 :Pride
Volume 2 :Sloth

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alexa4c
alexa4cLv14

This was a pretty good work. It has more substance than other similar light reads. I like that it doesn’t brush over harder topics but explores them. Characters are interesting and intriguing. Story is actually retelling of the Beauty And The Beast fairytale. I like how it is done with out directly referencing it. I really like the story and I recommend it. Now, a little bit of analysis: There is a change of rhythm of how story is told that can be improved. It is ok to have some relaxing moments or dwelling on some particular topics before the story continues further but lingering too long may create big change in the rhythm of storytelling. So far it is not a big issue. Poems are important side part of the story. But unfortunately they are the part that is lacking. I read poetry, and I use to write some of it so I know how hard it is to make it work. I thought it may not be bad to share what I learned while reading and trying to write the poetry. As someone who is reviewing it I can say that it needs to be more lyrical, less literal. That means more metaphors, hidden meanings, also rhythm is more important than the rhyme. So for example (below is the excerpt from the poem but I don’t think it contains any spoilers): “Ah Angel, what are you doing in my bed? What my heart might feel What might I do, I dread Your scent is so sweet Your hair is so soft Making my heart bleed And my mind gets lost…” So the first sentence looks good but the rest are out of sync, because they don’t have the same or at least similar number of syllables. This breaks the rhythm of the poem. Also the rhythm is determined by when the rhymes appear. “Ah Angel, what are you doing in my bed? What my heart might feel, what might I do, I dread.” This might work like this but next two lines need to change because they are too literal and because they break the rhythmic rhyme. “Ah Angel, what are you doing in my bed? What my heart might feel and what might I do, I dread. With you scent so sweet lingers in your hair And my heart that bleeds, remain would I dare.” Well, it’s not that good but I just wanted to show with an example what I meant.

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