11 Chapter 11

I gotta go pick up Alex in a couple minutes. We have to go to the mall for Christmas gifts. I put my jacket on and hop in my car. She lives about thirty minutes away give or take. I pull off to her house. When I arrive, she comes outside and she looks super tired. She was hunched over with a scarf and beanie. Her jacket was practically swallowing her while she was holding a cup of coffee in her hand. She jumped in my car.

"Hey." Her voice was kinda low and she can barely keep her eyes open.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I ask. I can't help but laugh a bit.

"What do you mean? I look like this every morning."

"You look like shit every morning?"

"...Yea, until my coffee kicks in." Oh, she's generic.

"Okay, White girl. You want me to take you to Starbucks too? It's the holiday season so you can get your favorite, pumpkin Spice Latte." I start to joke with her.

"...I don't know if that's a real offer or not, I'm confused."

"Okay, time to go." I start to drive us to the mall. Which is about 20 minutes away, give or take. When we park, Alex jumps out of the car with energy she didn't have when she got in. The tired in her eyes was gone and they were filled with fire and excitement. She was kinda jittery but ready for the day ahead of her. My usual Alex. Then there was me. I was actually happy to be out of the house but never showed it with my face. My hands didn't leave my pocket as I allowed my jacket to consume me and trap me in its warmth. My face was completely straight and it always looked like I was upset at everything, but I really wasn't. This is just my calm face. Alex and I are opposites, completely two different people and it very much showed.

We walked all around for some time, Alex talking about whatever comes to her mind and me entertaining her ideas. "So who are you getting a gift for?" She asked me.

"Zen of course and, I have to get your gift but I'm waiting until after Christmas. What about you?"

"Everyone...but I'm mostly excited about giving Malcolm his gift and seeing his reaction." Her eyes light up a bit. "I hope he smiles. He doesn't smile too much."

"Oh okay. Do you plan to give him his gift before or after you tell him that you've had a major crush on him for a month now?"

"What?? I do NOT like Malcolm!" Her face started turning red and she started to break eye contact. She's clearly lying so let's tease her some more. "All Malcolm does is sleep around."

"Yet you still like him. That explains SOOO MUCH. Especially the way you look at him at lunch." I giggle through each sentence.

"I don't look at him in any way!"

"Yes, you do. You look at him like you're trying to take his clothes off right there. Like you just want to eat him up."

"LALALALALALA NOT LISTENING TO THIS STUPIDITY COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!" She blocked her ears with her hands and closed her eyes. I grab her arm then her face and forces her to look at me with my straight face. It was intense and could cut through any bullshit.

"If you don't like him, say it. Look me in my in the eyes and say 'I don't have a crush on Malcolm.'" I tell her. She goes silent for a bit as she pouts. "Say it."

"Oh my gosh, you win. I like him Xena."

I let go of her face. And we go back to shopping. "Yea, I know already. It seems like you needed to hear yourself say it."

"The only problem is I don't know what he likes. No one knows what he likes." She seems conflicted but she's actually right. I don't know Jack shit about Malcolm. Does Malcolm even like us??? "I don't know what to get him."

"Heh. Get him some condoms so he can fuck you with th-"

"Xena, stop being gross."

"I'm not! I'm just saying. He would...appreciate.." I catch a glimpse of a group of girls in the other section of the store behind him. One had bright red hair. Wait, I recognized the two other girls standing next to her. They went to our school. The girl with the red hair turned around with somewhat of a bitchy face with her lips pressed together... It was Elizabeth. As she turns, she locks eyes with me and her lips relax. Her bitchy look turns into a soft, sad look. Fuck, she's going to want to talk to me. I nod my head no, telling her to not come talk to me. She nodded her head yes, meaning she's coming over soon. "Elizabeth is here."

"Don't we hate her?"

"...I'm not even sure anymore."

"What do you mean you aren't sure?"

"Long story."

"Well tell me." Alex was getting serious. "I'm your best friend so you HAVE to."

"I'll be right back, Alex." I walk over to Elizabeth. She looks at me and I see pain in her eyes. It starts to make my heart race until it's in my throat. Why am I so nervous??? It's just Elizabeth...she shouldn't mean anything.

"Hey." She was a bit shorter than me, about 5'2". She looked at her two friends "can you guys leave for a second?"

"But-" They tried to put up a fight.

"Leave." And that's what they did. They walked away. "Hey. How do you feel?"

"What do you want, Elizabeth?"

"I want to talk."

"About what?"

"About how I feel for you, what do you mean? Look, I know last night was a lot an-"

"It was a lot."

"I really do love you, Riley." Whenever she called that name, my head got a bit fuzzy.

"Xena." I say. "My name is Xena." She's making everything fuzzy in my head, I can't think around her. I love Zen...I love Zen.

"Well, Xena. I want you to date me." What?!?

"What?!? I'm in a relationship, stop!" This is a problem. She gets too eager and automatically thinks I want her too. "I'm not going to sit here and listen to this. If that's all you wanted to say then okay, but I'm not dropping my relationship to be with someone I don't even know how I feel about. I love Zen." I start to walk away as she pulls on my hand to stop me.

"Wait wait wait, I'm sorry. I just really like you." She pleads. "Gimme your phone."

"For what?"

"Give me your phone." And I do just that. What am I even doing talking to this girl? I watch as she puts her contact into my phone and hands it back to me. "Call or text me when you need to, okay? I really do miss you." There is still sadness in her eyes. It was like she was begging for me to talk to her and feel the same.

"...Bye, Elizabeth." I walked away. For good this time.

I like her. I like her a lot. I know you do but I'm the one in charge here. I love Zen. Xena, if you would let me ju- No because you're the reason we are in this mess! You slipped up two fucking years ago. You chose to have sex with her, you. BECAUSE I LOVE HE- shut up. Enough. Your emotions will not cloud mine. Your emotions will not cloud mine. I love Zen. That is final.

I get back to Alex. "Yea. What were we talking about?"

I say. My head feels kind of light from fighting.

"Elizabeth." She says extra confused.

"Oh yea. Well-" I explain the whole situation with Elizabeth, up to the party, leaving out the things she doesn't need to know, like how I was planning to kill her last night.

"...wow."

"Yea."

"Does Zen know?"

"No. And he won't until I'm ready."

"Xena-"

"I'll tell him. I promise." I don't really want to talk about this. I just want to get him his gift. We walk around until we get to a jewelry shop. Oh I should get him a promise ring! That way I can show that he's mine. So that's exactly what I do. I pick a really simple black band ring, then have my name engraved into it with white lettering. The store clerk put it in a small bag, rang it up and told me my total. "And your total will be $200." She said.

I blink long and hard at that number....but it's worth it. I pay for the ring. It's worth it, right?

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