But Mom... I don't want to be a Pirate! (One Piece)

"But Mooooooom! I don' wanna' be a pirate!"

It says a lot that that's probably the first memory I had of this world.

"You will learn to be the greatest pirate to ever live!" Momma Mk II scolded as she brought the rolled up newspaper down atop my head several times in rapid succession.

Shielding my head with my hands, I whined with all the aplomb and grace of the three year old I was, "But I wanna study historyyy!"

Surprisingly, this was true, I wanted to know more about the amazingly crazy history of this world I had been born into–

"No! I will not have a scholar in this family!" Another few thwaps with the newspaper for that comment.

Now, don't get me wrong, I loved my new momma. I loved her lots. She'd honestly been a good mom so far that I could remember, a little demanding of perfection but eh. She was pretty, but a bit overweight and was missing an arm.

Stuff had been coming to me in bits and pieces as I grew. Life before this… it was a blur, but it was coming back little by little. What kinda kid has post-traumatic flashbacks? … y'know, other than Luffy.

"Now get that rigging secured!" Another thwap of the newspaper and I was off to chores.

Wonderful mom. Aside from the fact that she'd had me on a pirate ship and hadn't gotten off at a port. She was the ship's cook, and unlike most of the series pirates she was actually just the cook now. She used to be pretty fearsome until they'd had to amputate her arm after a cannon had hit it. She'd become the cook after that.

"Florida D. Jacob!" I scurried off, grabbing the rope and tugging it properly to do as she'd said, because for all of the differences between her and my first mother, that tone was the same. I liked being able to sit thank you very much!

-oOo-​

"Okay… so… unknown fruit… on a desert island… why?"

I groaned, which was followed by my stomach groaning as well.

That was why. Eesh.

I was on a teeny little island, little over a hundred feet across, with some palm trees and a spring-fed oasis in the middle.

How that pool was spring-fed on an island this small I do not know, but I was grateful. There'd been a few coconuts, and I'd scrounged some rocks and shells out of the ocean and worked my way into those. Sure, I hated the taste of coconut, but it was better than the lone wtf-fruit here. I knew what a coconut was and how it tasted and such, I also knew it was safe to eat.

This? I didn't know.

I'd been here two weeks now.

Two fucking weeks.

It was at times like this that I was happy that physically in this life I was so similar to my previous incarnation. I didn't burn so much as tanning intensified. I was eternally grateful that I hadn't gotten my former little sister's fair skin. She'd have roasted, so I was kinda glad it was me and not her. I'd used the palm fronds to stay out of the sun and had been making some rope from the threads to pass the time.

Getting a fire started had been super hard, worked at it for hours and hours. That first night had been damn near frigid in just a shirt, shorts, and sandals. I'd lost all but my pouch-belt in the wreck…

I ran my thumbs over the swirls on the fruit. It was a dark gray, almost the size of my head and sort of… blocky? It honestly looked like a fruit that was grown into a box or somethin'… not square, but… it looked sorta like someone had taken one of those and made the box with a bunch of little cubbies… the fruit honestly looked like it had cancer.

It's not a tumoh.

I sighed.

"Not looking forward to this…" I reached out and tugged off one of the bulbs off of the main mass. The flesh of the fruit was thick… almost like an apple really, and kinda juicy…

See, I'd already eaten all of the coconuts on the island. I had a stupid metabolism. I ate a lot, burned through food quickly, had good energy, but I also needed to eat a lot. I could down a two pound burger as well as accompanying fries and appetizer and drink when I got going and still eat a solid dinner. The coconuts might'a lasted someone more normal eating-wise for longer but… well… not normal.

I'd tried catching fish, but I was honestly pretty shit at it. A spear hadn't worked since everything in the shallows was too small. I'd used some string and a bit of metal I had on me to make a fishing pole, and I had caught two, but then a fish literally twice my size had grabbed a hold of my bait and ripped the pole out of my hands before I could do anything about it.

So… hunger was setting in. Wonderful pangs of ache in my tummy. Like Pooh Bear, I had a rumbly in my tumbly and I was stalling because who knows if this shit is poisonous or not. I mean, sure, it had swirls on it like Devil-Fruit did, but I mean…

… I'd never seen one before, even in seventeen years of being here, not once did I see a Devil Fruit. My momma might have been able to tell me… no, correction, momma, Captain, and Barely almost certainly would've known. But me? I was working off of conjecture and past-life knowledge…

But I was gonna run with the assumption that this was probably a cancerous tumor of a fruit that had washed up here and was so horrifying that bacteria hadn't eaten it yet!

With a sigh, I brought up the bit of fruit, "If I'm picked up tomorrow and die from this, I am going to be so pissed."

*Crunch*

'Huh, even crunches like an appooOOOH JESUS THAT IS HORRIFYING!!!' I gagged, nearly spitting out the piece of fruit.

I dry heaved a few times before I forced myself to swallow, "Oh fuck, that's nasty. Crunchy like fresh but it tastes like ass…" I paused in thought, "No… correction, tastes worse than my girlfriends ass. Wow that was bad. It's like the devil's bunghole fruit!" I made another gagging motion and blew a raspberry.

I wanted to just chuck the fruit out into the ocean, but I also needed food. I'd already decided that it was my last choice to eat this, possibly poisonous or not, but holy fuck that was bad. Not just fuck, holy fuck, like the kind that made Jesus.

… gimme a break here, I didn't want to eat more of that.

My stomach voiced its dissent to that opinion, and its veto won out.

With a sigh, I broke off another piece, muttering, "If this isn't actually a Devil Fruit Ima be so mad."

---

I sat cross legged in the sand in my lean-to. I was inordinately happy I'd been so obsessed with Survivorman and other such scenarios in my past life. I flexed my hands a few times, looking at them. I didn't feel any different aside from the horrifying taste in my mouth that the oasis water had refused to get out worth a damn…

A pinch. Nothing.

A tug on my flesh. Also nothing. Wasn't expecting the Gomu-Gomu no Mi mind you, but gotta check.

Scratch at the sand. Nothing.

A quick survey of my body (that I should've done first thing) showed no abnormalities. Scars are still in the right places. Big ole' chesty is still there, the ones on my knuckles are still there, biceps are still fubar, one on my foot is still there as well as the one on the underside of my chin. Couldn't see that last one but I could feel it just fine.

My fingers trailed across my temples and the bridge of my nose, yeah, that one was still there too. That one got a little sigh of relief.

Hm… oh! PleasebeLogiaPleasebeLogiaPleasebeLogia–

… how do I turn into something?

I remember Smoker's Lieutenant doing it initially with some ease, but struggling to turn back…

I flexed my left hand hard, then harder– and now it's black!

My hand changed…

My–… my hand changed into something!

I had super powers? I had super powers!

A stupid little giggle escaped me, quickly turning into a laugh. I had a super-power!

Bouncing in place, I cradled my elbow, grinning at the new addition to myself, "Oh… oh wow… I've… eeeeee~"

Clapping my right hand against my left elbow in giddy excitement, I let out another giggle before swallowing it down. It took a few slow breaths before I got myself under control enough to actually look at this rationally. I stared, slowly turning the black hand back and forth with a stupid little grin on my face.

"Doesn't look like a Logia… Parmecia…? Or did I accidentally Haki all over myself?" Awkwardly, I raised my other hand and carefully, curiously, poked my left hand.

Hard.

"Huh… fascinating…" without any sort of irony, I slowly turned the hand and examined it in wonder. It was smooth, a dull gray more than it was black really. It wasn't the right color for Haki honestly… it was shiny, and really hard. Tapping it did nothing, rapping my knuckles against it just stung and it made a little thunking sound… I opened my hand.

… I opened my hand.

My eyebrows drew downwards.

I said I opened my hand.

My lips pressed into a thin line as my heart started to race.

"Stop that Jacob. Brain now, not later. I turn into something, metal maybe? But I can't move… not the way I'm used to at least…" I scowled, taking measured breaths. Open my hand… and open my hand again? Like the 'open your eyes, then open them again' third eye bullshit…

With a soft, resonant groan of bending metal my hand opened and I let out a reflexive sigh of relief. A stupid smile spread across my face.

It took a few minutes to get the hang of it, but it wasn't about flexing my muscles normally so much as visualizing what I wanted it to do… but after I got it going, I could move it normally… but it was hard. I think it was because I was bending the metal with my normal muscles rather than my power… but that was a first guess at best.

The hand felt weird. I could feel things, but they felt… I dunno… harder? No, I felt harder, and yes, all the jokes, but that was the best word for it.

Eventually, I stopped playing around and set the hand in my lap. So… visualizing is how we work it? No, it's more like flexing a muscle you didn't know you had… hrm… I closed my eyes and took a slow breath–

And flopped onto my back.

Working my way through my muscles, I relaxed them each in turn until I got to my hand and… man that felt different.

Opening my eyes I held up the now normal hand and turned it to and fro once more, "So… now let's try everything else…?"

---

*Thunk!*

My metal hand pulled out of a dent I'd put into the palm tree. My hand was actually heavier now that it was metal, I could notice the difference when I deliberately let the hand drop rather than holding it up. I'm thinking that's because I was lifting it with my power otherwise.

I pulled my hand back and slowly flexed it, the gunmetal gray slowly creeping up my arm until it reached past my bicep. Satisfied, I took a stance once more and cocked my metal arm back and gave a solid right straight into the tree!

*CRCKthoommmm*

The fiberous bark splintered and cracked as my hand sunk an inch into it, making the entire thing shake and tremble, actually leaning it away some.

… well damn.

I blinked a few times before tugging on the arm. It didn't budge.

With a scowl, I tried to open my hand and gave it a twist, causing the wood it was embedded in to crack and splinter some more, but freeing my hand.

With some effort, I relaxed my arm and transformed it back to flesh. I'd felt that, but it was… distant? Yeah, that was the best word.

Carefully, worriedly, I took a deep breath… and started to shift myself from the tips of my fingers and toes and work my way downward towards my torso. Devil's Bunghole Fruit powers never seemed to have those inherently fuck-yourself-over powers that Mutants could get, but I didn't want to get most of the way and suddenly find that oh, I couldn't breathe.

Fists of steel.

No problems.

Forearms of steel.

Would be more badass if I had more bulk. Curse you lean figure!

Arms of steel.

I could probably play a mean patty-cake.

… stop being a pansy damnit.

Body of steel.

My entire outer body was iron and it felt… weird… I could breath, but it felt like there was a weight on my chest… which there was of course… I could feel my heart beating… maybe it was just my skin…? Mm…

Flex my heart?

Flex my heart.

Heart of steel.

A moment passed.

Nothing happened.

I put a finger to my jugular. '… well, no heartbeat, but damn if I don't feel fine. No blurry vision… not breathing either now. Don't… really feel the need? Cool, potentially useful too…'

'… if it weren't for the fact that I can't swim anymore.'

Eesh. Gotta remember that. That was definitely a devil's bunghole fruit.

Okay so… face?

I tried to tense up my head and just gave myself a bit of a headache at first. Hrm… flex from the brain outward…?

Mind of Steel.

Man that felt weird, but also cool. And so I was steel. Hah! Awesome. The world looked... weird... the sand looked different and I looked... um... how do you describe a color you've never seen before...? I think I was seeing my metal-ness as something special...? I shifted back with some effort. So… try to change each part in turn? Then I'll test how strong I am full transform. Then we'll go from there.

---

I was easily strong enough to tear a tree out of the ground while metal. Damn.

I mean, I was superhumanly strong before this fruit came along, could lift a few hundred pounds and swing a sword right through concrete, but damn. I could use the tree like a freaking club! I didn't have a good way to gauge how strong I was my Body of Steel.

Also, lost track because of how giddy I was because superpowers!!! but that god awful piece of fruit was actually pretty filling. Thank goodness. It'd been utterly horrible tasting but at least I wasn't hungry now… it had been nearly the size of my head mind you.

… give it an hour or two more and I'll be hungry again.

---

A ship.

Are you fucking shitting me.

The morning after I buckled down to eat that taste of the devil's bunghole fruit down and now there's a ship on the horizon.

Oh you'sa makin' me so mad.

I laid the green fronds on the fire and blew into it from beneath, creating as much of the oily black smoke as I could. Even if these were slavers or some shit, it was a place with food. While this could be horrible, I had to do it to make some sort of progress.

The ship was headed this way… couldn't' see the flag just yet… wasn't sure if I was hoping it was a Marine ship, a Pirate ship, or a merchant vessel… but no matter what, it was a ship.

Marine's were only a little iffy, depends on if I was recognized… I doubt it, compared to the crew I'm not a big deal nor am I all that distinctive outside of that horizon scar on the bridge of my nose and temples. Besides, they wanted me alive and rather specifically not dead… regardless… so long as it wasn't slavers or a World Noble or something crazy like that…

---

Prologue End