Chapter 8: Laser Light Cannon

Summary: The end of the world approaches, can our heroes save the day?

Ronaldo started scrolling through the discussion thread on his latest video. The one that gave a major claim to his lizard people discussion and would help prove his point. So many people were ignorant, trusting the government driving people to complacency. 

That's why it was his solesole duty as Beach Creek's resident researcher in all the weirdness that lurked within the shadows. He would do it, even if all the people that commented on his videos were either trolls or trying to advertise their own content.

One such example was this 'Starfan13', who claimed the likes of magic existed. As if, all magic was just super advanced science from the fourth dimensional spiders! She was just like everyone else in this school that got sucked into the rumors about the new foreign girl…"You know you've been muttering out loud the entire time, right?" Said Starfan13 herself in person.

"I'm used to monologuing in front of my brother." Peedee was great, even if he didn't get anything he talked about either. "For the last time, I'm not going to use your video clips. I'm a reacher, not a special effects buff."

"Look, you document all the 'weird and wild' stuff in Beach Creek right?" She asked him.

"Obviously, though it's only thought of as weird because of massive government cover up brainwashing the masses through specific frequencies on television." 

"Well I have a video containing something weird and wild! Of a giant purple butterfly lady battling a pink spiky kaiju!"

"Oh come on, it was just an infestation of moths invading the school and messing with one of the pipes." He had no idea why over half the school freaked out over that.

"And the multiple lasers and flaming rainbows everyone associates around Star Butterfly?"

"Climate change, what else?"

"The frog and lobster monsters? You believe in 'lizard people', this shouldn't be that big of a stretch."

"They were at a wrestling match, everyone wears costumes there … and the lizard people wear human masks, thank you very much." Who would be dumb enough to show out in the open without a disguise?

"The entire football field got turned into a battlefield full of lions and snakes two months ago! You're going to tell me there's nothing magical, or at least weird about that!?"

"That was a distraction with the lizard people letting out the animals at the zoo … which is right next to the school full of unstable teenagers …" He paused. "Actually that might have just been anyone in all honesty."

"Aggh!" Starfan13 groaned in frustration, a very common response whenever he had to spell out the truth to someone ignorant. "There's just no pleasing you, is there?"

"Hey, I'm all about having an open mind, but the truth has to line up somehow! If you want me to believe anything like that, I have to see something pretty…" The sky got weirdly dark and a shade more red for some reason. "It shouldn't be sunset yet .. and the blood moon isn't for another two weeks."

"Huh, looks pretty big for a meteor." The girl pointed up at the giant round orb that practically eclipsed the sun. "And a bit too metallic. Almost looks like an eyeball."

"Giant metal eyeball…of course! It's their satellite system the snake people use to send subliminal messages!" All his theories were finally coming together! 

"Let's say that it's real." Oh, this coming from 'magic girl'. "It's currently coming straight to our town. So as a math wiz … how screwed are we?"

"Hmm …" He looked out for a double check. "Came from orbit … combined with a mass that big and its velocity becomes … I say even if we drive now we won't be able to survive the fallout." The price for being enlightened he guessed.

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"You sure she's got this?" Marco asked Quartz, as Star screamed spell after spell in the background.

"Blueberry Cupcake BAZOOKA! Warnicorn STAMPEDE!" Star fired spell after spell at the terrifying giant eyeball falling towards the earth. For once, Star wasn't the cause of impending doom coming to Beach Creek.

"Hm…oh yeah, she totally gots this." Quartz took a minute to respond to take his headphones off. "The one thing Mom always said to never doubt is a young Butterfly's capacity for complete and total destruction." Given how the monsters always screamed for mercy, he was inclined to agree. "Want to listen to some tunes?"

"Dude, is this seriously the time to be listening to music?" Marco raised an eyebrow at Star's brother, who had headphones in his ears the entire time.

"Sorry. Star gave me a bunch of earth music cds your parents gave her, and I feel like I've been really connecting to this Mr. Universe guy's vibe." He showed off a disc with a Mr.Universe logo spelled across a background of a starry night.

"If every porkchop were perfect, we wouldn't have hotdogs' ? Marco read the confusing quote that was underneath the logo.

"I haven't looked at life the same way again after I read those words." His parents told him the exact same thing every time they retold the story of their first date.

"Don't get used to it. The guy writes nothing but depressing music now." He vaguely recalled after he listened to one of the man's more recent hits. Marco didn't want to get out of bed for a week when that happened.

"Why, what happened?"

"Something about his personal life. Never learned the full story." It was kinda sad in all honesty.

Star came back inside, took off the headphones Quartz was using, and flopped onto the couch. "I give up, the eye is unstoppable, we're doomed."

"Who are you and what have you done with my sister?" Quartz asked accusedly. "The Star I know would never give up, especially when it comes to breaking something open."

"Sorry Bro, but nothing I fire makes a dent!" Star threw her wand at the ground. "No matter what I make, it just bounces off it. I even hit it with my Thermonuclear Butterfly Blast and Spider with a Top hat at the same time!"

"Spider with a top hat couldn't beat it back?! This is serious!" Quartz yelled. The little guy that Star summoned for a quick laugh? What was so impressive about that guy. "Okay, it's serious Quartz time, time to be serious!"

"Serious Star-mode, activate!" The brother and sister duo sat back to back in thinking poses. "Anything yet?"

"No, not…wait, I totally got it now!" The younger boy shouted. "When we do magic together, everything always explodes to bits!" The boy started to form a bubble. "So you just need to launch my magic straight at it!" It looks wibbly and wobbly.

"Are you sure it's safe to do inside?"

"Absolut-"

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"So." Quartz started, rubbing off some soot. "We all know the plan?" Admittedly he rushed a few details before, but now he was absolutely certain they covered everybase.

"This time I'll use a giant rainbow fist to throw you at the giant eyeball, and you'll form your bubble when you're in the air." His sister coughed up a little bit of smoke.

"And we'll have your phone active so we can track you wherever you end up landing." Marco explained, wiping off ash from his hoodie.

"Which is where I'll ride in on Lion and take you back." The newly arrived Kelly said on top of the majestic pink beast. "Not even a full month into this friendship and we're already dealing with world ending stakes…best goblin dogs I ever bought."

"If we get out of this alive, the next goblin dogs are on me." Kelly and Tad whooped at his sentence. "Alright team, let's get into positions, for earth!"

"For Earth!" Marco cried out.

"For not wanting to go back to Mewni!" Star waved the wand in the air and brought out a familiar rainbow color appendage. "Super Rainbow Tornado…" The hand grabbed him and spun him around in a circle. In the heat of the moment, Quartz completely forgot the fact he has motion sickness. "...Paddle Ball CANNON!" After ten seconds, his sister finally let go and flung him into the sky and past the clouds.

"Alright, stay focused…stay focused…" Quartz wiped the tears from his eyes as the wind was constantly fighting against his face. It stung, and he was pretty sure he swallowed a bug or two doing this, but that didn't matter. People were in trouble, and it was his duty as a knight to protect everyone! "Alright … eyeball … face … exploding … BUBBLES!"

KABLAAM!

"I IMMEDIATELY REGRET MY DECISIONS!" Quartz immediately felt the force of the explosion blast back at him, sending him hurtling towards the water below. When Star said the magic bounced off the thing, he didn't know how literal she was being! And now he was falling down into an ocean at blazing speed. Water was soft, right? It would just be like diving into a pool..right? RIGHT?!

He wouldn't get to lament on these thoughts, being knocked off course by a purple ball slamming into him. Why did everything hurt today? "Hey, hey, hey, hey!" The purple ball shaped itself in a vaguely person-like shape, as it formed it's hand into some kind of chopper, keeping their fall into the water somewhat slower. "What the heck are you doing in the air? Pretty sure humans don't fly last I checked."

"I'm not hum…wait, that voice is familiar." Quartz looked at the figure, and it was a short lady with purple skin and pale purple hair. The voice was unmistakable, and the purple skin was a bit of a giveaway, even if she was smaller. "Purple Puma?"

"Wow, if it isn't Tiger Millionaire. What brings you here … other than the natural disaster in the sky?"

"That's pretty much the entire reason why I'm here. This is where my sister is living now, and I don't like people dying for any reason in general." Quartz explained himself. "Star threw me up here because I thought I could blow it up."

"Join the club. The strongest gem I know is still moody, so it's taking twice as long to throw me in the air as usual." The two of them descended to the water, luckily a pretty shallow part of it, so he didn't have to worry about drowning.

"That has to suck." He grumbled, standing up as Lion and Kelly approached. "Oh, those are my friends. They put a GPS on me to figure out where I landed." Lion came up to him…standing on the water. "Lion, why the heck?! Why don't you tell me these things that you do!?" A small roar was all he got in response. "What does that even mean really?"

"Dude, you're complaining about having a magic pink lion that walks on water while a flaming ball of death is approaching." Kelly tapped him on the head. "There's a time and place to do it, that's all I'm saying.

"That giant cat is walking on water." Purple Puma looked at Lion weirdly. "I was pretty sure lions didn't do that either, or pink for that matter.

"He's magic, he just does what he wants to do, we're just along for the ride." Quartz rolled his eyes as he accepted Kelly's hand, sitting him up on the feline's rump. "So, you know of any way to take on that?"

"Unless you got a light cannon, we've got nothing at the moment." The purple puma shrugged, though Lion's eyes went wide and serious when he heard that. "Best option of survival is to get off of Earth while you still can, not like that's an option either."

"Eh, better than nothing." Just grab Star's dimensional scissors and get as many people off this dimension as they could. "Come on Lion, lets get..WHOA!" Lion jumped off, running across the water, going further into the deeper parts of the ocean. "Wrong way, Lion! Star and Marco are in the other direction!"

"Grrrrrrrraaaaaaagghhh!" Lion only made that roar when he was using magic, so either he was trying to hunt a giant squid or…

"Portal incoming!" Kelly shouted ahead. "Should we bail!?"

"Lion's eye's look pretty serious, best to go with it for now!" He'd like to think Lion never did anything without a good reason…except messing with Heckapoo, Quartz was sure Lion did that for fun.

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Kelly could feel her heart beating as they were in a very dark room. "I keep forgetting how crazy warping with Lion is compared to the dimensional scissors."

"It's like mushrooms, but just the visuals." Tad spoke up from her head.

"Me and Star sometimes start seeing colors after a few cans of soda and chicken wings." Quartz looked around them, noticing their surroundings were a lot more rockier and sharper than before. "Lion, please don't tell me you took us inside a damp cave just to get us away from the eyeball. I love the sentiment, but you shouldn't be giving us special treatment."

The creature gave a huff before resting on the floor. "So our ride fell asleep and ditched us in a no exit cave …" Things weren't looking up. "Not where I expected to be during the end of the world."

"No, come on Lion, you're always portal hopping to some place interesting, there has to be more to it than this." Damn, this was a lot of pressure to put on one guy. The situation was a lot more stressful than they assumed it was just an hour or so ago.

"Maybe you guys could step on the giant circle." … They all looked at Tad, who was pointing to a giant circle in the middle of the room. "Just saying."

"How the heck did we miss that?" Quartz slapped his forehead before making his way onboard. "Alright, secret cave, what kind of secrets are you hiding from me?" The moment Quartz stepped on stage, a thin line of pink light glowed on the ground, before a pillar with a hand shape design and a rose shape insignia in the center rose up from the middle.

Curiously, Kelly placed her hand on top of it, but nothing happened. "I think you're supposed to put your hand right on top of it. It only turns on when you step on here."

"But why would it do that? I've never been here before." Quartz nonetheless placed his palm on the pillar, and the room suddenly glowed a light shade of pink. "Huh, that actually worked…I'm stuck. My hand won't come off!" Quartz tugged away as hard as he could, but there was no luck.

"Relax dude, don't stress out now." She placed a hand on his shoulder. "Worse come to worse, I'll just use one of my swords to cut off." Almost on cue, the floor in front of them opened up, showing off a whole row of swords of various sizes and styles. "Those might do the trick though."

"Ah, please don't hurt me!" Like it was reading his mind, the swords vanished. "… Huh … swords." The swords returned. "Armor?" A couple suits of armor appeared in a circle. "Spikey chain balls!" A statue holding various flails shot up from the ground.

"I get it, Lion didn't send us here to hide, he sent us here to get more fire power!" Kelly was practically drooling from all the weapons that were available. It was like being a kid in a candy store, except way more intense and exciting! "This is some kind of secret armory, that means there has to be some kind of weapon we can use against that eyeball!"

"Oh, let's try…what was it that the Puma called it….Oh right! Laser Laser light cannon!" Out came … a triple barrel cannon with padlocks on it? "Awesome! As Star would say..triple prizes!"

"Why is it locked up?" Tad asked.

"Who cares, let's just grab it and-" As soon as she touched the lock it started to create a siren-like wail. "I swear I didn't do anything! I barely touched it!"

"Let's worry about it later! Let's run and.." The pillar sank and released Quartz from its grip. The ground suddenly grew triangles and right before them rose some kind of machine that looked like a head with three faces. "What are the chances that this thing is friendly?"

That answer came in the form of a ball of lighting that they barely managed to avoid by ducking behind one of the triangles. "Not friendly! We need to take it down now! Blow it up!"

"Got it, stay behind me!" Forming two bubbles in his hands, he tossed it at the machine, though those exploded prematurely when the machine fired fire right back at it. "Lion, you're the one that brought us here, are there any other spectacular secrets that you want to share with us now!?"

The overgrown house cat lazily walked over to them and got in some kind of kneeling position. With its forehead glowing brightly, something emerged from it, some kind of pink handle that had a rose tipped shape at the very end of it. "Don't tell me…" Kelly's eyes began to sparkle.

"Only one way to find out!" Quartz and her grabbed the handle and pulled it out at the same time, revealing a large and impressive looking straight bladed saber that the two of them held in the sky. "Why do you never tell me you can do these things!?"

"Because it ends up so much more badass in the moment!" Kelly was too caught up in the excitement to ever be annoyed at the little details that lead to this. "Alright, we attack on two fronts! I'm the Sword, you're the Shield, and we cover each other when one's getting attacked, got it?"

"Can you make a shield Lion?" For some reason the animal gave him the most deadpan look she's ever seen from an animal before. "Fine, I'll just shoot out hexagons and hope for the best."

"That's the spirit! Now charge!" The two of them jumped from their cover, where they deflected and defended against one attack after another. She hit a fireball that was hurtling towards Quartz's head, and he threw one of those light shapes when the machine was about to fire some kind of ice attack at her.

"I'll make an opening, take it!" He shouted. Quartz then ran right in front of the oversized gadget and summoned a giant wall of pink light, and kept running forward even as the thing kept shooting lightning at him. "It's all on you now, Kelly!"

"On it!" Giving herself a second to grip the sword just right, she lifted it over and jumped in the air, using Quartz as a launching pad to get directly above the floating hunk of junk. "Hey, walking junkpile! I'm taking you back to the scrap heap!" The sword went through the things 'head' as smoothly as butter, and the flying trash can shut down, laying completely dormant in the shallow water of the cave.

"Kelly, that was amazing! You rock!" Quartz shouted at her in elated joy.

"Hey, you're the one that gave me the shot! And your shields held up without exploding! You rock!" The two of them settled for a high five.

"Yeah, we totally did! We're all amazing!" Tad yelled out in victory, even though he did absolutely nothing. In fact, the entire time, she almost forgot her boyfriend was even there. It was almost like it was just her and Quartz…something she didn't particularly mind happening.

"I am Omnitraxus Prime! Who dares to steal from my guarded domain!?" Oh shit, a member of the Magical High Commision!

"Umm … Quartz Butterfly and Kelly?" Quartz said with sweat forming across his forehead. 

"Quartz Butter … weren't you supposed to be on Mewni?"

"I got a call from Star about a meteor coming down on Beach Creek, and I wanted to help."

"Right, it's supposed to blow up half the earth. And you all are supposed to be sensible and get out of dodge." Weren't they supposed to do stuff about planets blowing up?!

"But there's so many people about to die right now, I can't just ignore all of that." The boy defended.

"Look kid, I have three jobs. Fix space time anomalies such as time loops and alternate realities, listen to my jerk ass creator, and protect The Rose Guards Armory." He waved to the circle. "It's been inactive for years and…wait, how did you activate it? No one's been able to do that for decades."

"I just … put my hand on it?" The boy spoke hesitantly.

"Hmm …" The being looked curious. "Tell you what. I'll let you take one item … but I want one in return."

"Alright, I'm good with that." Quartz agreed a little too easily for her taste.

"Um, kid?" Tad spoke up. "I know you have a lot of trust and stuff, but this seems like a really shady deal if I've heard of one."

"I know, but if we don't agree, people are going to die, and I'm not going to let that happen at any cost." Quartz rolled his eyes and put his hand on the podium. "Here, we'll take the cannons, and you'll take what you want."

"Right." The being reached into their guts, pulling out a nebula shaped key and handed it to Kelly. "Just a quick note, there's a phrase that's needed to activate it, but no one knows what it is."

"…" Quartz looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "You were sent to guard an armory nobody could access with its own robotic security system for a cannon nobody can use?"

"The Rose Guard was a mysterious woman in all the right and wrong ways. You could have ten lists describing only half of her many dubious actions. The lady barely trusted anyone before she disappeared." Well that didn't exactly paint the boy's personal hero in a favorable light.

"Okay, I'm going to try and pretend I didn't hear that and focus on the reason we came here in the first place." Quartz shook his head and patted Lion on the back. "Come on, let's get back to Star and save the world."

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"Any regrets?" Star asks Marco, as they stare at their approaching death.

"I regret never doing anything more than just nodding to Jackie." Marco sighed, already having gone through the five stages of grief. "I always told myself that I'd talk to her and get to step two, but who am I kidding? I played it too safe."

"If you survive, you should definitely try and high five the girl." Star nodded. "If you don't, I reserve the right to slap you." Star looked right at the eyeball, essentially being the eye of doom itself daring her to blink in the face of their oblivion. "My main regret is not growing up to see Quartz become a Knight as I become Queen. We would've made it such a fun kingdom, better than the Rose Guard and Skywyne." Everyone would eat ice cream for breakfast everyday and be legally required to own a unicorn.

"A sister and brother as a royal court … crazy family." The boy laughed.

"We are, but that's what I love about it." Star closed her eyes, wanting to vanish into the unknown in peace and silence. "It's nice, this silence before it all ends."

"Guys, we got the cannon!" The two scrambled out of their acceptance and back into the bargaining stage of the five stages of grief. Turning around, they saw a three barrel pink cannon fall out of Lion's portal, along with Lion, Kelly, and her brother, the last two looking a bit scuffled and roughed up.

"Quartz!? I thought you went back to Mewni!" She shouted.

"Do you really think for a second I would've left you and everyone else to deal with a fireball of death from space as I sat down in the comfort of a castle?"

"...No, but it's a nice thought to have when death is approaching." She would be doing the exact same thing in all honesty. 

"Never mind all that, there's actually a chance for waking up tomorrow, alive?!" Marco shouted, almost disbelieving at the opportunity.

"Totally! We stormed into the Rose's Guard's personal Armory and took her sword and her laser cannons!" Kelly held up a giant pink blade.

"Side note, if Omnitrax comes back with a dangerous item later down the line, I apologize in advance."

"No time to worry about consequences!" Star shouted, never worrying about them to begin with. "Fire the cannon!" She pointed to her brother, who no doubt was already ten steps of the situation.

"We would….If we knew how to do that!" Quartz shrieked. "Omnitrackis said there was a voice code that made it work, but that no one knows what it was!"

"Aren't you the one that's the mega fanboy over this Rose woman?" Marco asked, doing his best to not let the changing air pressure lift him off the ground. "If anyone would know it, it would be you!"

"I barely know how I got this far today! I just wanted to spend time with my sister and friends, nothing else!" Quartz screamed back frantically. "Instead, I get my own explosions thrown back at me, I almost drown, I almost got myself, Kelly, and Tad killed trying to find answers, and I made a shady deal with a shady guy to get everything we need here!"

"Bro, bro, relax! None of this is on you! You've done more than anybody today getting this far, and that's more than anyone could ask for, what I could ask for." She pulled her little brother into a tight hug. "So you fell short in a couple of spots, so what? You failed. I've failed a lot. In using my magic better, in keeping track of my wand's charger, even in all those tests and homework the school keeps thinking I'll actually bother to do it! When you fail, you just try harder and harder and don't look back!"

"Yeah, I had a blast today, end of the world or not." Kelly smirked while waving her sword around. "I absolutely have no regrets."

"Hey man, as a human, I can tell you everyone messes up." Marco smiled and patted the boy on the shoulder. "It's like Mr Universe said, 'if every pork chop was perfect, we wouldn't have hotdogs'." The cannons at the very second the sentence ended, began to light up as the tips of them opened up like Rose's. "What the…!?"

"The cannon's, they're working! Quick, get them into place!" Quartz wasted no time in getting under one of them to adjust the aim. Everyone else quickly rushed in to help them

"Oh that's bull!" Tad shouted from his spot on Kelly's hair. "How did this 'mr universe' guy know the password for an ancient cannon!?"

"Maybe the Rose Guard was a really big fan of rock and roll." Star mentioned as the things revved up, just as the Eyeball in the sky looked the closest it would ever get without actually touching the ground. "Alright Rose Guard, show us what you're packing…!" The triple laser cannon shot out three pink beams that looked like rose thorns, before the three collide together to form the shape of a particularly tall and curly haired woman.

"So majestic …" Quartz and her eye's both formed stars as the woman enveloped the meteor in it's entirety, almost as if in a warm embrace … and kept on going into the cosmos. She was more of a Mina Loveberry fan girl, but she couldn't deny just how awesome this was. 

"... So we're good?" Marco asked. "We're gonna live?"

"We're gonna live! We're gonna live!" Star reoffend grabbing everyone in a group hug. "We did it, we saved the world, from a disaster I didn't cause!" That last bit felt extremely satisfying beyond words. "That means you have to high five Jackie now!"

"Hey, that was the heat of the moment.." As his best friend, she slapped the boy across the face. "You know what, life's too short to wait on it."

"And I learned so many things about the Rose Guard today, part of it was bad, but it was mostly good in the end!" Quartz cheered. "I have her lion, her mirror, her cannons, and saw her armory!"

"And I have The Rose Guard's sword!" Kelly held it up. "This thing rules! Thanks Quartz!."

"No prob, you're super amazing with swords anyway, it's better for you to have it." Oooh, the fluffy haired girl was blushing. Way to show off your funky flow, little bro.

"Ahahaa-hem!" The hair ball living on Kelly's head cleared his throat. "I believe you said Goblin Dogs were on you if we survived.

"Oh yeah!" The boy shouted. "Celebratory Goblin Dogs everyone!" On the one hand, she wanted to punch the jerk for getting in the way of the moment, but on the other hand, she never turned down free food!

"Are they really that good?" Marco asked.

"Oh yeah, the guy that makes them plays this mind game with a giant line to scam people into buying merchandise, but it's worth it to feel the harmonic unity of the universe for a brief minute." Kelly explained.

"Already sold, let's get going!" She'll work out Quartz's love life later. Right now was meal time!