An Abstract Love

A LOUD thud sound wakes me up from my nightmare. I'm catching my breath as if I run for miles, I'm holding my chest trying to calm myself and I close my eyes. It was just a dream but it's always hunting me...

"Cami..."

I immediately open my eyes when I heard that familiar voice again. It's giving me goosebumps and uncomfortable feeling not until I heard the loud ringing of my alarm clock that made me back to my senses.

I sighed and I stand up from my seat. As usual, I fell asleep again while sitting comfortably in my high stool wooden chair. I pick those empty bottles of acrylic paint and that paintbrush that was scattered on the floor, I also put back the canvas in its original place because it suddenly falls the reason why I suddenly woke up. I roamed my eyes around my bungalow house and everything is a mess. Messier than yesterday, I guess?

"I think, I need to hire a cleaner" I whisper to myself realizing how messy the whole house before I walk towards the kitchen

Empty cans of different kinds of drinks and junk food wrappers are scattered everywhere, I heaved a sighed realizing how unpleasant my house looks like. I'm living alone yet I can't maintain cleaning my mess. I glance at the living room again and I make face seeing those art materials that are scattered on the floor, even the sofa are full of paint drops. I suddenly remember the first time I bought this house. Far from how does it look like right now.

I scratch my cheek before I get instant ramen on the cupboard. I'm too lazy to cook something for myself that's why I always end up eating this killer food.

I don't have class today so maybe I should try cleaning this house instead of hiring a cleaner, I don't want to spend too much money this month. I'm tapping my feet on the floor waiting for my instant noodles when I heard the doorbell ring. My forehead automatically creased and I tilted my head wondering who's disturbing me early this morning? I walk slowly towards the door and I picked my night robe and wear it before I open the front door. I bewilder when I saw a delivery man at the gate so I immediately wore the feather slipper on my doorstep.

"Your business?" I asked in my usual monotonous voice as I open the grey steel gate of my house

"Ah- G-Good morning Ma'am, I have a delivery for M-Ms Camixena," He said nervously making me raised my eyebrow

When did I change my name to Camixena? I crossed my arm and grab the paper his holding. I saw my name as the receiver which I don't know because I'm not expecting something today. I do not have a client this week so I'm not expecting any freebie or whatsoever.

"It's Cami Xena, not Camixena," I said with no hint of hospitality in my voice before I return to him the paper

He shook his head looking so apologetic because of his mistake before he handed me the medium size box.

"Please sign it here Ma'am"

I doubt do what he said and he leaves a once without looking back. I curiously look at the box and my mind wonders on its own creating an idea of who's the sender of this package. But before I could go back inside, I suddenly have a thought to open it and so I did.

My forehead creased again when I saw a white card inside so I curiously open it, but my eyes widened in shock as I saw a familiar logo. I stiffened on my spot and didn't notice that the box already slipped into my hand and fall on the grass loan. I automatically turn around as if someone told me to do it and there I saw a man.

A very familiar man that brought fear to my system before, up until now. How did he find me?

"Long time no see Cami..." he said that made my body tremble in fear

And the next thing that happens made me shout in horror when he pointed a gun at me and without words, he pulled the trigger aiming at my head.

"NO!!"

I IMMEDIATELY get up on my bed feeling nervous and scared. My tears won't stop streaming down to my face. My room suddenly gets crowded and those scary voices won't stop whispering in my ears. I wanted to shout but because of too much fear, I become voiceless and all I could do is to hug myself.

I close my eyes tightly trying my best to calm down. I'm trying to breathe evenly while feeling the fast palpitation of my heart. I hold the white bedsheet tightly to seek support and strength. Slowly, my breathing goes back to normal, but then I feel so tired all of a sudden. I let my body collapsed on the soft bed while staring at the white ceiling. That same nightmare again...

I sighed in relief, I thought it will last longer than before, a good thing it didn't. I took a deep breath again before I decided to get up in my bed. Feeling restless and drained, I open the door of my room and the messy living room is the one who greets me, just like how I picture it out in my dream. I walk towards the kitchen not minding those messes on the floor. The tiled floor is cold but I'm liking the feeling it gives me, it's calming me.

I get a glass of water and drink it straight and quickly wash my face to remove those dry tears on my face. Some strands of my hair get soaked and the sticky paint on my hair melted slowly. I forgot to take a haft bath last night before going to bed that's why. I wash my face swiftly before going back to my room. It's still 3:30 in the morning but I'm not sleepy anymore. I'm afraid because those nightmare keeps on bothering me in my sleep. I slammed myself on the bed feeling its softness, I was about to close my eyes hoping to find peace when my phone suddenly vibrates.

I unwillingly grabbed my phone on the bedside table wondering. I raised my left brow when I saw the familiar name of Ella Jimenez on the notification. She sent me a private message which is new and unexpected especially this early morning. I lazily open it and my lips form into a thin line as I read her message.

@ElJi: Good morning gurl! I just wanted to remind you that we need to attend our class early than usual

"Are we close?" I hissed to myself upon reading her message and didn't bother to reply

It's not my obligation so who cares? Instead of wasting time talking to someone I just know by name, I just get up on my bed and decided to go out to relieve my worries. Though I know that they can't find me easily I still can't stop thinking that maybe they already know my whereabouts. I go straight to the bathroom and I stared at myself in the mirror. I saw the fear in my eyes growing like a flame and it's scaring me more. Seeing my weakness makes me scared more.

I closed my eyes tightly trying to fight these negative thoughts in my head. I bit my lower lip until it bleeds. I'm convincing myself that everything will be alright, that they will never find me not unless I show myself to them. I am Cami Xena now.

"And I will live as Cami Xena forever..." I whisper to myself as I open my eyes