among the simpletons

I find myself in a state of utter bewilderment, surrounded by a sea of confused faces. The last thing I remember is gracing my workplace with my presence, and now, as I glance around, it's clear that the common folk are just as perplexed as I am. An annoying glow persists, emanating from the ground—oh, not just any ground, mind you; it's adorned with a bizarre pattern. Odd, to say the least, but then again, my standards for the peculiar are exceptionally high.

Hold on, let's not rush to conclusions like some mere simpleton. I mean, seriously, this can't possibly be—

And then, out of nowhere, this utterly irritating voice chimes in, "Welcome, everyone, to the Amber Empire!" As if the universe needed my presence to be acknowledged. The speaker, a woman dressed in clothing more suited to a Victorian drama, boasts blonde hair and a pretty face. Of course, she'd be graced with the privilege of addressing me.

But that's not all; I notice a bunch of guards—20 to 30 of them as if their mere presence is meant to pale in comparison to someone of my caliber. And wizards, if you can believe it! Dressed in those classic, clichéd blue robes and hats. How original.

Naturally, I sigh, foreseeing the predictable path this scenario is about to take. Either it's a grandiose introduction to some fantastical empire, or I've become the unwilling participant in a mass kidnapping, possibly facilitated by an overdose of some subpar drug.

One of my fellow abductees dares to voice their confusion, and the princess—oh, let's not pretend she's anything less—assures us that everything will be revealed in due time. Please. As if I'm not accustomed to the machinations of these common folk and their feeble attempts at manipulation.

"Come with us, we need to get all of you appraised" she commands. Naturally, I don't move, and neither does anyone else. Instead of complying, they bombard the princess with more questions, and it's all I can do to refrain from rolling my eyes.

One of the wizards sighed and did something with his hand and—master said that I should follow the princess's commands, of course. I turned to the only one that Master could be talking about, the annoying blon... I mean, princess. The princess repeated herself, "Come with us, we need to get all of you appraised.". I, of course, followed the princess.

She led us into a room with an altar in the middle, on which rested a beautiful, shiny orb. What a nice orb, I want that orb, I mean look at it... it is so cool and stuff, wait, what was I thinking of, and what is that annoying voice that keeps piercing into my skull? And, what is with that cool-ass orb...I want that orb, and—

Wow, that. I did not like that, was that mind control? I will never let that happen to me again; it was just so bad, I could barely think. Nope, nope, nope, I will not let that happen again; that was just so bad, nope.

Looking around, I observed the others lined up in neat rows, like mere pawns in a grand game. A wizard in black robes was summoning one to the orb. The unsuspecting kidnappee placed his right hand on the orb, and it glowed black; the wizard frowned and promptly turned him to dust. Oh, how predictable. Clearly, this is a fantasy world, *sigh.

I must strategize my escape; adhering to clichés, this seems like an affinity test. Naturally, I won't leave my fate to chance; after all, I am not one to gamble on the whims of these fantastical absurdities.

As I surveyed the room, my eyes fell upon the guards stationed at the entrance and one near the wizard. Stealth is key; perhaps I could orchestrate a diversion by waking up the other kidnappees, causing chaos. Of course, this plan hinges on my ability to navigate this room full of oblivious simpletons. Ah, the burden of brilliance.

So, I nudged the person to my right. Unresponsive. I stepped on his foot—nothing. In true desperation, I pulled his ear forcefully. He began blinking incessantly, his feeble attempts to comprehend the situation. He looked at the wizard, who turned another victim to dust. The poor soul hyperventilated; the wizard, oblivious to my grandeur, frowned and appeared next to the man. A spell to induce slumber followed, and the wizard returned to his precious orb. The guard, ever the imbecile, inquired about the commotion. The wizard ignored him, lost in his futile endeavors.

Welp, that didn't go as planned. On to the next simpleton to my left. I applied the ear trick once again, because, clearly, subtlety is lost on these feeble minds.

The woman to my left, unprepared for my ingenious maneuver, failed to panic. I muffled her mouth with all the grace of a superior intellect and whispered, "Shh… awaken as many as you can. We shall orchestrate a grand escape to the exit. But beware, do not attract undue attention with unnecessary movements."

The woman engulfed in her panic, glanced at the wizard performing his repetitive routine with the orb. Ysh, what a fragile snowflake. I whispered, "We need to liberate ourselves before we succumb to their mindless rituals." The woman, after an eternity of contemplation, nodded in reluctant agreement.

After a considerable effort, we managed to rouse four more from their ignorant slumber. I feared one might succumb to a panic attack, akin to the right guy, but fortunately, our numbers reached an impressive twelve, a testament to my leadership amidst these imbeciles.

However, the wizard, in his pitiful attempt at intellect, caught wind of our rebellion on the 17th. I, being the beacon of resourcefulness, promptly booked it, leaving behind those incapable of keeping up with my superior pace.

Surprisingly, I navigated the room undetected, capitalizing on the guards' momentary lapse in vigilance. Alas, as I crossed the room, a buzzing sound heralded the onset of magic alarms. I glanced back; six souls managed to escape, yet my astute observation revealed that three of them were guards, swiftly overtaking a hapless kidnappee. Welp, there goes his head.