Already a Mother, Not Quite a Wife

Sakunthara folded the letter and inserted it back into the envelope. She placed it down onto the bed beside with a feeling of heartache. It was a letter that Pongket had entrusted to Dr. Thananont, who was her attending physician. Today Sakunthara had a health check-up to prepare for the in-vitro fertilization procedure, under the close supervision of Dr. Thananont.

Dr. Thananont Bowornkit was a man of considerable height and a clean-cut appearance. He almost always had a hint of a smile on his face, fitting with one whose profession made him an angel in a lab coat. He was a young male ob-gyn who specialized in infertility at a renowned hospital and also held the title of a close friend to Pongket.

Sakunthara had reread the letter so many times she had committed each letter to memory. Each word cut through her painfully, insulting her as though she were not a flesh and blood human—even though he did not even know her.

It had been twice now that she had felt this heartache from his insults. Two weeks prior, she had heard the disgraceful words falling from his cruel lips. After that, just a week later, he had run away from the wedding and left her to bear the shame of it. Fortunately, Madam Warakun had been able to handle the situation promptly to save her face.

Today, once more, he was making her feel horrible anew through the text of his letter. It laid out clauses that clearly defined the parameters of the situation. There was also a contract between the two of them enclosed in the envelope, along with the contact information of a lawyer and the logo of a famous law firm.

He had been thorough and taken every precaution. It coincided with what he had said to her previously about being a gold digger who would trade her body for his fortune.

Those horrendously painful insults had been made without even the smallest consideration of her feelings, even though he did not even know her.

“I’ll engrave every single letter of every single one of your words in my heart, and I’ll remember these feelings of pain. They’ll empower me. I swear I’ll make you return on your knees to apologize to me. You’ll feel pain because of your words,” she swore to the letter in a firm voice. Although he could not hear her, she regarded this as a vow and she would keep her own word.

The contract outlined the wishes of the sperm donor clearly, cautiously and concisely. He had named Dr. Thananont Bowornkit as Sakunthara’s attending physician. The doctor had also been granted the right to make all decisions and oversee matters for the ease of the medical procedure in his place. In addition, it was explicitly stated in the contract that he wanted only his heir; there would be absolutely no ties to Sakunthara. Sakunthara would have no rights over the child once he or she was born. There was also a long list of additional agreements attached to the document that she had to sign and approve.

Sakunthara could not make any protestations at all, even though in her heart, she wanted to rip the disgraceful document up and flush it down the toilet once and for all. The reason was a plea from an elder and she herself who had already entered into a verbal agreement with his mother.

“When you’re ready, sign this document and notify me, please.” Sakunthara thought of the young doctor’s smile when he had delivered the letter to her and given her the instruction in a gentle tone. At the time, she had been surprised why she would have to be ready when she had already passed the worst time in her life and at the moment, she was ready and taking part in the procedure at the hospital. Once she saw the letter that the sperm donor had left for her, a light went off in Sakunthara’s head.

Sakunthara did not want to waste any time, because no matter what, she would have to honor the agreement she had made with this man’s mother. It was good, actually, that she would not have to be involved with the person who spoke cruelly and had a bad personality such as him. The young woman signed the document and sent it back to the sperm donor without delay.

The medical procedure, starting from the day she had gone in for a physical check-up, took almost three months. She had to prepare her body by exercising and having three meals a day, as well as taking various vitamins that the young doctor brought for her.

The amount of time that Sakunthara had to spend seeing and talking to Dr. Thananont made the two of them grow closer. He looked after her as though she were preparing to carry his own child.

Sakunthara started to develop obvious, plump curves towards the end. It might have been because of the various nourishing vitamins the young doctor continuously bought for her. He came to see her almost every day, to the point where he had become a regular sight for the people around and some of her customers had already mistaken him for her boyfriend.

The sperm donor had stated he had chosen to use IVF, or in-vitro fertilization, for convenience, as it was a procedure where sperm was used to fertilize an egg outside of the body, in a lab. Then, the fertilized egg, or embryo, would be transferred to the womb, starting the pregnancy. It would allow certainty in selecting the sex of the offspring.

Sakunthara was physically fit and she was ready to bear a child. There were other artificial insemination methods, but because Madam Warakun wanted to choose the sex of the child to ensure she had a male grandchild to continue the family line, Sakunthara did not want to take any risks. The agreement was that she provided the older woman with a grandson, so this was the most appropriate and mutually satisfying method.

Sakunthara lay staring up at the warm yellow lights in the clean, square room. After completing the physical examination and taking care of every aspect of her health, her eyes held a glimmer of apprehension. She was scared and excited at the same time. She inhaled and exhaled many times.

The Withered hand of Madam Warakun, the soon-to-be paternal grandmother, was placed onto the back of Sakunthara’s hand and it squeezed gently in a reassuring manner. Her eyes brimmed over with hope, and a smile appeared on her face.

“Your hand is like ice! Don’t worry, child.” After the wedding—although the ceremony itself had not actually taken place—she had changed the form of address she used with the younger woman to be more familiar, welcoming her to the family even though not everything had gone according to the plan she had laid.

The younger woman gave her a dull smile. She raised her other hand and placed it onto Madam Warakun’s as a gentle acknowledgment.

“I won’t.” Fear was part of it, but a large part of it was an embarrassment, as Sakunthara was still an untouched virgin, but she had to expose her most intimate parts to a man. Even knowing he was a doctor, she couldn’t help but feel embarrassed.

Her embarrassment from that first gynecological examination had yet to dissipate, even though it was a normal medical procedure for any woman preparing to have a child.

Sakunthara had not been able to choose a female attending physician because everything had already been stipulated by the sperm donor after he had made his donation to this hospital. The sperm donor had clearly specified the name of the attending physician. Sakunthara’s only consolation was that she was not the only woman who had to endure the embarrassment of displaying the most intimate parts of her anatomy to a man like this; all women who had undergone a pregnancy had similar experiences.

At the next egg retrieval session three days ago, she had been sedated to reduce her pain. However, once she thought of how the doctor retrieved the fully-formed egg from her ovary through the insertion of a needle into her vaginal canal with the use of ultrasound, she could not help feeling embarrassed each time she recalled it.

Madam Warakun tenderly patted her hair, her gaze was gentle. She often said thank you repeatedly. The thought of her son’s actions made her feel great sympathy and her anger had yet to dissipate.

“I must thank you again, dear.”

“I understand your feelings, Mother. The more you thank me, the more ashamed I feel. What you have given me is worth a hundred times more than what I’m doing,” Sakunthara said, her voice soft. Inside, however, she was girded by her overflowing gratitude.

However, the words of Madam Warakun’s son served as a cruel reminder. He thought her family had intended to swindle his, that she had been willing to trade her body for money and creature comforts. He had branded her a shameless, devious hussy.

“Would it be possible for me to ask for something from you, Mother?” Sakunthara thought of the contract the sperm donor had entered into with her. If she had to guess, she would assume the contract’s contents were known only to her, him, and the law firm that had drawn it up. For a woman set to be a mother and about to carry and bond with a child for nine months, however, it was difficult to think of giving that child up without being able to make any claims or have any rights in regard to that new life in the future.

Sakunthara had taken a long time to contemplate the matter before she had decided to make her plea to Madam Warakun.

“Of course, dear.”

“I would like twins.”

Madam Warakun’s smile was wide upon hearing those words. It had been her greatest wish that the woman before her, her daughter-in-law, would be able to bear an heir; whether it was one or two heirs would be cause for celebration either way.

“Of course, dear! I don’t have any problems with that. It’s wonderful, actually. Just one pregnancy and then we’ll have a ball raising the children. Neither grandmother will have to fight over a grandchild!”

Sakunthara averted her gaze slightly, trying to keep her tears from spilling out. She raised her eyes to the elder woman once more and adjusted her voice to keep the quiver from it.

“What I meant was…I would raise the other child myself.”