THIS COSMIC REALM

Dominic stares at me with intense concentration. When his eyebrows furrow slightly, I realise he is trying to anticipate what I'll say before I have even said it. I honestly doubt he will guess correctly though—there is no way he could know what's on my mind. Then again, my friends have suggested that I haven't been as discreet with my feelings as I thought, so maybe he already has an idea.

He tilts his head slightly as if to silently give me the go-ahead and after my eyes widen a bit, I nervously run a hand through my hair, subtly increasing the distance between us to gather my thoughts.

How do I say this to him without coming off as an absolute shit human being? Do I outright tell him? Do I indifferently blurt out that I was out late at night snogging another guy? A guy who wasn't him?

Probably not.

"What's going on?" he eventually asks me.

Again, my eyes grow as large as saucers as I try to come off as innocent. "Uh, well, I just—"

The words stammer somewhere in my throat, causing my mouth to hang agape and when he looks at me with a look that resembles a scientist scrutinising his specimen, my hand instinctively comes up to scratch the itch behind my neck. Again, his eyebrows twitch and it almost looks like he's growing rather impatient and a tidbit annoyed with my stammering however I can't help that I'm having a hard time telling him this.

Would it hurt him?

Would it feel like I betrayed his trust, even though we're technically not dating?

It would hurt me if someone who knew that I liked them went on to kiss someone else.

I do feel a bit bad about what I did, confused too. Why did I kiss someone else if I like Dominic? Why do I not even feel regretful about it? Am I the type of person who enjoys putting others in awkward situations? I have already put my best friend in such a situation, and now it is Dominic's turn.

As I look past him, I notice Chu Hua staring at us with curiosity. Our eyes meet and when hers widen in question, I realise what had been eluding me all along. It hits me like a jolt of cold water to the face, the reason why I had been unable to answer my brother and Taylor's question.

Why we aren't dating…

"I kissed someone," I eventually manage to spit out.

Although I whispered that under my breath, I believe he heard me even though his facial expression remained unchanged. We sit in silence for a while, with only the sound of children's laughter filling the air around us. My heart rate increases, possibly due to anxiety or fear of his reaction to my words.

He doesn't look shocked.

Did he already know?

"You kissed someone?" he muses monotonously and the dead look he's giving me only has me growing more anxious.

Gnawing on the inside of my bottom lip, I bob my head up and down once.

I observe a slight twitch on the corner of his lips, which seems to be caused by him clenching his jaw. That is the first indication of something on his face. Upon closer inspection, I notice him blinking rapidly and his eyes flicker around in confusion.

"Who?" he demands, the little hint of emotion he was showing before completely wiping off his face.

Initially, I remain quiet but his intense gaze makes me reveal it, "I kissed Kai."

Hearing this, he remains silent and just keeps giving me that darn impassive look. He seems lost in thought and I cannot quite decipher what is going through his mind. I wonder if he's hurt by what I have just said.

"You kissed him?"

"Yes."

"When?" he muses, his brows now furrowing in confusion.

Reluctantly, I admit, "On our camping trip the night we left."

"Did you want to kiss him?"

After swallowing a gulp, I reluctantly whisper, "Yes."

"And you don't regret it?"

After averting my gaze, I shake my head in response to his question.

"I'm confused," he says and his expression tells the same tale as his tone. "Why would you want to kiss him? That doesn't make sense. Unless you… do you… have feelings for him?"

Being badgered like this has me recoiling into my skin and feeling extremely intimidated. My hands quiver slightly, and when I notice it, I become even more anxious, clenching my fists and digging my nails into my palms, leaving crescent-shaped marks. My heart beats rapidly, pounding against my chest.

After taking a huge breath in and exhaling it to calm myself, I hug myself and instead of answering him, I ask, "Do you remember when you told me that you'd break up with Jodie because of me?"

He doesn't respond but he does seem a bit annoyed.

I continue with, "Um, well, it didn't really sit right with me. It still doesn't sit right with me to be completely honest with you."

"And do you remember me telling you that I didn't break up with her because of you?"

"I find that hard to believe since you told me you'd break up with her right after telling me that you liked me."

"I don't understand why you're bringing this up again. If I didn't break up with Jodie then, it was going to happen later on at some point. It just so happens that I realised I didn't like her because—"

"Of me."

"Okay," he concedes, throwing his hands up in frustration. "So, what if you had something to do with it? Why does it bother you so much?"

"That's not what's bothering me."

"Then what is it?"

My eyes fall to my hand and I notice my hand absentmindedly playing with the bracelet on my wrist, causing the metal pieces to clink together. Hesitantly I look up to meet his gaze, sensing his eagerness for answers.

"At the time, I thought my guilt stemmed from the fact that I was the reason that you two broke up," I mutter nervously, my stomach in knots as I finish, "but the reason I felt guilty was because I didn't want to be the reason you broke up with her when I wasn't prepared to be in a relationship with you."

"What do you mean?"

"If you ever asked me to date you," I pause, sucking in a deep sigh in preparation, "I would have said no."

His eyebrows flick up in surprise and I don't miss the look of hurt in his eyes before he averts his gaze to hide it away from me. "Why?"

Realising that I don't have an answer to his question, I merely lift my shoulders unknowingly.

"And," he starts, looking up at me earnestly, "what about now?"

"What about now?"

"What if I were to ask you to date me now? What would your response be?"

My mouth opens and it stays like that for a few seconds before I press my lips together tightly. My body tenses and when my eyes find his again, even though I don't say it verbally, they speak volumes. His Adam's apple moves up and down from swallowing and he stiffly purses his lips. In my anxiety, I am still playing around with my bracelet.

"Why?" he mumbles under his breath and I almost don't hear his enquiry. "Is it because of him?"

Glancing up thoughtfully, I think about his question for a second. Is it because of Kai that I don't want to be in a relationship with Dominic? The more the thought lingers in my head, the clearer it becomes.

"No. It's not because of him." And I realise that that's the truth.

"So, it's me," he concludes.

I initially feel the urge to deny his responsibility and comfort him, but I refrain because it wouldn't be truthful. While I do acknowledge my own role in the fading of my emotions, it's undeniable that he played a part in it as well. Perhaps not directly, but his lack of action and delayed response certainly contributed.

When a mirthless chuckle leaves him, my gaze shifts up to meet his in surprise. With a loud respire, he laughingly muses, "It's ironic, isn't it, Starr?"

"What is?"

As he approaches me, my breath hitches in my throat and I instinctively put my hand on his chest to stop him. I can feel the warmth of his body through his shirt against my cold palm. His gaze follows my hand and we both stand there in silence. As he grasps my wrist and fingers my bracelet, I follow his gaze to the trinkets adorning it. Each one holds a memory of our journey together, only we can truly understand their significance.

It's amazing how far we've come and how unexpected our destination turned out to be.

"Ironically, I'm the first guy you have ever liked and I rejected you back then," with an amused grin, he ends with, "and you're the first guy that I've ever liked and now you've just rejected me."

With a smile of my own inching onto my lips, I nod my head. "That is pretty ironic."

As I gaze at him, I notice that he appears less distressed than before. His facial tension dissipates and it seems as though he comprehends why I made my decision. At least, that is what I hope for—that he understands.

I feel his grip on my wrist loosen and my hand drops lifelessly to my side as he respectfully steps back. He then extends his hand for a handshake and muses hopefully, "Friends?"

I consider the gesture of his outstretched hand. Despite my reservations, the potential for a positive relationship seems promising. With caution, I lift my hand and allow it to be engulfed in the handshake.

"Friends," I confirm, smiling softly.

"Cool," he mutters, drawing his hand away. "Beach."

Warningly, I glare at him and I don't miss the playful look in his dark browns. "Douche."

A chuckle spurts past his lips before he pinches his lips shut and glances away bashfully. At his reaction, the smile on my face widens brightly before I turn my attention back to my sister and her friends who are back to playing their game of tag.

Then I glance at him from the corner of my eye just to make sure that he's alright.

He appears to be fine.

And then I realise that it's not that I don't like him anymore.

As fate would have it, I was awake while he slept soundly. But when he finally woke up from his deep slumber, I grew restless and longed to escape into the same cosmic realm.