But more than that, Beam was looking for the way to get stronger. With the position he was in – a desperate position. He saw meaning in the most trivial of things. He saw it in Nila's eyes, as she hunted, in the determination she felt. He saw it in the warmth that she showed to her family and friends. He was hung up on such things – wondering if he was missing that, if that was what was making him weak.
It was in his spade too, the way it stabbed into the earth and hefted up the dirt for him. It made him wonder if that was what he was lacking, maybe he just didn't have the right tool for the job.
As his soul fell apart under the endless onslaught of two Gods, both with very different intentions, his heart opened to every possibility, looking for salvation wherever he could.