A Reader’s Regression

The strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.

-Thucydides

When I read and admired these words, I never expected to live by them.

Life to me, was never a clear-cut thing, it was unfair from its start to its end.

Those born tall, rich, and handsome are called 'lucky'.

Those born short, poor, and hideous are called 'unlucky'

Yet both had no hand in what they were born as/with.

Genetics, birthplace, talent, and a thousand other things that decide how you live your life are completely outside of your control.

'I wish I was rich!'

'I wish I was tall!'

'I wish I was beautiful!'

Such wishes were common because humans were masters at finding and focusing on flaws.

I was a human just like any other, I had worse luck than most and better than a few, yet not a single time did I wish for something I didn't have or regret not having a certain thing.

'You must have been born with everything then!' An annoying voice would argue, yet they couldn't be more wrong.

At some point, I came to terms with life, specifically mine. I wasn't just surviving, I wasn't just living, I was just going from suffering to suffering repeatedly, and enjoying every second of it.

I knew it was horrible, yet it was the only meaning I had, I wasn't like others who doubted themselves, no matter what, just like life, I kept on going.

….

Earth, Somewhere.

October 2nd, 2025.

03:59 AM.

In a large building, a single desk lamp split the darkness.

At that desk, I sat, a man with forgettable features.

My stature was short, my presence non-existent, and my existence a waste.

Not exactly preferable features in the human world. I knew this well, yet every time I thought of 'logging out', I couldn't bring myself to give up on what could be a better tomorrow.

I had something special about me, one thing others in my low-paying engineering job didn't tend to have, hard work and resilience.

Too much of it in fact.

"Pheew~ After days of consuming an ungodly amount of coffee, I finally finished all of the files for this week!" I weakly shouted in the empty office's darkness.

"I can head to the bar and have some fun no-"

As if the world was listening and just waiting for me to feel the slightest joy, my chest tightened, and pain spread through my body.

"Ughh!! w-what is t-this?!" I exclaimed.

The tightening deepened further and further, and I could barely breathe as I felt my organs ceasing to function.

"Uhgh! I…m-my h-heart?!"

I fell over on my desk when I tried to stand up and I could feel the breath slowly leaving me as my heartbeat accelerated and slowed down by the moment.

"Agh! A-AGH!" I gasped for life.

I grabbed my phone to call for help, but I found no one in my contacts, I had no friends or family to call and I could not think of the emergency number no matter how hard I tried. Three simple digits yet they alluded me.

God, gods, buddha, and whatever other beings governed life, I wanted to call out to all of them for help but I didn't know what to say.

I wanted to repent but just the thought filled me with rage, repent from a suffering that was inflicted upon me? Never.

Slowly, death took over me and the darkness beckoned with its soft and tender voice.

'Come, and rest, nothing else matters.' It whispered.

Just as I began to accept its call, a notification from the site I read my favorite novel on popped up and my finger accidentally tapped it.

"Khaaaghhh! t-t-there i-is a new ch-cha-chapter!"

I exclaimed in short gasps, invigorated by a vague and small breath still caught in my lungs.

I scrambled once again with my fingers and suddenly found myself on a page titled 'Chapter 899´

A screen of text appeared in front of me, but I could read none of it as my vision slowly turned to darkness.

"Nghhooooo!!" I shouted in rage.

One sentence was clear to me in those last few moments.

'In the end, it was all for naught.' The only words I could gleam off of my phone screen, and were as bleak as could be.

I was bewildered by my own actions. I didn't fear my death, likely because I had nothing and no one to live for, but Instead felt regret for not managing to read the contents of the screen. My life had, somehow, at some point become less important to me than words written by someone who likely lived a better life than I did.

Truly, those words were everything to me.

I was an orphan thrown on the street with no one to care for me. I had no looks, no stature, no talent, no social life, and I lived paycheck to paycheck. I didn't give up though, and after working harder than any other, I got a low-paying job in a small engineering company.

And I somehow managed to not take my own life by living vicariously through a novel.

Perhaps if it wasn't for the novel, my life would have been revealed to be the 1st circle of hell.

'This is it….I didn't even see the ending of the novel...' I thought as the darkness took over.

Soon, my 27 years of struggle came to an end. A silent, lonely end.

...…..

.....

….

..

The void of death wasn't as lifeless as I expected, it more closely resembled an endless black space where one's soul floated eternally towards the light.

I don't know how long it took me to reach the light I was moving towards, but the moment I did, a pair of hands grabbed me and pulled me through it.

'What's going on? Didn't I die?'

The sounds of a baby crying were all I could hear and the world around me was too bright to distinguish. I wanted to grab the baby and lull to silence, but I couldn't find said baby.

'What is this? I'm not dead? Is this heaven? These hands..are they mine..?' Countless questions floated through my head.

Suddenly, as I was trying to figure out where I was, the brightness dimmed and I could see the world around me.

'Is this a dream? Can the dead even dream? Who is this old lady?,'

I had countless questioms and no answers.

'This angle, this feeling on my back, and the fact I can't control my body…something isn't right,'

I finally started to piece together what I was experiencing. I'm a fucking baby?!

The old lady was excited.

"Congratulations, it's a healthy young boy"

She then hurriedly added.

Nurses, heal the Lady quickly."

She placed me in the arms of a beautiful woman and moved back.

The woman held me gently, like I was more precious than the entire world.

"My baby, you really exhausted your mother,"

She looked to be in her mid-30s, her face and body covered with sweat with her brows brows tightened in pain, yet the moment she held me in her arms she smiled brightly as if nothing else in the world mattered.

Such warmth, such love, it was foreign to me. I didn't fully understand it.

"Let's begin!"

Three young women in white robes pointed their palms at the woman who held me on the bed and spoke strange words.

"Lagnak segund vanagek sigrund!!"

Suddenly, bright green symbols and circles appeared above the beautiful woman and a green light covered her body.

I was flabbergasted. Magic?!

I wanted to shout as the sense I called common shattered before my eyes.

At the same time a strange energy entered my body and made me feel comfortable, like wearing a thick coat on a freezing winter night or a cup of water at 3 am.

The woman that held me's complexion turned more lively and her breathing calmed down as she became more stable. Her cheeks even had a change in color as if life itself had been imbued into her body.

"Call the lord!"

The woman lowered the side of her dress and let out one of her breasts. An action she did with a strange elegance and grace.

Her origins were clear even when she was doing a naturally inelegant thing. I didn't have to know much about manners to know elegance and class when I saw it.

'Wait! No way! Stop!' I shouted as she closed in on me. Slowly she placed her nipple into my mouth and my infant body started suckling without my control.

"Drink, my baby, and let me look at your cute face!"

'Stop! This is assault!' I shouted within my mind.

I was after all no pervert that would enjoy such things but a saintly man.

Ignoring my attempts at maintaining my honor, my body suckled and suckled.

How am I going to recover from this? I fept strange.

Suddenly, the room's door was pushed open by a large man with long silver hair and a tall stature.

Elegance, pride, and nobility filled the room when he entered as if just his aura was enough to cover that of a beggar. His clothes were a luxurious blue, his suit adorned with gold and silver. No matter the standard, his status was clearly special.

"My son! Let me look at you!"

The woman smiled and stopped him.

"Dear, let him drink some milk first." said the woman playfully.

'No, take me away!' I wanted to shout.

"But my love, I can't bear to wait!" replied the man.

His strong appearance and scarred hand were filled with a great gentleness.

He took me from her chest and held me up in the air to look at me.

"Oh my son, you already look strong! Grow up quickly so Father can teach you our noble swordsmanship!" he said with an expression of excitement.

Suddenly two girls and a boy entered, each of them about 10 to 7 years old.

"Father, let me see him!"

The oldest boy pulled on his father's arm.

"Wait your turn, he needs to rest first."

The woman on the bed fixed her dress and covered herself with the blanket.

"Dear, what are we going to name him?"

"His name…"

He contemplated.

A man in black clothes appeared from seemingly nowhere and chuckled. I marked as a hutler from his attire.

"It's a joyous occasion for an heir to be born at the same time as his shadow!"

"What did you decide to name him?" My father asked.

"Cedric was the name we went with. He'll serve the young lord even better than I!"

The white-haired man replied with joy covering his face.

Just from his expression, one could tell he rarely expressed emotion.

In my mind, I had established the man holding me as the father of the house—what house? I didn't know yet. The woman as my mother, the children as my siblings and the white haired man as the butler.

I just didn't know why I was having such a strange dream.

"Let me think, blood-red eyes, pale skin, and a strong aura, I will name you, Alistair, Alistair Cassian Fellsword! Son of Johnathan Fellsword!"

As everyone in the room cheered for the name, I noticed something strange in the corner of the room, a large black shadow with two glaring golden orbs at around its eye level.

"How fun, an anomaly…" it whispered before disappearing.

'Wha-'

Before I could even contemplate what I had witnessed, a rectangular panel of translucent blue glass floated in front of my eyes with white writing on it.

'What is this? Is this another type of magic?' I wondered.

I looked around but no one seemed to notice it as they laughed.

'What does it say?'

[Reader's phase 1 system fully integrated!]

[All phase 1 system functions live.]

[Host: Alistair Cassian Fellsword/John Avery is currently an infant. Functions will be temporarily limited.]

'Is this a game?-'

Suddenly, all the pieces fell together.

'Wait. Fellsword? that's a family in the…novel! I've been reborn into the novel?!'

…