A beautiful mess

Life is pretty tough is what everyone thinks but you know what, It's all in the way you look at life. My sweet brother taught me as we went through so much together. Lost my childhood memories, I never bothered to discovering them.

I groaned at my alarm. It's 5 in the morning. The sun hasn't gotten up yet but here I am to praise my lord almighty Allah. I got up, stretched and got myself ready for the morning prayer, fajr. Me, a Muslim I always was grateful that I am one. Whenever the world fell out of place, I would place my head on the prayer mat and miraculously my heart would find peace. After I was done with the prayer, I went up to my brother's room and knocked it three times. When I heard a groan in response, I left for the kitchen to make ourselves some pancakes for breakfast and some coffee. Trust me, coffee helps you in times of need.

Time goes by, and he didn't show up to the dining table. Sighing to myself, I know he slept again. This happens sometimes. Truth be told, BROTHERS ARE VERY HARD TO WAKE UP ESPECIALLY FOR WORK. Come on siblings, you need to back me up here.

I banged his door just like the hero who shoots the enemy without count of bullets in action movies. Jason opened the door annoyed and his hair were pointing in weird direction as if he was playing with static electricity. (I love that orb thing)

"Come on. It's 6 in the morning. Even Maura isn't awake yet" Jason, my brother groaned. Maura is our next door neighbor. A single woman who raises her children and she was known to make noises in the morning to wake up the whole street. The noises of her shouting at her children, the radio and her dog. Practically she is the rooster who wakes the whole street up.

"Mr.Jason. Even if she isn't, the sky is awake. The sun is . The rooster is awake. The birds are awake. And besides you don't want to hang down on your bed just because you were late for the important presentation that's due for today" I said sternly. That's when he realised, that he has an important event today.

His realisation was like the ant realising that humans are way more lazier than us. Without a second, he closes door and I can hear shuffling of clothes and finally his bathroom door.

I went down and had my coffee. There is this backyard where we grow rabbits. Ther are so fluffy and cute. And very clingy. Especially, Rocky, he is this cute, brown and white rabbit and eyes of an owl. The moment I step into the backyard, he would speed toward me like I was his mate. Trust me, I am not really.

The other rabbits are lily, daisy and Jason. Lily and daisy are those two girls who always like to talk to themselves about how their mates are very loving toward their owner, Me. For the other one, Jason I named him after my brother. Why? Because all he does is stare, eat and sleep. Just like my brother, work, eat, stare and sleep. The only difference is he has a sixth sense while the rabbit doesn't.

I patted Rocky and gave him his carrot topping. Seeing that Rocky was receiving special treatment, the ladies joined me. But Jason didn't, all he did was stare that goes right through your heart. Feeling defeated, I gave his which he ate still staring at me ' I forgive you'. PETS ARE REALLY JEALOUS.

After I had my coffee and one last pat to Jason to which he nodded in return. I went back in and found my brother in formal clothes eating his pancakes. Here is the weird thing, I don't know where my brother works or what work does he do. He doesn't tell me even though I asked him zillion times. All he answers is, " No need to know. I am not smoking weed or gambling. It's a decent job that's all you need to know."

I am a Muslim, but my brother is not. He is an atheist. It is weird but I belive one day Allah will change his heart too. If Allah wills.

"atleast, can you tell me what the presentation is about?" I ask hoping a proper answer in return. "it's a discussion About HOW SIBLINGS ARE ANNOYING" Jason chuckled.

One thing about him is Eventhough he doesn't interact much with me. He does when he gets a chance and those moment feels special. There were times I would doubt if he was really my brother. Forgetting my childhood memories does things to you which you can never imagine. Example Trust. All I remember was waking up in the hospital bed with scars and a little young man who claimed himself as a brother of mine. I had no choice but to accept whatever he told cause the black hole of curiosity started eating me tremendously. And it was 7 years ago.

He took his leave and I got myself ready to go to medical college. I went to my room and dressed modestly. And I wrapped my purple hijab (head coverin) around my head. Taking my books and notes with me. I see my brother's door slightly open. I haven't had a chance to look at his room because he always locks it. This could be my chance. But my brother's voice beat me to it.

"Sarah, could you please open the door? I forgot my file." Jason shouted from the door. He could have asked me to bring it but he always did it himself giving me no chance to peek in his room.

This time I decided to satisfy my curious brain. But it's wrong to invade someone's privacy. "I will get it for you. It's that yellow file you were reading in the dining hall right" I ignored the guilt and i made my way toward his room ignoring the 'no' sounds from my brother.

OH Allah, how I regretted that decision. It's really wrong to invade someone's privacy according to Islam. Entering his room, i was hit with a different vibe. It looked normal for a boys room but It was dark and I was getting a little scared. I found the yellow file right on his desk. The vibe was pushing me away from the room, I gave up the idea of exploring his room until my eyes fell on a small paper next to the file that read "she should never know what happened in her childhood . Make sure she doesn't". Breath caught me, I was wheezing. I heard footsteps and in no time, a panting Jason pulled me up and helped me with my bag. Breathing into a paper bag helps. "shit, why do you have to be soo curious? Don't you dare come into my room anymore." He shouted and pulled me out of the room . Once I calmed down, he left me in the couch. . I left to my college too ignoring the aching in my heart. Somethings are left unknown. And I decided to believe it. I don't want to risk my bond with my brother. I have no one else.