Debut Prep (4)

"[Joon-woo-ssi, you've improved a lot since the first day.]" Their dance instructor, Emily Choi, complemented with an earnest smile.

She was an American-based choreographer who often worked with ASCEND's company. She was only a few years older than Mi Yong and a woman. Joon-woo thought that would perhaps make him more comfortable around her, but really– it didn't. 

He awkwardly nodded in a lazy reply, avoiding eye contact. His other-worldly experiences nerfed him with every type of instructor, it seemed. He clenched the water bottle in his hands tighter, his shaky-tired-with-dance hands sore at the sudden pressure. 

Emily seemed to notice Joon-woo's both nerves around dancing and her from the beginning. She seemed to almost take it as a challenge to get Joon-woo to warm up around her, being overly friendly and chatting to him during breaks. 

Joon-woo recalled his first meeting with Reggie. Was this how all Americans were?

"Thank you Noona…" Joon-woo slightly bowed. 

He squeezed the water bottle tighter as Emily's gaze scrutinized him with concern. 

"[I heard you only began dancing seriously in the beginning of Producer10. You're a very fast learner, you know, you can keep up with Hyun-ssi now, can't you?]" Emily questioned, doing light standing stretches in an attempt to make their chat casual. She even spoke in English, which she only did with Joon-woo and Reggie, the rest needed a translator on stand-by…

Joon-woo could only bow in her direction again. He liked compliments, but they've never felt the same since… then. Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone…

He really didn't want to come off as someone who didn't respect his teachers and by proxy, elders. But when he was in a practice room being taught dance and approached as if singled out… It was all too familiar to him in the worst ways.

Emily got the hint eventually with a long sigh. The water break she had allocated was about over anyway…

"Alright, boys! Let's do this again!" Emily shouted enthusiastically, rallying Joon-woo's hyped and sweaty bandmates with ease. 

Joon-woo was the odd one out. He was the aloof one. He ran his hand through his long bleached hair with pursed lips. He really couldn't go on like this much longer, could he? 

–+–

Cameras clicked and shuttered, large flashes struck a plain white background. Baek Du-Ho was the prop. 

The rest of ASCEND sat out of the large stream of light and watched the scene with tired eyes. 

They all wore expensive and stylish outfits. 

Reggie had a slightly cropped white shirt on with some variation of baggy black pants. They dragged on the floor in their long length despite Reggie's already long legs. Reggie wore a beige-ish vest with all sorts of emo-like patches. The patches were an odd contrast to the light color of the vest but somehow it worked. 

Ryeo Hyun and Mi Yong had similar outfits. They both had cropped and long-long sleeved white shirts. But their stomachs had a tight grey undershirt that showed Ryeo Hyun's abs and Mi Yong's toned yet flat stomach discreetly. They wore knee-length and baggie jorts. Mi Yong's were just a shade away from black, Ryeo Hyun's were straight blue. 

Baek Du-Ho wore an elongated black trench-coat-like jacket. He had black smooth and long-long pants similar to Reggie's. His shirt was a boring and smooth grey. To compensate, he wore two silver necklaces around his neck. 

Jung Hyun-Ok wore a hat reminiscent of a beret. He wore a short-sleeved grey vest with a front pocket that held a white rose. Under the vest was a white shirt seamlessly tucked into grey pants. Different from the rest, he wore a black white mask. From afar he looked slightly frightening…

Joon-woo, thanks to their company's push for an androgynous agenda, wore a light grey maxi-skirt that cut off at the end of his ankles. The dark grey tank top was tight against his thin frame and layered on the skirt. The jacket he wore was clearly just for fashion purposes. It was white and so short that when it was on it only went to a half-a-foot under Joon-woo's shoulders. Joon-woo also had a mask though it was more of a mesh that slightly covered his eyes. 

In addition to learning the choreo for their debut title track, they were getting their concept photos taken. 

"It seems Joon-ah is in a skirt again, haha–" Reggie teased. "I wish we could wear skirts too…"

Mi Yong shrugged, "Skirts aren't for men as manly looking as us..!" He jokingly showed a slightly toned bicep. 

Joon-woo found his similar to that of a chicks. He frowned. 

Mi Yong patted Joon-woo on the back, "You look good! Don't worry, everyone will have their eyes on you first when these photos get released." He encouraged, though Joon-woo didn't particularly care…

He knew he would be either pushed into a more feminine or androgynous image from day one. He could play a feminine man better than a manly one anyway, afterall he was a girl in his past life.

The public had already noticed his more women-like actions. Like covering his mouth when he laughs or the way he sat with one leg over the other on occasion. And the outfit he wore on the finale of Producer10 didn't help any of the 'feminine' accusations. Luckily he was basically used to the feeling of skirts as opposed to pants. 

A make-up artist touched up on Reggie's make-up for just a few moments before he was ushered to the set. Nerves were evident on his face. 

The set was much larger than the one of Producer10. There were more cameras, more pressure, and higher standards. 

Joon-woo sent his friend a discreet thumbs up. He wasn't sure if it helped, but Reggie noticed it. 

–+–

It was silent over plates of unseasoned chicken breast. 

Only Ryeo Hyun and Joon-woo were at the table, the others' sleeping or in bed about to. 

Ryeo Hyun had notably more on his plate, along with half a can of tuna. The company insisted he keep the bulky body he had maintained and the first step to that was a lot of protein. 

Joon-woo had notably less. It was almost like an episode of 'Supersize vs Superskinny', their portion sizes. 

They ate in silence, sweat, and with a twinge of exhaustion. 

The whole day had been running around to shoots and practice and promotion, food hadn't even crossed their minds until they got back to their dorm late into the night. Joon-woo's exhaustion took his hunger and twisted it into disgust, so he hadn't eaten until now, until late. 

"You should eat more than that." Ryeo Hyun commented. 

Joon-woo examined his plate of two smaller chicken breasts with a blank expression. "We have strict diets, Hyung."

Ryeo Hyun didn't argue.

Joon-woo knew he came off harsh, but exhaustion and hunger were a combo not suited for the weak. He always felt more irritable when dieting.

"Sorry." Joon-woo apologized immediately. Ryeo Hyun was his Hyung and his friend. 

Ryeo Hyun shrugged, "Hyun-Ok-ah almost passed out today." 

Joon-woo was a little more alert amidst his exhaustion when he heard that. 

"Your diet is also slightly less than his, right?" Ryeo Hyun questioned. 

Joon-woo didn't want to, but hesitantly nodded. "I'm not all as tall or big as him, I don't need as much as he does." He reasoned.

Ryeo Hyun hummed, "We all need to eat more." 

There was an awkward silence to end Ryeo Hyun's dinner. Joon-woo continued to pick at the flavorless chicken with a dejected expression. Ryeo Hyun was right, but in K-Pop you were either eating too little or not at all. 

As Ha-rin it was drilled into their bones along with fat-burning injections and plastic: Eating good was the first thing you had to give up when you became an idol. It was the norm– complaining about being hungry and jumping in joy when another kilo was gone. Joon-woo couldn't do anything about it if he tried. Ju Hae was an example set in stone in Joon-woo's mind.

Joon-woo threw half the chicken out after thoughts of Ju Hae crossed his mind. He would reap the effects of doing that tomorrow.