leap of faith & dark past.

Leaning against the protective fence in front of me, I took a puff from my cigarette as I looked out at the sprawling city in front of me.

At the moment, I was standing at the very top of the Lady Liberty statue, right at the torch.

The sun was just starting to rise above the ocean in the east, giving me a wonderful view as the first rays of sunlight hit the city.

I had parked my car somewhere near the docks where I had then 'commandeered' someone's boat, deciding to take a trip to the large lady Liberty statue I had seen off in the distance.

It was actually pretty surprising how little security the island had, allowing me to get inside then climb all the way to the top unseen without even trying.

Taking one last drag of the cigarette I had been smoking, I flicked it out and away from me, watching as it fell to the ground.

'I really need to quit smoking.' I thought ruefully, looking back up to the city where I could hear horns honking, and see the bustle of people starting their days, finally allowing my brain to process everything that had happened to me.

Since the car ride here, I had been on autopilot, not thinking, just going with the flow of things.

I parked, saw a boat, then saw the statue of Liberty.

You can see how little thought I had put into everything which led me here.

I don't know why I went on autopilot. But the best way I can describe it is shock.

My brain was unable to process what had happened, so I did what I do best when something happens that my mind just can't seem to process.

I ran away from it.

Looking back now, I could see how stupid that was, but in the moment it was all I could think about.

Getting away to think, to process.

Yes I'm thousands of years old and have done and seen things any other living being could only ever imagine, and yes i'm smarter than your average person, but i'm still human.

I have human emotions and human thoughts.

I feel Joy, pride, lust, envy, sadness, anger, and love. All of it.

Sure I have those emotional dampeners and all, but I still feel, I'm not a robot.

I feel every emotion a normal person would, except if I get to a paint that I would do harm to myself. That's when my system would start to dampen my negative emotions, but everything else I feel completely.

Which is what led me to learn a very valuable lesson early on.

It didn't hit right away when I came to this world, but…I can't die, and never will.

Until the sun destroys the earth in the next billion years, I will continue to live on.

Hell, even then there's a good chance I'll wake up a few billion years later when whatever is left of me can regrow itself.

With that knowledge, I learned to build up defenses.

Keep my emotions inside, while keeping others out.

That's why I started traveling the world as a merchant.

Sure it was a nice way to see the world while making some money while at it, but it was also a way for me not to stay in one place for too long and see those I would undoubtedly get attached to die.

Why get attached to those I knew would one day die in what was to me a blink of an eye.

All it would do is hurt me.

Yeah, the dampeners would help negate some of the emotions, but the thought of them would never leave me, causing a never ending spiral of depression. The Dampeners would wash it away only for the thoughts of those I got attached to to come back and force me to go through the same process over and over again.

My own personal hell.

It wasn't worth it.

Why put myself through that kind of torment?

Because of all of that, I hadn't experienced something I always wanted in this world.

A relationship.

Not a companionship like I have with Julius, Jane, The Cullens, and a few acquaintances, but an actual relationship Where I could let down my walls and be vulnerable.

But I might as well be pulling out teeth when it comes to trying to take down my walls.

I did that once with Oscar and Gérard and learned what happens.

To add onto all of that. Being in a relationship with Rosalie wasn't what really bothered me. Hell, not even the fact that it would change the original story of this world if we did, which I had long ago stopped caring about. What bothered me was the fact that one day Emmett would one day become a part of the Cullens.

I didn't know enough of how he was turned in the first place to stop him from becoming a part of the family to begin with.

All that I had written about him in my journal was that he had a personality like mine, and a vague description of what he looked like.

Nothing about how he was turned, or what led up to it.

My fear is that if me and Rosalie do get into a relationship and Emmett appears, she will be unconsciously drawn to him, which would undoubtedly cause tension among the group.

If I'm going to get into a relationship where I get invested in it, it's for the long term.

I would have absolutely no remorse taking out anyone who got in the way of my happiness.

My hands subconsciously pulled another cigarette out of the metal holder in my jacket pocket, lighting it up.

I let out a small sigh as I pulled the cigarette from my lips and looked at it.

"Im such a fucking hypocrit." I said, flicking the nearly untouched cigarette over the side, thinking of my thought only moments ago.

"I always tell people to take leaps of faith and to be spontaneous and to follow their hearts, but I can't even listen to my own words." I said out loud to myself.

But maybe that's what I needed to do, no matter how much I needed to force myself.

Be spontaneous, take that leap of faith, and trust that if we do start a relationship, Rosalie won't run off as soon as Emmett shows up, and I can pull down my walls.

As I thought that, I spotted a small boat heading towards the island.

Squinting my eyes, I saw what looked like the morning's security heading to the island.

'Looks like it's time to head out.' I thought as I pushed myself off the safety fence and stood straight.

Jumping over the fence, I landed on grass as I tucked and rolled, zooming over to the boat I had stolen, hoping I could return it before someone realizes it had been taken.

[Rosalie POV]

Sitting in my new room, I stood by one of the large windows placed on the far side of my room from the door.

I watched as the sun slowly started to rise and bath the city in its early morning glow.

My mind was a swirl of different emotions.

From anger to sorrow.

It had truly been a mistake to have kissed Adam like that. I was just so caught up in the moment, that for the first time since I had woken in this very room as a vampire, the memories that haunted me were gone.

The memories that were slowly starting to creep back into my consciousness.

The memory of Royce and his group of friends the night I was killed.

I had been doing some late night shopping when I saw Royce and a small group of his friends. They were clearly drunk, which I hadn't realized until I was passing by. By then it was too late and I was seen.

"Hey, Rose!" Royce had shouted, waving a bottle in the air to grab my attention as I passed.

I had never seen Royce drunk before, but now looking back, I realize there were a lot of things about Royce I didn't know, but the signs were everywhere.

I had gotten too close before realizing things were off, allowing Royce to forcefully grab me by the arm and pull me towards his group of friends.

"All of you know Rosalie, Right?" Royce slurred, taking another pull from his bottle.

"Of course." A weasel faced man said with a nasty smile which made me feel more uncomfortable then I had already felt.

I couldnt tell you how it happened, just that I was forcefully dragged to a close by alley…were…they attempted to rape me.

I was so scared. More fear than I had ever felt in my whole life was coursing through me as the realization of what they were planning to do to me hit me as the weasel faced man tried to tear away at my clothes.

I was frozen in fear, my mind in shock, my life flashing through my mind.

Images of my childhood, images of my parents, images of my fake friends, images of that white haired man.

My mind stopped when he flashed into my thoughts.

I had only seen him once before, a fleeting glance at the bank my father worked at, why was he the focus of my possible final moments.

The memory of that glance played through my mind at lighting speed, the real world slowing down to a crawl as it did.

My mother had sent me to bring my fathers lunch to him at work since he had forgotten it at home, not realizing it was a ploy by my parents from the beginning to get me to meet Royce.

It hurt to realize I was nothing but a stepping stone for my father who was willing to use me to put him in the good graces of Royces father, the vice president of the New York Gringotts bank.

The early morning sun was nice, no clouds to be found in the sky.

Walking through the large doors of the bank, I walked towards the front, where I knew I could find my fathers assistant.

But as I walked, something caught my attention from the corner of my eyes.

Turning my head slightly, I caught sight of what had to be the most handsome man I had ever seen.

He was tall, had a perfectly chiseled face, and light gray eyes that seemed to stare into my very soul.

But above all else, the most striking feature was his white hair. Slicked back on top, the sides were cut short, accentuating the young looking man's good looks.

That's when I was supposed to look away and continue on to where I would meet with my father and for the first time Royce.

But instead, something else happened. I stopped walking and continued looking at the man who continued to look back at me with worried eyes.

His worried eyes confused me, as when I had seen him in my memories his eyes were filled with surprise and amazement not worry.

"You need to fight them, Rosalie." the young man said, his voice smooth and slightly deeper then I had thought it would be.

I turned my head to the side in confusion.

"You need to fight them!" the man said again, this time his voice was more insistent. "They will kill you if you don't! Scream for help and Fight!" he said, stepping out of the line of people who seemed to be ignoring us like we weren't there.

As he stepped closer to me, his height amazed me as I hadn't remembered him being that tall.

When he got close enough, the man leaned down until we were face to face, his eyes level with my own.

"Rose! You need to wake up and fight them! You need to survive!" the man shouted before shoving me backwards and back into the real world.

I had to blink a few times as the memory felt so real it disoriented me.

As my vision came back to me, I saw the weasel faced man managing to rip off my outer jacket, the other three friends and Royce all surrounding me.

With a ferocity I didn't know I had, I started to fight and scream.

Weasel was closest to me, allowing me to bring my knee up and into his crotch, bringing him to his knees.

The others seemed stunned and froze for a moment, allowing me to turn and attack others.

Using my nails, I clawed at the first face that came into view, scoring solid scratches on his face.

But by then the others had broken from their stunned states and reacted, attempting to grab my arms and stop me from fighting, but I was like an animal.

I screamed and shouted for help, while clawing, kicking, biting and punching, managing to fight them off quite well.

"Fuck this bitch!!" Weasel face said, now with a few scratches running across his face.

He dug into his pocket as the other four, including Royce, stood a few feet away from me.

Taking an item from his pocket, he held it up at eye level. It was a knife.

"Listen here, Bitch!" the man said, an angry scowl on his face as he waved the knife in front of himself, "You're gonna do as we~" he started, but was interrupted by a shout from the end of the alleyway.

We all turned our heads in the direction of the shout, the silhouette of a man standing there.

I didn't wait, I started to run towards the silhouette, pushing one of the men to the side to escape.

But I only managed to make it a few feet before one of my arms was grabbed and I was yanked back.

I couldn't tell who it was, but as soon as I saw the glinting knife reach around me, I knew who it was.

"No!" The silhouette shouted as he, to my amazement, started to run towards us quicker than I had ever seen anything move before.

But it was already too late.

Before the silhouetted figure was half way down the alley, I felt the cold steel of the man's knife bite deep into the flesh of my neck, the feeling of hot blood running from my slit throat was immediate.

I tried to gasp for air, but it felt like I was drowning.

I felt myself get shoved forward to fall over, my limbs not wanting to work and save me from the fall. The sound of running feet heard from behind me, my killers were running away.

Mere feet from hitting the ground, I felt myself get grabbed around the torso by an arm that felt as hard as steel, stopping my fall.

My vision was beginning to darken by then as I felt myself being turned onto my back, the silhouette greeting me as I was turned, but I was unable to see him fully in the dulling light of my eyes.

But one thing stood out as the last of my vision started to fade to blackness, the silhouette had white hair, like the man from my memories.

I tried to blink a few times to get another look at the man, but my vision was completely dark already, the sound of my hearts labored beating thundering in my ears.

"I'm sorry…I couldn't…survive." I said weakly as I tried to inhale air, but was too weak to inhale enough.

The sound of my heart continued to get louder in my ears as I felt the man's hand clasp down on my neck, I guessed to stop the bleeding, even though it was already too late for me.

My body was cold as a lightness washed over my body as if I now weighed as much as a feather.

The man said something, but his voice sounded distant and muffled.

Then like I was being stabbed again, a pain more painful then I had already felt this night grew from my right wrist.

It felt like liquid fire was spreading through my body, The pain like torture.

Thankfully as soon as the fiery pain had reached my head, my consciousness had left me.

I had woken three days later in this very room with Esme sitting at the end of my bed, where she then explained everything to me, and my world had once again been flipped on its head.

"Tap-tap-tap-tap."

Blinking a few times to disperse the thoughts and memories, I raised my head towards the sound where I saw Adam standing outside my window, tapping on the glass with his usual jovial smirk back on his lips.

I stared in surprise as he brought a finger up to his lips for me to be quiet before he slowly started to open my window from the outside.

As soon as he had the bottom half open all the way, he crouched down on the ledge to lean his head in.

I had yet to speak or even move as he gave me a wide smile.

Without a word spoken, he stretched out his hand towards me, gesturing with his head for me to take his hand, which I did, although slowly.

I had thought my actions had stepped too far, making him want to leave.

Pulling softly on my hand, he pulled me through the window, where he then put his hand around my waist as he closed the window silently with his free hand.

As soon as it was closed, he turned towards me, giving me a devilish grin this time, causing me to furrow my brows as I wondered what he was planning to do now.

I should have known as soon as he looked up, but maybe it was just the shock of him being back that kept me from panicking as he slightly jumped up, grabbing hold to the ledge above us.

With force, he single handedly threw us both up-words.

I wasnt a fan of heights, normally they scared me to death even as a vampire, but in that moment as we flew up-wards towards the very top of the high rise apartment building, I couldn't have felt safer in the arms of the man who, although as a figment of my imagination, saved me from a far more gruesome death.

We landed on the graveled top of the building, Adam holding me slightly off the ground at his side as we landed.

Setting me down, I turned to look up at him, my eyebrows still furrowed as I looked up at him questioningly.

Adam chuckled sheepishly as he also turned to look at me.

I didn't wait for Adam to start speaking, instead I started first.

"Adam, again I just want to apologize~" I started, but was interrupted as Adam smirked at me before taking a step closer and grabbing me by the shoulders, pulling me towards him.

"Yeah, I heard you the first time." he said with a smile, before he leaned his head down slightly and kissed me.

My eyes went wide in shock as he kissed me, my mind stuttering as it tried to comprehend what was happening.

'He's kissing me!' my mind thought on its own accord.

For a few quick moments, I stood there in shock, unable to reciprocate the kiss as my mind tied itself in knots.

But as I finally managed to comprehend what was happening, I ignored my mind and its thoughts, kissing him back.

The kiss was passionate and, for the first time in my life, I had a kiss that was actually filled with love. Instead of the quick and empty ones that had filled my life up to this point.

When the kiss finally ended, we both looked at each other.

His light grays looked into my bright yellow. The emotion in his eyes surprised me.

"Sorry for running off like that," he said, his face showing a sincereness I had rarely seen before.

I smiled at him, one filled with a joy that seemed, as well as felt, infinite.

"You came back…that's all that matters." I said, before kissing him again.

_________________

Author notes.

I can't believe it's been a month since my last chapter.

The reason for my absence is that I lost someone close unexpectedly. It really took me by surprise and has been tough to deal with, making it hard for me to find the motivation to write. I'm sorry for not posting more often, but I needed time.

Hopefully soon I will start posting chapters again on my normally erratic and random schedule.

Please leave a comment and let me know what you think of the chapter.

Also, what you read is correct, Rose wasnt Raped in this world, she was about to be, but wasn't.

Carlisle was drawn to her screams and shouts instead of the smell of her blood.

If you have any questions, please let me know.

Thank you for your patience.

-BEAN-