Hey Sublime

Early in the morning, after my regular workout routine and some light sparring with Sage, I was headed for the shower with only a towel around me. I played Neil Young on the stereo and walked up to the bathroom door while humming along to Heart of Gold.

The moment I turned the doorknob, the information I sensed alerted me to a presence on the other side of the door. Not having much time to react, the moment I pushed the door in, I stepped to the side, away from the door.

A katana then passed straight in front of my eyes as I backed away. That would've gone right through my eyes, I thought while pulling out the towel, the only thing covering me. Holding one end of the towel, I threw it at the handle of the katana and wrapped the towel around it.

Just as the hand holding the katana pulled back, I pulled the towel as well and the gleaming sword spun in the air toward me. I jumped back quickly because I knew that another katana was incoming, I already knew the asshole who was trying to kill me.

As I expected, another sword stab arrived on cue along with the now-revealed assassin in red and black tights, while I had already caught the other sword that was flying in my direction.

"Fuck Deadpool. Don't you have ethics? Why would you attack a man in such a private moment?" I stood there naked, holding a katana while confronting the psychotic mercenary. I was scared and angry when the first stab arrived but now I was anticipating this a little.

"Are you trying to seduce me? Because it's working, I so so want to stab you with my katana." Deadpool answered while he lunged toward me. I sighed while parrying his slash. I could predict some of his moves but with him being Deadpool, I couldn't just trust my predictions. I had to be prepared for surprises.

After exchanging some sword moves, which I perfectly parried thanks to my ability to perceive them on an informational level, Deadpool grumbled while stepping back, "I'm going to drown those bastards in hot sauce when I get back. They told me it's an easy job and the target is just a nerd. How is this a nerd? I guess we will have to do this the old-fashioned way."

"I'll pay you triple the amount they paid to stop this…" While I was speaking, the crazy bastard pulled out a handgun and shot at me. Thanks to my continuous training during this time and my ability, I was able to preempt the bullet's trajectory and barely block it before I was killed by a headshot.

"Oh, sorry! It was an accident. Anyway, I'm a man who takes contracts seriously so I can't agree to anything less than five times, that would be ten million dollars. Also, that was cool, deflecting the bullet. I can do it too." Deadpool started rambling. He didn't even care about the fact that he almost killed me a moment ago.

"Yeah, yeah we've all watched the X-men Origins movie. I'll give you twenty million dollars if you tell me who put a hit on me." I added. I wasn't going to let anyone get away with trying to kill me.

Deadpool was stunned. It was an uncanny feeling how I could tell the expression behind that mask.

"Say that again!" He almost squealed in excitement.

"I'll give you twenty million for the identity of your employer." I repeated while searching for something to cover myself with.

"No, not that! The other thing." Deadpool said impatiently.

I thought for a second. "Oh, that. Yeah, I know of the things beyond the fourth wall. I don't know what reality we are in though, I just know this isn't Earth-616. Now, can you tell me who put a hit on me?"

"You're my best friend from today. I'll kill the bastard myself, don't worry. It's just some dumbass who wants to kill all mutants. The normal supervillain stuff, you know!" Deadpool was excited. He was almost skipping.

I can understand it somewhat. It must have been lonely to live in a world with the knowledge that someone out there dictated everything about your world. In fact, this thought had been at the back of my mind ever since I had time to think about things beyond immediate survival. And I was scared of it.

"Can you see beyond the panels right now? Do you know what comic or story we are in?" I asked with some fear in my heart.

Deadpool saw through my fear and anxiety, "Don't think about it too much. I just see it as those guys recording my actions instead of having total control over what I do. And anyway, who is to say all of creation isn't just a dream of Azathoth?"

I felt strangely comforted by those words. I wasn't cured instantly but I found a perspective that I could use to make sense of the world. Even if I was in someone's fictional world, it was my actions they recorded not them dictating my actions.

"Okay, now give me the name of that bastard." I asked while gathering myself.

"John Sublime. I know where he is, let's go fuck him up! It will be our first mission as best friends." Deadpool was excited while I felt a little gloomy. I was still preparing to deal with the bacteria and he came running at me first.

My actions in India must've made the bastard alarmed. I'm sure he is already starting to spread his clones in India by now. He couldn't let a large country like India accept mutants, even if it is just a fake gesture by the government.

"Aren't Spidey and Wolverine your best friends?" I dressed up while talking. This issue took precedence over all else.

Deadpool was quick to answer, "We can be a squad of best friends. Our own team. How cool would that be!"

"I'm not joining your lame squad. Do you have the exact location for that shitty parasite Sublime?" I asked while sending making a call to India.

"You break my heart! I finally found a friend who can understand me, don't abandon me." While Deadpool was continuing his drama while holding onto my legs. I had already called for backup to deal with Sublime.

A portal opened in my room right after I put my phone down. Deadpool was instantly vigilant, ready to shoot. I stopped him and greeted the man who came out of the portal. "Sorry, I had to call you so urgently. But you should have known from your teacher Atri about what we are facing right?"

"Yes. But what is our action plan? Shouldn't we call for more people? " Vaman asked.

Deadpool interjected, "Hey, I'm here too! Don't ignore me!"

I sighed, "This is Deadpool. He knows the location of the target. And this is Vaman, leader of Trisul, an Indian mutant organization. You've probably heard of them on the news recently. He will be our backup."

"That's right! You were in that interview with the Indian fire-bending superhero." Deadpool seemed to have remembered some interviews Vaman had done along with Surya.

"Anyway, we have to end this as quickly as possible without alerting the other party. So we can't involve others. The plan is simple. We locate him, and after we verify his identity, Deadpool will approach and distract him while you put an airtight shield around them.

If you can construct shields for psychic interference then do that too. I'll use my own telepathy to create another layer of metal shield. Then Deadpool here will subdue and incinerate the bastard within the shield using the ultra-flammable liquid I prepared."

Vaman asked, "How will we confirm his identity?"

"I've got that covered." I answered without explaining much. I'll just perceive the information on John Sublime's body, a sentient bacteria that has lived for billions of years is bound to have a whole different level of information which should be easy to notice.

While Deadpool grumbled about not being included in planning and not having enough attention, he still complied, and we teleported inside a fancy country club.

Wade Wilson aka Deadpool, explained, "I overheard him talking about attending this military fundraiser golf tournament. Apparently, many army generals are supposed to appear here. He should be around here somewhere."

I turned to Vaman, "Put an invisibility spell on us. Don't let your guard down though, we will still hide while searching. I'll confirm when we find the guy. If he isn't the parasite, I'll just shoot him right there for putting a hit on me and we can go back." There was still some anger in me.

"I like you even more!" Deadpool quipped while Vaman did his thing.

We walked around for a while before Deadpool tapped my shoulder and whispered as if we were playing hide and seek, "That's him. In the middle of those military guys. The one wearing the blue suit."

Right then, I noticed him with my ability too. Sublime was like a lighthouse in darkness through my information perception. The amount of ambient information flowing out from Sublime's bacteria body was unmistakable.

"How will we separate him from the others?" Vaman asked me.

I looked around, thinking of a plan when my sight landed on the waiter who was carrying what looked like glasses of orange juice on a tray toward Sublime's group. So I used telekinesis to trip the waiter and pushed the tray to fly toward Sublime.

I didn't use too much mental strength in fear of being noticed, just enough to not be noticed but still get the work done.

The orange juice landed perfectly on the body that Sublime was parasitizing and then the poor waiter was scolded by everyone present. I'll discreetly get him a better job later.

"I'll go find a change of clothes, you gentlemen carry on." Sublime left with his bodyguard to clean himself after saying a few words in suppressed anger.

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Stooooones. More stones. Gimme stones.

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