Chapter 143: Thor: That Fat Guy Can't Be Me!
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"I think the captain is right," Bruce Banner also chimed in, "Thor, you don't strike me as the type to let your beard grow like that for no reason. There must have been a major upheaval. And that upheaval is now clear to us—it's Hela."
"Hela invaded Asgard, nearly slaughtering it, and you, Thor, suffered a heavy blow, leaving you in a daze, like a walking corpse," Tony Stark added, "so, Thor, this fat guy might really be you."
"That's impossible. I wouldn't turn into such a fat guy," Thor said with a solemn tone, "I will stop Hela!"
"T'Challa, Rhodey, it's your turn to answer the question," Steve Rogers said to Black Panther T'Challa and War Machine James Rhodes, "the two of you haven't answered yet."
"Rhodey, you go first," T'Challa said to James Rhodes.
"Then I won't hold back." James Rhodes nodded at Black Panther. "I choose option A!"
[Correct answer! Reward distributed!]
With a thought, James Rhodes floated up slightly. Of course, it was just hovering about a centimeter off the ground, barely noticeable if you didn't pay close attention.
"What's the point of this ability?" Thor said in disbelief, "Just floating a centimeter off the ground?"
"At least I won't fall to my death," James Rhodes said, "even if I fall from ten thousand meters high, I can just float before hitting the ground."
"It sounds like a way to stay alive," Thor remarked.
"No, it's more than that," James Rhodes explained, "Levitation allows me to hover about a centimeter above any surface, which means I can float on water. Even if someday God sends a great flood to this world, I won't drown."
"Sounds like a perfect skill for stealing," Tony Stark's eyes lit up, "you won't leave footprints, and gravity sensors won't be triggered. Rhodey, you might as well become a master thief, just like in the movies."
"Did you all forget about friction?" Bruce Banner suddenly spoke up, "With levitation, the friction between him and objects is practically nonexistent."
"So what? What's the relevance of that?" James Rhodes asked.
"Brilliant!" Tony Stark's excitement soared as he clapped his hands, coming up with a brilliant idea.
"What's so brilliant?" James Rhodes was utterly confused.
"Rhodey, do you know what the key to limiting speed is? It's friction! Without friction, there's nothing to restrain your speed!" Tony Stark looked elated, "If I install jet propulsion on you and you float up, it means you'll be the fastest transportation on the ground!"
"What's the point of that?" James Rhodes retorted, "I have a suit of armor that allows me to fly. Why would I want to slide on the ground?"
"I'm just providing an idea, a theory," James Rhodes's words poured cold water over Tony Stark's enthusiasm, and he lost interest in discussing it further.
The light turned on, and the space started playing a video.
The initial scene shocked everyone. It showed the Hulk and a clothed raccoon sitting together in a truck's cargo bed, driving on a country road.
The fact that the Hulk was sitting in a truck wasn't particularly surprising. What was astonishing was that the Hulk was actually wearing clothes, sitting there calmly!
"Is this real?" Tony Stark rubbed his eyes, finding it hard to believe what he was seeing, "The Hulk is wearing clothes? Is that really the Hulk? Is it?"
"Could it be that the Hulk has some twin brother?" Thor also looked amazed, turning to Bruce Banner, "Dr. Banner, do you have a brother?"
"Thor, can you be any more clueless?" Bruce Banner didn't even need to respond, and Tony Stark scornfully interrupted, "The Hulk's creation wasn't genetic; it was due to gamma radiation. Even if Dr. Banner had a twin brother, it would only be another Dr. Banner, not a second Hulk. Unless the other Banner was exposed to radiation as well. But the Hulk's birth was an accident, and another exposure won't create another one."
"Tony is right," Bruce Banner said, "there won't be a second Hulk."
"Dr. Banner, how did the Hulk achieve that state in the video?" Steve Rogers asked, "The Hulk's form and Banner's intellect are perfectly merged!"
"Captain, I'm curious about that too," Bruce Banner said, "I have no idea either."
"The Hulk's strength is almost invincible, but its weakness is also fatal. But in the video, that version of the Hulk seems to have no weaknesses," Tony Stark said to Bruce Banner, "Dr. Banner, to be honest, I really look forward to seeing the Hulk like that in the video."
"It's not just the Hulk wearing clothes. Even the raccoon is wearing clothes," T'Challa said, "that raccoon must be more than just the Hulk's pet, right?"
"Really?" Sam Wilson said, "There are many people who dress up their pets. Just because a raccoon is wearing clothes, doesn't mean anything, does it?"
"Wait, what's that?" James Rhodes suddenly exclaimed, "Welcome to Asgard, please drive slowly?"
At this moment, the video showed a truck passing a road sign that read "Welcome to Asgard, please drive slowly."
"Is there a place called Asgard on Earth?" Tony Stark found the video increasingly bizarre. "It looks like it's in some countryside town?"
"This Asgard must be related to the one Thor came from, right?" Steve Rogers said.
"It should be related," Sam Wilson said, "If it was just a town named Asgard, it might not mean much, but the fact that Hulk, who is also an Avenger, is heading there must be connected to Thor's Asgard."
"We also know that Hela invaded Asgard before, so does that mean Hela succeeded?" Steve Rogers speculated, "Thor had to abandon his home and rebuild another Asgard on Earth."
"No, it can't be true!" Thor's face turned grim as he vehemently denied it.
The truck eventually stopped at a small fishing village by the sea, and Hulk and Rocket Raccoon jumped off the truck.
"Compared to the grand and magnificent palace and the magical hammer, this place is far from impressive," Rocket Raccoon remarked.
"What the hell!" As Rocket Raccoon spoke, everyone in the answering space was shocked. Tony Stark widened his eyes and said, "I thought that raccoon might be more than meets the eye, but I thought it would be something like running fast or biting hard. I never expected it could talk!"
"Animals are starting to talk; this world is really getting crazier," Steve Rogers said.
"Thor, is that raccoon from an alien race?" Bruce Banner asked Thor.
"I've never heard of an alien race like that," Thor looked rather downcast.
"A bit of sympathy won't hurt, buddy," Hulk said in the video, "They lost Asgard and then lost half their people. They're probably happy to have a home."
Just this sentence made Thor's heart pound. The previous speculations were true— they really had to leave their original homeland and come to Earth to rebuild a new Asgard!
Could the future really be this bleak? Is Hela truly unbeatable?
"You shouldn't have come," Valkyrie said, holding a bundle of fishing nets.
"Valkyrie!" Hulk turned around, walking towards Valkyrie with a smile, "Nice to see you too, angry girl."
"I think either of your other forms is better than this one," Valkyrie said.
"This is Rocket," Hulk introduced Rocket Raccoon to Valkyrie.
"He won't see you," Valkyrie said to Hulk.
"Is it that bad?" Hulk asked.
"We can only see him once a month when he comes to get his 'supplies'," Valkyrie's gaze fell on a beer nearby.
"That really sucks," Hulk said.
"Yeah," Valkyrie agreed.
The scene changed, and Rocket Raccoon knocked on the door, which was surprisingly open, so he just walked in.
"What the...?" The smell inside made Rocket Raccoon feel nauseous. "Is anyone here? Thor?"
"Are you guys here to fix the TV?" Thor's voice rang out, and then the disheveled, bearded, bare-chested Thor walked out, "I haven't been able to receive the movie channel for two weeks, and the sports channel is all fuzzy."
"What the heck!"
"Jeez!"
"What the hell!"
As Thor appeared, everyone in the answering space exclaimed in unison, hardly able to believe their eyes.
That man with a belly as big as if he was pregnant, was that really the majestic God of Thunder, Thor?
In the previous video, Thor had appeared shirtless, and at that time, he had an eight-pack abdomen with visible abs. His body was the kind that made men drool when they looked at it.
Was that same person as the current "pregnant" man?
"Thor, I did imagine you getting fat, but this is too exaggerated, right?" Tony Stark stared with widened eyes, looking incredulous, "That big belly, are you serious?"
"Yeah, Thor, I think my eyes must be going blind," Bruce Banner said, "really, if one day you do get this fat, please don't admit you know me."
"That's not me! It definitely isn't me!" Thor seemed to have suffered some kind of shock and shouted, "No! No!!!"
"Thor, accept it; that's you," Tony Stark patted Thor's shoulder, "But don't worry, I won't pretend not to know you. At most, I'll cover my face when I'm with you."
"Stark, that's not me!" Thor pointed at the video, his hand trembling with excitement, "That can't be me!"
In the video, Thor, with a big belly, grabbed a beer bottle and turned around, revealing who the person was.
"Guys! Oh my god!" Thor's face lit up with a brilliant smile, and he went over to give Hulk a bear hug, "It's so good to see all of you!"
"Come here, you adorable little rascal." Thor once again embraced Rocket Raccoon and playfully rubbed its head.
It was evident that Thor and Rocket Raccoon knew each other.
"Hulk, do you know my friends Mick and Korg?" Thor introduced two aliens sitting on the couch, playing games.
"The beer is in the keg, the Wi-Fi is open, help yourselves, no password needed." Korg said considerately. Then he put on his headphones and pointed at the computer screen, saying to Thor, "Thor, he's back again. That jerk on TV is calling me stupid."
"Newbie Master," Thor turned his head, looked at the screen, and an invisible aura began to emanate from his 200-pound body.
"Yes, Newbie Master 69," Korg replied.
"Newbie Master or Thor, you know, the God of Thunder from Asgard," Thor, not afraid to use his authority, walked over to the computer, picked up the headphones, and spoke in a chilling voice as if it was the wind of midwinter, "Listen, buddy, if you don't log off, I'll fly over to your place, crash into the basement you're hiding in, rip your arms off, and stuff them up your ass!"
This scene once again left everyone in the answering space dumbfounded.
Threatening a gamer with his identity as the God of Thunder, could he have any less dignity?
"Really?" Tony Stark couldn't help but say, "Thor, you're a powerhouse traversing the universe, the God of Thunder from Asgard, and you care about some guy playing games?"
"Because of the game, you're even willing to bring out your identity as the God of Thunder..." Steve Rogers also looked at Thor with curiosity, "Thor, what were you thinking?"
"I told you, that's not me." Thor blushed, wishing he could find a hole to hide in.
Damn it, this questioner must have a grudge against him. Why else would they keep showing him these embarrassing scenes?
In the video, Thor must have made the other person cry, although the voice from the phone wasn't audible, it could be guessed from Thor's subsequent words.
"Cry to your daddy, you little brat!" Thor handed the headphones back to Korg, speaking like a big brother, "If he dares to bully you again, tell me, understand?"
"Thank you very much, I will." Korg put on the headphones.
"Do you guys want something to drink?" After fiercely scolding a little kid for gaming, Thor asked Hulk, "I have beer, tequila, anything you want."
Saying that, he took a bottle of beer, tapped it against Stormbreaker, opened the cap, and started drinking.
"That weapon, that's the axe from the battle with Thanos, right?" Tony Stark noticed the Stormbreaker. He looked at Thor with extreme speechlessness, "Come on, Thor, such a divine artifact, and you're using it to open a bottle?"
"Thor, I don't want to criticize you, but this axe has really been ill-treated following you," Steve Rogers also said, "Since it's been with you, it probably never imagined being used as a bottle opener, right?"
"If the axe could sing, it would probably serenade you with the 'Motherfu*ker' song," Tony Stark said.
The video continued, and Hulk asked with concern, "Buddy, are you okay?"
"Of course, I'm fine, why do you ask?" Thor replied, "Don't I look good?"
"You look like melted ice cream," Rocket Raccoon remarked.
"Haha!" Thor laughed, "So, are you guys here to have fun?"
"We need your help," Hulk said, "We might have a chance to fix everything."
"What? The TV?" Thor said, "That's been bugging me for a couple of weeks."
"It's about Thanos," Hulk said.
Then, Thor's expression changed, tears almost streaming down his face. He grabbed Hulk's shirt and said word by word, "Don't mention that name."
"Is it Thanos? Why would it be Thanos?" The name surprised Steve Rogers, "Wasn't it Hela who went to Asgard? Why is Thanos mentioned in the video?"
"It seems that not only Hela went to Asgard, but Thanos also went," Bruce Banner said, "Thanos not only targeted Earth but Asgard as well."
"Losing Asgard and half of the population was the result of Hela and Thanos working together," Thor clenched his fist, "I will stop them!"
"Thor, don't worry too much. Since we already know about this outcome in advance, we can definitely prevent it," Steve Rogers said.
The video continued, and Korg stood up, saying, "Yeah, we don't mention that name here."
"Please take your hand off." Hulk gently grabbed Thor's hand and put it aside, "I know that guy may scare you..."
"How could that be?" Thor took a step forward, his voice raised, "How could I be afraid of that guy? I killed him, remember? Is there anyone else who killed him here?"
"Korg, tell everyone who swung Stormbreaker and chopped off Thanos's big head," Thor asked Korg.
"Stormbreaker," Korg said.
"Then who wielded Stormbreaker?" Thor tipped his beer bottle back.
"Thor killed Thanos. Finally, we see some good news!" At this point, Tony Stark couldn't help but say, "That purple big guy, he's not invincible."
"Yes, I knew I would defeat him," Thor gritted his teeth, "Since I can beat him, I won't let this happen!"
"I'm curious about how future Thor managed to chop off Thanos's head," Steve Rogers said, "We've all seen Thanos's strength, incredibly powerful, far surpassing any one of us. Thor, I'm not trying to deflate your pride, but I believe, with your strength, you can't defeat Thanos at all. So, I really want to know how Thanos ended up losing."
The video continued to play.
"I know you're feeling down, I've been through it too. Do you know who helped me get through it?" Hulk comforted Thor.
The usually violent and reckless Hulk unexpectedly played the role of a caring big brother, which was quite surprising.
"Natasha?" Thor asked.
"It's you," Hulk gave an answer that nobody expected, "It was you who helped me."
"Why don't you go ask the remaining Asgardians down there how meaningful my help was," Thor pointed outside the window, "at least the ones who are still alive."
"I believe I can bring them back," Hulk said.
"Enough," Thor sat there, grabbing some snacks, "Stop it, okay? I know you think I'm stuck here, wallowing in self-pity, waiting for someone to save me. But I'm fine, alright? We are all fine."
"We're good, buddy," Korg chimed in.
"So, whatever suggestions you have, we're not interested," Thor said, "We don't care, not at all. Goodbye."
"We need you, buddy," Hulk insisted.
Thor just continued drinking his beer, not responding to Hulk.
"There's beer on the ship," Rocket Raccoon, who hadn't said anything for a while, said.
"What kind?" Thor finally showed some interest.
The screen darkened, and the video ended there.
"Thor, you really seemed quite down in the future. It takes that raccoon using beer to cheer you up," Steve Rogers commented.
"I completely understand," Bruce Banner said, "Anyone would feel down in such situations. Captain, you would be the same if you were in his shoes."
"But Hulk's last words were worth noting," Tony Stark said, "He said he could bring them back, bring them back, what does that mean?"
"Earlier, Banner mentioned losing half the population. I thought they were killed, but it turns out they were captured," Steve Rogers said, "That's still good news. I mean, compared to being killed, at least they are alive and there's hope to rescue them, right?"
"Where did Hulk go?" Sam Wilson suddenly said.
"Sam, what are you talking about?" Steve Rogers asked.
"Hulk specifically came to ask Thor to deal with Thanos, but during the big battle with Thanos, it was only Stark, Thor, and you, Captain," Sam Wilson said, "Hulk, with such formidable combat strength, was surprisingly absent during the battle with Thanos."
"Maybe he was on another planet. Hulk went to the planet Sakaar before, and he even had a fight with Thor there," Steve Rogers said.
"Thor was also on Sakaar, but he was present during the battle with Thanos."
"That's not very clear," Steve Rogers said, "We have too little information to analyze."
"Start the seventh question, please prepare."
"Please watch the following video first."
The video started in a room where Tony Stark's hands were shackled to an iron frame, and two burly men stood guard nearby—one with a shaved head and the other with a ponytail.
Tick-tock!
Tick-tock!
Suddenly, a ticking sound filled the room, like a clock's alarm.
Indeed, it was a wristwatch making the sound, and it was a very cartoonish pink wristwatch, the one Potato Gun Boy had given to Tony Stark.
The man with the ponytail reached out and picked up the ticking wristwatch.
"Be careful, that's a limited edition," the shackled Tony Stark reminded him, and then he asked the man with the shaved head, "Hey, baldy, how far is Tennessee from Miami?"
"832 miles," the man with the ponytail pointed his gun at Tony Stark and replied.
"Not bad," Tony Stark said.
"I'm quite talented," the man with the ponytail pointed at the cartoonish watch in the shaved head man's hand, "Can you turn it off?"
"Break it, and it's on you!" Tony Stark warned the man with the shaved head.
The man with the shaved head threw the cartoonish wristwatch on the ground and smashed it with his foot.
"Okay, I'll tell you the truth. That was my friend's sister's watch," Tony Stark said to the man with the shaved head, "So, I'm going to kill you first."
(End of this chapter)
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