Little Bo Beep

"Did you see it?", Gloria asked.

"Did she find out?", Desiree questioned.

"Does she know?", Mitchell queried at the same time as Desiree.

"This is the last thing she needs today", Phil commented as he read the newspaper. When he saw someone take a newspaper, he snatched it from their hand and yelled, "No!". After looking around for a few seconds to ensure his wife wasn't near, Phil spoke into the phone, "I can't believe that people find Claire 'Angry and unlikeable'".

"I mean", Desiree muttered.

"Have you met Claire?", Mitchell questioned.

"She does shout a lot", Gloria added, "And she always has that face".

"Oh. I know what face you're on about", Desiree remarked.

"You mean that face she has where she looks outraged and is about to scream at you?", Mitchell asked.

"Isn't that the face she always has?", Phil queried. After quickly scouting to make sure his wife still wasn't in the vicinity, he grabbed all the newspapers and dumped them in a bin. "No one can mention it to her", Phil desperately said, "We can't have some unscientific poll shaking Claire's confidence, especially not with the debate tod-ayyy"

"She's right there isn't she?", Desiree, Gloria and Mitchell asked simultaneously.

"I have to go", Phil muttered, ending the call.

"Phil, what poll?", Claire asked as she grabbed the newspaper in Phil's hand. Quickly going over the newspaper, she exclaimed, "Oh My God!", she saw the comments and opinions about her.

[On the call]

"He's done for, isn't he?", Mitchell asked rhetorically.

"Of course he is", Desiree answered.

"Obviously", Gloria said, "I have to go and pray that Phil makes it home alive".

"I'd be surprised if my sister doesn't make a huge deal about this", Mitchell muttered.

"I'd be more surprised if she doesn't head over to the newspaper to complain about the content of the newspaper", Desiree added. A few seconds later, she remembered something, "Oh yeah. Did Lily's flower girl dress arrive yet?"

"No", Mitchell replied, shaking his head, "It should arrive soon though. Anyway, I gotta go. Cam wants Lily to practice the flower petal throwing".

"I should go as well", Desiree remarked, "I have to go and pick up Bella's dress. Bye".

"Bye", Mitchell responded, ending the call at the same time as Desiree.

[Time Skip]

"Welcome candidates", Alex began. "Mrs Dunphy", Alex said as she gestured towards Claire.

Claire leaned in towards the hairbrush, "Thank you for having me".

"And Councilman Bailey", Alex continued, looking at Phil who was pretending to be Councilman Bailey.

"Gosh. Thank you so much Alex", Phil began, "I'm deeply honoured to be here and I remain, as ever, a humble servant to the greatest little town in the greatest darn stat-".

Before Phil could continue, Luke pressed a buzzer, "Eye rolling".

"Playful eye-rolling", Claire argued.

"How are we, the audience, viewers and, most importantly, the voters, meant to know it's playful?", Zephyr asked, "For all we know, you may be annoyed at his overly long introduction and are rolling your eyes disrespectfully".

Haley and Luke nodded at his words, with Haley adding, "I would avoid it".

"Okay", Claire agreed, "No eye rolling".

Before Claire could continue, Haley honked the clown horn in her hand, "Don't purse your lips like that. It makes you look annoyed".

"Okay", Claire nodded, rubbing her head in frustration.

Luke, Haley and Zephyr buzzed simultaneously, "Don't touch your face", Luke instructed.

"It makes it look like you're nervous", Haley added.

"It gives off the impression that you're ill", Zephyr finished, "And people don't want a sick person as their councillor.

"Some of this is subjective", Claire said, pointing at them. Immediately, Luke and Haley buzzed. "What now?", Claire queried.

"Finger", Luke, Haley and Zephyr explained at the same time.

"It looks like you're scolding us", Luke continued.

"It also makes you look bossy", Zephyr added.

"I will keep my hands at my side then", Claire grumbled through he gritted teeth.

"Not on your hips", Phil intervened, "You're not Superman", which caused Claire to sigh.

"Can we actually get started?", Alex cut in.

"We haven't started yet?", Claire asked in disbelief.

"I've prepared some questions", Alex continued, ignoring her Mom's comment.

"Oh. Goody. Some actual questions", Claire muttered.

"Honk. Sarcasm", Phil said.

"Just let it go", Claire replied.

"Okay. Mrs Dunphy, why are you running for local office?", Alex questioned, looking up from her cards.

"Okay. Uhm. That's good. I. Eh", Claire stuttered, unable to formulate a response.

"Mom. You really shouldn't stutter over a basic question like that", Alex interrupted, "You should at the very least know why you're running for office".

"I thought the moderator was supposed to be objective", Claire argued.

"Not if she's the only one in the room with actual debate experience", Alex countered, "Now. Why are you running?".

"I saw the need for a stop sign at my-", Claire tried.

"Liar!", Phil yelled, stopping her from continuing.

"Phil!", Claire exclaimed.

"I just think you should be ready for anything", Phil defended.

Claire took a deep breath before continuing, "I saw the need for a stop sign in my neighbourhood and although I collected the necessary signatures and filled out the correct paperwork, I found the local government to be entirely unhelpful".

Before she could continue, Haley honked her horn, "Too long, I'm bored".

"Yeah", Luke agreed, "Next question. I feel like I'm in school".

"Make it more eloquent", Zephyr argued, "Something like 'Certain perspectives posit that the political system finds itself encumbered by uncompromising ideological hardliners, impeding the fluidity of progress.'. That sounds better and less ... wordy".

"Some say the political system is bogged down by ideological hardliners who refuse to compromise", Alex turned to look at Phil, "How would you respond to that, Councilman Bailey?".

Phil, unsure of how to respond to that, leaned into the hairbrush and said, "I would like to use my lifeline".

"I'll respond to that", Claire interrupted, "If elected, I would consider all perspectives and I would not ignore opposing viewpoints as Councilman Bailey has done for six terms". As soon as she finished, Zephyr pressed his board game buzzer. "What now? That was a perfect answer", she shouted.

"Well, I couldn't hear you because you were too busy looking at Phil's face", Zephyr argued, causing Claire to sigh in frustration. "Before we continue, I think that we should address anything Bailey could use against you".

"What?", Claire muttered.

"He's right", Alex agreed, "If you've done something wrong, Councilman Bailey may bring it up to worsen public opinion of you and decrease your chances of being elected".

"It doesn't just have to be you", Zephyr added, "It could be something Phil's done as well".

"Huh. Me?", Phil asked, pointing at himself.

"Yeah", Zephyr nodded his head, "You're her husband so he may use something you've done wrong to make it seem like Claire's incapable of controlling her family which gives off a bad impression to the audience".

"Pft", Claire waved off his worries, "Phil's never publicly done something wrong".

However, before she could continue, Phil grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the room with wide eyes.

Seeing their retreating figures, Zephyr turned to look at Alex and muttered, "He's deffo done something", with Alex nodding in agreement.

[Time Skip]

"Hi. Hey guys", Claire greeted as she entered the church with the rest of the Dunphys.

"Hey guys", Mitchell greeted, looking down at a card.

"Hi", Desiree welcomed, constantly looking away from Claire.

"What's shaking? What's cooking?", Cam nervously asked as he looked around.

"You saw the debate didn't you?", Claire replied with a neutral face.

"The de-what?!", Cam anxiously exclaimed.

"No!", Mitchell muttered in mock sadness.

"That was today?", Desiree questioned in false surprise.

"We must've missed it", Matt added, struggling to hold back his snickering.

"You are the worst liars", Claire declared.

"If it makes you feel any better", Matt interrupted, "It was phenomenal television".

"Thank you for your sympathy and no, it does not make me feel better", Claire neutrally replied.

"Oh Lily", Haley exclaimed, desperate to distract everyone from the debate, "What a ... dress?".

"Oh. You ain't seen nothing yet", Cam chuckled, pressing a button on the back of the dress which caused it to light up, literally.

"Wow", Haley muttered.

"That's bright", Phil added.

"Yikes", Alex continued.

"I don't think I can unsee that", Zephyr finished.

"She looks like a Lite-Brite", Luke commented, incapable of looking away from the lights.

"Lily, sweetie, are you excited to be a flower girl?", Desiree asked as she knelt down to look at Lily's face.

"Yeah", Claire murmured, "You seem a little nervous". Seeing no response, she looked at her parents and asked, "Why isn't she talking to me? Did she see the debate as well?".

"I saw!", Bella exclaimed, "You looked really funny". Then pointing at Phil, she continued, "You're viral on YouTube. I don't know why though".

"Bella!", Desiree exclaimed, placing her hand on Bella's mouth to stop her talking, "I told you not to mention that".

"It's fine", Mitchell said, then turned to look at his sister, "She's on verbal lockdown. She's been dropping a certain curse word all day. Yeah. So we're just hoping the next one doesn't happen during the wedding".

"If it does, it'll be the second most embarrassing thing that's happened today", Phil muttered.

"Phil!", Claire yelled, "You said it wasn't that bad".

"That was in the car", Phil defended, "We're in a church now. I can't lie".

"Somebody turn her off", Luke dazedly said, "I think I'm having a seizure".