Crossroads and Coffee

Thursday 17th September, 11:05.

New Jersey,

Gotham City,

Gotham Heights.

The smell of freshly brewed coffee wafted through the air as Esau entered the café, the low hum of quiet conversations mingling with the occasional clink of ceramic cups. The warm ambience of the coffeehouse was a stark contrast to the chaos that had consumed his life in recent weeks, hell in recent years now that he thought about it.

Esau didn't dwell on it for too long, instead spotting Barbara sitting at a small table near the window, her red hair catching the soft afternoon sunlight as she sipped from her cup. As if feeling his gaze on her, Barbara looked up, catching his eye as he moved across the room toward her, her lips curving into a small smile.

"You're late."

Esau gave a faint smile, sliding into the seat across from her. "Jason doesn't exactly live in the areas of Gotham Heights I'm used to."

"Fair enough," she replied, pushing a second cup of coffee toward him. "Black, no sugar. Just how you like it."

Esau took the cup, nodding in thanks and for a moment, they sat in comfortable silence, the clamour of the outside world muted by the glass separating them. It was almost too easy to fall back into this old rhythm and routine, forgetting about the weights they carried and the battles they had fought. Just once more being two young kids leaning on each other for support and being the only true friends either one had.

"How's the team holding up?" Esau asked finally, breaking the quiet.

Barbara leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. "Better than before. Everyone's still training hard, even Wally—though only because Canary's been on his case."

Esau chuckled softly. "I'm surprised she hasn't kicked his ass again yet."

"She's come close," Barbara said with a smirk. "What about you? How's your training going?"

Esau's expression darkened slightly at the reminder of his recent struggles, his hand tightening around the coffee cup. "...I've hit a wall," he admitted after a pause. "I've been challenging my two-tailed self every day for weeks, but I can't beat it. No matter how hard I try, what strategies I use the clones it creates keep overwhelming me with their teamwork. They already fight in a way that utilises their powers perfectly and together, they only further cover each other's openings. I can barely get room to breathe let alone find an opening to exploit."

Barbara frowned, tilting her head. "Have you talked to Jason about it?"

"He's been helpful," Esau replied. "But he's stuck just as much as I am. He doesn't fight like I do, most of the fights he gets into he lets Etrigan handle as part of their agreement. Etrigan himself is intelligent and fights strategically, but only if it's not a situation he can't overcome with brute force and well..."

"He can still overpower you." Barbara finished, Esau nodding with a frustrated sigh.

"Thing is, from what Jason's told me. Etrigan has figured out a way to exploit the weakness. Apparently, Etrigan is preparing for if I get strong enough to ever pose a challenge to him. But feels no need to share this in case it can be used against him." Barbara frowned in response to this. "Demons are fucking annoying."

"It sounds like it."

"But Jason suggested that I try getting other perspectives." Esau continued. "Any ideas?"

Barbara blinked, startled by the question. "You want my advice?"

Esau nodded. "You're one of the smartest people I know. You've trained with some of the best, and you're a great tactician which is why on missions, I always delegate you and Dick to observers. Not because I doubt your skills, but because I know if anyone can find a weakness for the rest of the team to exploit, it's you guys. I figured considering that you might be able to see something I don't."

Barbara's cheeks flushed faintly at the compliment, but she quickly pushed it aside. "Okay," she said slowly, "your doppelgänger relies on overwhelming offence, right? It doesn't defend because it doesn't need to thanks to its healing factor. And the clones split its power, but they work in perfect unison. Have you ever been able to defeat a clone?" Esau nodded his head. "What happened?"

"It turned into a red...smoke?" Esau said unsurely, not entirely sure what the clone dissolved into when it was reabsorbed back into the body of the doppelgänger.

"What was the doppelgänger like when it reabsorbed the clone?" Barbara wondered.

"It's speed and stuff increased dramatically. Not to its full extent, but it grew over time." Esau explained. "Like it was taking time to fully reabsorb the power and regain its second tail."

"Then that's your opening."

Esau frowned, considering her words. "It's a good idea, but it's not that simple. The clones work together too seamlessly. Even if I managed to take one out, the others would overwhelm me before I could capitalize on the opening. Maybe if it only created one clone yet even so, I would have to find a way to end the fight near instantly and I don't have any means to do that. If it created three, with none of them possessing a tail it might be easier, but the moment I focused on one of the remaining ones. The other would recover and come to its aid."

Barbara smiled. "Then rather than focusing on the clone, focus on the original." She replied, Esau leaning forward in interest. "If the clones are the problem, then what happens when the original is taken out? It may not be certain, but it's possible that taking out the original would also take out the clone. Easier said than done. Not only taking out one of them when they're ganging up on you, even less so to keep track of which one is the original. But if you manage to do that, you might be able to win."

Esau nodded slowly, though the uncertainty in his eyes remained. "It's worth trying," he admitted. "But I don't know if I'm ready yet. Every time I face it, I feel like I'm barely holding on. If I mess up, it's not just me who pays the price, it's everyone around me. For now, Etrigan is keeping me under check. But I want to make sure I'm ready before I try again."

Barbara reached across the table, resting her hand on his. "You'll figure it out. You always do."

Their conversation was interrupted by the distant wail of sirens cutting through the quiet afternoon, their gazes drifting to the window, where red and blue lights flickered in the distance. Barbara sighed heavily, her shoulders slumping as her hand slipped away from his, only to be caught by him, both hands clasping it as he looked at her worriedly.

"Gotham never changes, does it?" she muttered in answer to his unasked question.

Esau kept her gaze, his expression open. "What's going on in Gotham?"

Barbara hesitated, swirling the remnants of her coffee in her cup. "The same as always. Crime, corruption, chaos… Batman, Robin, and I do what we can, but it never feels like enough." Her voice was tinged with frustration, and as her hand shifted to hold his hand it tightened. "And honestly? We haven't even been as active in Gotham as we used to be since joining the team. You'd think things would improve without us there to draw attention to the criminals, but it's just gotten worse."

She let out a bitter laugh.

"The truth is, no matter how hard we fight, it feels like we're just making things worse." Barbara still remembered Esau's words to her back when he had been Black Hood, fighting crime in Gotham in a way completely alien and terrifying to her. "Sometimes I wonder if we're even making a difference at all."

Esau's gaze softened as he watched her. "You are," he said firmly. "Even if it doesn't feel like it, every person you save, every crime you stop, it all matters. I couldn't see it before, but even though it may not seem like it to some, you are making a difference. Are there other ways? Yes. But is your way necessarily wrong? No."

Barbara shook her head, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I don't know anymore, Esau. When I became Batgirl, I thought I could change things. I thought if I fought hard enough if I pushed myself far enough, I could make Gotham a better place." She paused, her voice dropping to a whisper. "But nothing's changed. And now… I don't even know if this is what I want to do anymore."

Esau frowned, leaning forward. "What do you mean?"

Barbara hesitated, her hands trembling slightly as she set down her cup. "Becoming Batgirl wasn't just about fighting crime," she admitted. "It was about helping you. I knew you were stuck in Gotham, trapped by Black Mask who controlled your life. I didn't know everything, but I knew enough to want to make a difference for you."

Esau's eyes widened slightly, but he remained silent, letting her continue.

"Now, I'm not sure if being Batgirl is what I want," Barbara said, her voice cracking. "Maybe it never was. Maybe it was always about you."

Esau leaned back, processing her words. "What you want to do is never something you can be certain of," he said finally. "Even I don't know if the choices I've made were the right ones. I don't want to kill anymore, but I'm not sure if being a hero like I am right now is right for me either. Recently I've been thinking about leaving the team, focusing on controlling my powers."

Barbara's heart sank at his words, but she forced herself to nod. "If that's what's best for you, then I'll support it. But…what do you mean by not wanting to kill anymore or being a hero?"

Esau's gaze grew distant, his smile strained. "When I started out as Black Hood, I killed criminals, but it was never easy. I had nightmares about it constantly. Barely slept most days and barely ate as well sometimes. Killing was never easy and at first, every time I did it, it became harder to do it. I held back on killing thieves and corrupt cops unless I had solid evidence that they'd killed or raped someone. But again that was only at the start."

Barbara frowned. "Why spare them?"

Esau sighed. "Because I was a thief for a time growing up. I stole to survive, to try and pay off my debt to Black Mask. I thought if I worked hard enough, I could get free, but that was a lie. Black Mask was never going to let me go." He paused, his voice heavy with regret. "If I killed thieves, I'd be taking away their chance to turn their lives around just like I once hoped to do."

Barbara's throat tightened, but she forced herself to ask, "And the cops? Why spare them?"

Esau's expression softened, a hint of sadness creeping into his eyes as he smiled. "Because of Harvey."

It was an answer Barbara didn't expect, her eyes widening in shock. She had always known and suspected that Harvey and Esau's bond went deeper than just their shared connection with her uncle, but she didn't expect this.

"He used to be a corrupt cop. Not as bad as some, but certainly corrupt." Esau continued, Barbara listening intently. "But when I was a kid, fighting in the underground rings, when Black Mask stopped finding enjoyment in watching me getting beat within an inch of my life, I had no one to look after me. No one to get me home, no one to get me to a hospital. I was left to fend for myself and I would have died in some back alley of Gotham somewhere, if not for Harvey. I don't know if he was out on patrol, or if he had come to the underground fighting ring to watch." The way Esau's smile grew, Barbara suspected that Esau thought it was the latter. "But he was the one who got me home, who took me to the hospital. Harvey was the one who made sure that I was safe when I probably would have and should have died. He even kept it all secret from your dad, all because I asked him to."

Harvey also probably knew exactly what such news would do to James and by extension Barbara, but neither Esau nor her needed to say that. They both knew the truth and Esau looked down at his hands, where Barbara was now resting her other hand on top while he clasped one in both of his.

"If it wasn't for Harvey, I would have definitely died long ago," Esau admitted, Barbara as much as she wished to deny it, knew that it was more than likely the truth. "That's why when I started out as Black Hood, I made a vow to myself that I would never kill a thief because I didn't want to rob someone of the chance to turn their life around like I had hoped and dreamed to. I also vowed never to kill a corrupt cop unless I had proof, irrefutable proof they were too far gone, same with the thieves. But I didn't want to kill cops because I didn't want to rob someone of their Harvey."

Barbara's eyes tung, looking to see the small, sad smile on Esau's lips that made her heartache. "But what about later? You said it was at the start." She asked hesitantly.

"After the Talon and the Court of Owls, during the gang war between the Casa Nostra and Hammer, I stopped caring." Esau's jaw tightened. "They attacked my home, even killed my neighbour, Alfie. I didn't like the guy, he used to always piss me off with all the hookers he used to bring around. He stank of alcohol, he'd leave mouldy food everywhere, just dump it out in the corridor leaving it for me to move when it finally got too big. But he...when I didn't have money for food, I'd always hear a knock at my door and a bag of stuff left there. He thought he was slick and smooth with it, but I could always hear his door closing, fucking idiot."

Barbara let out a short laugh, Esau shaking his head in amusement.

"I dunno." He eventually admitted. "Killing was so hard at the start and only got harder. But I don't know what happened really, maybe a mixture of everything. But I stopped caring. I killed murderers, rapists, thieves and corrupt cops without hesitation. I spared no one." His voice was tight, filled with self-loathing. "At some point, killing became too easy. I stopped following my code and stopped being the person I wanted to be. That's why I'm afraid to kill again because I know how easy it would be to fall back into that."