Beef is the Way

"Friends, family, fellow Chicanos. At many points in my young life people have said, 'Juan Grande es loco.' Nothing I've done in the last year has given anyone reason to doubt that. But, what is a man, a normal man, in a world gone wrong? He is part of the problem. Sanity is only of value insofar as the salubrious nature of the culture around it. Ours is a society designed to devalue us all. To grind us away and leave us with no hope. Even in this world gone wrong, I am thankful for the people around me. Those at this table that hear 'Juan Grande es loco.' and don't interpret it as 'Big Juan is wrong.' So tonight on the eve of yet another of Big Juan's crazy endeavors, I celebrate you all. Salud!" I finished my speech by raising my glass in perfect Leonardo DiCaprio fashion and Mr. Handies raised the covers off the food trays revealing piles of beef.

Real beef.

Ciri returned to our world after three days having laid many false trails and covered her metaphysical tracks as best she could, and she did not come alone. She brought with her an all natural hormone free organic Temerian steer. After taking samples for future cloning I set my robo butlers to butchering that steer, resulting in just over four hundred pounds of trimmed beef. Don't worry. We injected the liquified tallow back into the beef so that even that notoriously lean grass fed beef was juicy and flavorful, and sliced open the bones to melt out the marrow which we used as butter tonight.

I felt my Street Cred shoot up twice when Campo Orto and Rogue Amendieres first bit into the beef, getting me to level 33. The relatively barren landscape of perks between level 30 and fifty had been populated with the companion perks, so I took Old Vaquero to pick up another 33 percent attack speed when using revolvers and lever action weapons, further cementing my place as a western movie hero. Most were worthless, but both of Raul's perks, Old Vaquero and Full Maintenance were excellent picks, as is Lily's Stealth Girl. ED-E's Enhanced Sensors were also a brilliant choice at level 40, allowing me to automatically sense the locations of enemies at great distances, even those employing stealth tech.

V looked exhausted despite the smile on her face between bites. In true protagonist fashion, she completed my basic training routine like a tutorial and started employing the skills of a trained soldier in real life without any issues. She did all this while adjusting for the installation of the full SPECIAL Implant suite which included three in her brain to the prefrontal cortex, the cerebral cortex, and the frontal lobe. Along with three to her nervous system and one to her heart it was a lot to adjust too, not also considering that the additional biotech will kickstart what is essentially a secondary puberty. Something I found hilarious as I'd also given these to my mother and brother.

It's time to reignite their flames of YOUTH!

"Hermano… what is this?" Jackie asked as he sliced into a big tomahawk ribeye.

"It's beef, Jackie." I informed him causing his face to twist in confusion.

"This is something different." Jackie insisted.

"This is real beef, from real cattle." I explained and he looked at the succulent cut of meat.

"No way." He gasped before putting another piece in his mouth, "Dis ish wat reel ish like?"

"Manners Jaquito, you're a full grown man for fuck's sake." Mama slapped his arm for the faux pas.

Nearby, little David laughed at the interplay causing his mama to slap his arm as well.

"Juan." Campo Orto greeted me from his place at the improvised banquet table in El Coyote Cojo, "I'll admit, this time I thought you'd gone too far with your ideas, but the sudden appearance of this cow on your table fills me with regret for such doubts. I am sorry, Juan. Please forgive an old man for his lack of faith."

I suddenly wished I was in an anime so I could clench my fist and weep rivers of tears while screaming 'Boss!' to properly express my feelings about Campo's contriteness. Instead I gave him a silent nod.

"Sudden isn't even the half of it." Rogue commented from next to the Boss, "This much beef is worth much more than the truck it came on, and I didn't even hear a rumor about someone moving it into Night City."

"Working angles even the very best can't see. Well done, Juan." Campo complimented me and I felt another level up hit.

Impressing the big players in the streets really pays the bills. I took Slayer for my next perk, picking up another 25 percent attack speed up for melee and unarmed combat. Speed kills, mis amigos, so long as the weight behind the attack is enough to actually hurt whatever it is you are fighting. Fortunately my hands weigh a ton, or at least that is how it feels to anyone I punch.

I'd make a joke about sending people to the shadow realm, but usually they just skip that place and go straight to hell. Got it! Levid picked the right guy for this reincarnation, I'm giving away express tickets to see him with each hand.

"I'd make it worth your while for access to that kind of hustle." Rogue offered and Ciri wisely pulled no attention to herself.

The girl in question obviously wasn't blown away by my meat feast, growing up as a princess in the world it came from, rather she occasionally ran a thumb over her new neural link ports. Ciri didn't respond to basic training the way V did, largely due to the unfamiliarity of both the learning system and the weapon systems, but I skipped her straight to Close Quarters Combat and her years of prior training made the process much smoother.

CQC is far more situational than gunplay for sure, but the situation arises far more often than one would expect. Any fight that starts within thirty yards, from stealth, and in any place where you checked your gun at the door are times you'll wish you had a pair of mono blade wolvers to pop claws and start shredding. I know I'd sure like to be a barrio Wolverine, but I just couldn't get them to fit with my Gorilla tech and the Spike Hands get a big fucking boost from my Ram tech.

Sad face for power and synergy ruining my Wolverine.

I turned to Rogue and let her know I'd consider it, which is polite speak for no. The woman was damn helpful, but didn't have anything that would entice Ciri to run up the risk of the Wild Hunt showing up for her. Too bad, Rogue has a vast empire of contacts and people who owe her everything everywhere. She's the kinda girl who can flatline a satellite with a phone call and who's heists involve rocket boots.

Personally I prefer to walk in through the front door and start shooting, but most people aren't rocking 22 damage threshold naked. For context, your standard full metal suit of combat armor in Cyberpunk is rated at 25. A beefy suit of well made power armor is 60. Mexico's premiere Power Armor is rated at 80 but no one would accuse it of being well made. The hope behind it was that it was armored up enough to protect the user from Heavy Gaus Rifle fire, heavy tech weapons for the uninitiated, it did not… and they tested it with a pilot in the suit… on live TV.

I should add wiping that debacle away from the collective guilt of latinos everywhere with some dope as fuck Welles Arms X-01 Hellfire Armor.

The beef is beyond belief by the way. After eighteen years deprived of the truth and the life and the way of the beef, I am once more on the path and I had only one thing to say.

"This beef is making my dick hard.

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I love how Juan can win a major shoot out and maybe get a level, but putting a cow on the table with the right people around gets him three straight up.

I had to tweak the damage threshold of Juan's heavy real skin up to 6 from 3 due to skin weave in Cyberpunk netting you 4 and Juan's is supposed to be better. This does mean his skin now takes most of the piss out of the standard line up of power type assault rifles without any of the plate armor implants like you see Lieutenant Colonel James Norris rocking at the start of edgerunners.

Juan has a bit more staying power due to endurance increasing the durability of his cyberware, meaning the integrity of his skin type defenses holds up longer than it should, not that it defends against twice the force.

If Juan got a high quality body plating and put on the Mk III stealth suit he'd be be over the rating of most power armor systems in Cyberpunk, with only the clunky Mexican Metals' Nemesis Armor providing heavier protection. I'll think about how to implement that.