40. Reassurances

After assuring himself that Meredith was fine, had come out of surgery fine, and would recover just fine, Derek finally allowed himself to relax. He had spent most of the day with very little anxiety. He had talked to patients and performed one surgery. And sitting by his girlfriend's bedside while she was high on morphine had been entertaining to say the least.

It hadn't been until he had found himself stuck in his patient's room, talking over the surgery with worried family members, that he had felt the anxiety hit him like a brick. She was going in at any minute, and he wasn't by her side. And he should be by her side.

He should always be by her side.

He was by her side now. The surgery had gone perfectly; short, quick, no complications. Her time in the recovery room had been textbook, and he had been there when she had first opened her eyes. Her pain was no longer controlled by morphine or anything as strong as morphine, leaving her tired, grumpy and uncomfortable.

And he loved her for it. Because she hadn't been the least bit interested in finding out what she had been up to before her surgery. That meant he didn't have to explain her phone call to his mother. Or her conversations with himself, Cristina, George, Addison, Mark or Bailey. Or any other people he had yet to find out about. Unfortunately there was a chunk of time between his conversation with Addison and him finally making it back to her room with the ice chips that was still unaccounted for.

It all meant he was safe for now.

Light snores filled the hospital room, signalling she was asleep. They would be keeping her overnight for observation because her surgery had been so late in the day. He would, of course, be staying with her, but he still had some things to do before he carefully found space beside her on the small hospital bed. After Bailey had banned him from entering the restricted surgical area, he was taking full advantage of the whole not-a-doctor-here-as-a-family-member-thing.

The most important thing he needed to do was call his mother; a task he had been putting off as long as he could. "Well, here goes nothing," he mumbled, pulling out his phone.

It only rang twice before his mother picked up. And that wasn't a good sign. If she picked up that quickly it meant she was waiting for his call.

"Hi, mom," he said as cheerfully as possible. Maybe the best plan of attack was to play dumb. Meredith called you? I didn't know that...

"Derek, good, it's you. Did everything go okay?"

He couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips due to the worried tone in her voice. "Everything went fine," he assured. "She did great, came out fine, and is snoring away right in front of me now."

"She snores?"

"She does."

She chuckled. "One of many things I learned about her today."

The comment caught him off guard and he cursed under his breath when he realized too much time had elapsed for him to play dumb. "Yeah, about that... I never thought she'd use my phone if I left it here."

"Does she remember anything?"

"Not about talking to you." She did, oddly enough, remember calling him pathetic and being irrationally excited about ice-chips.

"Mmm," she hummed. "Maybe it's best we keep it that way for a while."

His mother's comment froze Derek on the spot. That meant she had said something she really wouldn't want her future mother-in-law to know. "I... She's going to find out that she called you..."

"Why is that?"

He sighed. "Because everyone in the hospital seems to know. There's no way she won't find out. And soon."

Jane laughed. "So, you need me to tell you what we talked about." It was a statement, no hint of a question in it.

Derek sighed, knowing his mother was loving this. "Yes."

She clicked her tongue. "I'm not sure I can do that, Derek. I do have principles, and Meredith and I spoke in confidence."

He groaned. She was really going to make her work for this. "Mom..."

"I'm just trying to gain her trust, Derek. From what you've told me, that girl will be my daughter-in-law one day. I'm not going to start out our relationship by destroying her confidence in me."

Derek rolled his eyes, and sent a quick glance to make sure his girlfriend was still asleep before he hissed a response to his mother. "And you think taking advantage of the situation she was in earlier is a good way to keep her confidence?"

"I didn't call her, Derek."

"But you let her talk, didn't you? Even though you knew you should just hang up."

Silence.

"See," he prompted. "I knew it. You took advantage, and now I have to do damage control."

"Is there something wrong with me wanting to get to know her?"

He sighed at the vulnerable tone in his mother's voice. "Mom..."

"I just want to know what's going on in your life, Derek."

"Mom..."

"I miss you."

He sighed once more, suddenly realizing how hard it was for his mother to have him so far away. "I know. I'm sorry."

"I just want to be a part of your life."

"You are; a very important part," he reassured. "You're my mother."

"I haven't seen you in almost a year, Derek. All of your sisters are close by. I see them all the time."

"I know it's been a long time, Mom," he said, ignoring the second half of her comment. A year ago she had seen him all the time, and he knew she had never expected him to move so far away. Hell, he had never expected to move so far away. "We're going to come and visit soon. I know we've cancelled twice, but I promise it's going to happen. Soon."

"I believe you, Derek. And I know things have been out of your control lately." It was her turn to sigh, and when she spoke again her voice was an equal combination of hopeful and hesitant. "Do you think...that you will ever move home again?"

As much as he knew it would hurt her to hear, he knew he had to tell her the truth. She had raised him to be honest with her. "I am home," he said quietly. "I guess I never realized I wasn't happy in New York. But Seattle... I just feel like I belong here."

"You sound happy now."

"I am."

"In Seattle."

"Yes."

"With Meredith."

A smile flittered to his lips as his gaze fell on the sleeping woman on the bed before him. "Yes."

"She really loves you, Derek."

"What?" He asked, taken aback by his mother's comment.

"It was what we talked about the most, when she called me. And if I learned anything from seeing Kathleen on morphine it's that nothing she said wasn't true."

"I really love her too."

"Good. She...she told me some things about her past. And she said that her mother didn't ever want her to find someone..."

He nodded to himself, his heart constricting. "Yeah, Ellis is a piece of work."

"You've met her?"

"Well, yes-"

"So, you've met her mother before I've met Meredith?"

He rolled his eyes. "Ellis is sick. She's got early-onset Alzheimer's and lives in a nursing home. I've gone with Meredith to visit a few times."

"I didn't realize. Does she know who Meredith is?"

"Not really. Sometimes she recognizes her as her daughter, but as a five year old version."

"I'm sorry to hear that. It must be hard on her."

"It is, but she's strong."

"She must be to have gotten through everything. She told me she felt like a chronic disappointment to her mother."

Derek felt his heart clench again, and he couldn't resist reaching a hand to carefully brush along her forehead. "She deserves so much better..." he whispered.

"You're my son, Derek, which means you're perfect."

He laughed. "You're a little biased."

"That may be true, but so is she."

"I don't understand."

"She told me you make her feel special, and not like a disappointment. She said you make her feel safe and loved, that you make all the bad stuff from her past fade into the background."

He was surprised to feel his eyes prickling. He ran his hand down Meredith's arm to her hand and entwined their fingers. She stirred a bit and closed her grip on his hand, but didn't wake.

"I'm proud of you, Derek. You've changed your life, and that's not easy to do. And you're a good man. So, I'm proud of you. And your father would be proud of you."

Derek swallowed hard. "Thanks."

Recognizing her son's need for a lighter topic, Jane continued. "She also told me the hospital refers to you as Doctor McDreamy."

A rush of air escaped his lips in a nervous chuckle. "Yeah, well..."

She laughed at his embarrassment. "She also mentioned you walking in on your roommate's girlfriend naked?"

"Okay, that wasn't my fault. She was in the hallway, right outside our room."

Jane laughed. "And do you think you could explain who she was referring to as 'syph-nurse'?"

Derek laughed and proceeded to explain all of the things Meredith had alluded to about her friends. "So," he finally said, "That was all?"

"Yes."

"Mom."

"What?"

"I don't believe you."

"We didn't talk for that long, Derek. What do you think she said?"

"Well, I know for a fact she told you how we met. George told me."

Jane sighed. She had obviously been planning on keeping that one to herself. "She didn't say anything bad, Derek. She told me you met in a bar. And though I always thought to bar scene was much more Mark's foray than yours-"

"It's not mine," Derek said, cutting her off. "It's wasn't about..." He trailed off, trying not to admit to himself that he was nearing forty and couldn't say the word 'sex' to his mother. "I just felt...captivated by her. I never meant for... And it doesn't matter anyway. Because here we are nine months later. And I'm going to spend the rest of my life with her. I love her and-"

"Derek, shut up."

"Excuse me?"

She laughed. "I was only trying to tease. I'm glad you're happy. And I'm happy for you, that you've found the girl for you."

"Thanks."

"I'm your mother, Derek, there's no reason to thank me."

He laughed. "So, really, that's all she said?"

There was only a slight pause before she answered. "Other than a few smaller things, yes."

"You promise?"

Before she responded, Meredith stirred in the bed, her green-grey irises appearing as her eyes fluttered open. "Who you talk'in to?" She mumbled sleepily.

He smiled warmly at her and squeezed her hand. "My mom. She wanted to know how your surgery went."

"Tell her I'm sorry about today."

"Did you hear that?" Derek asked into the phone.

"I did. Tell Meredith there's no reason to be sorry, and that I am looking forward to seeing her soon."

"I will."

"I'll let you go, okay? I love you, Derek."

"Love you too, mom," he responded before ending the call, not having realized his mother hadn't made the promise. Meredith was still watching him through hooded eyes. He offered her a smile. "My mom says not to worry about today, but that she still is looking forward to meeting you."

She squeezed his hand lazily. "That's good, I guess."

He stood and leaned close to kiss her. "How are you feeling?"

"Crappy."

Derek chuckled. "Do you need anything?"

"Just you," she said softly.

He smiled brightly. "I'm good with that."

"Good." She motioned for him to sit, and he wasted no time in kicking off his shoes and settling down beside her.

"You in any pain?"

"Just a bit."

"Did you want anything for it?"

She shook her head against his shoulder. "Nah, it's not that bad."

"Good, because I don't want you to be in pain."

She giggled. "You're a bit of a sap today."

"You're sick. I'm allowed to be a sap."

Meredith smiled, but it faded quickly before she spoke again, her tone quiet and hesitant. "Is she angry that you stayed here with me?"

Derek clicked his tongue. "Of course not. She actually told me that I wouldn't be the son she had raised if I had left you in a hospital bed and gone to New York."

"Really?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"Thank-you for being here."

He pressed his lips against the side of her head. "That's what I'm here for. But, uh, speaking of my mother..."

"What?"

"Well...I called her to let her know we wouldn't make it."

"...Okay..."

"I...I called her in here."

"O-kay," she responded once more, her voice laced with confusion as to why that was an issue.

"And you thought I was being 'weird' and 'not explaining myself well' and demanded I let you talk to her so that you could explain the situation yourself."

Meredith's head shot off his shoulder. "You let me talk to your mother while I was on morphine?!"

"No," he said quickly. "I didn't let you."

"Derek," she said warningly.

He flinched. "After the call I put my phone down. And then I was paged. And you...well, apparently you called her yourself."

"I what? No. No, I wouldn't do that."

He couldn't help the smile that flittered to his lips at her vehemence. "But you did."

"But I'm so not the person who would do that. I don't do families. I don't..." She trailed off and swiped a hand at him. "Why did you leave your phone in here?"

"Hey, it's like you said; you're not the kind of person to do something like that."

She groaned. "It's still your fault."

"It so isn't."

"It so is, and when I'm better, I'm going to kick your ass."

He chortled. "With your tiny ineffectual fists."

She glared at him for a long moment before resettling her head on his shoulder. "What did I say?"

"Apparently you gushed about how dreamy I am."

She snorted. "Seriously."

He smiled and kissed the side of her head again. "Well, for starters, you did tell my mother my nickname here is McDreamy, so thanks for that. She's probably already told my sisters, and I'll never live it down now."

"You deserve it."

He laughed. "She said you talked about your friends a lot; told her about me seeing Callie naked. Oh, and I had to explain to her who 'syph-nurse' was."

Meredith giggled. "Sorry."

He hesitated, knowing how sensitive she was about her past. "She also said you talked about your past."

She tensed in his arms. "How bad?"

"I'm not sure. It didn't sound like a whole lot, but enough for her to know you had a crappy life for a long time."

Meredith sighed. "Okay."

"And you really did tell her how much you love me. And...she said you told her I make you feel safe and loved."

Meredith relaxed in his arms again. "You do," she said simply.

The tears from earlier welled in his eyes and he squeezed them shut and buried his nose in her hair. "I love you so much, Meredith."

"I love you too, Derek."

He smiled before pursing his lips and pressing them into the side of her head. "I'm glad everything went well."

She laughed faintly. "Me too...obviously."

"I know it was just an appy, but I..." He sighed, hating how vulnerable he was about to sound, but knowing he had to go on anyway. She was making an effort to open herself up to him; she deserved the same from him. "I was worried," he admitted.

"Yeah?"

"Mmm-hmm," he nodded. "At first I felt relieved when we found out it was your appendix, because it was pretty good compared to the worst case scenarios racing around my head, and-"

"Wait," she cut him off. "You told me it would be fine. You told me it wouldn't be anything serious. You were the reason I was calm."

He smirked and met her eyes as she craned her neck to face him. "That was my job," he explained, "To keep you calm. And, yes, rationally I knew it would be fine. But the doctor in me, that has seen what the worst case scenario looks like, combined with the boyfriend in me, that loves you more than anything else in the world, was freaking out a little."

"Derek..." She murmured.

He leaned forward and kissed her softly. "I don't want you to be sick or in pain."

She bit down on her lower lip for a moment before responding, her tone throaty. "You were scared, but you were so calm for me."

He kissed her again. "I didn't want you to be afraid."

Meredith's green-grey eyes filled with tears. "You remember..." She whispered.

"I remember everything you tell me," he said softly. It may have been half a year ago, but he could remember her coming to him with a question about a patient, a sweet old woman who had only months to live, with a husband of sixty years who didn't want her to know. He hadn't wanted his wife to be afraid. At the same time his friends had been in town; her a carrier of BRACA and him not knowing what to do. In the end, Weiss had discovered he couldn't save his wife from her diagnosis, and all he could do was be there for her. Because he hadn't wanted his wife to be afraid either. And, still early in his relationship with Meredith, Derek had been certain he would know what it felt like the love someone that much one day. And here he was.

The corner of her lips curled upward. "Liar."

"I am not."

She giggled. "Then you're being very, very corny."

Derek couldn't resist the urge to kiss her once more, longer. "I'm corny because I don't want to forget anything between us?"

She laughed louder. "Yes."

He growled, deep in his throat. "You're being mean to me."

"I'm allowed," she claimed. "I'm sick."

He couldn't help the laughter that erupted from his gut. "Whatever you say, honey."

She swiped at him. "Don't placate me."

"But you're sick."

Meredith grumbled at him. "And now you're making fun of me."

He smiled. "Only a little."

"Hmpf," she muttered, resettling herself in his arms. "Anyway..."

"Anyway what?"

"You said you were worried, but that you were relieved at first?"

He closed his arms around her shoulder again and sighed. "Yeah, I was relieved at first, and thought it was good that it was only your appendix. And you were so high and entertaining that I...guess I didn't think about it. But then I was stuck talking to my patient's family, knowing you were going into surgery at any moment and I couldn't get to you. And I..." he sighed. "I may have been a tad irrational with Bailey before you went into surgery..."

She laughed. "A tad, huh?"

"Yeah. I demanded she let me in the OR with you."

"Yeah...she doesn't do well with demands..."

"Hmm, no she doesn't. She yelled at me. Reminded me that I was only here as a family member, and that I wasn't allowed."

"A family member, huh?" She joked. "A little early for that, aren't we?"

He grumbled at her. "You were the one who demanded I was there as a family member and not a friend."

"No I didn't."

He laughed, having momentarily forgotten her amnesia to the hours she had spent under the influence of morphine. "Yeah, you did. In front of Bailey, by the way."

"Oh...I..."

He smiled at her sudden nervousness. "It's okay, Mer. You're my family too."

She reached for his hand. "Good. I...what else did I say?"

"Well, you were worried about the surgery leaving a scar."

She didn't respond verbally, but he felt her tense immediately in his arms.

"Which I told you was stupid," he said quickly, trying to address the sudden issue he hadn't realized she had even had; one he hadn't seen coming. "You know I think you're beautiful, right?"

She sighed. "Derek..."

He clucked his tongue. "I love you," he told her. "I love everything about you, including every inch of your body. And I want to know every little imperfection that makes you so freaking perfect."

"You say that now," she whispered.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He couldn't help the snippy tone in his voice.

"It's just...I know that I'm not...I mean I'm... But she was...and...I..." She trailed off with a huff, and when he tried to turn her to face him she resisted. "I know I'm not exactly...beauty queen material or whatever. But I've always been...tiny, and that's...what guys are looking for. And I don't really have any...marks or anything, but now-"

"Shut up," Derek demanded, unable to hear her speak any longer. "You're perfect. And beautiful. And sexy. You are absolutely beauty queen material, not that I could ever imagine you prancing around a beauty pageant stage in a poofy dress and heels, twirling a baton, and talking about world peace..." He smiled at the short giggle he elicited from her. "But seriously, Mer, I'm not in this because of what you look like. I really and truly love you. And I will really and truly always love you. Simple as that."

"Simple as that?" She sounded sceptical.

"Mmm-hmm," he confirmed. "Not that I'm saying I don't appreciate what you look like, because I do. And I'm a very lucky man. But, Meredith, this is one tiny scar, that will only add character. It won't change a thing. You could get all the scars in the world and it wouldn't change how I feel. You could get as big as you wanted, and it wouldn't change how I feel."

"But I...I thought guys wanted-"

"I don't care what other guys want," he said. "This guy only wants you."

She was silent for several moments before speaking. "Really?" She finally asked, her voice a whisper.

"Really." He pressed his lips against the side of her head. "If we're in this for the long haul, we're going to change, Mer, and this is just the first change we're experiencing together. Imagine how different we're going to look in fifty years."

"Okay. As long as you change too," she said, and then giggled.

"What?"

She finally turned to face him again. "I was just wondering what you'll look like when you start to lose your hair."

He gaped at her. "Seriously?" He finally demanded, when he found his ability to speak again. "Seriously? I spend all that time reassuring you, only for you to go and say something like that?"

She giggled and turned to settle against him in a more comfortable position, still cautious of her abdomen. "Hit a nerve, didn't I?"

He couldn't help the smile the flittered across his face at the coyness in her tone. And for a moment he revelled in pride for having done such a good job reassuring the woman he loved. Then she spoke again.

"Hmm, I wonder what will happen first? Will it go grey, or start falling out?"

He rolled his eyes. "Tell me again why I love you so much?"

She lifted her head off his chest and smiled warmly at him, her eyes sparkling with a clarity he couldn't remember ever having seen. "Because I'm perfect."

He smiled back, captivated by her intensity. "You really are."

AN: Finally we come to the end of the appy/morphine chronicles...which were supposed to be 1-2 chapters tops, and ended up taking up 6 (and 31k+ words...). Thanks for sticking with me through this, and I hope you enjoy the next parts of 'season 3.' Oh, and kudos if you caught the What I'm Here For reference.