72. I Wanna Hold You And Steal Your Pain

Thanks for all the reviews.

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Jay solemnly sat at his desk at the 21st, he didn't know what to do. He just stared blankly at one of the many pictures of Everly in his wallet. The one that he was looking at now was of him, Everly and Erin. It was a black and white picture taken the night that Everly was born. Everly laid on Erin's chest and Erin looked down at their daughter as Jay looked at her. Nothing but pride and love all over his face as he stared down at his wife and daughter.

Jay shook his head and wiped away a tear that slid down his cheek Hank told him the best thing for him to do was to stay out of the way and to just wait it out, that he and the rest of the unit would take care of everything and assured them that Everly would be found safe and sound.

But Jay felt helpless. There had to be something that he could do. He knew it, and deep down he knew who had Everly.

The person who was nowhere to be found, the person whose finger prints were on the broken glass and crib bar at his and Erin's home.

Allie.

He didn't understand why she'd done it. Was she really this desperate to talk to him? What had he done to make her so upset? He thought that his intentions were made clear with Allie. Had he missed something? Everything with her kept replaying over and over in his mind, sure he had missed something. But she had seemed so happy and suited with his answer about only seeing her as a friend.

Why was she trying to punish him?

Jay looked up and saw Erin sitting in the break room. She hadn't moved from the spot since they'd gotten there. He'd tried telling her to stay at home, that there was nothing for her to do at work, but she insisted that she come with him.

Once they'd been buzzed upstairs, she'd all but barricaded herself in the breakroom away from everyone. She had barely spoken to anyone. She was currently standing by the window as she looked blankly out of it and down to the city below.

Jay stood from his chair and was headed into the break room when Alvin held up his hand and Jay took the unspoken request to let him talk to Erin.

Alvin walked into the break room and took a few steps over towards Erin.

"Erin..." Hank started.

"I'm fine" Erin's raspy voice proclaimed as she stared out the window at the cars going by.

"You know you don't have to put a front with me" Alvin explained as he walked the remaining distance to Erin and put his hand on her shoulder.

"It's funny" Erin said with a sigh as she kept her gaze still focused on the cars driving down the road under the night sky. "For the longest time, I never thought I wanted to be a mother. And now...I can't remember my life before I was one. And I don't even know where my baby is"

Alvin heard Erin take a strangled breath and he stepped closer to her. "Hey..."

Erin didn't turn to look at him. She knew if she did that she'd break down and not stop.

"Erin, look at me" Alvin asked.

"It's past her bedtime" Erin whispered as a tear slid down her cheek and for the first time Alvin noticed the pink blanket in Erin's hands. "She can't sleep without her blanket"

"Erin..." Alvin started and Erin let out a strangled sob as she started to cry.

"I just want her back" Erin continued to cry as Alvin pulled her into a hug.

"We're going to find her" Alvin assured "We've got a lot of people out there looking for her. I promise you we're going to find Everly"

Jay walked into the break room and made his way over to Alvin and Erin.

"Er" Jay started as he took his wife into his arms. "We're going to get her back"

"Why did this happen?" Erin asked through strangled sobs. "She's just a baby. She doesn't deserve this"

Jay held Erin tight in his arms and pulled her over to the couch. He was trying to stay positive, but with each tick of the clock, he knew the odds of finding Everly safe were going down. Because each minute they didn't have a lead was another minute that Allie could be driving down the interstate.

"Baby, they're going to find her. But you have to calm down. This isn't good for the twins. Please" Jay pleaded.

Erin shook her head and moved out of Jay's grasp. "I can't lose our little girl, Jay. I'd rather die"

Jay leaned down in front of Erin just as Mouse walked around the corner.

"We found a lead" Mouse said "Her phone pinged at a Motel 6 an hour away from here"

Jay, Alvin and Erin stood up and made their way out of the break room and to the stairs.

"Erin, you need to stay here" Jay said as he grabbed his jacket and quickly slipped it on.

"No, I'm going with you" Erin said as she grabbed her coat.

"Erin" Jay said again "You need to stay here. You don't know what she's capable of"

Erin ignored what Jay said and made her way to the stairs "Let's go"

Jay's phone rang and he pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the caller ID.

"Hank" Jay said as he pressed answer on his phone and pulled it up to his ear.

"Halstead, we're about 10 minutes out. They've got eyes on the room and Allie was spotted with Everly at a rest stop before she checked into the room. Local PD was given the order to persue the takedown but Allie is on the phone with a member of the hostage rescue team. She wishes to talk to you" Hank explained as he sat in the passenger seat as Olivia drove down the road.

Jay nodded as he got into the backseat of Olinsky's car. "If that's what she wants, I'll come in and talk to her"

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Jay looked at the door of room 213 and let out a long sigh. He looked over her shoulder at Atwater and Dawson who were around the corner with their guns drawn.

Jay raised his hand and gently knocked on the door and waited a few moments as the door cracked.

"Jay?" Allie whispered.

"Allie" Jay replied as the door to the room opened the rest of the way.

Jay walked into the room and looked at the girl in front of him. "Allie, where's Everly?"

Allie shook her head "I had to do it, Jay. I knew that it was the only way that you'd talk to me. I want us to be a family. You and me and Everly. We can leave and never look back"

Jay looked at Allie and sighed "Where's my daughter?"

Allie looked down at the floor and looked back at the bedroom. "She's in there"

Jay quickly walked past Allie and into the bedroom only to find an empty bedroom.

"Al-" Jay turned around and saw Allie standing in the doorway, her hands pointing a handgun straight at him.

Jay's hands instantly raised as he looked at her "Allie, what are you doing?"

"I love you, Jay" Allie said "But if I can't have you. I don't want anybody else to have you either"

Jay nodded "Alright, we'll be together. You and me, Allie-Cat. We'll leave, I promise. Just tell me where Everly is and we'll be together. We'll leave and we won't come back. You're right, I was lying to myself, I love you, Allie. Only you"

Allie let her guard down for a second and Jay sighed with relief as she lowered the gun. "You know, you're cute Jay..."

Jay watched as Allie's voice trailed off

"But you're not that fucking cute" Allie said raising the gun back up and pointing it at Jay.

"Allie!, Please" Jay said "You don't want to do this"

Allie shook her head as she started to cry "You don't know what it's like, Jay. To lose my brother and always be reminded of it every time I come home. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. If my parents aren't reminding me about that, they're reminding me about what a fool I am to have ever let you go. And when I invited you to come to Rockford, I did it because I want us to be together. I want to be your wife, I want to be Everly's mother. I can give you so much more than Erin, Jay. You know that and I know that you love me too. You're the love of my life"

Jay sighed as he looked at his ex girlfriend "Allie, you need help, Ok. You're sick. Please, just let me go and I promise I'll get you the help that you need"

Allie shook her head as she cocked the gun "I don't need help, I'm fine. I just need you. I need a family. We'll be so happy, Jay. I promise you we'll be so happy"

Jay looked over Allie's shoulder at Antonio who was slowly sneaking up behind her. Jay took a small step towards her.

"Allie, just listen to me. Put the gun down. You don't want to do this. What's it going to solve? I can get you help, Allie. This isn't you. You wouldn't do this. Not the Allie that I know. Not the Allie that I loved"

Allie dropped the gun in her hand and she jumped as she felt Antonio quickly grab and cuff her.

"Jay, I never wanted to hurt you" Allie confessed as Jay walked up to her.

"Allie, please. Where's Everly. I am begging you. Just tell me where my daughter is" Jay pleaded.

"I left her in my car a few miles away from here at a park" Allie confessed.

Jay didn't answer her before he took off running down the hall.

Jay felt like time stood still as the headlights reflected against Allie's car as the blue and red lights of various other police cars flashed around him.

His legs felt heavy as he watched Erin slam the passenger door and take off sprinting towards the car only for Hank to grab her before she could see inside. Jay felt like he was walking in sinking sand as he made his way over to the car only to hear the words he was dreading.

"She's not here"

The sound of radio feedback and cars going down the road almost drowned out the sound that Kevin Atwater heard.

He moved away from the crowd of people and walked the path to the wooded area on the other side of the swings. The sound got louder as Kevin got closer to it and he instantly recognized the sound of crying as he picked up the pace to a run. Kevin felt his heart drop as he found her there sitting on the ground crying. Her pink pajamas and soft skin and hair matted with dirt and mud.

"Everly" Kevin said in relief as he ran over to her.

Everly's continued to cry as Kevin picked her up and didn't hide his own emotion as he held the baby tight against his chest "Thank God. Are you OK?"

Everly continued to cry Kevin pulled his jacket off and wrapped it around Everly's body and carried her out of the woods.

Jay held Erin as she cried into his chest. He looked over at Hank who stared back at them with nothing but a helpless look and sympathy on his face. His gaze then shifted to the woods as he watched Kevin come out carrying something in his arms.

As Kevin moved closer Erin raised her head off of Jay's chest as soon as she heard Everly's cries. She took off running across the grass towards Kevin and quickly took the baby from him.

"Oh thank God" Erin cried as she held Everly tight in her arms.

"Mama" Everly cried as she buried her face in Erin's neck and clung to her.

"Mommy's here" Erin soothed as Jay pulled both Erin and Everly into his arms.

Jay didn't even try to fight the tears that slid down his cheeks as he held his girls close.

The rest of the night was a blur, he didn't remember the ER trip to make sure Everly was OK. He didn't remember Hank telling him that Allie had been placed on a psych hold at the hospital before she could be taken into custody. All he could remember was the feeling of how thankful that he was that his daughter was OK. That was all he needed to know. And that was enough for him.

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One Week Later

The past week had been a mix of emotions with Everly's kidnapping and rescue. So Hank had hoped that the days leading up to his and Olivia's engagement party would get better. He was wrong. The two of them had, had a terrible fight over Olivia asking her old partner Elliot Stabler to write her a character witness for her new job in Chicago. Hank didn't understand why he couldn't be the one to do it and jealousy got the better of him and he had called Olivia out on it just hours ago. But now, at the party, the only thing he felt was guilt. Not jealousy.

Hank stood at the bathroom door, waiting for the occupant inside to finish.

Olivia walked up to him timidly, "Anybody in there?"

"Uh, yeah, and there's only room for one. Which I guess is kinda a recurring theme these days." He stood in front of her awkwardly, hesitant to show his feelings.

"Hank, I'm really sorry..."

He placed his hands instinctively on her waist. "Hold on a second. Let me go first this time. Liv, I'm sorry for how I reacted to the whole character witness thing. I think it was just kind of a left hook to the hot button and... I reacted like, Hank."

"You know who that guy you reacted like is going to be in 10 years, Hank? The person who knows me best." She smiled up at him, feeding off the warmth in his eyes. "Elliot knows my past. My future lies with you. Think about it, you know you didn't even like me three years ago."

Moving closer to her, he caressed the skin of her hand. "Well, you always tease the ones you love." She tilted her head up and they kissed each other breathlessly.

"And you always have to deal with the ones you used to love."

Hank's eyes drifted off towards the dining area. He saw Elliot talking to Erin and Jay and he realized what he must do. He turned back to Olivia and nodded as she kissed his forehead.

When the occupant of the bathroom exited, he pulled her inside, shutting and locking the door behind them. He dropped his eyes for a moment to collect his thoughts, holding her hands in front of him with his own. "I think you should re-ask Elliot to write your character witness. Cause you're right. He's been with you through all those things you talked about. He was actively there for you. But I need you to know that I was there for you, too." Olivia's eyes were questioning, asking Hank to continue.

"When we were in New York a few years ago, do you remember me coming to your apartment with a black eye?" Hank asked

Olivia nodded, her eyes dropping to the side as she thought of that day. "That con Peter Simson. I remember him challenging you that day. He kept challenging you and he reached out to grab you and I know that it was all taken care of without me getting involved. And I remember Rollins took you home, but I stayed behind. I was so mad that he taunted you like that." He stroked her cheek with his fingers, staring into her glowing eyes as she realized what he had done.

She rubbed gently at his right eye, remembering how dark and swollen it had been. She pulled him forward, kissing the soft skin of his eye lid. Clasping her finger in his own, he continued. "When Noah was in the hospital with the flu?" he dropped his head, slightly embarrassed. "*I* sent you the care package. I just put Elliot's name on it because I knew you wouldn't accept it otherwise. I know it sounds crazy, but I knew that you needed the support from a friend."

"Hank, I never knew. Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She wrapped her arms around his waist, kissing his chin delicately.

"It didn't really matter," he said as he kissed her nose.

"It does now." She kissed his mouth tenderly, swiping her tongue over his soft lips.

Capturing her tongue in his mouth, he sucked on it gently before pulling away. "I alrady apologized to Elliot. I'm not very good at the apology thing, you know me. So that obviously should tell you how I feel about you," he said, laughing softly at her as she smacked his arm in shock.

She pulled his head up, resting her forehead against his as she ran her fingers through his hair. "I missed you these past couple of days. I'm sorry I gave you the silent treatment while I was finishing things up in New York"

"I missed you, too, babe." He nuzzled his nose against hers before kissing her again. She returned his kisses, moving her hands over his back and relishing in their closeness. "But there's one last thing you should know." He dropped his head, unable to watch her eyes. "You were right. He was there for you when I couldn't be. But I was only thinking of you first. It's always been about you, Olivia. All this time I wanted to look good in Elliot's eyes. It was never about him. It was always about you and Noah"

Olivia cut off his words with her lips, kissing him feverishly. Their tears mixing with each other's. Their hands saying more than their words ever could.

Pulling back, she wiped her tears dry. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For never giving up on us. For being strong enough for the both of us. And for showing me what love really is."

He looked at her one more time before they had to leave. "Without you, there wouldn't be love."

Hank linked his fingers through Olivia's as they made their way through the small crowd at their engagement party. Hank linked his arm through Olivia's as they walked up to Elliot and the two men exchanged a nod before Elliot moved to hug Olivia.

"I'm happy for you, Liv" Elliot said into her ear. "You know if you ever need anything that you can always call me"

"I know and thanks" Olivia said with a smile.

Elliot looked at Hank and extended his hand and Hank reached out and took it.

"Congratulations. She's quite the catch" Elliot said as he shook Hank's hand.

"That she is" Hank said his gaze shifting from Elliot to Olivia who was standing next to him.

"I hope you'll take care of her" Elliot said as he dropped his hand down to his side.

"You have my word"

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Adam laughed at his wife's current state as he helped her out of the car. Trudy Platt's bachelorette party had gotten a little out of hand and Adam had been called away from Mouch's own bachelor party to go pick up his drunk wife.

It wasn't just the bachelorette party that had been Kim's reason for drinking so much. She'd failed her Intelligence entrance exam by one question and the house that they'd looked at had a higher offer put in. And to top it off, Jackson had been switched to formula since Kim was no longer breast feeding and he wasn't adjusting well at all. So his poor wife had blew off a little more steam than originally planned.

"Adam..." Kim sighed "You don't have to give me that look"

"You couldn't possibly have thought you could have solved all of your problems in one night, with alcohol of all things."

"No."

"No. Cause alcohol, you know, it has that effect on problems it just never solves them. Ever. And I would hate to think I married a moron."

Kim turned to Adam, standing in front of him now with a big smile on her face. "You're still in love with me, huh?"

"Well not currently, no. Right now you're just some crazy drunk girl I gotta get in that door without waking up our son. But generally speaking, yes."

She threw her arms clumsily around his neck. "May I kiss you right now?"

He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, "Yes, please." They laughed and began kissing each other.

Relishing in the kiss, Adam made appreciateive sounds as their lips moved over each other. Breaking away suddenly, "But I'm still not carrying you."

Kim brushed her lips over his neck and up to his ear. She licked delicately at the edge before whispering into his ear. "Please?"

"Nope."

Kim pulled her head back to look at him, dropping her chin and giving him puppy dog eyes.

"Darlin', You can give me the eyes, it's just not going to work." She continued to look pitiful.

"Oh, come on, honestly, you don't-"

Kim broke off his words with her lips, clamping them over his mouth and thrusting her tongue inside. Rolling her tongue over his own, Adam moved his hands over her body. Muffled by their kiss, "Burgess, what do I look like I just fell off the turnip truck? Kim? You think I'm going to fall for this?"

He pulled away from her finally. "Half way, that's it, I swear. I'm not kidding! My back's killing me here." Kim stuck her tongue out to him in triumph before positioning herself to be picked up. He picked her up and carried her towards the stairs. "Well, I guess since you're up here..."

Kim unlocked the door and pushed it open. Adjusting her body in his arms, he stepped to the side of the door and pushed it closed with his foot. Walking as quietly as he could, he moved inside their bedroom, pushing the door closed in the same fashion as before. Standing over the bed he laid her down gently. As he began to move away, Kim reached out for him suddenly, pulling him down onto the bed on top of her. She found his lips quickly, searing them with her own before slipping her tongue over them. Adjusting his body to the side of hers, he continued to kiss her while caressing her face and hair. Kim's fingers sought for skin, diving under his shirt and lifting the material as she worked over his muscular torso and back.

Pushing her hand away suddenly, he pulled away. "Kim, we shouldn't do this. You're killing me here, you're drunk and I don't want to take advantage of you. And we don't want to wake Jack"

With a swift roll, she was on top of him, straddling his waist and plunging her hands under his shirt. "So we'll be quiet." She grabbed the hem of her tank top and pulled it off her body, tossing it towards the hamper and missing. She rolled her hips once as she reached for the clasp of her bra, slipping it off her shoulders and down her arms. Adam moaned softly, bucking his hips up towards her a few times before taking her breasts in his hands. She unbuttoned his shirt, pulling it off his arms and leaving the material rumpled beneath him. He sat up against her, his erection pressed against her hot center. When his shirt was freed from his body, his mouth went instantly to Kim's neck, sucking tenderly and causing Kim to moan with desire. Muffling the sound with his hand, he continued to nibble at her neck. She arched her back at his lapping tongue, her fingers sliding through his soft hair. Rolling them over, he laid Kim gently on her back as he continued his ministrations.

When her neck had been loved, he pulled her against him, relishing in the feel of her hot skin against his. On their sides now and facing each other, he kissed her lips tenderly, savoring in their sweetness. He pulled away slightly, resting his forehead against hers as he gently stroked her back with his fingers. Kim's eyelids fluttered shut, enjoying the feeling and warmth of Adam's arms around her.

He began to think about what they had said earlier. Adam had every intention of being wherever Kim was. He couldn't imagine being anywhere else. His attention was brought back to Kim by the sound of her light snoring.

Adam shook his head, laughing to himself quietly at her passed out state. Smoothing her hair away from her face, he unhooked his arm from underneath her, settling her back down gently. He removed her shoes quickly and placed them next to the bed. Unbuttoning her jeans, he slipped them down her legs and laid them over the back of her desk chair. Looking at her body once more, he covered her with a quilt and headed towards the door. Turning back towards her as he opened it, he whispered "I love you, Darlin." Smiling to himself, he walk out, shutting the door quietly.

Adam made his way down the hall as the sound of Jackson's whines filled the hallway. He sighed and walked into the nursery and looked at his son who was wide awake and had. had a serious diaper blowout that was all over the babie's onesie and bedding.

"Oh God, buddy" Adam said.

Adam flipped the light on and debated on if he should wake Kim or Alvin's daughter, Michelle who had fallen asleep on the couch after babysitting.

He decided against both though, he could handle a little bit of poop. He was a grown ass man.

Adam took a few breaths and walked over to the crib and gently lifted Jackson out and carried him quickly to the bathroom. He silently cursed Michelle for listening to Kim and cleaning up the bathroom because now Jackson's baby tub sat in the bathroom closet instead of beside the bath tub.

Adam held Jack in with his extended arms as he debated on what to do. He felt his stomach lurch and he gagged as he looked at Jackson.

"BURGESS!"

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Jay loosened his tie as he walked into the living room with Everly on his hip.

"Did you have a fun time at Papaw Hank's engagement party?"

Everly nodded as she looked at her daddy "Yes"

Jay kissed her cheek and sat down on the couch with her.

"Off" Everly requested holding up her tiny foot for her daddy to take her shoes off.

"Yes my little dancing machine" Jay slipped the black dress shoes off of Everly's tight covered feet and sat her down on the ground.

"Let's go find mommy" Jay said holding his hand down for Everly.

"No no. I pway" Everly said shaking her head as she walked over to Kane who was laying in the corner.

Jay shook his head and walked into the kitchen where Erin was leaning against the counter drinking a glass of orange juice.

"Er? You ok?" Jay asked as he slipped his suit jacket off and hung it over the back of the bar stool.

Erin nodded "Yeah, I'm just trying to get up the courage for Everly to go back to sleeping in her own room"

Jay knew Erin didn't want Everly to go back to the nursery, but it had been a week since the kidnapping and Everly was a bed hog, so Erin and Jay were getting little rest. So, they both agreed that it was time for Evie to go back to her own room.

"She's going to be OK, Er" Jay assured.

"I know" Erin said putting her glass back down. "I just keep reliving that night over and over"

Jay walked closer to Erin and wrapped his arms around her middle. He smiled as he ran his hands over the swell of her stomach and he placed a kiss on her neck. "We've gotten through so much together, baby. There's not much more that life can throw at us that we can't handle"

"Did you mean what you said tonight?" Erin asked as she turned in Jay's arms. "At the party?"

Jay furrowed his brow at Erin "What do you mean?"

"When you were talking to the commander about me and a few of the people on the board" Erin said. "I heard the things that you said about how you'd like to see me move up and how you know it's what I want. You didn't have to do that. The things you said about me...They're not true"

Jay shook his head as he looked at his wife and he gently raised his hand to her cheek and grasped it.

"Maybe I just wanted these people to see you through my eyes for one night. To see this girl...this woman, who has more class and intelligence and beauty and grace then anyone else who's walking the face of the planet. Maybe things like that just come tumbling out of my mouth because I happen to be head over heels in love with you. But the really scary thing is, I think that they're true."

Erin smiled as she looked at her husband. She still didn't know what she'd done to deserve this man, but she had done something right and for that she was forever thankful.

"I love you, too"

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Please Review

I'm looking for some "fluff" ideas for a few chapters, because let's be honest, Jay and Erin have been put through it lately. So if you guys have any cute ideas you'd like to see. Please drop it in a review.