The Bachelor Party

Night had fallen, and time was approaching before my married life began.

And so, as tradition dictated, it was time for a boy's night out.

Since our house was being used as the wedding venue for my wedding with Eri, and since there was still a LOT of prep work left to be done, I was kicked out. Again.

Also, since the city was so crowded with the recent influx of adventurers and visitors, we couldn't find a place to reserve for a party even after I threw heaps of gold, gems, and mana crystals.

So I just ended up buying a house.

It was a waste of money, but I could literally print money, so the net cost was 0. Actually, it was a negative cost, since real estate held value and I spent nothing to buy it.

The place was a small ranch-style home with a single floor, an open living room space, a pair of bedrooms, and a single bathroom.

Even so, while it was a small 'house,' it was plenty big enough for a party. As for the people at this party...

Dad was obviously here. Like me, he was kicked out of the house, and he had taken it upon himself to spot me for all the drinks being poured around.

Pierre was here too, apparently by force from Rostelina.

Philip and Laws were here as well, hashing out their differences and getting to know each other between drinks.

Cliff had come, insisting that he wouldn't miss his Father-in-law's important days for the world.

Ruijerd had come by too, both to give me congratulations and to keep me company as one of the very few male friends I had in this world.

And then Orsted managed to make it as well.

To be honest, it was a really weird guest list. Dad and Philip made sense since they were family. Pierre did too since he was a family friend and probably a Greyrat of some kind, whether through time travel shenanigans or otherwise.

But everyone else...

There was the father of the bride I was going to marry next week, the future pope of the Milis religion that very much believed in monogamy, a feared Supard warrior who had become the general for a force that could rival that of Demon God Laplace in the past, and then the Dragon God himself who was the strongest in the world.

I was pretty sure that an average person who saw this group would think they were having a fever dream. Still, this was my reality.

And said reality consisted of me sitting at the head of a table next to my dad with all these guests.

Philip sat across from me and Dad, Orsted and Pierre were on the side of the table to my right, and then Cliff and Laws were on the side of the table to my left.

Wine coolers were all around the table, along with various snacks like kebabs, burgers, hotdogs, pizza slices, a few steaks and fancy cuts of meat... The works.

I had hoped that it would distract people and that we could have a chill and relaxing night, but...

"Another round for my genius son who's gonna have four bachelor parties over the next four weeks!" Dad drained a mug of honey mead and then wrapped his arm around my shoulder, grinning. "You did good, Kid! Better than your old man ever could!"

I rolled my eyes and said, "You're celebrating the wrong parts of this situation, Dad. And no, I am not having four bachelor parties. After tomorrow, I won't be a bachelor anymore."

Dad paused and then pulled back, pouring himself some wine from a bottle. "That's true... Damn." He set the bottle back into the wine cooler and said, "But still four parties, right?"

"We'll see."

Pierre sipped on a glass of wine and sighed. "This is ridiculous. Why do I have to be here again?"

I poured myself a glass of wine and said, "Because your wife said so."

Pierre paused and then let out a deep sigh. "Right. Because my wife said so."

Dad laughed and said, "Cheer up, Pierre! At least you don't have to stay up watching Lunaria!"

Orsted's ears twitched and then he turned to look at Pierre. "Your daughter is name Lunaria?"

Pierre coughed and said, "It's a name I remember seeing in a book somewhere once. I took a liking to it, so I asked Lina to name our daughter that."

"...I see."

Huh. Did Pierre not tell Orsted he was Laplace yet? He's acting entirely too suspicious...

Wait, why did Orsted ask about the name Lunaria? Was that something I should know about too?

Philip glanced at Orsted and then leaned over to Laws. "How are you not nervous being around the Dragon God?"

Laws shrugged and said, "It is far from the first time that I've met him. And besides, he is a good friend of Rudy's." He smiled at Orsted and said, "Any friend of Rudy is a decent person. Of that I can be assured."

Orsted smiled and said, "I am honored to be counted among that number."

Yeah, a very elite number of... Two, if we didn't include Cliff. Three if we did.

I didn't say that though. Instead, I nodded and said, "It's only natural, Orsted. You're our best guy in taking down Being W, after all."

Orsted's smile widened just a bit more at my words.

Seeing that, Ruijerd looked at me with a soft smile. "Though I have known it for a while, I am always impressed by Lord Rudras."

"Hey!" I pointed at Ruijerd and said, "No calling me Lord Rudras. It's just Rudy."

Ruijerd chuckled and said, "As you wish. However, you should become accustomed to it in preparation for your wedding with Rika."

I paused. And then I groaned. "Dammit. I forgot."

I was going to have to go through that whole ceremony as 'Lord Rudras' instead of Rudy. Probably even 'Emperor Rudras' if Rika's plans about establishing the Arcadian Empire pulled through.

Laws poured a glass of wine and then held it out to me.

I took it, appreciating the gesture even though it didn't really do anything for me.

After leaning back, Laws stared at me and said, "Though it's a bit regretful that Luffy isn't your first, I hope that you don't treat her any different."

"Of course I won't." I sipped my wine and said, "Sylphy's my first love, even if she isn't my first wife... And that's only due to a pair of idiots sitting in this room."

Philip blushed and said, "The betrothal was a necessary evil at the time."

Dad laughed and then placed his arm around my shoulders again. "Hey, I secured a beautiful and level-headed wife for you." He grabbed a hotdog and munched on it before saying, "You should be thanking me!"

"Yeah." I nodded and then said, "And you should be worshipping the ground I walk for saving your sorry ass from the situation with Mom and Mama Lily."

"Ooh." Dad pulled his arm away and said, "I didn't know you had a god complex." He laughed and said, "I *could* start doing that, but I think my scary daughters-in-law would take that as competition, so I'll pass."

I rolled my eyes and finished my glass of wine. After that, I turned to Orsted and said, "Are you sure you don't want to be my best man?"

Orsted shook his head. "I'm greatly honored, Rudy, but I must refuse." He let out a wry smile and said, "It would be... troublesome."

I frowned. "Then how about being part of my groomsmen?"

"Again, I am honored. But I would like to keep my presence to a minimum. If people saw me among your entourage, it could be... disruptive."

Ah, I forgot. Orsted does have an objectively scary face. People might get the wrong impression...

But he was a cool guy, so I really wanted him to participate. I even ran it past all my lovely fiancees and got it approved...

Well. You couldn't have everything.

Maybe in an ideal world...

"Hey." Dad frowned, suddenly realizing something. He pointed at himself and said, "Am I not going to be your best man?"

I crossed my arms and said, "Really? You want to be the best man at this wedding? You, the one who caused this mess in the first place? You know Mom and Mama Lily are going to drag your ass off-stage the moment you stand up."

Dad paused and then slowly nodded. "Fair point." He sighed. "Guess I'll wait for your other weddings."

"...Could you not say it like it's an average thing in my life? These days are supposed to be special, you know?"

Dad snorted and said, "Yeah. Because you pick and choose one person, maybe two. When you're pushing up to four, that's kinda hard, Kiddo."

"..."

I drained my glass of wine and started pouring another.

At that time, Cliff finally spoke up. Taking a sweep of everyone present, he turned to me and said, "I'm grateful that you allowed me to be here... but is it really fine?" He frowned and said, "I feel like I simply coerced you with my insistence..."

"You definitely deserve to be here. And you definitely NEED to be here if you're serious about Ena."

Dad frowned. "Wait." He looked at Cliff and said, "This brat wants to get with our cute Ena?"

Pierre flinched and then stared at Cliff with mixed emotions. After a bit, he muttered, "I would never have imagined Cliff acting like this..."

Orsted started at Cliff as well and frowned. "...Indeed. To think that the celibate Holy Pope would seek love like this..."

Cliff scoffed and said, "Celibacy may be sacred, but true love is divine." He let out a bright smile and said, "Besides..." He slammed the table and stood up, placing his right hand over his heart. "For an angel like Ena, I would give anything!"

The room was quiet.

I let out a deep sigh.

And then Dad started clapping. "Bravo!"

"P-Pardon?" Cliff blinked and then realized what he did. The moment he realized it, his ears turned red and he sat back down. "A-Ah. I apologize for the disruption-"

"Don't apologize!" Dad walked around the table and placed a hand on Cliff's shoulder. "That's how a true man should act! For the love of his life, throw everything on the line! I like that!"

Cliff looked up and said, "Really?"

"Yeah!" Dad clapped Cliff's shoulder and said, "Any guy willing to do that ain't a bad guy. In fact, he's the best guy!" After saying that, Dad laughed and said, "Here. Let me grab you a drink."

...Oh god.

Like oil to a dumpster fire...

I knew that Dad and Cliff were both geniuses, but they were geniuses in different ways. I didn't think they'd get along like this.

I mean, Cliff was a sucker for romance, but I thought Dad was just a sucker for women in general. To think there was this small but extremely powerful niche where those two areas overlapped...

Laws cracked his knuckles and then smiled at my dad. "Paul. Are you taking it upon yourself to arrange another marriage?"

Dad flinched and held up his hands. "What? No! Of course not! Just saying that if this guy's that serious about Ena, he's not bad! In fact, he's great!" He looked at me and said, "Back me up here, Rudy!"

I pointedly ignored Dad. Instead, I looked at Cliff and said, "Discussions about romance aside... Do you mind being my best man, Cliff?"

Cliff's eyes widened and he said, "I would be honored! ...But I must decline." He sighed and said, "I fear that it would pressure Ena into opening her heart to me. She respects you a great deal, so if I am seen to be someone so important, she may talk herself into liking me." He stood up and placed his hand over his heart. "I cannot allow that! I wish for Ena to love me with all her heart and for me alone! That I am a man worthy enough for her love!"

Dad raised a glass of wine and said, "Yeah! That's the spirit, Kid!"

"...Right."

Well, there went Plan B.

...Also, that might be tough for Cliff.

As much as I loved my daughter, I also knew that she was more than a bit dense when it came to relationships or common sense. No to mention that she clearly had a Daddy-complex that I still needed to figure out how to handle and resolve...

My fault for spoiling her too much in the very impressionable early stages and letting her bad habits cement due to her rapid growth, but you live and you learn, I guess...

Still, this is a problem.

I had really banked on Orsted being my best man. Dad was obviously out of the running, and Laws would be rude for this wedding. Philip was going to be walking Eri out as the father of the bride, so that was out too.

Maybe Ruijerd?

Ruijerd caught my glance and shook his head.

Tch.

Pierre maybe? Ah, wait. He was on Sylphy's side too, so it'd be rude for this wedding.

Damn.

Dad looked at me and said, "Still thinking, Rudy?" He set down his glass of wine and said, "Is it really that bad to have your pops as your best man?"

"For this wedding in particular, abso-fucking-lutely. We aren't going to get fireworks, we're going to get bombs. Ice cold bombs."

Dad paused and then he caught the implications. "Ah."

"Yeah. Ah."

Sylphy would be extra touchy for this wedding. I was sure of it.

And my gut was telling me things were going to come to a big clash if Dad walked up as the best man for Eri's wedding.

Sylphy might be patient and compromising, but I think that might be just a *bit* too much there.

Roland was no go too...

Did I just have to grab a random person from the White Knights...?

At that time, the door opened and someone walked in. Akito.

"Sorry I'm late!" He walked in and closed the door behind him. "I got lost along the way and had to help an old lady cross the road..."

Perfect.

I snapped my fingers and said, "Akito. Buddy, pal. You're not late. You've just got the best timing in the world."

"E-Eh?" Akito blinked and then said, "Thank you...?"

"You're welcome!" I stood up and walked over to him, slinging my arm around his shoulders. "And thank you for being my best man."

"N-Nani?!"

"Don't worry, I'll arrange everything. You just have to make a speech to present tomorrow."

"That's less than a day away!"

"I can buy time, no worries. Now, we're mostly strangers right now, so let's chat a bit so you seem convincing." After saying that, I started dragging him to the bedroom.

"W-Wait a moment! Mister Rudy- T-This is so sudden!"

"And I'm desperate, so let's get going already."

"W-Wait-"