Mister Independent ll

Neoclassical economics holds that when each individual maximizes their utility, the utility of society is also maximized. This requires that individuals' utilities can be summed (i.e. individual utilities are additive).

Dawn had been typing up her paper for Microecon while I studied on my bed. It was an important paper we'd have to turn in before the Thanksgiving break. Since her apartment had become social central, there were just too many distractions there. And so we'd decided to come finish our work at my house.

I'd ribbed Dawn about how slow a typist she was and claimed I could do better blindfolded. She'd decided to skip the blindfold and simply sit in my lap, letting her body block the view. And I'd typed out a perfect couple of sentences without being able to see the screen.

"How do you DO that?" Dawn snorted and turned around in my lap to look down at me, her crystal blue eyes flashing.

I craned my head around her shoulder to look at the monitor and confirm that I'd typed the sentences perfectly. Then I smirked up at my best friend. "It's a gift."

"Yeah, well I think you have too many 'gifts'," she sighed and turned herself to the side so we could better talk with each other. And then she showed off her flexibility by kicking one leg over my head so that we were face-to-face, her long legs reaching down to let her feet rest on the floor on either side of me. "You can type without looking. You can recall every damn thing you read and ace your tests with ease. And you can eat all those fatty foods without gaining any weight. I hate you."

Realizing our new position, I lightly thrust my hips upwards, digging the front of my jeans into her crotch. "Yeah, and I can take a girl from zero to climax in under a minute. That's one 'gift' you haven't experienced in a long time."

"Stop that," she admonished without any actual heat in her voice, lightly slapping my cheek without any actual force. In fact, it felt a little more like a caress, and for a brief second, her eyes became heavy-lidded.

"Sorry," I replied sincerely. "It's a good thing Ryan's not around to see that."

"Oh, he knows we won't do anything," Dawn said dismissively.

"Maybe. But speaking as a guy, there's always a niggling of doubt no matter how sure you are."

"Ffppt. My boyfriend is secure in who he is and in how much I love him," she declared. "Besides, we all know that just getting laid isn't exactly a problem for you right now." Smirking, she reached down and actually tapped my bulge with her index finger.

I smirked right back, the shit-eating grin of a well-fucked young man. "True," I admitted.

"What's up with that, anyways?" Dawn sighed, giving me a tired look.

"What's up with what?"

"You. Screwing around. I mean, I know you're horny, but you've never been quite this much of a slut before."

I frowned. "Slut?"

Dawn giggled and patted my shoulder. "Yes, Ben; you're a slut. How many different girls have you slept with since you and DJ broke up?"

"How many? Uh..." I started going back to calculate.

She giggled almost immediately. "Too many to count?"

"Hey, gimme a second," I protested.

"What, like a dozen? In a month?"

"No! Not that many."

"You sure?"

I bit my lip, having lost track and trying to start back over with the Halloween party and counting on. Misty, Lakhi, Leighton, Bridget...

"Forget it. You already proved my point."

"What point?"

She shrugged. "You're a slut. Accept it. I'm not criticizing you for it. Just stating the fact."

"Okay fine. So?"

"You feel happier?"

"Yeah. Kinda." I smiled. "Makes me think that maybe I'm better off not getting involved in a relationship with anybody. Why go through all the headaches and drama of a girlfriend? I'm getting laid. I've got time to focus on my schoolwork. And I've got more time to spend with you and the rest of the crew. Yeah. I'm happy."

Dawn rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Sometimes I feel like we're sharing the same brain. But then sometimes, I don't understand you at all."

I arched an eyebrow questioningly.

Sighing, she then pushed down with her feet, lifting herself free of my lap and made ready to kick her leg over to step free of the chair. But the instant I felt her begin to move away, by instinct I wrapped my arms around her and sat her back down in my lap.

"Oof," Dawn huffed in surprise when I tugged her against me, and against the slight hardening in my jeans. Her eyes darted down to mine, and I found myself staring right back at her while continuing to hold her against me.

It felt like we both just sat there, Dawn in my lap looking down at me, for hours ... even though it must have just been a second or two. At last, Dawn asked softly, "Ben ... What are you doing?"

As if only now becoming aware of the situation, I blinked rapidly and abruptly released her. I rolled my chair back, separating us from the desk. And with my hands on her hips, I helped her stand up away from me. "Sorry," I mumbled. "I don't know what came over me."

Dawn looked at me with a curious expression on her face. "It's okay. No harm done."

I turned and got out of the chair, gesturing for Dawn to drop back into it so that she could resume editing her essay. Without a backwards glance, I headed to my bed to collect my book. And then I sat down heavily, wondering to myself: What HAD I been doing?

I wasn't sure what had come over me, what instinct had possessed me to react the way I did. And when I looked back at Dawn, I realized that while she had seated herself in the chair, she had not rolled back up to the computer. She was staring right at me with that curious expression still on her face.

"What?" I asked nervously.

Dawn bit her lip and then took a deep breath. "Nothing," she said quietly. And then she turned and rolled back up to the keyboard.

We resumed our work. And for some reason, I didn't feel so happy anymore.

NOVEMBER 27, 2003, SOPHOMORE YEAR

Dawn and I got our papers turned in. Professor Ice gave us a heartwarming Thanksgiving benediction of: "Enjoy your days off while you can, because you can look forward to the most difficult part of this course in December."

Then Thursday morning itself rolled around and Dayna, Brandi, Dawn, Adrienne, and I all piled into Dayna's Impala for the drive to the Evans house. Brandi rode shotgun. I sat behind Dayna in the back on the left side. And Adrienne and Dawn had agreed to trade off who got stuck with the middle seat. Adrienne was next to me for the drive down, and she very casually rested her hand on my leg. But I barely noticed since my eyes were out the window, my mind on seeing DJ for the first time since our breakup.

I needn't have worried.

The Evanses greeted us all like family on arrival. I made eye contact with Jack and Deanna Evans as we entered the house, but my gaze was instantly drawn to DJ. I knew immediately that she looked different, but it took a few extra seconds before I realized why.

She'd let her hair out of the braids.

I wasn't sure what to think at first. DJ's braided pigtails had been a signature part of her look since before my family left for Orange County. True, I'd seen her without the braids — in the shower for example — but to see her fully dressed and with flowing blonde hair with waves in it both surprised and amazed me. The braided pigtails had always made her look youthful and energetic, perhaps even younger than her 17 years; but now she could pass for a college student.

With two parents and DJ waiting, and five of us college kids, it took a few minutes to get in all the hugs. Surprisingly, DJ showed absolutely no hesitation to wrap her arms around me and give me a quick peck on the cheek. I felt a familiar stirring in my loins at the sight of the gorgeous teenager and the feel of her body pressed against me, but tamped down on that urge. I'd really been having almost too MUCH sex lately, if that were possible.

"Hi, Ben," she looked up at me with big blue eyes.

"Hi, kiddo. I like the hair."

"Really?" She blushed and ran her fingers through it. She took a deep breath. "I thought it was time for a change. Didn't want to just be a little kiddo anymore."

I frowned and tensed up. "You don't want me to call you that anymore?"

Her eyes popped up. "Oh, no! I still like it when you call me 'kiddo'." She patted my chest and looked at me with somewhat aroused eyes. But she took a deep breath and cleared that look away. "So how've you been? Feels like forever since I've seen you."

"I know. Can you believe it hasn't even been three weeks?"

She shrugged. "The short time hasn't stopped you from moving on, from what I hear."

I blushed and looked over at Dawn. The beautiful blonde caught my look and raised her hands defensively. "I didn't tell her everything."

"She told me enough," DJ stated with raised eyebrows.

I winced and looked down at my pretty ex-girlfriend. "Are you upset?"

DJ blushed and giggled. "No. Not at all. Flattered, actually."

"Flattered?" I arched an eyebrow.

"Flattered that the only way you can make up for losing me is by banging half of Adrienne's sorority," DJ giggled.

"It's not half of Adrienne's sorority," I drawled defensively. But everyone was smiling and I soon chuckled along. Changing the subject, I then turned to DJ and asked, "How about you? Any news on the boy front?"

"Psshh..." Deanna Evans swooped in. "Boys started calling here the instant word got out that DJ was single again. But she won't give them the time of day."

I arched an eyebrow and looked at DJ. The young blonde shrugged and said, "I just don't feel like dating."

I frowned and looked at her with concern. Even though she had been the one to call things off, I felt like I'd hurt her and she was still in mourning or something over our relationship.

DJ read my reaction and smiled. "No, you didn't damage me or anything, Ben. I'm not all depressed and moping around the house. I just don't feel like dating right now. I just want to finish the semester and get the best grades I can, and life is simpler without any romantic hassles." She smirked at me. "I can get a lot more work done without a needy boyfriend pining away for me."

I chuckled at that and tugged DJ back into a hug. She squeezed me firmly and sighed. Then tilting her head up to my ear, she whispered, "Still ... I'm wearing out the batteries in my vibrator and I'm really, really horny."

I tensed up slightly and darted my eyes to hers. There was a definite note of invitation in her voice that surprised the hell out of me. And there was a teasing smile on the tip of her lips.

But before any of us said anything further, the conversation was already picking up with the others. "And how are things going with Matt?" Mrs. Evans was asking inquisitively.

Brandi sighed in resignation. "Not so great. It's like ... It's like we've just lost whatever magic we had. We're both trying really hard and there's a lot of love still there, but things just aren't the same."

"Aww, I'm sorry, dear." Deanna was holding Brandi's hands and patting them gently.

On the verge of tears, Brandi finished, "I don't think we're going to last through the winter break." She started crying then and Mrs. Evans pulled her into a hug. Whenever our mom wasn't around for support, Deanna Evans made a great substitute.

And Dayna was on hand to provide a little comic relief. "Seriously, who ever thought I'd be the one in the stable, committed relationship?"

Everyone, even Brandi, cracked up a little at that.

At first, I settled onto the couch in the family room to watch football with Jack Evans. We watched Joey Harrington and the Detroit Lions actually beat Brett Favre's Packers in the early game. As lazy men in front of a TV that was playing football, we pretty much stayed in place while the girls brought us food for lunch. And we seemed ready to do the same for the Dolphins-Cowboys game as well.

But when I got up to go to the bathroom, I noticed that Dawn and DJ were deep in a conversation back in the living room. I wouldn't have paid them any mind except that they both turned to look at me as I walked back, and something in the way Dawn specifically was looking at me triggered some sense in the back of my head. They were talking about ME.

Curious, I detoured over with a casual smile and watched amusedly as both girls suddenly looked nervous at my approach. "And what are YOU two up to?"

DJ grinned right back. "Just talking about you," she admitted.

I nodded and pointed back and forth between my head and Dawn's, referencing our almost mystical connection. "I figured."

Dawn blushed, "I'm not telling her everything."

I smirked. "You know, the way you keep saying that makes me think you ARE telling her everything you DO know. You're just not able to pass along what you don't know."

Dawn blushed even brighter and then smiled. "So what are you saying? That you're keeping secrets from me?"

"Secrets? No. I've never kept secrets from you."

"So tell us. Just WHAT is going through your head, Ben?" Dawn leaned forward eagerly. "I know we've talked a bit about it, but there was just so much going on with school and everything else we never really sat down to figure it out."

I shrugged. "I dunno. I'm just trying to find happiness like everybody else, I guess."

"And are you happy, Ben?" DJ asked curiously.

I nodded. "Yeah ... I guess. Don't get me wrong, I miss you, kiddo. And I miss being your boyfriend, Dawn. But in the end, I think things have worked out for all of us."

The girls looked thoughtful and I kept going. I gestured to DJ. "You look more relaxed now than at any time we were dating. I don't know if that's a condemnation of the way I was as a boyfriend, but it's true."

DJ shrugged. "I feel like I'm finally on top of my studies. I feel good about my college apps and I aced my SATs. This semester is going well and I think I'll actually get all A's."

"That's great!" I said warmly.

DJ's eyes twinkled. "Of course, just because I'm not stressed about academics anymore doesn't mean I'm not anxious about... other ... things." There was a world of innuendo in her voice and in the sultry look the gorgeous young blonde flashed me.

I chuckled and then looked at Dawn. "And I don't think you could ask for a better boyfriend than Ryan. He's been sweet and attentive and loyal. The guy adores you and let's face it, he's doing a better job of making you happy than I ever could."

Dawn just smiled wanly and blushed while looking down.

"Besides," I continued. "I don't know if we could be the friends we've been if we'd stayed together. I just know I would have found a way to fuck it up a long time ago, the way I've fucked up almost every other relationship I've ever had."

"It's not all your fault," DJ admonished me.

I shrugged and looked back and forth between both girls seriously. "Maybe. Maybe not. But right now I think I'm just better being Mister Independent. No relationship. No commitments. No expectations. And no disappointment."

Dawn looked at me softly, her eyebrows canting to the sides. "But aren't you lonely, Ben?"

"Lonely?" I snorted. "Not hardly. I finally did the math. You were right: it's been 12 girls since DJ. 13 if you count Adrienne. Although to be fair, they're not all new."

"I call slut," DJ drawled.

"Too late. I already called it," Dawn interjected. Then her smile dropped away. "But I don't mean that kind of lonely, Ben. You never had a problem just getting laid. I'm not even IN that sorority and I hear girls whispering around campus about the Big Ben Experience."

I smirked, my ego puffing up.

"But do they really make you happy?"

I frowned and looked back at her. Clearly, for once, Dawn didn't understand me at all. And it felt like she'd already asked me this same question a hundred times. "Of course they make me happy. I'm getting laid by a dozen hot babes with more waiting in the wings. I'm having more incredible orgasms in more exotically pleasurable ways than I can believe. I'm friggin living the ultimate male fantasy with a college sorority stacked with girls who are practically in love with me!"

DJ snorted. Dawn just rolled her eyes and stated, "You know they're not in love with you."

I shrugged. "Okay that's hyperbole. But I get no complaints from them. And they keep coming back for more."

Dawn sighed. "Fine, you're incredible in bed; we know that, don't we Deej?"

DJ smiled and nodded.

"But there's more to a relationship than orgasms," Dawn continued. "Heck, there's more to SEX than orgasms. You've nailed a whole bunch of girls, and gotten repeat business from some of them. Great for you. But you're just a living vibrator to them. The most important part of sexual satisfaction for a girl is not orgasm, it's the connection to the person they're with."

"Oh we're pretty tightly connected when she's got all four limbs wrapped around my body while I'm buried deep inside her," I chortled.

"Ben!" Dawn admonished. "I'm being serious. Can you really say that any of those girls feel intimately connected to you?"

I sighed. "Maybe not. But that's up to them. They're not coming to me for feelings of intimacy, certainly. But then neither am I."

"So where ARE you getting your feelings of intimacy?"

"'Feelings of intimacy'?" I snorted. "I'm a guy."

"You still need them, Ben," Dawn scolded. She looked at me seriously and asked, "What was that on Tuesday night, Ben? You know, when you held onto me after that blind-typing test?"

I arched an eyebrow. "Huh?"

Dawn reached out and patted my knee. "It felt like you needed a hug."

I snorted. "Naw, I get hugs all the time: Adrienne, Brandi, you, and of course all the Tri-Delts."

She shook her head. "It's not the same and you know it. You're a more sensitive guy than your macho ego may try to insist."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm fine. Craving intimacy is what got me into trouble in the first place with you, DJ." I turned to look at the younger Evans sister. "Isn't that what got us started? You jumped at the chance for a fantasy relationship and I rebounded because I needed intimacy. And look where it led us."

DJ blushed and looked at her hands.

I turned back to Dawn. "The last thing I want to do is rebound again, okay? Fine, I'm lonely by your definition. But I really think it's best if I'm alone for a while, okay? I need to take a step back and not get myself into another relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. Make sense?"

Dawn exhaled slowly, her mouth eventually forming an 'O' as she blew air straight out. When her breath gave out, she finally conceded, "Fair enough." But she wouldn't totally give up. "Just don't try to tell me you're looking for happiness, Ben. You're just looking to get laid and you're running away from your feelings," she scolded.

I rolled my eyes. "FINE. Jeez. Didn't realize I was going to walk into a lecture."

"I'm not trying to lecture you," she protested.

"Look. DJ and I broke up less than three weeks ago. Cut me some slack."

"Cutting you slack is giving you space to think about your life and time to get over your ex-girlfriend. But you're not doing that, Ben. You're doing what you always do. You're drowning your feelings in a sea of lust and naked sorority sluts!"

I went rigid. I didn't mind Dawn calling ME a slut; I deserved it. But I'd never liked anyone calling a girl I cared about a slut, not even Dawn. "You don't call them that," I barked coldly.

"What? Sluts? They ARE!" Dawn's voice elevated. "They fucking made a competition out of seducing a complete stranger!"

"It's not that simple!"

"But it's true!"

"What's your problem?" I exclaimed. "What the Tri-Delts do is none of your business."

"It IS my business when they're going after YOU!" she yelled, her eyes a little wild.

I looked at my best friend as if there was suddenly a bad taste in my mouth. "What, are you jealous or something?"

"Jealous? What the fuck are you smoking?" Dawn screeched. "Why would I be jealous of some skanky SLUTS?"

"Dawn! Stop calling them that! I'm warning you!" My voice was elevating as well.

"Or what? You're gonna hold me down and rape me, too? What would that make me? Number 14?"

"DAWN!" My eyes flew open in abject shock at her words. "What kind of guy do you think I am?"

"A boy! A stupid, stupid boy!"

"Is everything okay in here?" Deanna Evans stood in the archway, a look of concern on her face.

Dawn immediately turned red and averted her face. I winced and gave an apologetic nod to Mrs. Evans. DJ just looked stunned by what had happened.

Dawn just planted her forehead in her palm and squeezed her eyes shut. Without turning to her mom, she muttered, "Everything's just fine." And then without another word, she stood up and practically raced out of the room.

Mrs. Evans, DJ, and I were left blinking in surprise and looking at each other a little awkwardly, none of us exactly sure what to say.

Eventually, Mrs. Evans just took a deep breath and looked at me. Her eyes searched through mine for a moment, and then she nodded knowingly, as if she understood exactly what was going on. Without another word, she turned and left the room.

"What just happened?" I asked quietly.

DJ didn't say anything right away. But eventually, she sighed and leaned over, patting my leg. "Dawn just cares about you."

"What?"

DJ smiled wanly. "My sister is the most level-headed person I've ever met. She only gets that way over you." She shrugged. "She cares about you."

I blinked a couple of times, not quite following.

DJ stood up, leaned over to peck me on the cheek, and then turned and walked out of the room, leaving me alone.

I'll never understand women.

I wound up back on the couch in the family room in front of the football game. If Jack Evans had heard me and Dawn yelling at each other in the living room, he didn't show it. When I sat down he simply took one look at me, cracked open a fresh beer, and handed it over. I chugged half of it without even thinking about it.

One by one, the other girls trickled down to join us. Dayna was first, sliding onto the loveseat. Adrienne came with her, cuddling up and using me as a backrest the way the twins had been doing for their entire lives. Brandi popped in and out, choosing to spend more time helping out Mrs. Evans in the kitchen.

After a while, DJ came back from wherever she had gone and mirrored Adrienne by leaning against my other shoulder. All in all, the girls saw a pretty boring game. The Dolphins had things well in hand by the second quarter and the Cowboys sucked. Quincy Carter threw two interceptions in the fourth to ice things. After the game, we all talked about random nothings until it was time to eat.

Dawn didn't come back down until dinnertime, spending most of the day in her room. I didn't want to say she was outright avoiding me, but on the few occasions she DID venture downstairs, she'd never so much as looked at me.

Things thawed a bit at dinnertime itself. I was seated along a long end with DJ and Adrienne, but Dawn wound up directly across from me and once dinner started, she seemed to sigh in resignation and at least became polite with me. She gave me a small but hopeful smile when I made eye contact and she responded when I asked her to pass me the potatoes. And as the meal wore on, the tension between us leeched away until there was nothing left.

After the meal was over, everyone pitched in to help bus the table and put away the dishes. With eight people helping out, things got put away and the dishwasher loaded pretty quickly. Jack and Deanna invited everyone to have some wine and veg out for a bit while we all went into turkey tryptophan-induced comas. But I went looking for Dawn and found her looking for me.

For a second, she darted her eyes around to everyone else in the family room. Without words, our eyes met again and I gestured with my head, getting a confirming nod from Dawn. I then turned and she followed me back to the main hallway. Once there, I paused and let her lead me upstairs. I involuntarily checked out her fine ass on the way up and then into her bedroom, where she flopped onto the bed while I dropped myself onto the desk chair.

"I want to apologize for what happened earlier," Dawn began.

"It's okay, really. I-"

"No, I need to apologize," she interrupted me. She took a deep breath, looked me in the eyes, and continued, "I was out of line. I shouldn't have called those girls 'sluts'. I know the word really bugs you."

I shrugged. "Clearly, it didn't really bother me when you and DJ both called ME a slut."

Dawn giggled and looked down. "Yeah, well. You know what I mean."

I smiled. "Apology accepted."

She sighed and then looked away. "And I realized that in a way, I AM jealous."

My eyebrows furrowed and I pulled my head back. "You mean?"

She read the expression on my face and shook her head. "No, no. Not like that. Well, yes like that. I mean, I do remember how wonderful we were together in bed. But no, not like that."

I blinked, working to follow as she'd rambled a bit. "Huh?"

She broke out into a big, slightly embarrassed smile and sighed. "What I mean is: I was a little hurt that you didn't come to me after you and DJ broke up."

"I did."

Dawn shook her head. "Not until Monday. You two broke up Friday night."

I winced and shrugged. "It wasn't on purpose. I just kind of locked myself inside the house for a bit, you know? And Adrienne and Brandi and Dayna were all there to talk to me."

"But you didn't even tell me it happened."

I arched an eyebrow. "Did I need to? I thought you girls all communicated telepathically."

She chuckled and shook her head. "Not exactly."

"But you DID find out right away, didn't you?"

Dawn nodded. "DJ called me that night."

"So you knew. What's the problem?"

"You still didn't call me."

I frowned. "You didn't come visit me."

"I didn't know if you would want me to."

I sighed. "Of course I would. You're my best friend."

"Am I?"

I stopped and looked at Dawn. She looked genuinely hurt and my eyebrows furrowed as I tried to figure out what was going on in her head. In good times, our emotions and feelings flowed back and forth between each other as if they were written in neon letters above our heads. But there were times when I had no clue what she was thinking. "Dawn, of course you are."

"Then on the night you broke up with your girlfriend, why didn't you come talk to me? Not even a phone call?"

I shrugged. "I'm a guy."

She shook her head. "Not what I mean. You used to always tell me what was going on in your love life, and what you were going through. You told me about Keira way in the beginning, even though you didn't give me her name. We talked a LOT about your relationships with Adrienne and Paige. You know I'm always here for you to talk about whatever you're going through. You know I'm here to help you figure things out. But this time, you didn't. When you and DJ broke up, you just went off and did your own thing. Yeah, you came back and reported what you were up to, but you never told me what was going on in your head."

"I didn't know you wanted me to."

"Of course I did. I'm your friend. I'm your Dawn. I'm here for you."

"You didn't want to talk much with me last time," I said bitterly. "After Adrienne and Paige broke up with me."

She sighed and looked away. "That's because you pissed me off. You more or less said, 'Okay, I'm free now. Why don't you break up with Ryan and get back together with me since it's convenient?'"

"I didn't say that!"

"Yeah, you pretty much did."

"I'm sorry. I never meant anything like that," I sighed. "I was just kind of messed up after all that in May and I was grasping at straws."

"I know. And things didn't get much better for a while." Dawn leaned over and traced the bullet scar on my cheek with her fingers.

We both went silent as I pondered all the traumas of the Adam-incident; and Dawn gave me the space to ponder them. But then I took a deep breath and looked over at her. "Seriously, I didn't know you wanted me to come to you."

"I'm your best friend."

I exhaled. "Are you?"

She looked surprised at the little reversal. Two minutes earlier she'd been challenging whether or not I considered her my best friend.

I sighed. "You don't share much with me anymore, either. I mean yeah, we spend all day together. We go to classes and we study and we do our homework and everything. But you've never talked to me about what's going on in your relationship with Ryan."

Dawn smiled wryly. "You're a guy."

I rolled my eyes. "So? Same difference. You share your romantic complications with other girls, probably Gwen, right?"

Dawn nodded. "But it's not like you share your romantic complications with another guy. Who do you talk to, Adrienne?"

I smirked. "Adrienne's mostly lesbian. That makes her a de facto 'guy' since we're both looking at girls the same way."

Dawn rolled her eyes and quipped, "I like looking at girls, too."

I grinned. "I know, I know. I dunno. Maybe because I'm a guy I just don't talk about it much. Even when I talked to you about Keira and Megan and everything else, it was all kind of after the fact. You were in NorCal and I was in OC."

Dawn sighed and nodded. She looked thoughtful and as her eyes stared off somewhere in the distance, I simply stayed quiet and waited her out.

Eventually, she pursed her lips together and rolled those crystal clear blue eyes over to me. In the spot lighting of her bedroom, shadows were cast across her pretty face making her look even more alluring as she smiled at me radiantly. "I want to change that, Ben."

"Change what?"

"I want to talk to you. I want to share with you. I feel like we've drifted so far apart over this last year and a half."

"Last year and a half?" I arched an eyebrow. "Two years ago we were 500 miles apart. The last year and a half has been the first period we could really spend a lot of daily time together."

She smiled. "I'm not talking about time. I'm talking about being close to my best friend, being close to my Ben. We may not be a couple anymore, but I want to get back that feeling of intimacy with you. It doesn't have to be sexual intimacy. But that personal ... closeness ... Do you know what I mean?"

I smiled and nodded. In the last few weeks ... heck, for most of this entire 2003, I hadn't really felt close intimacy with anyone. I had started to feel a bit lonely back when Adrienne first pulled herself away that Valentine's Day to pursue her relationship with Grace. We'd gotten some of it back in a more sibling affection ever since, not to mention a great sexual partnership, but things hadn't been the same. I'd never really gotten that intimate with DJ, either, she being more in love with her fantasy Ben and me just clinging to the idea of having A girlfriend. And clearly, I hadn't had anything remotely resembling intimacy with the dozen or so chicks I'd been banging the past few weeks.

Dawn continued. "I want to share what I'm going through with Ryan. I feel like he and I have reached this really important turning point in our relationship; something that will change the rest of my life. And I'd love to be able to share that with you, to talk it out with you."

I smiled and got off the chair, moving over to the bed and sitting sideways on the edge just in front of her. "And I want to share what I'm going through right now. I bluster a lot about being Mister Independent and living the ultimate male fantasy. But yeah, I'm still not sure what I'm doing. I want to be happy, not just get laid, and I'm not entirely sure how to go about that. It's still too soon for me to think about a relationship. I know I don't want to rebound and I'm not sure what I should be looking for in another girlfriend anyways. But I'd love to be able to share what I'm feeling with you."

Dawn broke into a delighted smile, the kind that carried up through her cheeks and into her eyes, making them sparkle. With a little giggle, she raised a hand and touched my cheek, brushing it with her fingertips gently. "I missed you, Ben. I know we've been seeing each other almost every day, but I missed you. I missed the Ben I loved at summer camp."

"I missed you, too. I missed ... my Dawn."

"I'm right here, now," she said softly and leaned towards me. "You don't need to be Mister Independent. You've got me right by your side."

I took her hands in mine and squeezed them gently. "And I'm right here, now. I'll always be here for you."

Her smile got bigger and what seemed like a happy tear rolled down her cheek. I wanted to move to intercept it, but couldn't bear to break my hands free of hers. So on impulse, I darted forward and kissed the tear away, my lips lingering just an extra second against her silky smooth skin.

She smiled even bigger and another tear squeezed out onto her opposite cheek. I quickly darted around and kissed that one away as well. She turned her face fractionally toward mine. I brought my face in line with hers. And then moving forward, our lips met together.

It wasn't a kiss of passion. It wasn't a kiss of lust. It was just a kiss of love, the timeless love that had bonded Dawn and me since we were first born. The touch of her lips filled me with a joy I hadn't felt in a while, and this time there was no Ryan to stop by and cause us to awkwardly split apart.

The pressure of her lips increased and I pushed a little harder to match her. I tilted my head to the side and probed forward with my tongue. She parted her lips for me and touched my tongue with her own. And as our kiss deepened I felt the waves of absolute bliss and contentment filling my soul.

This was my Dawn.

This was the way things were meant to be.

But not yet.

Dawn pulled back and quickly moved up to peck my nose. She was crying again, albeit with bright eyes and a happy smile. Her eyebrows popped up and with just a touch of embarrassment, she giggled, "We should probably stop before this gets out of hand. I have a boyfriend, remember?"

I groaned and realized that I was rock hard. Dawn just had that effect on me, and I grimaced with the realization that indeed, we had to stop before going past the point of no return. "I love you, my Dawn."

"I love you too, my Ben."

"I don't want to leave right now," I whispered harshly, my voice strained with passionate lust.

"I know. But we both know you should." She sighed. And then her eyes darted over my shoulder as a little smile spread across her face. "Besides, my little sister needs you now."

My eyes suddenly focused and I backed my head away. "Wait, what?" I twisted my head around to see the gorgeous 17-year-old leaning against the doorjamb, an eager expression on her face.

"C'mon, honey," DJ reached a hand out to me. "I've gone three weeks without getting properly pounded and there isn't much time."

Blinking fast, I turned back to Dawn. "But ... but..."

"Go," Dawn giggled and pushed me away. "Go on. It's okay. Get out of here."

DJ came forward to take my arm and she physically tugged me off the bed. "C'mon, honey. I'll take that big problem you've got in your pants and make it go away."

Still slightly shell-shocked, I merely hung on as DJ dragged me out of the room.

The impish young blonde then giggled uproariously. "I'll even let you call me 'Dawn'."

"Fucking hell..." DJ groaned as my prick glided forward the final inch, my pelvic bone bumping up against her crotch and coming to a full and complete stop. She was breathing shallowly as her hands clutched at my forearms. I could feel her heartbeat through her vaginal walls, slowly pulsing at me in a steady [bum- BUMP] [bum-BUMP].

"I forgot how fucking big you are," she groaned and let her head fall back against the mattress.

"I forgot how fucking tight you are," I grunted in reply as I held myself above her, my arms shaking slightly as I fought to keep still.

"Mmm ... fuck me, Ben. Really fuck me," the beautiful young teenager moaned as she began rolling her hips, fucking herself a couple of inches along my shaft and gradually stretching her vaginal tunnel around my invading rod. "I've gone three weeks without feeling your magnificent cock splitting me wide open and I don't know how long this fuck is gonna have to keep me."

I growled and dropped myself down onto my elbows, high enough to keep my weight off her but low enough to feel those marvelous 34DD tits rubbing against my chest. I hooked my hands beneath her shoulders and gripped her as I began to pump in and out of her clasping pussy. And I tilted my head down to start nibbling at her neck.

"I missed you, kiddo."

"Ha!" She giggled and rolled her eyes. "It was my big sister that got you this worked up."

"Maybe," I conceded. "But I still missed you. What we had may not have been ideal, but it was real to me."

"Oh, Ben..." DJ sighed and continued rocking her hips, undulating her lithe body to meet my every thrust. "It was real to me, and I appreciate everything that we were together. But we aren't meant to be. I know that now. You were my fantasy, but the real you belongs to Dawn."

"Ahhh..." I sighed, feeling the curious mix of pleasure from DJ's exquisitely caressing pussy and sadness over Dawn. "Dawn and I aren't like that anymore."

"Hmm ... not for now you aren't; but give it time," DJ breathed and rubbed my spine, gripping my shoulders and using the leverage to press her crotch against me a little harder when our loins met. "Not everyone has a soulmate you know. And that sort of thing doesn't go away that easily."

I looked down at the beautiful girl writhing beneath me in pleasurable ecstasy. Her sunny blonde hair was loose and haloed around the pillow instead of coiled into its usual braids. Her crystal clear blue eyes stared straight back at me. And the scent of her body was so familiar. DJ really looked like a slightly younger, slightly skinnier version of Dawn, and for a brief moment, I pictured her older sister beneath me.

"Ohhh..." I moaned in rapture as the idea of grooving my cock in and out of Dawn sent a tingle up my spine. DJ was right, the connections to a soulmate don't go away that easily, and even now, as Dawn contemplated the seriousness of her relationship with another man, the mere concept of making love with my Dawn caused a surge of power into my strokes.

"Ooh, you like that, don't you?" DJ teased. "Talking about Dawn."

I groaned again and shut my eyes, letting the fantasy take over for a few brief seconds. My hands tightened against her shoulders. My lips pressed against her skin. And my loins drove harder and deeper into her body. Already I could envision the ecstatic thrill of blasting my load, pouring out my liquid love, into... her ... body...

"Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck..." DJ grimaced and groaned as I pounded her with increased energy. And the sound of her familiar chanting brought me right back to reality.

I shook Dawn from my head and looked down at the pretty girl beneath me, the youngest Evans daughter who had put her heart into becoming the very best girlfriend I'd ever had. In many ways, she hadn't succeeded; but that didn't discount everything she'd gone through for me, and for us. I opened my eyes wide and moved a hand up to caress her cheek. I tilted my head and pressed my lips to hers, giving her a tender kiss. "Let's stop talking about Dawn, kiddo. I'm with you."

She giggled. "I meant it when I said I'm okay with you fantasizing about Dawn while you're fucking me. I know we're not meant to be in love, and I really just want to get laid right now. Hell, if you'll fuck me even better, I'll let you fantasize whatever the hell you want."

For a brief moment, I thought about accepting her offer. No, that's a lie. For a LONG time, I thought about accepting her offer. I wanted to be with Dawn; I really did. Yeah, I was fucking a dozen hot babes from Dayna's hottie Senior friends to nubile sorority girls, but of the thousands of girls on the entire campus at UC Berkeley, Dawn was one of the few that were completely off-limits. You always want what you can't have. And that desire was multiplied a hundredfold for my Dawn.

But I was with DJ. It was important to me that I pay attention to the girl I was with, and not just... use her as a receptacle for my pleasure. Keira's golden rule was still locked into the very foundations of my lovemaking, and I had to please DJ first.

"I'm with you, kiddo," I said in a serious, deep voice. "Whatever else we may have been, whatever we could be in the future, and whoever else we may be with someday, right now I'm with you. And I want to be with you."

I held her face in my hands and brought mine down to hers. We didn't quite kiss. Our noses lightly bumped against each other as I stared into her eyes, holding my gaze until I was sure she was staring right back into mine. I didn't have words for how I felt in that moment; it wasn't quite love, not quite gratitude, not quite lust. But I put the way I felt for DJ into the way I looked into her eyes, and with a deep satisfaction, I sensed more than saw the smile tugging up at the corners of her lips.

Only then did we finally kiss. Our eyes closed and our heads turned and my body surged forward to press deeply into hers. DJ kicked her hips up and wrapped her legs tightly around my waist, flexing and tugging to fuck herself harder against me. I felt a wondrous surge of pleasure coursing through both our bodies as our lovemaking kicked up another notch. And with a passionate intensity I hadn't felt in the last dozen-plus screws with random hot girls, DJ and I really started fucking up a storm.

I'd given DJ better orgasms before this night. She'd cum harder and squirted more and thrashed about the bed in a glorious cocktail of sexual agony and ecstasy. I'd also given DJ far more orgasms than this night, because tonight she only had the one.

But it was GREAT orgasm. Not the most powerful, not the best feeling, but it was perhaps the most satisfying orgasm of her young life. When she came, it was with our eyes locked onto each other. When she came, it was with her entire body vibrating at the peak resonant frequency of maximum happiness. And when she came, it was with my own cum splashing against her inner walls at the same time.

"Oh, GAWD! BEN!" DJ cried as the climax tore through her body. "BEN! BEN! BEN!"

"DJ! DJ! DJ!" I chanted right back as we shuddered and rocked against the mattress. Our names were clear and our hearts were open. This wasn't love. It was just pleasure. And it was happiness and thankfulness for the person we were with.

Dawn was right: The most important part of sexual satisfaction for a girl wasn't the physical orgasm; it was the connection to the person they were with. For the first time, with DJ at least, I hadn't just concentrated on giving her the greatest fuck, or even the most luxurious lovemaking. I simply made sure she knew I was with her.

When we were done, DJ stared wide-eyed at the ceiling, as if unable to believe what we had just done. She wasn't physically drained. She wasn't half- unconscious. Actually, she still seemed energized, eager even. And yet her body was completely relaxed with total satisfaction despite having only a solitary orgasm.

"Wow ... that totally wasn't what I was expecting..." DJ breathed. "But it was incredible!" She pushed my face into the crook of her neck and squeezed me tightly, hugging me down to crush her smaller body beneath her.

"Nrrgghh," was all I could groan in response. I'd had a pretty good orgasm myself and my brain was still mush.

DJ giggled and rubbed my back. "Hm, if you'd been making love to me like that this entire time, I might not have let you go."

"Nrrgghh..."

DJ sighed and then patted my back. "We'll have to do that again sometime. Maybe when you come back up north after winter break?"

I turned my head to the side and smiled. My mouth felt full of cotton but I managed to say, "I'd like that."

The pretty blonde smiled and moved her face forward to kiss me. And then we rolled apart. It was time to go home.

By prior agreement, Adrienne and Dawn traded places in the back seat of Dayna's Impala for the drive back to campus. That put Dawn beside me, and she dropped her hand onto my thigh. And as we pulled away from the curb, my beautiful best friend turned to me with an impish smile.

"Quite a number you did on DJ back there."

I blushed and looked down. I thought about my response for a few seconds before picking my head back up and looking into Dawn's crystal blue eyes. "It was special," I said finally.

Dawn smiled back and blushed. "Sounded like it."

I moved my hand on top of hers, squeezing it gently. A thought came into my head that I didn't verbalize. But no matter. From the way Dawn's eyes brightened and widened for a brief moment, I think she got it anyways.

'Next time, it'll be you.'