Confessions

Earlier on the same day, after the breakfast…

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"Here you go, Mister Kraust," Ellin said as he put the last cleaned and sparkling dish in its proper place. "Now, excuse me, I must… check on our car, yes, right now. Why don't you rest a little for now? Eve can keep you company…"

"Ah, wait for me, Lin-Lin! I will help!" Xia hurried after him.

They didn't see the nonplussed look that Eve threw after them or a tired one from Victor. Neither did they actually went to the car; instead, as soon as Ellin got out of the house, he let out a deep sigh of relief and grinned.

"Heh, we must've looked really stupid from the side, Xia. I swear, with each passing hour I feel more and more like I'm returning into the past, when I was cleaning floors and tables after people all day long."

Xia giggled and came up a little closer to him. "Lin-Lin, so this is where you got your amazing living skills? You never told me before. I thought you were born like this to pass these genes to all your future daughters!"

Ellin brushed a hand over his hair. "Eh, don't you know genes don't work like that? Xia, did you study well in school? You really speak like someone who barely passed the final exam!"

"That's not true… That's not true, Lin-Lin! I had mediocre grades." Xia blushed and pouted, looking away from Ellin's brilliant smile. Suddenly, she grasped his sleeve. "Hey, the weather is so good, and Mister Kraust said that the animals won't attack us here. Let's go for a walk! It's been so long since I just had a walk in a forest."

Ellin didn't pay any mind to Xia's gesture. "Alright, that's a neat idea! I didn't have a walk in a forest… ever. I wonder if we will find some berries or mushrooms in there too."

He picked a random trail into the woods and led the way. Xia kept holding his sleeve as they walked and chatted about all things in the world with smiles on their faces. Even if the air they breathed was almost visible from the pollution, the grass beneath their feet was yellowish and weak, and the trees around were dry and crooked, Xia and Ellin didn't let it dampen their moods.

"Xia, look! A butterfly!" Ellin pointed at the pale greenish-yellow butterfly that spread her wings on a tree trunk. "I've never seen a living butterfly in my entire life!"

Xia looked at the tiny insect. It wasn't some majestic and stunning tropical butterfly, but on the background of dying forest around it was like a breath of vitalising, fresh air; a gentle and fragile proof that the nature didn't give up yet. Then Xia lifted her eyes at Ellin. His blue eyes, brighter than any butterfly, sparkled with true amazement. The dishevelled blonde hair of his shone like gold in the rays of sunlight, but his wide grin sparkled like diamonds in comparison.

It was a view that made her heart beat madly in Xia's chest. She clutched at it, feeling her cheeks growing warm.

The butterfly flew away with a flutter of her wings. Ellin straightened and turned to keep on walking, but then noticed that Xia stood rooted in place. He looked at her with a questioning eyes. "Xia?"

A pink blush dusted her round, childish face. Xia belonged to people who had faces of children no matter how old they turned; but if on others it looked comical, on Xia it was endearing and cute to the extreme. She was looking at him with her big, if slanted, eyes—the powerful feelings noticeable within them made Ellin pause. He felt as if he was falling into a deep, deep well…

The moment might have lasted for a few seconds or a few minutes—no one present could tell. There were barely any sounds in the forest to break the enchantment on the couple.

It was Xia who first broke the silence; but not the eye contact. "Lin-Lin… I've wanted to tell you long ago, but… The situation wasn't right then. But I swore to myself that if I escape from Cole, I will. I… I can't bear to keep it inside any longer."

Ellin swallowed. Conflicting emotions brewed inside his chest: a dark premonition mixed with a strange anticipation. He didn't interrupt.

"Lin-Lin… Ever since you helped me for the first time and asked nothing in return, I knew that I've never met a man as good as you are. I didn't dare to believe it then. I thought that each and every one of them are scums, worse than pigs, but you proved me wrong every time. Lin-Lin, I… I love you."

She watched with bated breath as the expressions changed on Ellin's face. His eyebrows rose, his eyes widened, his jaw fell and his entire body froze. A second passed before that dumbstruck expression smoothly flowed into an apologetic, helpless frown that made Xia's heart clench in pain.

"I understand if you don't like me this way! After all, who'd need a dirty woman like me." She smiled mirthlessly and looked away.

"Xia, don't talk about yourself this way!" Ellin interrupted. He hid his face in a palm, unable to keep looking at Xia's sorrowful expression. "Please, listen, Xia. Don't degrade yourself. I like you, I really do. You have that strength in you despite all that you went through. I envy you. If I was in your place, I… Well. And you still can smile so happily despite your past. I am really glad to be your friend. A brother, even! But not as lovers. Because…"

He shook his head and took in a deep breath. "Because I'm actually a woman. Ellin isn't my real name. It's Celina."

Xia's eyes snapped at him. She took a step forward on shaking knees and raised her hand to Celina's chest. "B-but… How… Why?.."

Celina lowered her eyes apologetically. "I should've told you long ago, but I was pretending for so many years that I sometimes forgot myself about who I truly am." She chuckled mirthlessly. "I never told anyone. After the apocalypse, I saw how most women were treated… women like you, Xia, or even Eve. The very idea that I can become a victim like one of them was terrifying, so I masked myself. I was lucky to have a manly face and voice that made it possible, but now I realise I should've told you the truth long ago."

Xia looked at Celina in a futile hope of finding something to prove that her words were just a joke. She reached with her hands towards Celina's face and touched her smooth cheeks without a hint of stubble. She lowered the collar of her shirt to see the lack of Adam's apple. Then Xia's hands lowered to Celina's chest. It looked flat, but under her palms she could feel something of a different shape than just muscles. During all of that, Celina didn't move from her spot.

Xia's hand dropped. She believed now, but the stubborn fire in her chest didn't extinguish. Even if Celina was a woman, she still was a full head taller than Xia. She looked at Celina's face—it didn't change because of her confession. Her eyes were of the same brilliant sky-blue colour, and her hair was still as dazzling, and she was still… the most handsome person on the planet in Xia's heart.

"I don't care, Lin-Lin," Xia said in a steely voice that she usually reserved for military operations, not for her friends. "It doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman, in my heart, you are still the same Lin-Lin I love!"

Before Celina could react, Xia stood on her tiptoes and firmly caught her cheeks in her hands. Then Xia brought her face down and pressed her lips against Celina's.

The kiss only lasted for a second, but it felt like the longest second in Xia's life. It washed all worries and doubts from her chest with a wave of happiness. When Xia stepped away and looked at Celina's slaw-jawed expression, she couldn't help but grin.

"B-but… I'm not into girls…" Celina uttered. She touched her lips with a hand, still barely able to believe what happened.

"I don't care for that either! Listen, Lin-Lin—this Qiao Xia will not give up! One day, I will make you fall for me!" Xia shook her fist in the air. Then her hand fell, and she bit her lip. "Hey, maybe Eve's nano-machines can do something like that…"

"Wait, Xia, are you really going to ask her if she can turn a person gay? Xia, that's too much!"

Xia only giggled in reply and run deeper into the forest. Celina could only chase after her, feeling helpless but warm in her heart.