Chapter 42

"W-what?" I stuttered and roam around but I can't see him.

Taka akong tumingin kay Nicole, iniisip na baka binibiro nya lang ako pero nakita ko ang pamumutla nya na para bang nakakita sya ng multo.

"Let's go outside first. Your brother will probably understand." I wanted to talk but she take me away to our other friend's and go to the ground floor instead.

"Saan mo ba ako dadalhin ha? Baka mamaya hinahanap na ako sa itaas." My brows still furrowed, still confused where she will take me.

She looked at me before open her car. "Getting up an fresh air, you wanted to escape right? Like what you told us months ago and update you if he was near or not?" Nagtatakang tingin nya sa akin.

I stopped her in a half way to opening the door of her car and looked at her in the eyes. "It won't work, if I still do that Nicole. Let them be and I'm tired of running away."

She surprised when I talk but I just gave her a shrugged. "You're not affected anymore?" Hindi pa makapaniwalang tanong nya.

"We're on the same place at the same time. Maybe he had some business here, imposible naman na i invite sya nang kapatid ko, since they're not that closed after we seperated."

"But he's wearing a tuxedo! I even saw my eyes that they're talking about you. Kung wala naman akong narinig at nakita, hindi kita itatakas doon." She almost rolled her eyes.

Hindi ako nakapag salita at natulala na lang sa kanya. After months , he's showing up again himself. Does he okay now? Natatakot lang ako na baka kapag nakita nya ako ay lumuhod sya ulit sa akin. Or he changed a lot with the help of his doctor?

I don't know what will I say but I found myself drinking some wine while the people are partying at the reception alone. Nicole is with our friends because I asked her to give me a privacy to drink alone.

I was thinking if it's the time to make a decision for myself and for us? But wait, does he even thinking about it now? so he makes sure to himself that maybe, if he tried to heal himself, I could give him a chance?

Handa naba akong sumugal ulit nang walang kasiguraduhan?

Or I should love myself and it takes time to make a decision?

But I was growing old, I'm not getting younger anymore. Maybe, I should now face him and this is the right thing to do. I shouldn't waste my time to over think this. I should get over it, so my mind will became peaceful now.

Para hindi na sya umasa pa ulit. I don't want him to miss-understand me.

I was about to stand up when a man seated in front of me. My vision was getting blurry so I needed to blink a few times to make my vision clear.

"Oh." I whispered when I saw him in front of me. Checking the bottle of wine near me. I was surprised a little bit when I smell his manly perfume and it was too good. I needed to get my sense back even if it's hard.

"You'll get drunk of this wine, be careful lady." He said and looked at me.

I'm still surprised to see hin in front of me. Dahil ang plano ko naman ay ako ang pupunta sa kanya. His looks are changed a little bit and his eyes are not begging anymore. He looked, fine now.

Maybe a little bit finer because he looked like a normal person who doesn't beg for me. I do not deserve that.

"How are you?" I suddenly asked. I didn't know why I was making a first move. It is because of my drunk state? Or because he was in front of me and I got distracted?

He seems surprised but he looked at me like I was a friend. "I'm good, feel better now. I was used to having an appointment but it sucks." He chuckle a little bit.

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from talking but it was nonsense. "Are you good? Does the check ups to you are good?"

He looked at me again, amused at the same time. "Yeah, I was starting to accept everything and now. It's hard for me to forgive myself and forget for what I've did. I wanted to get my sense back that I should stop making hope to get back together after this. I was an asshole, so I'm still trying to forgive and love myself first. Maybe, that'll be my decision for my life."

"Are you sure that your decision is final? To love yourself more than others and heal yourself first before getting into a relationship again?" I was trying to ask. Maybe I'm drunk to be brave like this. I don't know why, but there's hope for me to gave an answer so I can finally have a closure with him.

He stood up to adjust his seats and now we're closer, I can see his smile reached in his eyes. I closed my eyes when he caressed my hair and fix it a little.

"I'm in a half way to heal myself so I only answer the last question." He stopped caressing my hair and touch my chin so we can make an eye contact. "If isn't you, I won't be enter relationships anymore. It's hard for me to adjust and make friends or even introduce myself again Krish. I always wanted to be with you, but I still can't. Or maybe, I really can't still forgive myself and for now. I'm still a little confused. I'm so sorry."

My tears started to fall as I stared at him. Memorizing his face if this will be the last time I saw him. My hopes suddenly faded. He was confused as me so no one will still giving an answer. I just nodded and even can't blame him.

Dahil kung ako din mismo sa sitwasyon nya, hinding hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko.

He smiled at me and ready to go but I stopped him using my hand. He was again, suprised when I stopped him. I wanted to say it badly but I cannot find my words to say.

He turned back to me after giving me the smile on his face as I stared him at the back while he was walking slowly.

"I love you,"

Hindi ko alam kung narinig nya ba o ano, pero nagising na lang ako kinabukasan na nakahiga na ako sa malambot na kama. I just woke up when they're suddenly talking about him because they kept mentioning his name.

"I don't know ha, pero I can sense that he still loves her. He's confused choosing between himself and hers. Love made people crazy talaga." Dinig kong sambit ni Chloe kausap sina Desiree at Nicole.

"I saw them yesterday, only lexord turns back at her but stop in midway to looked our friend. I don't know what it is and he looked lime he found hope because I can sense that our friend whisper something." Arte na tinig ni Nicole laya bumangon na ako.

They stopped talking when they saw me woke up. "Buti naman at gising kana. Wear your swimsuit, we going to swim at the beach near here. Breakfast muna tayo, hintayin ka namin." Sabi ni Desiree kaya tumango na lang amo at dumeretso ng cr pagka kuha ng gamit ko.

I was doing it quick dahil ako ang huling nagising sa kanila kaya d ko na sila pinaghintay pa ng matagal. After washing my face with soap and brush my teeth. I immediately change into 2 piece black swimsuit. It was fit in me so it show my cleavage a bit.

Pinatungan ko na lang ng white blouse dahil nakalimutan ko dalhin iyong partner ng swimsuit ko bago ko ayusin ang nakalugay na buhok ko at nag salamin.

"Gorgeous as ever!" Sambit ni Nicole

"You're so hot babe, let's go." She immediately hold me and Desiree gave me a thumbs up before going to ground floor.

Nandoon na halos lahat ng mga lalaki. I can freely see their hot bodies and the abs. Also, I wasn't focusing on them too much dahil baka mag selos din ang mga kasama ko dahil humabol ang mga asawa nila.

They looked good together and they're in love to each other. I can see in their eyes that their love was the most beautiful things come into their lives that no one can destroy them and also ready to sacrifice to make them happy.

I rolled my eyes and sit next to him. Akala mo ay hindi ko na sya makikita ngayon pero baka ito na talaga yung huli. I know that I still wanted to hope that someday, it will change. Negative man yan o hindi, I wanted to clear this things out. I don't want to run away anymore. I wanted to talk now and ready for his decision. Maybe, je was just confused because I wasn't telling anything.

"Sino ang nagdala sakin sa kwarto kagabi?" Bulong ko kay Desiree since she's seated next to me.

"Beside you." She whispered back so I looked at her with a surprised.

Tumikhim ako at napa inom ng tubig dahil sa biglaang pagka gulat ko. Wala mang lang bang kahit clue? Kailangan ba steaight forward?

Pero bakit nya kailangan gawin yon? I thought he left already?

We started to eat after the waiter and waitress placed our special breakfast. We ate happily and they're busy to talk to each other and how they congratulate my brother and his wife.

I felt envying my brother. He used to be hurt but not hurt like me. He's now happy with his wife and contented. He was the younger but he was the first getting married. I felt jealous but happy at the same time that he won't suffer like me.

I excuse myself before standing up. Narinig ko pang nag paalam din sya at sinundan ako. Maybe, this time, I'll tell him my decision. Ready or not. I'll take a risk and this will be the last time I will saw him if I will fail again.

"Lex,"

"Krish." He talked. We both don't know who will make a first move when we suddenly felt awkward and avoid his eyes from mine.

"You can go first," I almost whispered. Feeling nervous now because I can see that he thinks deeply but he sighed heavily and started to talk.

"I.. I don't think it'll be the same if ever we came back together."

To be continued...