Drunk Sherlock Holmes

Ron, Harry, and Hermione walked into the Pub and immediately saw Cross with a heavy blush across his face, singing with a few drunk old men.

Cross was standing on stage and held two guy's shoulders as he sang happily, laughing and dancing, swaying from side to side.

Ron laughed and said "Crazy chap, isn't he?" Cross' ear twitched and he waved at Ron, who flew though the air and landed next to him as he said "Hey, Weasel boy! Sing with me! I've never sang with a ginger before!"

The patrons burst out laughing and cheered "Sing with the ginger!" Cross wrapped his arm around Ron's shoulder as he sang and old song. Ron looked to Harry and Hermione for help, but they just laughed and turned their heads away.

The patrons were hammered as well, since Cross had bought everyone 5 rounds already, so they started singing along. Cross forced Ron to drink and very soon, Ron was also drunk as he wrapped his arm around Cross' shoulder and sang along.

Harry and Hermione got a table and ordered a drink each.

Luna watched Cross from their table with a smile.

A while later

Cross pointed and said in shock "Professor! What're you doing here?!" Slughorn raised his glass and Cross cheered "To my Professor! Haha, I shouldn't be here! Hhahahaha" the patrons laughed and cheered before they all drank from their cups.

Cross laughed and smashed his mug on the ground shouting in Elven "Another!" the patrons had heard this so many times they knew the words and followed along, all smashing their glasses.

Slughorn chuckled and waved his wand, all the mugs reformed and landed on the bar. The bartender was thankful, at least half of the glasses were smashed just now.

Cross continued for a while until Luna dragged him down the stage saying "Alright. Let's go back now, yeah?" Cross gave her a silly smile and said in Elven "You know, you're really hot. I love you lots." Luna was amused and said in Elven "Oh? How much is that?"

Cross thought for a moment before saying with a goofy smile "I would give my life to protect you." and he nodded after, as if to confirm. Luna froze and her nose started to feel stuffy as a warm feeling exploded inside her and her eyes reddened.

Luna wiped her eyes and said "Come, let's go back." Cross smiled happily as his ears kept twitching every now and then, they were completely red along with the streak across his face. He looked extremely cute.

Slughorn remembered and said "Oh, Cross!" Cross snapped his head around and said with a big smile "Yes, Professor?" Slughorn smiled and said "I'm having a Dinner party, would you and Ms. Lovegood like to join?" Cross nodded and said happily "You're my favorite teacher! How can I say no? I will be there!"

Slughorn laughed and said "Then await my owl! Aha!" Cross gave him a salute and said "Yes, general!" before chuckling as Luna dragged him out of the Pub, her heart still beating like a wild deer.

Cross got outside and ran his hand through his hair as he said "Ahhh." he turned to Luna and said cutely "Am I handsome?" Luna giggled and nodded as she kissed him softly and said "The most handsome." Cross touched his lips with a goofy smile and said "You're so nice. Do you want to get married?"

Luna's heart skipped a beat and she was flustered as she said "Cross, maybe you shouldn't be drunk when you ask this question.." Cross squished her cheeks and said seriously "I love you, you love me. We should get married. That's how it works." his drunk common sense showing itself.

Luna was in a trance and Cross dragged her off muttering "Is there a priest around here?" Luna almost fainted 'A priest!?' Hermione barged out of the Pub with a blush on her face, storming off as Ron and Harry followed after her saying "Hermione, wait!"

Cross turned around and mumbled "Hermione?" trying to remember something, Luna looked at him in confusion before facepalming when she heard "That chick still has my book!" Cross picked Luna up under his armpit, like a pig, before walking towards Hermione.

Cross stopped in front of her and said "Hey, you!" Hermione looked up and squinted as she swayed a bit and said "What do YOU want?" Cross pointed at her and said "You!" then pointing at himself and finishing "Still have MY book!"

Ron, Harry, and Luna let out breaths of relief and complained, can't you complete your sentences?

Hermione was shocked and said "You want me?" Cross frowned and said "Did I say that?" Luna commented "The book, sweetheart." Cross recovered and said "Right! The book! I want the book!" Cross poked on Hermione's chest as he said "Do you know I was on chapter 12? They were about to get a key evidence!"

Hermione spat out her tongue and said "They found it! It was a red herring!" Cross gasped and said "You didn't!" Hermione added "And the killer was the wife!" Cross turned white as he said "No! It can't be! She was in a different country!" Hermione said "It was a fake! She recreated the photos with different dates and got a few friends to vouch for her!"

Cross pointed at Hermione and said "Y-Y-You!" Hermione blew a razzberry with her tongue and Cross said in disbelief "I can't believe this!" Hermione finger pistoled him and said "Believe it!" Cross was about to say something when they heard a loud scream.

Cross slapped his forehead and said "I forgot!" Luna said "What?" Cross said in disappointment "When these three are together something bad is going to happen... I haven't been wrong before..." Harry said "Thanks, Cross..."

Cross walked towards the scream, shifting Luna to his shoulders and holding onto her smooth legs as he said "Mmm soft~" Luna said "I have something even softer for you later~" Cross was amazed and said "Ah! Really?!" Luna nodded, Ron and Harry coughed from the side and Hermione grabbed her chest, squeezing as she looked at Luna and muttered "Are big ones better?"

Ron and Harry coughed again, looking at Hermione speechlessly.

Cross said sagely "All sizes are nice as long as they're soft." Ron and Harry nodded along, completely in agreement and Luna said "So who's better?" Cross said immediately "You." Hermione said "Cus they're bigger?!"

Cross shook his head and said "Because she's my woman and she'll kill me if I say anyone else." Luna patted his head and said "That's right." Hermione grumbled from the side before the group arrived to see a girl being tossed around like a ragdoll then floated in the air.

Harry said "What's wrong with her?" Cross said "Imperious Curse. Funnily enough, she was under it for a while. I wonder who did that?" Luna looked at the girl and leaned her elbows on Cross' head, resting her chin in her palms as her melons squished onto Cross' head.

Cross twitched his ears happily feeling her breasts on his head.

Suddenly Hagrid showed up and said "Outta the way. I got her." as he picked up the girl and looked back at the group saying "Whatever you do, don't touch that. Only with the cloth, understand?" Cross didn't know why but as soon as Hagrid said that he had a sudden impulse to touch it.

He inched forward slowly before extending his hand out to touch it, Harry slapped his hand away and Luna sighed as she said "So close yet so far. Maybe next time, baby." Cross sighed and said "Yeah." as he followed Harry and the others to the castle as a 'key witness to the crime' as Cross had said.

A while later

Cross was sitting at a desk in McGonagall's office, still drunk, as he hummed a tune to himself. McGonagall looked at him before looking at Harry, clearly wanting an explanation.

Harry said "Well, you see.. Umm Cross had a few drinks.." McGonagall said "A few?! The lad is piss drunk!" Cross said "27 Butterbeers and counting!" as he pulled out a flask, Luna snatched it from him and said "No more!" Cross pouted and looked at her, Luna struggled internally looking at his puppy face.

McGonagall snatched the flask and said "Honestly, you two..." before shaking her head and sighing, she turned to Harry and said "What happened?" Cross spoke up "It was a heinous crime!" everybody looked at him and Cross went into Sherlock mode as he said "The culprit was under the effects of an Imperious Curse, since she left the Pub! Which means that someone within the Pub wishes harm on the old man!"

Cross jumped up and said "Most of the patrons at the Pub were also piss drunk, therefore the suspects narrow down by quite a bit! By my expert analysis, the two girls walked into the Pub precisely 2 hours ago, therefore we have to assume that the culprit was inside the bar either before or came in during my stay."

Cross paced in front of the group as he continued "I surveyed the Pub for any suspicious persons, when I got there. Only after finding none did I sit down and start drinking with my partner. The only people who came in after that could possibly be the culprit, but most of the people that came in during that time drank with me during the first and second rounds. Which narrows our search down to a few people who didn't join in on the fun!"

Cross rubbed his chin and said "The people who fit this description, can be counted on one hand! Namely, The bartender, Professor Slughorn, Harry, Draco, and the friend of the Cursed girl!" Cross snapped his fingers and said "BUT! The bartender, Slughorn, and Harry were in my view the entire time! Which leaves Draco and the cursed girl's friend!"

Cross punched him palm and said "The girl's friend's eyes were shifty during the interrogation, she was hiding something! Perhaps a hidden affair with the cursed girl's boyfriend!" his eyes brightened and he closed them smiling confidently as he said "Inspector, I've solved the case! It was the girl's friend! The motive was jealously and guilt for having an affair behind her friend's back! A cruel attempt at freeing her lover of his girlfriend to make room for herself!"

Cross snapped his finger and pointed to the sky as he said confidently "The culprit would then have the opportunity to comfort the victim's boyfriend, getting a direct in with him as an emotional support during a tough time! This develops good feelings for her from the grieving boyfriend, and that's where she'll strike and become the victim's replacement!"

Cross held up his chin with an expression that said 'Come on, praise me.' McGonagall was following at the beginning but the ending was pure nonsense. Luna covered her face and let out a low laugh, Ron and Harry chuckled while looking away, but the drunk Hermione said "It makes sense!"

Cross finger pistoled her and said "Elementary, my dear Watson!" McGonagall clapped and said "Yes, excellent. Well, time to go then." she gave Luna a look and Luna dragged Cross away saying in an old British way "You solved tha case, Mistah Sherlock!" Cross followed her replying "It was nothing, just a simple calculation!"

Luna answered with a giggle "When 're you gonna do it ag'ain? You saved tha day, you did! Bloody impressive, I reckon!" Cross smiled proudly and said "Where ever there is injustice, Sherlock will solve the case!" before leaving the room.

McGonagall watched him go before laughing and rubbing her eyes, Harry and Ron burst out laughing, while Hermione was confused.

Luna teleported to Cross' room and undressed him before putting him in bed, then she undressed herself and slipped in next to him, snuggling up to his body and resting her head on his chest with a happy smile on her face.

Cross wrapped his arm around Luna and pulled her close, resting his cheek on her head and kissing her forehead as he mumbled "Goodnight, wifey..." before passing out, Luna had rosy cheeks and whispered "Goodnight, hubby~" before letting out the sweetest smile she ever had as she fell asleep, dreaming of a big beautiful wedding and drooling a bit.