Ch50. How to get your girl accepted into the hidden village full of paranoid killers

The Mizukage stared at Rei while Rei stared at the Mizukage. It was an epic staredown of two wills clashing, neither backing down!

"She is my slave!" Rei exclaimed shamelessly.

The Mizukage blinked and gave a fed-up look at the blond-haired around sixty years old woman with a wrinkled face who promptly snorted at Rei's proclamation. Konan was as always, completely stoic and uncaring about his suffering too. He slowly put his elbows on the desk and started to rub his forehead, trying to prevent his growing headache.

Ah... it's that time of the month again, I see... The Mizukage mentally sighed.

The Mizukage let out and then took a deep breath. He leisurely leaned back into his comfortable fluffy chair, sighing in relief. After a few moments of enjoying the pleasant softness on his back, he again looked at Rei, Konan, and the mysterious old woman with them.

Nodding to himself, he leaned down and opened a drawer. Slowly, he took out his precious smoking pipe, putting it in the middle of his table, right in front of him. He looked at Rei's group for five seconds straight and again nodded to himself as if reassuring his own mind that he is not hallucinating.

He reached to the drawer again and took out his special weed from the Land of Grass. It was a luxury good for very special occasions. At least, until Rei started going to missions. From then on it became a stress relief... and help to forget.

Sigh, being Mizukage is a hard job, maaan~... The Mizukage wistfully thought.

He again looked at Rei's group as he blinked a few times and slowly put his hands into a hand seal.

Rei could swear he heard a quiet 'Kai' before seeing the Mizukage nod to himself again.

The Mizukage, now doubly sure this was really happening, took out a sake bottle from his drawer and put it next to his pipe. He leaned back into his seat and took the pipe into his mouth, chewing on its tip.

"ANBU get out." He lazily drawled in a 'I don't care anymore' tone.

The ANBU hesitated. Not because they were afraid for the safety of Mizukage. Not because of their duty. Nothing so grand. They hesitated because they would miss the entire show, dammit!

"Now." The Mizukage ordered, and the reluctant, scowling ANBU vacated the room.

The Mizukage chilled in his chair, looking between his special weed and his very expensive sake as if he couldn't decide if he should get drunk or high.

His senses still worked though and with the corner of his eye, he noticed that only the old blond-haired woman gave him a knowing sympathetic look. Sigh, she clearly knew his woes. Drunk or high... that's the question. Suddenly, he felt it wouldn't be that bad giving her citizenship. After all, she clearly could relate to his problems.

With a sigh, the Mizukage started speaking, without lifting his gaze from the sake and weed as he curled the tip of his mustache in his hand.

"Rei... remember that mission two years ago where you somehow, and never let me know how or I swear I will use it on you, not henged but outright transformed your fat noblewoman of a client into a small ball of wool to escape your pursuers since she was too fat to run?" The Mizukage dryly chuckled to himself.

"Hehe," Rei chuckled at the image. "I am sorry, Mizukage-sama. I am afraid that was a long time ago."

"Long ago, heh? Indeed, let me refresh your memory... you somehow forgot her still transformed on the porch of her own house... and her cat has strewn the wool all over the porch and the garden. It took two whole days to get her back into the ball and transform her back into human form. Since then, I give you escort missions only when you are the LAST possible choice."

The Mizukage lifted his gaze and saw the confused look in Rei's eyes.

"I see... You forgot." He concluded and took yet another deep breath and his eyes went back to the weed as he smiled and stuffed a bit into his pipe.

"Or that mission year and a half ago where you were tasked to deliver a 'package' to a certain building and you delivered it too fast? ... the one where it was a bomb that due to your speed blew up with our informant still inside? Poor bastard won't ever have children..." The Mizukage puffed on his pipe and chuckled.

"That was not my fault!" Rei indignantly exclaimed.

"True. Nobody thought you would deliver it that fast... Since then I never gave you another delivery mission." Rings of smoke came from the carefree-looking Mizukage with a big lazy smile plastered on his face.

"Oh! Or that one! Where you were sent to interrogate a guy in T&I a year prior? Damn... you somehow made him catch dementia, heh."

"To be fair, I was there to interrogate him. Not coddle him." Rei quipped.

The Mizukage nodded in affirmative.

"Since then I gave you no interrogation or torture missions."

The Mizukage smiled in reminiscence.

"Now... we have a similar discussion almost every two months. God forbid, I think it gets more and more frequent! So, Rei, tell me. How long did you study the law book to come with the excuse of her being your slave?" The Mizukage's smile changed into a curious one as he puffed on his pipe but his eyes were not on Rei and the women. He was too busy pouring himself a drink from his expensive sake.

"Around te-, ahem, thirty minutes... or so." Rei scratched his cheek. "But slavery is totally legal here!"

"I see... yes, it is legal. If you are noble." The Mizukage calmly stated, taking a sip from his cup.

"Oh..." Rei blinked. Then his demeanor completely changed and he gave a pleasant smile to Mizukage. "Mizukage-sama, you misunderstood! I meant to say, she is the new babysitter for Mei!"

Tsunade couldn't and burst into giggles as even Konan averted her head and covered her snickers with her palm.

Tsunade came forward and bowed slightly.

"Mizukage-sama, I am nothing much but I know some medical Jutsu. I may help in the hospital."

The Mizukage squinted his eyes at her.

"What's your name again?"

Tsunade gave him a sickly sweet smile with mischievously closed eyes.

"I am Tsuna Yotsuba."

The Mizukage instantly did a spit-take, covering the documents on his table in it.

Noooooo! My paperwooooork... Was his first thought.

Shiiiiit! I wasted my expensive sake!... Was his second thought.

Wait, did she just say Yotsuba?... Was his third thought that froze his mind.

He looked at the old wrinkled woman and gave a sheepish Rei an unamused stare.

Here I am showering the guy in young, firm, juicy, healthy, strong, gorgeous kunoichi and he takes an old woman as his wife!?...

The Mizukage wanted to bang his head on the table as he heard Rei's bashful 'Tehehe'.

He laid lifelessly on his table and could almost see his soul leaving him.

"Ya know what? Do what ya want, punk. Just don't cause any more trouble, I beg you!" Anime tears streamed from his eyes.

Wao, he is really Mizukage... Tsunade thought as she watched the eye waterfalls completely soak the full stack of finished paperwork with mirth in her gaze as the man didn't yet notice the catastrophe his tears were causing.

...

Rei and the company left the office as Himeno entered.

"Remind me why don't I just save myself the trouble and offer them defection without being pursued?" The Mizukage grumbled childishly.

"Because they are our S-rank ninja, silly!" Himeno giggled.

"Right..."

Himeno suddenly stopped in her tracks and robotically turned to Mizukage.

"You... smoked?"

Himeno hated it when he smoked. Long ago he promised not to, on the pains of months on the couch-kun. A fate worse than death.

"Himeno? Ah... it's just your imagination, ahaha." He awkwardly rubbed the back of his head, as he tried to hide his weed.

"You..." Himeno looked sweetly at him and the Mizukage did the only thing he could. He slowly slid towards the window, slid it open, and jumped out, running for his life.

Reeeeeeiiiii! Daaaamnnnnnn yoooouuuu! I blaaaameee yoooouuuu! ... He tearfully thought as he evaded sharp ice-spikes.