We Can’t Be Together

I honestly didn't dream that I'd be able to open my eyes again.

But I did.

Next to me, a gray wolf, the size of a stallion, is asleep with his hundred pound tail wrapped around my naked body.

My heart aches seeing the long claw marks running down his bruised sides. I didn't even want to look at how deep it cut into the flesh when the smell of blood in the room was enough to get me nauseous.

After sitting a little longer, I carefully wriggle out from underneath Ralphie's massive body, careful not to wake him. However, the minute I detach myself, it is my own body that registers the absence of his warmth and responds with a sudden yearning.

I brush the feeling off, blaming it on the cold. Grabbing my fur, I quietly make my way out, careful to match my footsteps with the sound of his heavy breathing.

But before I successfully sneak out, a hand cups around my wrist and pulls me backwards.

"Don't go," his voice begs with desperation.

I feel the warmth of his chest press against my back as his arms land protectively in front of me, securing me tightly in his hold.

"Don't go," he repeats, pressing his face against mine. "Stay."

I find it wondrous at times that my heart can still jump so vigorously after being so abused in the past. But it's probably just another passing phase. It should dull eventually, like before.

I break from Ralphie's grasp and create some space.

He doesn't like how I pushed him away, but he's trying his best to hide it as he listens attentively.

"I can't be with you," I say with all seriousness while looking directly into his sun-glazed eyes. "I can't stay here either."

Ralphie produces a reassuring smile as he draws me in for another comfortable hug.

"We convinced the Alphas to investigate further. The Bloodsuckers never stated that you were who they were after. Besides, there's no way they could have figured a human could survive jumping into the Infinite River without freezing to death or being washed away with the currents. Even some of those leeches can't handle that."

"So they're not looking for me?" I ask meekly. Ralphie shakes his head. "Your two family didn't die because of me?"

Tears trickle down my cheek when Ralphie shakes his head once more. They aren't tears of joy nor happiness. It was just the result of something I can't quite express at the moment.

Ralphie lays my head down on his chest.

"Despite slight disagreement, the Alphas reached a consensus to dismiss their previous order. You can stay," he assures me while patting my back. "We can be together."

"We can't."

He looks at me with confusion. "Why not?"

I attempt my best delivery of the line I have dreaded for the longest time.

"Ralphie...I don't love you."

I expect him to look at me with hurt and hate. Instead, he gives me neither.

"I'm not stupid. You definitely love me," he responds, eyes gleaming with unwavering confidence.

"I said I don't," I repeat with less assertion than the first time. His candidness makes me doubt my own words.

"And I said you definitely do."

His unchanging stubbornness only annoys me more in the current situation.

Is he not hearing me right? How hard does he need to make it for me? Do you think it's that simple? Just because you want us to be together, doesn't mean we can be.

"Are you that simple-minded? I'm trying to tell you to let go before you start something impossible. We can't be together Ralphie. Don't you get it?" I finally explode in front of him.

I haven't yelled at anyone with such force for god knows how long. The last time I did, I ended up ruining the one relationship that I treasured with all my heart.

But I was young then. I know better now. Romantic love is only temporary.

"I DON'T GET IT!" Ralphie's voice thunders, most likely alarming our neighbors. "We both love each other. WHY can't we be together?" he questions me as if I'm the one being absurd.

I throw my hands in the air, not believing how elementary he can be. He's younger of course, but he can't just take advantage of that fact.

"You're acting like a CHILD!"

"So what? I'm excited! I found a mate! My mate. MINE!" he spells out shamelessly.

"You know NOTHING about ME! NOTHING!" I scream back at him.

Suddenly, I am filled by anger. I want to yell more. I want him to stay away. I want to hit something. Throw something. Jump into the river again or something.

"That DOESN'T matter AT ALL to ME!"

But more than anything right now, I want him to hold me tightly again and offer me his loving warmth in this bitter cold I'm still drowning in.

"How can it not?"

"All I know is that I'm born to be with you. Maybe it's because you're my mate, but everything about you matters to me. I don't care about your past. Even if you're one of those Bloodsuckers, I wouldn't care. I just don't care. I want you to know how much I want you. I want you so much I would do anything you ask. I'd let you know right here right now if you just let me."

One glance at Ralphie's expression is enough to convince anyone that there's truth behind every single one of his words.

But that only means I've let this go on too far.

If only I was born here. If only I met you first. If only I wasn't...

When I take a step back from him, he immediately takes one forward but stops when I shake my head. My arms hug myself protectively as I search for my voice.

"I'm taken," I whisper in defeat.

At the words, Ralphie stands as still as every other object in the room. The waiting period for him to comprehend is excruciatingly traumatic—I know. I've been there.

How could I say that? How can I break his heart like that? Why didn't I say something earlier?

I think...sometimes it's true...that we don't have a choice. And thinking back, Ralphie's around my age when I first learned that the world can change with just a few words.

Seeing no response, I initiate my very much preferred leave.

"Do you love him?"

I whip myself around.

"Does it matter?" I ask exasperatedly.

"It matters to me," Ralphie states. I look at him as if he's crazy. "It matters to me that you're happy."

That strikes my last nerve.

"Who cares if I'm happy or not?" I cry out. "My HUSBAND is a vampire! A VAMPIRE! Those wretched Bloodsuckers who you HATE! AND," I say as I yank the fur and unveil my bare skin, "...he's had me over and over and over again. He's had me and my blood! All of it!"

Ralphie reaches out his hand to cover my nakedness, but I push his hand away. I need him to look at me as I am. The me who can never fulfill his perfect image of a mate.

"And you know what else?" I demand, wiping the tear trails staining my pale cheeks. "I didn't just marry into any old household. I married into the Dietrich family."

As I expect, Ralphie instantaneously goes stiff at the sound of the renown name.

Dietrich.

Ruler of people.

The name I inherit from my husband.

"Then you're..." he takes a gulp.

"Yes," I confirm his suspicion, "I'm the Pureblood-breeder."

He's shocked with the sudden realization. I can't blame him. Ralphie's young, but even then, he must've heard about the origins of the Great War.

Millenia ago, the Vampires and Wolves were evenly matched. The war dragged on because no side overpowered the other. However, the tables turned when the vampires bred the first Pureblood.

Pureblood vampires possess unique innate abilities. Some could read minds. Others can manipulate memories. A few could heal at incredible rates. There was even one who could kill just through eye contact alone.

With their god-like powers, Purebloods helped the vampires wipe out most of the wolf population and enslaved the humans whom the wolves were fighting to protect.

According to legend, the Moon Goddess saw what was happening and cried for her beloved wolf children. Her tears were so much that they formed a large body of water separating the lands; thus creating what we now know as the Infinite River.

The wolves took as many humans as they could and crossed the river. When the vampires tried crossing to continue the war, many lost their lives to the violent currents. Thus, after great consideration on both sides, a treaty was formed to ensure peace once more.

But still, the Purebloods are the vampires' greatest weapons and equivalently, the wolves' most daunting threat.

"You see why we can't be together Ra-" I start, but get interrupted when strong arms draw around my bare self.

"I still don't see why," he answers in a low voice.

I try to break free, but Ralphie tightens his hold. His heat grazes my skin and immediately reminds me how good it feels to be next to him.

"If you hate staying here beside me, then that's one thing. But if you," he pauses to drape the fur wrap over me once more before continuing, "...are doing this to protect me, then please stop."

His large hand wipes a tear running down my cheek as he hoists me up in his strong arms and drops me onto the bed. There, he bends down on one knee until we meet face to face.

"And I don't even have to ask because I know you like being close to me. You like how warm I can make you feel," he says as he brushes his nose against mine. "You like how safe it feels to wake up seeing me in the morning. You also low-key like having a Lycan warrior fight to win you back," he teases with a smug smile.

Ralphie likes putting all his cards on the table—no tricks or hesitation. If he were to be born on Vampire Territory, he'd be ripped up to shreds before he even learns to fear. But perhaps that's why I felt I could trust him from the moment I laid eyes on him.

I gently cup his face with my two hands.

"You always get what you want, don't you?"

He stares at me softly with his pretty eyes and slowly leans in. When I instinctually move back, Ralphie uses one arm to support me as he bends my head back.

His soft lips presses against mine, over and over. He'd give me a second to take a breath, and then cut me off to fill all my senses with him again. And each time without fail, he'd draw me closer to realizing what I truly desire.

I want to stay by his side, because this man with the warmest embrace, makes me feel comfortable being loved.