Alaala

Chapter 30. Alaala

HINDI makapaniwala si Jinny sa mga nalaman. Bakit ngayon lang ba niya napagtanto na hindi lamang basta-basta maliit na bagay ang dahilan ng pagkakakulong ni Timo noon? Why did she assume it was because of the women he fucked up before?

Napamaang siya't napaatras habang nanginginig na nag-angat ng tingin dito.

"Now that you know everything, you should leave." May katigasan man ang tinig nito ay malamlam naman ang mga titig nito ng sambitin iyon.

"I-ikaw ang Kuya ni Tamara...?" It was more of a statement.

He didn't respond. He didn't even look surprised she knew his younger sister. He must had been feeling so weary to process what she was saying.

She gulped. She knew Tamara Marie Estacio very well. She was like the sister she never had before. Magka-dorm sila nito noong nag-aaral pa sila ng kolehiyo. Now that she thought of it, she remembered Tami wanting to become a journalist, that's why she shifted course. Saludo raw ito sa malaking pagbabago sa nakatatandang kapatid mula nang magising ang huli mula sa pagkaka-comatose ng ilang araw dahil nasangkot sa aksidente sa ibang bansa. Kaya ginusto nitong sundan ang karerang tinahak ng kuya nito. She only knew about Tami, but not about her family. She hadn't even met them. She never had the chance...

"So... that was you."

Nanatiling tahimik si Timo. Siya rin ay nanatili nang tahimik dahil hindi siya makapaniwalang hindi man lang niya namalayan iyon sa loob ng ilang taon. Bakit ba hindi niya napagdugtong-dugtong ang lahat? Noo'y inakala niyang nagkataon lang na magka-apelyido ang dalawa at nalimutan na niya ang tungkol doon—pilit niyang kinalimutan. Afterall, she wanted to bury those memories with her. Ayaw niyang habambuhay na makulong sa nakaraan kaya pilit niyang kinalimutan si Tami.

But that's not possible now, especially when her string of fate was tied with Timo's.

She sighed, realizing how everything between the two them was intertwined. It's too much coincidence and she couldn't believe it. But it was true.

All along, she was with her little angel's only relative—Luella's biological uncle.

Mula nang pumutok ang balitang pinaslang ang buong pamilya ng Estacio ay nag-alsa balutan siya't umuwi ng probinsya kasama ang limang buwang supling ng kaniyang kaibigan. Natakot siyang baka malaman ng kriminal na kumitil sa buhay ng magpa-pamilya na may naiwang sanggol sa kaniya si Tami, at baka pati ang walang kamuwang-muwang na sanggol ay madawit pa.

Iyon ang dahilan kung bakit hindi niya nilinaw ang kaniyang mga magulang nang inakala ng mga itong siya ang nagluwal kay Luella, na itinago niya ang pagbubuntis niya't tinakbuhan ng ama ng bata habang nag-aaral siya sa Maynila. Pero ang totoo ay si Tami ang nagtago ng pagbubuntis sa pamilya nito. Kahit ilang oras lang naman ang layo ng Batangas, kung saan nakatira ang mga Estacio, sa Maynila, ay nagawa pa rin nitong itago ang kalagayan nito.

At nang mga panahong nagtampo na ang mga magulang nito dahil hindi ito umuwi—mula nang lumaki ang tiyan nito't hanggang sa iniluwal si Luella—ay pinakiusapan siya nitong alagaan ang bata. Bakasyon noon at tutal ay hindi naman siya makakauwi ng probinsya, ay pinagbigyan niya ito kahit ilang pangaral na ang sinabi niya rito. Hindi kasi siya pabor sa pagtago nito ng anak sa sariling pamilya, maging sa ama ng bata. She never even told her who impregnated her. Inintindi na lang niya noon kasi nga buntis, ang alam pa naman niya'y maselan ang kalagayan ng mga buntis.

And before her friend went back to her hometown, she quitted her part time job in a donut house, and Tami promised to pay her for babysitting her child.

Pero hindi na sila nagkita pang muli.

She was trembling remembering those horrendous and tragic memories. Whenever she's having a glimpse about the past, she always closed her eyes and pretended everything was just a bad dream. That was how she got by through the years. But now, after knowing the truth from Timo, she couldn't do that anymore. She had to face and accept what happened even if she'd decided to keep silent about it.

Because up until now, she's scared because if she told everyone that she had Tamara Estacio's child, they'd be haunted and probably would get killed, just like what happened to the Estacios. Kaya buo na ang desisyon niyang angkinin at kupkupin si Luella noon, kasehodang matigil siya sa pag-aaral at manatili sa probinsya hanggang sa pagtanda.

Ang huling balita niya ay nahuli at nakulong na ang pumatay sa buong pamilya, pero dahil hindi niya iyon sinubaybayan at talaga namang binalak niyang ibaon sa limot, ay hindi niya nalaman na ang nakatatandang kapatid pala ni Tami ang nakulong noon. Ang importante lang naman kasi sa kaniya ay ang malamang nakulong na lang ang kriminal.

Napalunok siya't pilit na kinalma ang sarili. Parang gusto niyang pagsisihan kung bakit isinapubliko pa niyang may anak siya. Dapat yata ay ginaya na lamang niya ang ibang mga artists na itinago ang mga anak... pero hindi kasi niya iyon kaya. Naisip niya noon na kung itago niya si Luella sa publiko, pagkatapos ngayong lumalaki na ito ay magtatanong-tanong ito kung bakit hindi alam ng madla na may anak siya, hindi niya kayang sabihin dito na itinago niya ito. She'd be broken if she'd break her little princess' young heart, too.

Then, she suddenly thought about how dangerous that move was. Kung hindi pala nahuli ang totoong maysala, paano kung malaman ng walang pusong iyon na nasa kaniya ang batang Estacio? She's now scared even more than how she was before.

Shit!

"Why are you trembling? Are scared of me now? Don't you believe me? Do you think I killed them, too?" Timo asked with his bloodshot eyes. He sounded really tired and weak.

She was taken aback and guiltily lowered her gazes. Because honestly, she thought of that possibility. Kaya kahit umiling siya ay nasisiguro niyang hindi niya iyon maipagkakaila.

"I was already sentenced when a new pile of evidences shown up. They reopened the case and the judge had been changed for siding up with the prosecutors only. Even the prosecutor-in-charge was changed, too. My witnesses were also accepted in the court, unlike the first time. And just like that, those people who almost killed me with their words pitied me at that time." She felt that Timo gathered all of his strength to explain that situation briefly. And that, he sounded as if he was begging for her to listen to him. To believe in him.

"I..." didn't know... I was busy hiding and taking care of Luella.

She was torn between telling him the truth or continue keeping it secret. In the end, she decided to just hide everything. To bury everything in the past.

Timo and her were living in the now. For their future. There's no need for her to tell him everything if remembering about his late family would only make him suffer from excruciating pain. It was a selfish decision but she'd not mind being selfish as long as she could help him move on.

This wasn't the right time to confess to him, but still, she did. She wanted to immediately reverse Timo's heartaches. Kahit kaunti lang.

"I love you," buo ang tinig nang sinambit niya iyon. At kahit nandoon pa rin ang sakit, galit at pait, ay nangibabaw ng kakaibang kislap sa mga mata nito nang marinig ang mga katagang iyon mula sa kaniyang bibig. "The reason why I wanted to talk with you tonight was to confess... So I'm telling you I love you because I love you. Not because I want to make you feel lighter. Not because I pity—Mm..."

Her words were drowned the moment he claimed her mouth.

Lumalim nang lumalin ang halik na iyon at nagpatangay siya rito. Yes, she could feel he badly wanted her, but she also felt he's doing that so he'd fully forget about the tragedy.

And she would gladly give in to him if that's how could she make him feel more lighter tonight.

She bit her bottom lip when he pressed himself harder to her and when his hands started to travel on her upper body while they're still kissing, she let out a soft moan that immediately made him stopped palming her mounds as he ended the kiss.

Suminghap ito at niyakap siya nang mahigpit, sakto lang para makaramdan niya ang pagtaas-baba ng dibdib nito, pati na ang malakas na tibok ng puso. He slightly bended and rested his chin on her left shoulder. A few more seconds, she felt him trembling and she knew exactly why—her man was crying and that made her cry, too.

Ramdam na ramdam niya ang sakit at hinagpis ng pag-iyak nito. Na para bang pagod na pagod na ito subalit kailangang nitong maging matatag. Na gusto pa nitong lumaban.

"I'm sorry," he apologized to her as he's hugging her tightly. "I'm sorry, Ji... I'm sorry... I love you... I didn't mean to—"

"Shh..." Humigpit din ang pagkakayakap niya rito para iparating dito na ayos lang na iiyak nito ang lahat. Na ayos lang masaktan dahil hindi naman ito cyborg na walang emosyon. Na ayos lang kahit hindi nito magawang magsaya sa mga oras na iyon kahit sinabi niyang mahal niya rin ito, dahil alam niyang hindi biro ang pinagdaanan nito noon. At hindi nga naman akma sa sitwasyon ang pagtatapat niya rito.

But she's not regretting it. He sighed as she pressed herself to him, letting him feel her sincerity.

"Nandito lang ako, Timo, papalitan ko—namin ni Luella—ang lahat ng masasakit mong alaala..."