Past

HINAYAAN lang ni Kira si Aivan. Mukhang kailangan talaga nito ng comfort at hindi naman siya manhid para itulak ito. Mukhang malalim talaga ang pinagdaraanan nito.

She wants to ask him about it. About what his problem is, but she's too shy and she doesn't want to look like she's asking for a gossip.

After a moment of silence, Kira tried to ask him a question. "You built this place, right? Ikaw ba yung doktor na tinutukoy nila na nagpagawa ng lugar na 'to?"

Hindi siya sinagot ni Aivan at nakaramdam ng pagkapahiya si Kira dahil hindi ata tama na tinanong niya siya tungkol dito.

"I'm sorry, 'di ko na dapat tinanong —"

Nabigla si Kira nang umayos ito ng upo at kaagad na sinagot ang tanong niya. "I built this place for someone." Sagot ni Aivan sa kanya.

Napatango si Kira at tipid na ngumiti. It must be Krisza. "Gano'n ba? Then this place must be special, that's why people keep on coming here."

Hindi siya nito sinagot at tanging napatitig na lamang ito sa malaking puno na nasa harap nila. Napatingin si Kira sa gilid at nakakita ng ice cream vendor. Maybe buying ice cream for him might help. Kaagad siyang tumayo at nakita niyang napatingin si Aivan sa kanya.

"Uhm... I'll just buy something." Paalam ni Kira kay Aivan, hindi ito nagreact at bumalik lang sa pagkakatingin sa puno.

Kaagad na nagpunta papunta sa vendor ng ice cream. At hindi maiwasan ni Kira na mapaisip sa kalagayan ng binata ngayon.

Hindi naman ganyan ang aura ni Aivan nuong ipinagtanggol siya nito sa studio. Mayroong mali at alam ni Kira na wala siyang magagawa para matulungan si Aivan dahil una sa lahat, hindi niya naman alam ang problema nito at hindi siya magaling pagdating sa pag-aalo.

"Kuya, dalawang cone po." Saad niya sa vendor at inabot ang bayad dito. Napatingin sa paligid si Kira at nakita niya ang isang batang lalaki na nakatitig sa vendor. Mukhang gusto nito ng ice cream.

Tumingin si Kira sa vendor at bumili pa muli ng isa. Kinuha niya ang isang cone na kakatapos lang malagyan ng ice cream at ibinigay sa bata.

"Take this ice cream, baby boy." Nakangiting saad ni Kira at ginulo ang buhok nito, "Where's your mommy? Go back to her okay?"

Tumango ang bata at kaagad na tumakbo pabalik sa may playground at maaring naroon ang ina nito. Nagbigay siya ng panibagong bayad sa vendor at kinuha ang bagong scoop.

Hindi alam ni Kira kung dapat ba niyang bilhan ng ice cream si Aivan, pero parang mas mainam kung mabibigyan niya ito dahil malungkot ito. Somehow, maybe ice cream can help him... or maybe this is a bad idea?

Is this too childish or not? She doesn't even know why she's hesitating to give this ice cream to him, even though it is just an ice cream – still, she's a bit hesitant.

Kira took a deep breath. Bahala na. Wala namang masama kung bibigyan niya ito ng ice cream diba? Edi kung ayaw nito, siya ang kakain.

Bago pa tuluyang makabalik sa kinaroroonan si Kira, nagulat nalang siya nang makita niya si Iris na nasa tabi na ngayon ni Aivan.

Iris already gave Aivan a popsicle stick. Kira looked at the other ice cream she just bought. What a waste.

Kaagad na nagpunta si Kira sa trashbin at tinapon ang isang cone ng ice cream. "What a waste..." Mahinang saad ni Kira at muling napasilip sa puwesto nila Iris.

Maybe he doesn't need her at all. Mukhang kaya naman ni Iris na bigyan siya ng pansin.

But, still... Kira owe him one. Atleast her presence will be enough. Atleast...

Binalik ni Kira ang ngiti na mayroon siya at bumalik sa kinaroroonan. Nakangiting sinalubong niya ang mga ito at umaktong nabigla siya nang makita niya si Iris.

"Oh, hi, Iris! Nandito ka pala." Nakangiting bati niya kay Iris at nanatiling nakatayo.

"Oh, ikaw pala Kira." Bati pabalik ni Iris at tinignan si Aivan, "Hindi ko man lang sinabi sa akin na kasama mo si Kira."

Aivan sighed, "You're the one who passed by, Iris. Hindi ko rin alam na makikita kita dito, so why would I inform you?" Pagtatanong ni Aivan.

Napanguso si Iris at kumagat sa popsicle stick nito. "Ano? Sinusumpong ka ngayon, Aivan?" Natatawang saad ni Iris, "Eat some of the popsicle before it melts. Para naman lumamig ng kaunti yung ulo mo."

Tahimik lang na kumakain si Kira ng ice cream habang nakatayo sa harap ng mga ito.

Kira felt a bit akward because it felt like she's being an extra at the moment. Panay lang ang pagtingin ni Kira sa paligid niya at napatitig sa puno na nasa harapan.

Napag-desisyunan niyang puntahan ang malaking puno sa harap at iwan muna ang dalawa. Napalapit siya rito at hinawakan ang puno.

Halatang napakatanda na nito, bukod pa sa tangkad nito, mukhang naalagaan ng maayos. This is the center of the park — the heart of the park.

Natigilan si Kira nang mapansin na mayroong nakaukit sa puno.

'ilysm'

Napangiti si Kira sa nakaukit, halatang napakatagal nang nakaukit ito sa puno at mukhang ang nag-ukit dito ay magkasintahan. She's not dumb not to know what's the meaning behind it.

It means 'I love you so much'. Kira thinks that the couple who carved this are already married. Somehow, Kira finds it cute.

"Kira."

Natigilan siya sa narinig. Tila nanlalamabot ang mga paa niya dahil sa boses na narinig niya. She accidentally dropped her ice cream when she saw a man standing in front of her.

What is he doing here? How did he find me?

"Kira, it's really you..." Mahinang wika muli nito sa kanya. He was about to reach her out but Kira took a step back.

"Don't come near me, please..." Kira begged without looking him straight in the eyes and everytime he tried to reach her, she kept on stepping back. "Ricci, stay away from me."

"Kira, I'm sorry... I didn't —"

A tear escaped from her eyes and she covered her ears as she kept on stepping back. "I don't want to hear anything from you." Mahinang saad ni Kira at hindi siya makakurap dahil sa pagkabigla.

Kira thought that he won't have any effect from him anymore. She's already done crying over him. The damage has been done. But, why does her heart hurt? Naninikip ang dibdib niya na para bang may problemang dumating.

"Kira, let's talk —" Ricci tried reaching her out but she immediately took a step back.

"Stay away from m-me!" Kira yelled for she was desperate to stay away from him. She's getting weak, and it is harder for her to run away because she's shaking.

Ricci was about to hug her when someone suddenly held her from her waist and she knew that it was Aivan.

She looked at him with an open eye, her tears were still falling and Kira can't help but to stare at him.

"Didn't she made it clear already? She already told you to stay away."

Ricci took a step back and she saw how furious Ricci was when he saw how Aivan hold her.

"Who are you to meddle with us?" Inis na tanong ni Ricci. Hindi ito pinagbigyang pansin ni Aivan at kaagad siya nitong hinila paalis sa lugar.

Napatingin siya kay Aivan habang lumuluha, nakuha rin ng atensyon niya ang pagkakahawak ni Aivan sa kamay niya habang hinihila siya nito palabas ng parke.

Nawala siya sa sarili niya kanina nang makita niya si Ricci. It felt like everything just happened yesterday. The pain still lingers in her heart and it hurts like hell.

(Flashback)

"Kira, it's cold outside. Let's just postpone the wedding." Marta suggested.

Umiling si Kira at napahigpit ng hawak sa bouquet niya. "No, I'm sure he'll come. Maybe something happened or he's just late. What are you saying? Postpone the wedding?" Natatawang saad ni Kira.

Kahit na nanlalamig na siya sa labas ng simbahan, nagpumilit pa rin siyang hintayin si Ricci. Kahit na mag-iisang oras na siyang naghihintay sa labas at lamig na lamig na siya, wala lang lahat iyon.

Lumipas na ang ilang oras at nagsi-alisan na ang mga bisita sa simbahan pero nasa labas pa rin siya ng simbahan at naghihintay. Kasama niya si Marta at Georges at bakas ang awa ng mga ito sa kanya.

Ang inipon niyang lakas ng loob ay unti-unti nang nawawala at ang luha na pilit niyang tinatago ay unti-unting kumakawala.

"Kira... Let's just go home, he's not coming." Mahinang saad ni Marta na ikinaluha niya.

She broke down and all she could do was to cry. How could he do this? Bago sila maghiwalay ng landas kanina ay masaya ito, masaya si Ricci dahil ikakasal na sila. Pero bakit hindi siya nito sinipot? Bakit siya nito iniwan at ipinahiya sa maraming tao. Despite being in the pit of pity, she's still here waiting for him.

Mapait na napangiti si Kira at iniwan ang bulaklak na hawak niya. "He's really not coming? Is that final? Because once I leave this place, I'll mark it that we already broke up and the engagement is done. I don't want to see him again. I'll end things between us... and I don't want to be that cruel, but I also want to protect myself..."

Kira kept on crying, Marta and Georges did their very best to be with her and be her crying shoulder.

(End of Flashback)

Kira didn't even realize that she's spacing out, and Aivan kept on calling her name just to get her attention. Kira's scared to feel that bitter past once again.

"Kira, who is he?" Aivan asked, curiously.

Mapait na ngumiti si Kira at pinunasan ang luha na kumawala sa mga mata niya. "He's my ex-fiance." Sagot ni Kira, "Sorry, about that." Dagdag ni Kira.

"He's your ex-fiance? He's the one I saw on your phone?" Aivan asked again.

Hindi na iyon sinagot ni Kira at inayos nalang ang sarili. "I'm afraid that he'll tell my parents where I am. I have to force myself to see him and tell him my situation." Kira explained, "I have to go back —"

Hinila siya ni Aivan at dinala sa kotse, "Don't worry about him. Let's go." Anito at isinakay siya sa kotse.

Kira thought that Aivan will ask what happened between the two of them, but he didn't. It pains her to talk about her bitter past and it just makes her soo messed up.

Inabutan siya ng box ng tissue ni Aivan at tinanggap niya iyon. Pinamunas niya iyon sa luha niya at binalik ang box ng tissue kay Aivan.

"Is there any place you would like to go —"

"I want to go home. I want to go back." Walang pag-aalinlangang sagot ni Kira kay Aivan.

Aivan started driving and he took a different direction, hindi doon ang daan pabalik sa apartment niya.

"This is not the right direction back to my apartment, Aivan." Wika ni Kira at nagtatakang tumingin sa paligid.

"I know." Sagot ni Aivan at huminto ang kotse dahil pula ang nasa stop light. "I don't need your comfort anymore." Saad nito na ikinatigil ni Kira.

"I'm not good at comforting people," sagot ni Kira at naalala niya na nakausap pala nito si Iris kanina. Baka si Iris ang nakagawa ng dapat niyang gawin. "atleast, Iris helped you. I hope you're fine already, even though I don't know what problem you have." Dagdag ni Kira.

Namayani ang katahimikan habang nasa kalagitnaan sila ng daan. Hindi maiwasan ni Kira na mawala sa sarili dahil sa nangyayari.

Why is this happening to her? Is she really that unlucky?

TUMIGIL ang kotse at napatingin si Kira sa paligid. Ipinarada ni Aivan ang kotse sa gilid ng daan. Mukhang hindi naman ito pala daan ng kotse at walang katao-tao dito.

Bumaba si Aivan sa kotse, iyun din ang ginawa ni Kira. Bumaba rin siya sa kotse at napamangha nang makita niya na nasa isang sun flower fields sila.

The sun is setting and it matches the places so well. Nakita niya na pababa na si Aivan papunta sa sun flower fields, napatingin lang si Kira kay Aivan at nabigla siya nang nilingon siya nito at nilahad ang kamay.

"Sasama ka o hindi?" Pagtatanong ni Aivan at hindi na nagdalawang isip si Kira at tinanggap ang kamay ng binata. Inalalayan siya ni Aivan pababa at nang marating na nila ang nasabing fields, napangiti si Kira.

"It's beautiful here..." Mahinang wika ni Kira at napangiti.

Aivan sighed and he sat on the field, "I don't need your comfort anymore, you need mine." Wika nito na ikinagulat niya. Kira froze on what he just said.

Napaupo si Kira sa tabi ni Aivan at hindi niya alam kung anong naisip niya at biglaan niya nalang ito niyakap, kaagad din siyang bumitaw sa pagkakayakap kay Aivan.

"I'm sorry," Nakayukong wika niya at napakamot sa ulo. "I don't know what I'm doing." Nahihiyang wika ni Kira at panay nalang ang iwas ng tingin at nagpapanggap na sinisilip ang magandang tanawin.

She just want to slap herself. What on earth did she just do? Hugging him out of the blue was a bad move. It made her look like she liked the fact that he blackmailed her just to be his woman.

"I saw him." Nabigla siya nang magsalita si Aivan.

Napalingon si Kira sa kanya at nagbigay ng nagtatakang tingin. "Who?" Kira asked.

"Your ex-fiance." Sagot nito, "Nakita ko siya noong nagkaroon ng exhibition. And I was not that sure that day that it was him. But, I saw him face to face today. Now, I am sure who he is." Dagdag na paliwanag ni Aivan.

Kira took the chance to take a short look at the sun before it finally sets. She sighed, "I knew it. It was really him." Sabi niya, "I left right after he called me out. I don't want to see him. It still pains me." Kira tried her best to sound like it was really nothing. "Sinabi ko sa sarili ko na — once I leave that place, I'll mark it that we already broke up and the engagement is done. And I don't want to see him again. I'll end things between us — those were the exact phrase I said to myself and to my friends." Dagdag pa ni Kira.

"I know for sure that your parents were disappointed at him. Every parent who have daughters will be, right? If I were them, I'll get mad. Really, really mad."

Kira played with her fingers, "Yes, that's the point." Kira answered, "They were the reason why he didn't went that day. They threatened him and what saddens me the most is — he did leave me for something he promised me he won't." She added.

Nabigla si Kira nang abutan siya ni Aivan ng panyo at nagtakakang tinignan niya si Aivan at napatitig sa panyo na inaabot nito sa kanya. Kukunin niya palang ang panyo nang unahan na siya nito at pinunasan ang luha na hindi niya alam na kumawala na pala sa mga mata niya.

It was a small gesture but Kira felt something's wrong with her. She had the chance to take a short look at his eyes, the coldness in it was gone and it made her feel a bit weird. It changed the way how she always look at him.

Nagbago ang tingin ni Kira kay Aivan dahil sa emosyong nakasanayang makita ni Kira. It was different on how his eyes usually look like.

Kira shook her head and she suddenly stood up and it startled him. "I'll just get my phone." Paalam ni Kira kay Aivan.

"Go ahead."

Habang naglalakad pabalik si Kira sa kotse, patago siyang napahawak sa dibdib niya. It's an unwanted feeling. She can't risk it again, she can do this to herself again.

Binuksan ni Kira ang kotse at kaagad na kinuha ang cellphone niya. She opened it and she opened her gallery. Punong-puno iyon bg litrato nilang dalawa ni Ricci.

She immediately took her phone's sim card and she deleted her social media apps and emails.

She needs to do this and it's for the best.

Bumalik siya sa kinaroroonan nila ni Aivan at nanatiling nakatayo si Kira sa puwesto niya. She wanted to take a photo of the scenery but she can't, because she decided to dispose her phone.

Napahigpit ng hawak si Kira sa cellphone niya at bago niya ibato iyon, tinignan niya si Aivan at kaagad na nagtanong. "Can I borrow your phone?" Kira asked.

Walang pag-aalinlangang binigay sa kanya ni Aivan ang cellphone. She doesn't need to ask for the passcode, all she need is to take a photo of the place and that's all.

After taking a photo of the place, she gave the phone back to Aivan. She looked at her phone once again and she took the courage to throw it away in the fields.

It felt like she threw all the pain and shame she had when she was in Italy. She already had enough.

Umupo siya ulit at hinarap si Aivan. "You know that I became your woman because you blackmailed me, right?" Kira questioned him to make sure of something.

Hindi siya nilingon ni Aivan at nanatiling nakatitig sa palubog na araw. "To make everything simple — yes, that's right. You became my girlfriend because of it." Sagot ni Aivan sa tanong niya.

She showed him her pinky swear and she looked at him with braveness in her eyes.

"You have to promise me something then," Kira started, "huwag mo akong ibabalik sa magulang ko at ang kapalit no'n ay ang pagtanggap ko sa kung anong mayroon tayo ngayon. Can you promise me that?" Kira showed him her pinky promise, and she did wait for him to do the same, so she can make sure that he already agreed.

Nagulat nalang si Kira nang bigla itong tumayo at tinalikuran siya. "It's getting late." Anunsiyo ni Aivan, "Let's head back." Napatayo rin si Kira at hinabol ito. Hinarang niya ang binata at pinakita ulit ang kamay niya.

"You have to promise me, Aivan!" She said and she showed him her pinky promise.

She heard Aivan tsk-ed, "I promise." Pagkasagot ni Aivan sa kanya ay nilagpasan siya nito nang hindi ginagawa ang pinky swear.

Pumasok na sa kotse si Aivan, kaagad na sinundan ni Kira ang binata at pumasok rin siya sa kotse. She still need assurance.

Pinakita niya ulit ang pinky swear niya at tinignan siya ni Aivan na tila hindi makapaniwalang ipapagawa niya iyon sa binata.

"Isn't that too childish? I already agreed." Anito.

Kira sighed and she grabbed Aivan's hand and did the pinky swear. "It may look childish but, in that way, I can rest assure that it's either a secret is safe or it'll make our promise stronger." Paliwanag ni Kira sa binata.

She saw how Aivan froze for a moment. Kira looked at him with confusion, "May mali ba akong nasabi?" Pagtatanong niya kay Aivan.

Umiling si Aivan at sinimulang magmagmaneho, "Wala. Let's head back, baka mahirapan na tayo pauwi."

KIRA and Aivan already arrived from her apartment.

Tinanggal ni Kira ang seatbelt at tinignan si Aivan. "Thank you for today, Aivan." Aniya at bumaba sa kotse. She waved at Aivan and she bid her goodbye by waving her hand.

She turned her back from him and she was about to enter the entrance of her apartment when someone pulled her and she was shocked when she saw Aivan with a sunflower.

He gave her the sunflower and she gladly accepted it with a smile, after all, it's her favorite. "Thank you —" Hindi natuloy ang pasasalamat niya nang unahan siya ni Aivan.

"I know it's not easy to say this, but—" Aivan stopped for a moment, "I want you to forget that man and just think of me instead."

Nabigla siya sa sinabi ni Aivan at mas nagulat siya nang halikan siya nito sa nuo at binigyan siya nito ng ngiti na ngayon niya lang nakita simula nuong araw na nakilala niya ang binata.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Kira. Goodbye." Paalam ni Aivan, he jogged his way back to his car and he immediately drove the car away.

Naiwan pa ring naguguluhan si Kira sa puwesto niya at hinawakan ang nuo niya na tila naguguluhan pa rin sa nangyayari. Lalo na at nakakaramdam siya ng kakaibang presensya sa puso niya.

Why is she like this?