Chapter XXVIII

The moment you knew that everything was a lie is the most painful of all. Yung tipong umasa ka kaso yun pala ay pinagloloko ka na pala. I thought he was the one that could fix and complete me yet in the end, he shattered my heart again. Hindi pa ba siya nagsawa na saktan ako? Hindi pa ba siya nakuntento sa pinaggagagawa niya noon sa akin? Ano pa ba ang gusto niyang makita? Is my suffering with him back then is not enough already?

"Let me explain, babe. It's not what you think," makaawa niya sa akin ngunit hindi ako nagpatinag. I gave him my coldest stare. Sabihin man niya ang kanyang reason or excuse, the bottomline is that he lied straight to my face. He had so many chances to tell me the truth yet he decided to keep it. Pinagmukha niya lang akong tanga.

When he said 'I love you', is that even true? When he hugged me so tight to protect me, is that a part of his show? Don't he dare tell me that he truly loves me dahil nuncang paniniwalaan ko iyon. He broke me twice. No this is the third time.

He was the reason bakit ako naaksidente. Ay hindi. Dahil sa katangahan ko at patuloy na umasang pwede pa kami ay muntik na naman akong mamatay. This foolish heart of mine believed kaya ako namang si tanga ay naniwala.

"Babe?" I sarcastically said at saka tumawa ako ng hilaw. How dare him call me like that ngayong alam ko na ang lahat?! "What is it this time? Hindi ka pa ba nakuntentong saktan ako noon at hanggang ngayon gusto mo pa rin akong saktan ulit? Or do you want annulment kaya ka lumapit? Just tell me and I'll give you that right now," mapaklang wika ko. I believe it's the latter. I know he wants to be free. Yun naman ang ipinaglalaban niya noon pa. Ayaw niyang nakakabit sa aking pangalan ang kanyang apelyido. He didn't like me as his wife, for starters.

If this what he wants, then I will give it to him wholeheartedly. Hindi naman niya kailangang pagmukhain akong tanga para ibigay ko yun sa kanya. Dapat sinabi na lang iyon sa akin ng harapan. Hindi yung papaikutin niya muna ako.

"It's not what you think. The day you left, I was so devastated. Na-realize kong kailangan kita sa aking buhay. But you just disappeared without telling me or anyone kung saan ka pupunta."

Umiling ako. I need to get out from here. Hindi ko na kayang makita ang pagmumukha niya. I was a fool. My heart was fool for choosing to love him for the nth time. Puro kasinungalingan ang lumalabas sa kanyang bibig and I couldn't help myself not to believe. Akmang lalagpasan ko na siya ngunit hinawakan niya ng mahigpit ang aking braso.

"Let go," mariin kong ani. One more word and he will taste my hatred towards him.

He didn't loosen his grip, instead he made me face him. His eyes were begging ngunit hindi na ako magpapaloko sa kanya. Tama na ang maraming beses na nagpakatanga ako dahil sa iisang lalaki. Tama na ang ilang beses na ibinuwis ko ang aking buhay para mahalin niya rin ako. Tama na dahil nakakapagod na ring patuloy na mahalin ang isang Alexus Monteverde. "Why do you keep on doing this to me, Alexus? Hindi ka pa ba nagsawang saktan ako? Are you bored in your life at ako na naman ang pinagdidiskitahan mo? We've been friends for so many years. Kahit yun na lang ang isipin mo," puno ng hinanakit na tanong ko sa kanya. Bakit kailangan pa niya akong paikutin-ikutin? Bakit kailangan pa niyang magpanggap na mahal niya ako?

I tried to hold down my tears. Ayaw kong makita niya akong umiiyak. Ayokong ako na naman ang kawawa sa kanyang mga mata. Kahit yun man lang ang magawa ko para sa aking sarili. Kahit yun man lang.

"No. I love you. I know it's too late to tell you this but I really do."

After he said those, I slapped him. Hard. Sa tingin niya maniniwala pa ako sa kanyang mga salita?

"Ang sama-sama mo!" I shouted and tears started to fall from my eyes. How easy for him to say those words like it was nothing. I started to punch his chest. Everything I tried to hold in from five years ago ay bigla na lang sumabog. He didn't stop me from punching him. Siguro naaawawa na siya sa akin. I look like a mess but I don't care.

"Don't say words that you don't mean. Five years, Alexus. Five years mo na akong sinasaktan. Tama na. Tama ng kabayaran iyon sa kasalanan ko sa iyo. Kung alam ko lang na ganito ang kahihinatnan ng ginawa ko, I shouldn't have dragged you into this marriage!"

When I looked at him, his eyes were red.

Hinawakan niya ng mahigpit ang aking kamay. "I know I hurt you. If only I could take away that pain. Inaamin ko, I'm a jerk but can you give me a chance to prove my love for you? Nagmamakaawa ako."

Umiling ako. Ayoko na. Ayoko ng sumugal pa. "I will send you the annulment papers. We both need to go on separate ways. You are my poison and being with you is the death of me. Ako na ang makikiusap, Alexus. Tama na."