Emptiness

It's been a month since I haven't seen or have been in contact with him... Haven't answered his calls or his messages...i heard he's not doing wonderful these days , that he's somehow lost his concentration and i am sure by now Pd-nim might have also told him about the contract....You know how have i passed my last month? We end our dance practice by 12 noon but i would start at six and end at 2 , practice vocal from 2 to 6:30 and record from 6:30 until the next morning 3...i suffered from minor insomnia and hardly slept for 30 hours in the past month not that i cant but i have been exhausting myself just too much so that i dont have time to think about the empty space in my routine without him....My eonnis have constantly been worried about my health and i have started to have various pills to overcome my emptiness...( not narcotics)... Manager is worried this way i wont be healthy enough to carry my comeback...We have our first song from our mini album " Magic in the moment" releasing in three days....I am working hard to overcome it but now i feel like....Just wait a second*as i run to the washbasin and throw up* Sorry for the interruption ...Ahhh! I am fine don't worry about it's just a little medical overdose.... There's a slight knock on the bathroom door" Zsu are you ok? i felt like you throwed up the 5th time today? are you okay? Open the door! " i heard Claire eonni say but before i could reach out and open the door everything around me blackened and all that surrounded me before my eyes closed were painful sobs of the eonnis...' Jungkook? Jungkook?! We need to clear it up... I can't, we can't give in !' Ahhh! My eyes burst open as i feel a soft pat on my hands... i see doctors and nurses rush in and out making sure that everything is all right... My head aches but not as much as my heart does...Soft tears trickle down my eyes but before they could fall completely someone's hand wiped them off....I thought it was Sugar Eonni but it wasn't... it was his! It was jungkook's hands' I tried getting up but he pushed me back on my bed , i tried to speak but no words escaped my mouth, only tears and expressions which escaped my eyes and explained the reasons of my condition....He stroked his hands on my forehead"neo jasin-ege museun jis-eulhaessneunji bwa? heo! uliga bunlyu hal su iss-eossdeon deomi(Look what you've done to yourself? huh! Dummy we could've sorted it out )... As he left the hospital room... I was in the hospital for 3 days... I wasn't even there at the time of our comeback...My eonnis told me that i was in nothing serious but mild to severe insomnia, extreme exhaustion and complete butnout and i would have to take medication for the next two months...I was discharged fro. the hospital within a weak of treatment but my medicines would continue... i was advised not to strain myself too much while on medications...After i was given a green card jungkook had come to meet me " Annyeong!" he waved smiling..."Annyeong! i smiled back..."jeong-gug mian haeyo! bulssanghae ... salamdeul-eun dangsin-i bujagadoego yumyeonghaejil ttae modeun gippeum-eul eodneundago saeng-gaghajiman naega hal su eobsdago midneun han gajineun dangsin-ibnida. ... dangsin-i ihaehagileul balabnida(I am sorry jungkook! I feel pity at us...people think when you become rich and famous you get all the joys but one thing that i believe I can't is you ...and this choice was mine..to chose between my dreams and you...hope you understand)... he didn't reply but smiled ...."ihaehabnida. geuligoi jag-eun bimil-i olae gaji anh-eul geos-ilaneun geos-eul cheoeumbuteo algo iss-eossjiman yeojeonhi ulineun gamhi maj-assseubnikka? geuligo du beonjjaelo, na ttaemun-e neol ilh-eul ppeonhan-i sijeomkkaji naleul geobjugehaeseo mianhaehaeyahanda ...(I understand..and i knew it from the beginning that this small secret won't last long...but still we dared right? And second you should feel sorry for scaring me to this point that i though i almost lost you because of me...)... He smiled at me again.." I'm sorry for scaring you this way but you'll never be the reason for my downfall" i replied..." So are we friends? from the beginning...?" he replied taking his hands out of his Jacket pocket ...I looked at him...and shook his hands in a yes..."ppalli geonganghae jiseyo .... chamseoghaeya hal paen-i manhseubnida.( Get well soon , you have a lot of fans to attend to) he said...He got and left me there wondering with the question how does he keep his composure in such times where I'd have either died of worry or would've killed myself out of guilt...This is utter professionalism i believe... And one thing this taught me was dreams should always we on your front seat but never in your mirror ....I can't wait to spend time with my fans who have been missing me , sending me millions of well wishes for my speedy recovery... Can't wait to rock their ears with my music...Even if i and him are fated not to be together but fate is a bitch thing it might take it's turn....Byee...i have to get ready i have my first concert after recovering tomorrow...See you there