Looking back

Pt 04|15:20

-Hey how are you holding up?

-...,- I won't say I expected an answer from him there. For what it's worth I might have just made things worse than what the kid was in for. There was something wrong about the way he was staring at me; I could not comprehend the point but I sure felt guilty. The unmannered bed, his badly injured leg and the whole health clinic thing didn't help much.

-What's that look for!? (Sighs)You know I can't just let it go; what's your name?

-...,- If I could read mind I would have said that he was asking for the envelope back. But it was pretty apparent. I felt obnoxious knowing that the person in front of me was just a boy and his bargaining point was also lost; all because of me.

-I see Kid. But sorry, I can't give you the documents, not until I check if it was worth my breakfast.

-...

A nurse showed up and checked him. I asked her about the wound. She nodded her head and proceeded to look over my chin as well . The bleeding had stopped way before I got here but it wasn't really looking pretty either. A bit later she came back with some bandages and medication to tie up the area. After it was done, she said I should leave now as there were some paper works waiting for me to attend. She left me a card with the patient info and some stamps.

-I guess you understand that it'll be better for you to have me on your side for now. Don't do anything stupid...take this! Maybe you need this now more than I do,- I used to carry a pocket mirror. Probably I wasn't aware I still had that. But leaving it there beside him felt like a retribution. I needed some of that.

|15:35

Outside of the clinic, I suddenly realised the importance of this fresh air in my life although the significance of the word 'fresh' is highly debatable for my other moods. There wasn't anything coming up in my mind so the body came up with it's own set of ideas; a serious reminder that I needed to get some rest first. As I was walking through the streets I had never heard of before, the smell of various dishes from numerous places and small vendors struck me right in my stomach. It gave me another sudden realisation that the last good meal I had was the night before the big accident. For some reason I wished I hadn't remembered that.

The envelope was with me. I took it out from my coat and promised myself that I wouldn't fondle with anything until I could get back to the hotel. But the writings on the back gave me quite the laugh..."I am not turning into stone Ice Queen" in an aristocratic handwriting.

It was almost five thirty when I got back in my room. The very food which smelled and looked delicious back in the market when I bought them now felt like leftovers from dad's refrigerator or worse. I couldn't eat anything.

|18:41

Look at me, a failed cop who wasn't even able to save one person, a middle aged woman, a slut to all those assholes back in college and again I was failing the last request of that person I couldn't save. It was the same routine all over again; me sitting over my ass laughing at the lame joke of my life, drinking the 15$ drinks I could afford. But through all these it felt like a pair of beautiful, bright eyes was there right over my head. A little smile I was to protect no matter what. I knew I failed Frank, but I couldn't let the same happen to her.

-(Phone rings)

-Yeah Dad, I'm here,- It was our Chief. My overprotective Father. It had been days since our last talk. I couldn't tell if he was giving me space or was buying some time to allow me to avoid any inconvenience he could put up for me.

-Hey, Sel...how are you holding up? Is the room any good?

-...,- I couldn't answer anything. It felt like a return of that familiar feeling, those times when I used to come back to him to take my anger and frustration over him, to cry, get back the lost confidence and stuffs. But for the moment I kept silent. Only Dad could figure out that I was crying by listening to the silence.