No Regrets

Well even with cold mind I couldn't sleep till late at night, I was hearing the rain for some time while thinking about Hayley's words and trying to understand my feelings for Rose.

Cold mind for the first time became an obstacle to the current me, it made me think of this as a problem that logic could solve… which was stupid. It made me think about all kind of problems that can happen and I should be worried instead of this.

Currently, I should be just focused only on our survival. The collapse… I had this ominous feeling that there was more to it than I think but I didn't have any clues about it, so I just must prepare for anything.

There was also the fact that I had to do something about Jamie, even if he is an idiot, he was a dangerous idiot. He has people under his command and I have less than one week left to complete that task.

I didn't have a plan and I don't want to involve anyone on that. It was too dangerous, and besides G, right now the girls are not ready no be in a fight, and don't even mention the possibility of killing someone. But I also lack the strength to deal with Jamie and his whole group, I need to do some scouting to understand their current strength.

After the beast flood on our old neighborhood they should have been weakened, but since the mission was still active that meant that Jamie and probably his group were still a threat.

I thought about asking Rose to help me with some ideas but she wouldn't let me go by myself to scout. Also she would feel bad about the fact that the old version of her power was better for this task.

With Jamie's problem in my mind thinking about having a girlfriend is difficult, but the final sentence that Hayley told me weighted on my mind…

It's easy to say something like 'I'm going to protect everyone', but I know that even if that's what I want, it's not possible… I hope is not a cow though but, in any moment, an overpowered beast can appear and kill us. If that happens I wish to leave this world without regrets.

First I need to understand what I feel for Rose because once I take that step there is no turn back. The idea of having Rose as my girlfriend in normal circumstances was already complex. She is Hope's best friend, and my best friend's sister, if this didn't work between us could mean the end of important friendships.

But in this situation, if it doesn't work… something like that can have a disastrous effect. I thought about, what Rose thinks about all this since she can't lie her feelings for me are evident for everyone, but even like this she didn't try anything more. Since I was thinking about all this, probably her mind was suffering the same.

What should I do?

If I think about this so much… even with the interference of cold mind is because I like her, right?

Mi mind kept spinning around the same arguments for a while and at some moment I fell asleep.

____________________________________

When I woke up the rain had already stopped, but it was still overcast outside.

I got up and went to see G, but as I expected he was "recharging" slowly, from what I could see it would take a while for him to wake up.

I went to eat by myself, I wasn't too hungry and now that I think about it I haven't eaten anything since lunch yesterday. I haven't used the bathroom either… about the bathroom… you don't want the details but it involves a sealed room on the 4th floor.

I ate and decided to go work for a while in the workshop. After 3 hours I made 3 types of bolts, 5 each. The idea behind them was simple, one with improved perforation, I don't think it can hurt the alligator but maybe it can work on some other beasts. One with a simple blade for any situation. The last one had a hollow point, the idea is to put something inside it, and use it to make poison or fire bolts.

The last type is not ready since I don't know if it would work as expected. Beside this, I made simpler bolts for practice.

I studied the Blueprints again and thought about building the crossbow by myself, if G is not up in the afternoon I'm going to try it, but for now I'll go exercise. At that moment I heard the door open and Rose was there. She looked at me a few seconds, for some reason she looked nervous after seeing me and blushed.

"Hi Spence… ummm how you feel, are your wounds better?". She tried to not make at contact which was odd.

"I'm fine it doesn't hurt at all".

"That's good… have you seen my brother?".

"He was sleeping when I left the room, without sun I'm not sure if he's going to wake up soon".

"Problems because of the solar energy?".

"Yes, empty battery. Are you free to exercise later?". She was surprised by my sudden proposition…just like myself. 'Why did I do that?'.

"I'm free… but can you train?".

"It was you and Hope the ones that forbidden me to train, I could have done it yesterday without any problems".

"Maybe but you should know that if there was any hidden injury it could worsen if you don't take care of yourself, also, you still have your eardrum perforated. Do you know how big of a problem would be if something happens to you? Let's go, but I'm going to keep an eye on you to be sure that you don't overstrain your body".

I started to think that going to alone would have been better, but I knew that she was right.

I prepared myself and went to the roof with some weights and other stuff since I'm no G I had to go back to get everything. While I waited for Rose, I checked the water collector and found that the 3 bathtubs were filled, and there was water spilled around them.

"It's not a warm bath but at least we can clean ourselves". I thought out loud

"I miss warm baths". At that moment Rose arrived.

"Who knows maybe we can make a big hot tub one day".

"Maybe is easier to travel and find hot springs, I never been in one".

Travel… I wonder if that is still possible.

"Maybe but for now we have to be happy with this, but training first".

As always we do some warm-up before starting. Rose made me do an easier routine than usual. Since the routine was easier I got bored, I Watched Rose exercising, and she catches me looking at her.

I thought fast of an excuse and corrected her posture. It was like Hayley's word turned on a switch and now I see Rose with different eyes. But when I thought that my feeling for Rose would bloom Cold mind made analyze everything once again.

I could see that Rose was as distracted as I am. 'Is she thinking the same as me?'.

"Hey Rose" she looked at me with her rosy cheeks and breathing heavily.

I wasn't sure if it was good to ask her but I could be wrong and she could be thinking about a something completely different than me.

"What's on your mind?".

She opened her eyes and apparently was struggling to not answer, but in the end, she couldn't resist, she sat on the floor and started talking.

"Us… I was wondering how you feel about me, if it's alright to be together in this situation. If I should take a step and look to be more than friends, how would the others react, how this can affect our survival chances… and a lot more".

We really think alike sometimes.

"Did you get to any conclusion". I sat next to her filled with curiosity.

"Hundreds, good ones and bad ones". She was avoiding my gaze.

I sighed…

"It would have been too easy" Rose looked back at me without understanding.

"What would be too easy?". Did I say that out loud?

"To get the answer from you…"I had to gather some courage to continue with the next part. "I have been thinking about the same stuff".

She opened her eyes a lot.

"…then at least you are one step ahead of me". she made a wry smile.

"What do you mean?"

"I had to figure out if you like me or not, but to you, it's easy to know that I like you".

"But you don't have to understand your own feelings".

"Cold mind?".

"Yeah…".

"Why are you wondering about all this, with that perk you shouldn't be even thinking of the possibility right?".

"It was something Hayley said yesterday…" I told her about my conversation with Hayley.

We both fell silent after that. It was a really awkward silence, I focused my gaze on the clouds. There was a weird atmosphere around us every second it passed.

"You know that I said how I thought multiple conclusions and scenarios?".

"Yes…?".

"Well, I have an idea for you to figure out your feelings… If you want that answer… Close your eyes".

I thought for a second and I knew her intentions clearly…

At that moment I would be crossing the line, but something inside me made that even cold mind couldn't talk me out of it.

I remembered the conversation with myself last night.

If I die…I'm going to do it without regrets.

I didn't close my eyes, I looked straight into hers. At that moment my feelings for her were clear. We were sitting next to each other and I took her hand. Under her surprised gaze, I lean slowly onto her, I looked every part of her cute face, her eyes, her rosy cheeks, her nose and then my eyes ended their route her lips.

She closed her eyes, I could feel our hearts beating faster, I could feel and taste her sweet breath when our lips were about to touch.

I closed my eyes and softly put my lips on hers.

[Ding!].