Matthew’s Indifference

Clap. Clap. Clap. Cato joined in on the audience's applause.

"Wat?" Ronald blinked with a dumb face. The rest of the team wore equally puzzled expressions.

"I have to say, it was a fine performance by our opponents." Cato smiled confidently as he clapped. "Yes, a fine [circus performance], don't you agree?"

He continued clapping, loudly enough to not get drowned out by the thundering applause of the audience. It was important to divert the team's attention from the rest of the scene, to drag them out of that mud they were drowning in.

"I have to admit, they played us well," Cato continued. "Nobody saw these memes coming, so it's no wonder the audience finds this praiseworthy. Seriously, to think that they have memes that they can play at such a high level. This is some bona fide circus."

Cato confidently spouted all of that while his hands continued clapping, almost as if against his will. With every loud clap he produced, a part of him cracked.

This was wrong. This wasn't how today's match was supposed to go at all. The regional champions had no business losing to some memes, no matter how unexpected the picks were or how proficiently the opponents used these off-meta classes.

Nonetheless, Cato continued with this narrative.

"I don't know about you, but honestly, I lowered my guard a little in this match," Cato admitted. "Also, I completely failed to read between the lines during the drafting phase, which is how we ended up with an unfavorable matchup. Seriously, it's almost no exaggeration to say that we lost all the way back during the drafting phase, haha."

Cato's palms started hurting from all the loud clapping he was doing. However, the pain he felt inside overshadowed all of that.

The more responsibility he took upon himself for this defeat, the more numb his palms felt. However, this couldn't begin to compare to the pain tearing him apart from the inside.

"So yes, they really caught us off-guard with that circus," Cato continued. "I say they deserve this applause if nothing else. But, they won't get to hear it a second time. Now that we know they like playing like circus monkeys, we'll have no problem dealing with them next time, right?"

He passed the ball to his team but only silence responded to him. Even though his speech seemed to have some effect on them, it failed to erase the frustration and dissatisfaction they felt.

Cato's teammates probably agreed with him to an extent. However, they struggled to overcome the humiliation that came from losing a clown fiesta game like this.

Fortunately, one teammate finally grabbed that ball and followed up on Cato's opener.

"Yeah, you're right," William said. "They had the element of surprise on their side, that's mainly what got us good. Nobody could've expected something like this. And as you said, many of our problems started all the way in the drafting phase, which was largely your responsibility."

"My, you're holding nothing back, are you~?" Cato smiled impishly, doing his best to hide the irritation he actually felt on this particular topic.

Meme or not, it felt like Yuel strategically outsmarted Cato during this drafting phase, playing him like a fiddle. It was frustrating to no end.

Nonetheless, Cato masked all of that with his smile. This was neither the time nor the place for him to cry about his fragile little feelings.

Right now, Cato was more than willing to take a few hits for the team if it improves the atmosphere. As such, William's brutal words were welcome, as armor-piercing as they were.

Besides, it didn't feel like William was actually trying to attack Cato there. On the contrary, it seemed William understood Cato's intentions to some degree. That's why the guy stepped forth and played along with Cato's little performance.

[This is what you wanted, right?] William asked by making eye contact, to which Cato responded with an approving nod. [Huh, so he got a thicker skin than I expected. Not too shabby.]

If it was William in that position, then he would have never been able to say such things. He couldn't have taken such unjust blame upon himself in order to relieve the team of responsibility.

Being able to joke about his own misgivings was a quality, or perhaps a defect, that only Cato possessed. This was the definitive proof that this clown was far better suited to be the team's captain overall.

The best William could do here was to help this clown beat himself down. Therefore, William played along with the little narrative that Cato weaved for the team's sake.

Even though William wasn't the captain, his words carried almost as much weight as Cato's in this team. As such, his support practically doubled Cato's persuasiveness.

Thanks to that, everybody slowly started lifting their heads. The joint speech of the two influencers dragged the rest of the team out of the mud of depression they were sinking in.

Of course, everybody still had complicated feelings about the game's outcome and there was nothing Cato could possibly do to change that. Nonetheless, they all started coming to terms with the result, slowly but surely.

"Don't worry, they won't be able to repeat this again," Cato promised. "Now that we know what kind of tricks they can pull, we'll crush them thoroughly next game, right?"

"Of course," William said.

"Damn straight!" Ronald pumped a fist.

"Right." Sonya pulled up her glasses. "Unconventional low-tier tactics like that only work once, and only if they have the surprise element. So, Stratus won't be able to reproduce it a second time."

"Yeah..." Matthew nodded in agreement but his head was still hanging low. However, it wasn't because he was feeling down or anything. It's just that his eyes were glued to his phone under the table while he was rapidly clicking on it.

"Haha, get a load of this bruh!" Ronald laughed. "We're all mopping like bitches over here but bruh is already back to playing his mobile games! You can't make this shit up, haha! I always tell ya: Matt might be quiet and all, but he's the realest one, word."

"Huh," Matthew responded vaguely.

Frankly, he had no idea what were these words that Ronald had just tried to string together. Was that even English? The "realest one"? What did that even mean?

[Well, no point thinking too hard about it.] Matthew shifted his focus back to the mobile game, where he was locked in an intense fight with a weekly boss. Or, at least it [looked] intense with all the special effects. In reality, it was just a turn-based game and the battle was set on auto for the most part, so Matthew only had to occasionally click on the characters to activate their ultimates.

Nevertheless, it was a critical situation. Matthew had only one chance to face this boss this week and he had to get the highest score possible to claim the best rewards.

It was supposed to be a no-brainer like usual. Matthew had done this boss many times already. He had already developed a surefire strategy that worked every time.

Yet, this time, he made one wrong move due to a lack of concentration. And, it was a critical mistake.

[Tch, I cast that buff way too early.] Matthew clicked his tongue. [I was supposed to wait a little longer until the vulnerability state. Damn, this might actually ruin the entire run. And, they fixed that exploit where the battle restarts if I disconnect my net, right? Ugh.]

What a drag. Seriously, how could he mess up during such an important fight? He thought that doing the weekly boss now would be a great way to distract himself from the team's defeat but it ended up backfiring.

[Maybe I'm not so fine, after all.] Matthew realized.

His earlier lapse of judgment against the boss was caused by him losing himself in thought. And, what was he thinking about? About the recent game, of course.

Though, his concerns were a little different than the others'. Sure, he was unhappy with the defeat like any player would be, but it didn't concern him nearly as much as the others.

[Honestly, sometimes I feel they're putting this team on a pedestal.] Matthew criticized. [Yes, we're pretty good, but that's mostly because our club is big and we have a coach. So, it's not like it's impossible for us to run into players who got superior skills.]

The others expected this team to steamroll in the region but that was pretty naive of them. In the end, the Leopards were just another team like any other. It was just blessed with a coach and inherited the legacy of the "regional champions", that's all there was to it.

[I mean, this is a team that got somebody like me playing on the first-string.] Matthew thought. [This is proof enough that there's nothing special about it.]

Due to his lower expectations, Matthew didn't find himself too frustrated with this defeat. He simply wrote it off as a rare occurrence that could happen at any moment due to a combination of human error, bad luck, and unusual circumstances.

Nonetheless, one particular play kept him deep in thought even after the game was over. It was about that brief moment when he mounted an offense against Stratus in Mid, back when the enemy team was ganging on him and Cato from all sides.

[Seriously, what was I doing?] Matthew paused the mobile game and let the question sink in. It was too difficult for him to properly focus on the weekly boss while this question was still hanging at the back of his mind.

[Was it logical for me to focus on Blackhole there? I wouldn't say so.] Matthew criticized his performance post-facto. [That wasn't the target I was supposed to focus on, and yet...]

He charged straight at InformationBlackhole back then. His target was none other than Vincent.

But, what was Matthew really trying to achieve there? He should've focused his attacks on literally anybody else, yet he picked Blachole specifically.

And as expected, his actions achieved little to nothing. Though he successfully delivered some damage on the Berserker, it didn't have any real impact on the enemy's push. In short, it was a waste of time.

[Do I hate the guy?] Matthew couldn't help but ask himself that.

During that tense situation, his first instinct was to attack Vincent. Matthew knew that he was doomed either way, so for some reason, he felt like lashing at Vincent in his final moments.

But, what did Matthew really think of Vincent, that messiah-complex guy? This was the dude who offered Matthew fake salvation that only further escalated the violence against him back then. But, at the same time...

[Honestly, I have no idea what to think.] Matthew sighed in defeat. [I've been trying to forget everything about that period of time, and I've done a good job at that.]

It took him about a year of rehabilitation, but Matthew managed to move on and forget about these dark times. Much of it was thanks to Esmeralda and Cato, who were by Matthew's side during these difficult times.

Those two introduced Matthew to the world of Classmancers, which helped distract him from the negative thought he was having back then. After that, he met more people in the club with whom he could properly interact without being bullied.

So yeah, for all intents of purposes, Matthew recovered from that traumatic past. He return to society as a functional human being who could hold his head high as he talked with others his age.

Of course, social interactions were always a drag, but at least now, Matthew had the option to actually partake in them whenever he felt like it. He was no longer an outcast who existed solely to serve as a punchbag for delinquents.

And, as weird as it sounded, the one who pushed Matthew toward taking the first step toward this salvation was actually... Vincent, sorta.

It wasn't a gentle push, definitely not. That hero-complex idiot probably only cared about satisfying his own ego when he reported Matthew's situation to the authorities.

That fool's meddling did nothing more than give Matthew false hope. In the end, it only further escalated the aggression toward Matthew. Some "help" it was.

Nonetheless, it was that escalation that finally broke Matthew and led to his transfer. It was brutal and painful, but it also freed Matthew from the bullies' clutches.

[If not for that, then I might've continued living as a passive victim even now...] Matthew shuddered at the thought.

All in all, Vincent probably had good intentions when he did what he did. His actions ultimately did sorta free Matthew from the depressing circumstances.

Sure, first Matthew broke down and had to spend a long time rebuilding himself. But eventually, he revived like a phoenix and returned to normal life. And now, his life was far better than it used to be.

[So, should I be thankful? Or, should I still resent the guy? Ugh...] Matthew couldn't make up his mind and it bothered him to no end. He had never had such complex feelings toward anybody.

Normally, there were only three types of people out there:

1) The people Matthew hated with every fiber of his being, like the goddamn bullies from grade school.

2) The people Matthew had a favorable impression of, like his teammates and especially Esmeralda and Cato.

3) The people Matthew didn't care about, which was like 99.99999999% of humanity, to be honest.

But, then there was Vincent who belonged in all three categories, yet fit in none of them at the same time. What a peculiar creature.

[Well, I dunno.] Matthew gave up and returned to the weekly boss that was patiently waiting for his next input. [No matter how much I think about it, I really don't understand what I should be feeling about this guy. So, best to just forget this and move on.]

In the meantime, the pep talk continued. Cato and Vincent said a few more things to boost the team's morale, but it all went in one ear and out of the other for Matthew.

Still, he found it impressive how Cato was able to come up with these big speeches even in situations like this. Truly, Cato was a capable captain despite his questionable personality.

[I can't really help him in any way, so the least I can do is act like I'm not bothered by the defeat at all.]

Being indifferent toward the team's crushing defeat might help the others gain some confidence and overcome the frustration as well. At least, that's what Matthew hoped.