disgrace thesaurus

[Mature Content] English is not my first language. ||| My eyes travelling up to what's in front of me that's resumed in one words: steps. Steps, steps, and more steps. The pathway to get to Arkhane War College is vastly known all over the Empire of Donaar, it wouldn't be a surprise if it's just as known outside our borders either, and it's as admired as it is feared. Admired by the outsiders, feared by those who are picked to take part in the deadly test that goes on after you're chosen to take part in the damn college. If you don't die before you get there for the test, or if you don't die during the test, nor during your first day in it, neither before you can graduate after 5 years, you will become part of the strongest quadrant of Donaar. But that's the catch: if you survive. Every year on the 1st of July, 11111 people are chosen by the tears of Belaxarim, the leader of the dragons, who is bonded to the Supreme Commander of Arkhane War College. Out of 11111, only 8888 survive the pathway up to get to where the test happens, and out of those 8888, only 888 survive the actual test to get in that takes place right after everyone gets to the top of the mountain. By the end of the first year there, only 555 of them are alive, and by the end of their 5th year, only 111 graduate. It ain't probability, it's a fact. It's something that happens every year. A survival ratio of 0.11%, hence why it's feared. 11111 are picked every year, 111 survive it all. It's as cruel as it sounds, which is why they tell the "chosen" ones not to get attached to anyone, because they will either lose everyone or die, and their deaths won't be nice. Graduating itself is a hard job, you can't get out of the college until the end, and some people get stuck in the years. You may get in it innocent, but Arkhane reaps that innocence out of you by force, forcing you to be a cold-blooded and heartless murder. A place where to survive you have to kill or get killed, a place where nobody can be trusted, not even the dragon that picks you until you solidify the bond. They say the tears of Belaxarim pick those who profoundly desire to be part of Arkhane to either provide for their family, to achieve greatness in war, to get a chance to ride a dragon, or to be on the top of the chain under the Emperor. I call that bullshit. I don't want to be here. I don't want to fight. I don't want to ride a dragon. I don't want to be an Imperial warrior. I don't want to be even more surrounded by death. I don't want this little dirty monetary "help". Fuck, I'm terrified of heights, how am I supposed to survive well in here just to get a fucking dragon? I don't want to fucking fly. I don't want to be a bloody rider. But it's not like I have a choice, my fate is now set in stone and the only way for me to get out of Arkhane War Colleges is bonding a bloody dragon and surviving five years here to become an official rider. Once you get picked to come to this dragon hell, you either leave dead or graduated, there's no in between.