asos marketplace success story
Lin An woke up and found himself in an Eastern Fantasy world. In this world, power was everything. The powerhouses could easily control it all. Those who were capable enough could claim everything, be it money, women, or power. A voice sounded in the mind of Lin An, who was still puzzled over his reincarnation to the Eastern Fantasy World. [Congratulations, host! You have activated the Success Rate System. Whatever you do, you will be able to see your success rate!] Since then, Lin An was able to check his success rate every time before he did something! “The chances of you successfully refining your body with this body refining technique are 90%.” “The chances of you obtaining treasures when you open this treasure box are 100%.” “The chances of you surviving in this cave are 0%.” “The chances of you being favored by the sacred maiden and having a relationship with her are 100%.”
I promised sincerity, and consequently I have been quite honest with my feedback. Maybe even a bit too honest. I hope you are not dissuaded from writing after reading what I have written here. Keep in mind: it’s just one person’s opinion. The premise is promising, but it fails to fully capture my attention. Don’t get me wrong: the idea itself is interesting, but I’m not really inclined to keep reading. First off, I couldn’t even get past the first few chapters. Almost every paragraph has a grammatical error or an odd word choice. It really withholds your reader from continuing. I have corrected them in the first half, but after a while it just got to be too much. The characters themselves are a bit flat. I have nearly no information on them. I know the brother is older, likes to care for his sister, and doesn’t know how to handle money. I would like to see some more personality. As your reader I long for uniqueness and texture. You can show this in speech as well as behaviour. When it comes to their surroundings, I am in the dark. I know they’re at a marketplace. Alright, what kind of marketplace? What do they sell beside fruits? What’s the atmosphere like? What region are they in? What kind of people are there? We could just as well at a marketplace in 14th century France as at a marketplace in Babylon in 2000 v.Chr. Overall, I do believe this story has some real potential. Just keep writing and keep on practicing. I wish you all the best!