balto's story
Three Souls lay in one body, One soul belonging to a man who had reached the peak, the strongest there ever was, the one who had the talent to do so. Yet he suffered because of his talent. His soul shone as bright as a galaxy once, but now is but a sun. His talents made him the envy of all. And He lost it all, tricked and manipulated from the time he was a child. The Second soul belonged to a man soon to be the richest in the world in his own universe. A man who had his face charred, a man who seemingly had every odd placed against him from the very beginning. He went against the family that abused him and triumphed over them. Yet he was left broken inside, He craved a release, and the first soul brought him that release. And he became a psychopath that scared the manifestation of evil itself. And the Third? The child born from their souls was anything but ordinary. Cursed with a fate no one wanted. Cursed with the fact that the Universe wanted him dead. He was born from Chaos And Ice and a fraction of light, yet he manipulated space. His abilities were so powerful they were harmful to his body. His talent is as infinite as the boundless cosmos. His enemies were greater than one could count. His luck is worse than shit. And yet, he continued to fight. Despite whatever was thrown at him, he would brute force through it or outsmart it, befitting the other two above. He continued to fight, not believing in the bullshit that was destiny. ---------------------------------------- Discord: https://discord.gg/Sgxw6QEsgE
Okay the in between explanations gave me chuckle for a moment, but I won't hold back when I'm giving a constructive criticism. Lets talk about the positive first, the writing quality is quite good, its descriptive and very showy. I kind of enjoyed reading it, the plot of people transforming is kinda interesting, though with only few chapters we don't know much on how the story will continue. Now lets move to with the flaws The first noticeable part that I wanna point out is the in between explanation between scenes, it breaks the immerson, the author should just tell it in a way that would fit in with the whole writing. And also, there is barely any info dumping given in the story, its nice to just "show" in a novel but it lacks the "telling" aspect. Where is this happening? Is this in modern or medieval england? Which part of the globe or time line this was happening. Why was she being chased? What happened to her kingdom? She should know this stuff since she wasn't an amnesiac and we are supposed to put ourselves in her shoes so I think this part deserves an explanation I imagined it was medieval since she was a princess, but then she was delivered in a hospital with a modern tech, so I'm gonna assume its in the modern era. And let's say it was in the modern era, how does these monarchy work? Monarchy in the modern era is pretty rare, or they do exist but just a form of design by tradition and they do not function independently. So I think it was a poor choice to put it in a modern era setting. In terms of the story, I find it questionable why she didn't transform when Balto was looking for her, she should have done it since she almost died. And coincidentally ghost appeared which saved her on the right time. Not much is known with him, but he treated her like a princess and not much is known about his motivation, so I think Ghost is more of a plot device to push the story than a real character. Regardless, was enjoyable read, I know you wrote it as a form to enjoy yourself and weren't serious about it. But since you asked for a criticism, I think I just gave you my honest opinion. Though these are just my opinion, they do not reflect an absolute objective judgement on your writing. Peace. :)