"An everyday man gets thrown into the world of twilight thousands of years before the start of the plot. With immortality and incredible abilities. How will this man's presence change the outcome of the original story?" [ this is a slow-burn fanfiction; the MC is just trying to experience life and enjoy it, not to take over the world and rule from the shadows.] I do not own twilight or the characters of the twilight world, all that belongs to me are my own characters.
Okay, the idea behind this is amazing. But you shouldn't just correct the translation, you should also rewrite some things. Especially the connections to God Valley, because they really hurt the fanfiction in general.